A Series of Tales Full of Hilariousness
by RadicalEd57
Summary: A multiple chapter fic of the Bleach people and their high school adventures. Horribly cliche, but original! Shounen ai/yaoi, het, multiple pairings, CRACK, AU. I'm not really into writing AUs anymore, but I'll still update this. Gin's still pranking!
1. Ch 1 The Karakura Science club

**Author's Notes- **Konnichiwa, minna-san! So, I'm back after the travesty that was the ending of Lurve Notes. I'm thinking of re-doing or deleting it. I dunno. ANYHOO, I've crossed over from being a Narutard to being a Bleach-o-phile (those two terms are MINE! All rights reserved!). I decided to write a Bleach fanfic after watching it for months and trying to develop an understanding of the characters. This first chapter may seem long, but it's a quick read, I promise. This story will eventually be multiple chaptered and some of them are based off of personal experiences (mostly from band). Oh, if it seems like there's a lot of Ichimaru Gin that's 'cause he's my favorite character. Enjoy! –bows-

**Warning-** AU, shounen ai/yaoi, sap, silliness, some OOCness, a black haired Gin for the sake of the first chapter, mix up of Japanese and English things sort of

**Pairings-** AizenxGin, IchigoxIshida, RenjixHisagi, Gin+Kira (Kira likes Gin, Gin toys with him), UraharaxIchigo?

**Summary-** A soon to be multiple chapter fic of the Bleach people and their high school adventures. Cliché, but yet so original! First chapter is the adventures of Karakura High's Science club!

**Disclaimer-** Don't own. Don't sue. Don't ask. Don't tell. If I owned Bleach, the omake would be replaced with "Aizen's Sexy Tiem."

'blah' thoughts

-blah- notes

X-change of scene

* * *

_**EDITED!**_

**A Series of Tales Full of Hilariousness**

**Chapter 1- The Karakura Science Club**

The day of Karakura High School's Science Club got off to an early start. The man in charge of making sure no one was injured and/or killed (since the chances of both happening were high) was one Urahara Kisuke who was also a Chemistry/Physics/Biology Advanced Placement teacher. Currently he was driving a giant, green and white, crap-on-wheels van. He referred to it as 'Urahara's Mysterious White Van of Luuurrrrve.'

To his left (since they are in Japan) in the passenger seat sat one of his best friends, Ishida Ryuuken, "father of sorts" to Ishida Uryuu. Although they didn't get along extremely well (which can be seen by the way Uryuu refers to his father as 'Ryuuken'), they really were two cuts of the same cloth. Some could swear they were completely the same; from their crisp, clean appearance in their pristine white clothes to the way they adjusted their glasses when annoyed.

Uryuu was president of the Science club, which is obviously due in thanks to Urahara and Ryuuken's friendship. Ryuuken put a trusted person in charge of his hospital and decided to chaperone when he found out Uryuu had convinced Kurosaki Ichigo, his current "boyfriend of sorts" and son of his other good friend, Kurosaki Isshin, to join.

When he got the chance, Uryuu asked his father, "What are you planning, Ryuuken?" to which his father stated, "I'm planning to protect you from that angry beast and his goofy father." They both adjusted their glasses and frowned.

Seated in the first row of the van sat the three most popular and well known boys in school. In the middle sat Aizen Sousuke vice president of the Science Club and student body president. He was a tall brunette with seemingly caring, gentle, soft brown eyes hidden behind a pair of glasses.

To everyone he was a shining, beacon of hope there to rescue them from the hippies who constantly spewed bullshit out of their mouths; he was a man of the people. Anyone who truly understood him knew better, of course. Two of those people were his best friends and overall henchmen: on his left Ichimaru Gin and to his right Kaname Tousen.

Gin had been Aizen's best friend and right-hand man since they first met in grade school. He had black hair, a sneaky smile and/or grin, and squinted eyes. Only a few people had seen his eyes and did not live to tell anyone. Well, they lived, but were so scared that they transferred.

Although Gin scared most of the student body (Tousen says it happens to most people who see him), like Aizen, he gained their respect and even the admiration of some. He was a laid back and very funny guy once you were convinced he wasn't going to pluck out your eyes and then drink your brains through your empty eye sockets with a bendy straw.

Some say if it wasn't for Gin and his warnings /READ: threats/ of "accidents ta come" (although those questioned of said accidents denied anything of the sort. Gin was always seen grinning at them in the background) Aizen wouldn't have won the presidency. His cunning and trickery earned him the infamous title of the 'Karakura Fox' or "Fox face" to Ichigo.

Tousen was known through out the student population as a 'Hero of Justice'. Unlike lady Justice, however, Tousen was not blind. He had been blind from birth, but thanks to advances in modern day laser eye surgery (which will not be discussed in detail) he gained sight. It was slightly poor, but that didn't bother him at all. He met Aizen and Gin his first day of middle school after his surgery. They were the first friends he ever had being since he had been home schooled up until then. Students were afraid of Tousen because, unfortunately, although he had sight, his eyes remained a clear-white in color. Gin had found him "interestin'" and Aizen found him to be a valuable comrade and thus found another person who wasn't brainwashed by hippie philosophy. Gin was surprised when Aizen stated that, "Tousen is someone that I'm actually not thoroughly disgusted with."

Gin was the one who gave Tousen his trademark white glasses that hid his eyes and yet improved his vision. He rushed up to Tousen one day and stuck them on his face saying, "Yup. They defin'ly work. _An'_ they look cool wi' yer skin complexion." Aizen nodded with approval.

The three of them each had a fan club full of fan girls and, on occasion, _fan boys_. The "AiGinTou" fan club created a name for the three of them that spread throughout the school for years: The Big Three.

In the second row of the lurve machine sat Kira Izuru, Abarai Renji, and Shuuhei Hisagi. The three of them, along with their other friends Momo Hinamori, Tetsuzaemon Iba, Ayasegawa Yumichika, and Madarame Ikkaku A.K.A. Baldy A.K.A. Shiny A.K.A. Pachinko head, had been best friends since the start of high school.

Seated to the left of Shuuhei was Kira. He was a cute, petite, and friendly blond, if not somewhat "emo" and "depressing" in looks. His reason for joining the Science Club was... unique, to say the least. Kira had an obvious crush on "Ichimaru-san". He didn't notice when his respect and admiration for Gin turned into something... well, _something_ more and apparently, neither did Gin. Kira shared a Journalism class with Gin in which they were partners for the whole year, although Kira always somehow ended up doing all the work while Gin snoozed away.

He sat behind the fox and stared at him longingly until he was nudged. He turned to his right and received knowing grins from Hisagi and Renji. Kira sighed tiredly and looked out the window, staring at the reflection of the dejected look on his face.

Renji and Hisagi laughed quietly to each other. Renji, or 'Abarai-kun' to Gin, was a well-liked guy with a fiery spirit. He was well known because of his bright red hair, weird tattoos, and ability to get into fights he can't win. He also constantly found himself on the receiving end of the fox's jokes. Every morning The Big Three would meet at Aizen's locker which was across from Renji's. They'd watch him flirt with whoever he was with at the time until Gin would smirk and turn to his companions to say, "Les go make fun o' Abarai-kun." These "sessions", as Gin referred to them, would end with Renji getting flustered and stomping down the hall telling Gin to "find a hunter and get shot" or to "throw himself into a pack of rabid blood hounds."

Renji joined the Science Club because he lost an arm wrestling match against Ichigo. _That_ was his reason if anyone asked him, which was true enough. It _definitely_ wasn't to spy on his ex-girlfriend, Kuchiki Rukia, to find out if she had anyone new. It _certainly_ wasn't to see if it'd get him one step closer to finding the weaknesses, if any, of her older brother, Kuchiki Byakuya. No one was quite sure how Renji and Rukia broke up because they never spoke of it, but some say it had to do with the elder Kuchiki.

The red head was now going out with his long time friend, Shuuhei. As soon as Hisagi found out that Rukia would be in the club he joined immediately to make sure "she doesn't get any ideas." Hisagi was usually pretty chill, but he had a mean jealousy streak. Renji took it as flattering and grinned whenever Hisagi went into his protective mode. He'd kiss Hisagi and say, "Thanks fer always lookin' after my ass, babe!" which always resulted in them slipping off for a make out session. When asked why he had a 69 tattooed on his face he'd always grin and reply with, "'cause that's my favorite thing to do with Renji!"

The Kuchiki siblings were trailing behind them in a light pink car. Byakuya, or affectionately /READ: annoyingly/ referred to as Bya-kun or Byakushi by his fan club, _says_ it was an accident, that the shop in charge of customizing it made a mistake. It still puzzles everyone as to why he'd been driving it for a third month without complaint... His sister Rukia had a low grade in Urahara's class so she joined the Science Club to bring her up a letter grade. It _certainly_ wasn't to be around Renji. Urahara welcomed her as a new addition to the team and also bothered Byakuya until he agreed to become a chaperone.

In the final row of the van sat Ichigo, Uryuu, and Yasutora "Chad" Sado. Ichigo sat scowling in his seat. If people saw him they would say, "He always looks like that.", but to the trained eyes of his friends they could tell he was upset. His jaw line was tightened more than usual and his eyebrow twitched ever so slightly.

Ichigo honestly had no clue what he was currently doing on a bus to a community college to participate in the local Science Olympiad. Oh, wait- YEAH. He did. His boyfriend Uryuu, president of the Science Club (and the Handicrafts/Sewing club AND the Archery club) and, in his opinion, the _sexiest_ thing alive, got him to join. All Uryuu had to do was take of his glasses, bat his long, black eyelashes, pout, and whisper promises of "pleasurable outcomes" in his ear. Of course he immediately signed up. Come on, he wasn't _dumb._

It bothered the hell out of him when he found out Uryuu's dad decided to "chaperone." Ichigo and everyone else knew Ryuuken had a clear _distaste_ for Ichigo. One day while he was at their house, Ryuuken had pulled Ichigo aside out of his son's earshot and told him, "Uryuu is my only son and is precious to me. I WILL save him and open his eyes so don't expect to be with him long..." and walked away leaving Ichigo seething. Although he was angered at first, there wasn't much he could do but ignore the man. After all, Ryuuken IS the best friend of Urahara and his father. His scowl grew just thinking of it.

Uryuu nudged him in his right side with a boney elbow. "Stop scowling and sit up. Or do you want to be wrinkled and stooped over when you're older?"

"Whatever..." Ichigo rolled his eyes and sat up.

Uryuu adjusted his glasses, a clear sign of his disdain for Ichigo's tone, and returned to his book on quilting.

Ichigo looked up; suddenly getting the feeling someone was watching him. He found Ryuuken glaring daggers at him through the rear view mirror. He glowered at the man and looked out the window muttering, "What the hell am I doing here on a bus headed to a nerd battle on a Saturday...?" A sharp nudge and the sound of Uryuu clearing his throat reminded him. "Oh."

"It could be worse..." said a deep voice.

He looked over to his best friend, Chad, who was sitting to the right of Uryuu.

"How?" he asked him.

Chad shrugged. "Keigo could be here..."

Ichigo was silent for a moment then sighed and went back to his window. "You win." he grumbled.

"Chad" was a 6'5'' boy who was half Mexican and half Japanese. He intimidated most people when they saw him, but most soon realized he just looked that way. He was gentle, loyal, and had a soft spot for cute things. He was giant, but wasn't nearly as big as the titan that was one of their kendo instructors, Zaraki Kenpachi. He had shaggy brown hair that fell across his eyes and a dark complexion. He was instantly recognizable to the population not only because of his height and well muscled body, but also his colorful shirts and the Mexican medallion that completed his wardrobe.

Chad and Ichigo had been friends since middle school being since both of them tended to stand out among the masses. One day Ichigo noticed Chad had a tendency to just stand there when people decided to beat the crap out of him. Ichigo rushed in to help yelling, "Yo, dumb ass! You don't just stand there like a tree when people beat you up, especially when metal pipes are involved. What the hell is wrong with you, Chad?!" Chad only shrugged his hulking shoulders and after Ichigo chased the other guys off he calmly replied, "Its Sado..." "Yeah? Well, I like Chad better. My name's Kurosaki Ichigo. Nice to meet ya Chad." he stuck out his hand which Chad shook. "Nice to meet you too, but my name's Yasutora Sado." "Chad's a nice name..." Ichigo replied.

They had been like brothers ever since. They protected each other and their friends. Ichigo, however, was a bit over protective; for example... One day, some tough guy took it upon himself to mistake Chad's silence for him being dumb, referring to him as "All brawn and no brain." Now said 'tough guy' cowers in fear and runs in the other direction whenever he sees Ichigo and apologizes to Chad on a daily basis.

XXX

"Alright guys, we're not too far away. It'll be about another 16 minutes or so." Urahara said after they stopped at a red light. He turned around and grinned, giving them a thumbs up. "Keep your eyes on the prize, well, except for you, Ichimaru-kun."

Gin's smile grew wider. "Sho thin', Kisuke-kun."

Ichigo scoffed. "Why don't _you_ keep your eyes on the goddamn road, Hat n' Clogs."

"That's Urahara-sensei to you, my dear boy."

"I've known you since I was able to crawl. I didn't respect you then and I definitely don't now."

"That's true." Urahara replied. "There was that one time you peed on me when I was babysitting you and had to change your diaper."

"Shut up!" Ichigo yelled.

Uryuu laughed beside him.

"See? You made Uryuu laugh at me! Fuck..."

Renji laughed and turned around to face Ichigo, leaning over the back of his seat. "Hehe. So that bit about not respectin' Urahara; does that include last year when you tried to fuck him on Yoruichi's couch?"

"SHUT UP!" Ichigo growled. He made a grab for Renji's pony tail, but Renji ducked in front of Hisagi. Renji stuck his head up, grinning, and stuck his tongue out. Ichigo flipped him off and did something akin to pouting, crossing his arms over his chest. He looked at Uryuu who only glared at him, clearly pissed off at having been reminded of "the couch incident."

"Now, now boys. This isn't appropriate talk for 7am." Urahara said with a smile.

Ryuuken coughed.

"Um, Urahara-sensei," Tousen started, "shouldn't you be upset?"

The blond man grinned. "Not in the least!"

Ryuuken shook his head in light disgust.

A few minutes passed without incident save for Gin glaring at the screen of his black DS lite. "Dammit! 'knew I shoulda got a PSP!" He sighed and turned off his DS and saw Kira's reflection in the blank screen. He smirked and closed his DS.

Kira was listening to his iPod and looked up when Urahara announced, "Ooo! There's a dip in the road!" and sped up for it. The van rattled loudly as it ran over the dip, startling poor Kira, causing his iPod to go flying out of his hands.

"Urahara-sensei, I do believe it was your job to get us there and back safely." Uryuu said while adjusting his askew glasses.

"Aw, come on Ishida-chan. Live a little!" Urahara smiled at him through the rear view mirror.

"My son is right, Urahara-san. That could've gone horribly wrong. And please do not refer to him as 'Ishida-chan.'" Ryuuken said with a blank look.

Urahara's smile left his face. "Oh my. I've never met a father and son as stiff as you two. You should be more like the Kurosaki's." Urahara stated.

Both Ishida's frowned and adjusted their glasses in unison.

Kira was bent over and continuing to feel around under his seat for his silver iPod. He found it, picked it up, and blew off any dust. He looked up and came face to face with a grinning Ichimaru Gin. Kira did the impossible and blushed and grew pale at the same time. "I-Ichimaru-san!" Gin only grinned wider. "C-Can I, uh, help you?"

Gin, who was bent over the back of his chair, leaned in closer towards Kira. "Yes, you can start by calling me Gin."

"Gin..." Kira mumbled causing Gin to nod approvingly. "Um..." Kira started hesitantly and blushed harder. "Can I help you Ichi-urm, Gin?"

Gin leaned in until he was only mere inches away from Kira's face. Kira fidgeted under the close scrutiny of the object of his affection. The Fox merely held out his hand and said, "IPod."

Kira handed Gin the iPod who grabbed it and _accidently_ brushed his fingers over Kira's palm sending a slight shiver up the blond's spine. Gin grinned ever wider, if that's possible, and turned around in his seat and started going through Kira's library.

Aizen scribbled something in his notebook and put it in Gin's line of vision. -You shouldn't toy with him like that.-

"I know what 'm doin'." he whispered.

Aizen smirked and went back to his tic-tac-toe game with Tousen.

Gin turned around and handed Kira his iPod. "Wha's wih all the emo n' screamo?"

"Emo?" Kira squeaked.

"Yeah. Ya got Simple Plan n' Good Charolette in yer playlist. That crap sucks!"

"Told ya." Hisagi said to Kira and returned to licking Renji's neck.

Kira pouted cutely for a moment before speaking. "Well, what do you think I should listen to Ichi-" Gin frowned. "Uh, Gin?"

The fox's smile perked back up, but soon dropped in thought. "Uh, how 'bout... metal? There's this one band we heard th' other day. ...Psychostick!" he said smiling brightly.

Kira blinked. "Psychostick?"

"Yeah. Better than the crap yer listenin' ta now. My fav'rite song by 'em is _Two Ton Paper Weight_." he fully opened his eyes briefly to wink at him before turning back around in his seat.

Kira froze and blushed. He turned to Hisagi and Renji to find them grinning and making kissey faces at him. "Shut up..." he mumbled and stared at his iPod.

"Alrighty, kids. We're-" THUMP "-here. Whoops!"

Ryuuken closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Urahara... Just..." Sigh. "Just go park."

"Dun worry. I'll take care o' it!" Gin said.

They filed out of the car and went inside to sign in and get ready.

X

Outside a young man walked up to a new, shiny, black truck. He dropped his back pack and screamed in horror when he saw that the right back tail light was cracked and his bumper was bent. "What the hell-" he stopped when he saw a note taped above the bumper. It read: 'Oops! We hit your car. Sorry! Call us at 1-800-TOUGH-LUCK.' A drawing of a laughing fox with 'HAHA' written in a comic bubble lined the bottom.

* * *

Well, well. I hope to get the next part done and uploaded by tomorrow. We'll see. I also wrote another Naruto fic, but I dunno if I'll be posting it or not. -YAWN- I'm sleepy. It's past midnight. Past my bed time. Yes, I'm 18 and I get sleepy around 10pm. Strange, no? Anyhoo, please tell me what you thought. Look for the next part tomorrow, but don't get your hopes up too much. Give nice reviews and criticism, ne?


	2. The Science Olympiad pt1

**Author's Notes:** Konnichiwa, minna-san. –sigh- My hand hurts after hours of writing and typing. I hope you're all happy. Even though only one person's reviewed so far, but w/e. I was supposed to post earlier, but I started hanging out with my bro and then took a nap, so here I am. Yeah. ...uh, yeah. I dun really have anything else to say. Oh, yeah. Don't expect Chad, Tousen, Byakuya, Ryuuken, and the German exchange student, Pia, to say too much. I talk a lot... Enjoy! –bows-

Warning- AU, shounen ai/yaoi, silliness, HUMOR, some OOCness, a black haired Gin for the sake of the first chapter, mix up of Japanese and English things sort of

**Pairings-** AizenxGin, IchigoxUryuu, RenjixRukia (past), RenjixHisagi, Gin+Kira (Kira likes Gin, Gin toys with him), UraharaxYoruichi?, UraharaxIchigo?

Summary- A soon to be multiple chapter fic of the Bleach people and their high school adventures. Cliche, but yet so original! First chapter is the adventures of Karakura High's Science club!

**Disclaimer-** Don't own. Don't sue. Don't ask. Don't tell. If I owned Bleach, the first episode they met, Uryuu would've taken off his glasses, ripped off his and Ichigo's clothes, and they would've started doing it in the school.

'blah'-thoughts

X-change of scene

* * *

_**EDITED!**_

**A Series of Tales Full of Hilariousness**

**Chapter 1- The Science Olympiad pt.1**

They waited around the front of the lobby where Urahara signed them up. He walked up to the table with the sign-up sheets. "Hello!"

"Good morning!" the lady screeched. They cringed at her high pitched voice. "And what can I help you with handsome?" She said while looking up and down his body. Ichigo walked up behind Urahara and glared at her over his shoulder, but the woman just kept checking the man out.

"She is _irritatingly_ awake." Tousen muttered.

"How much ya wanna bet Starbuck's to blame?" Shuuhei said.

Renji smirked at the growing frustration of Uryuu. "You mad?" he asked, to which Uryuu shot him a glare and fixed his gaze back upon his boyfriend. "You know what you should do-"

"Fuck off." Uryuu spat and went to stand over by his father. Renji laughed.

Aizen frowned as the woman's voice rose in pitch as she continued to hit on their teacher. He saw Gin move his hand towards the front pocket of his shoulder bag. "Don't Gin. Too many people." he warned.

Gin pouted. "Aw, but Sousuke, she's annoyin'. Please?"

"Not now. Maybe later if the situation calls for it."

"Promise?"

Aizen's eyes softened and he smiled. "Absolutely." Gin grinned and wrapped his right arm around Aizen's waist.

Kira watched from beside Hisagi and sighed, looking down dejectedly at his iPod, once again. 'I suck at life.'

Hisagi threw an arm around him. "Cheer up!"

At the table up front, Ichigo continued to glare the oblivious woman down. His scowl darkened at every suggestive comment the woman made. "Karakura High, hm? Alright then. How 'bout you give me the names and categories then, hot stuff?" The woman winked and grinned.

Urahara slightly winced at the name and at the woman's tar stained teeth. "Right." he said. "For Life's a Zoo: Abarai Renji and Kurosaki Ichigo, the orange haired kid right here."

"Oh my, what a striking color! Although I do prefer blond." The woman cooed. Ichigo glowered.

"Uh, thanks. For physics: Aizen Sousuke and Ishida Uryuu. For Bugs, Bugs Everywhere: Ichimaru Gin and Kira Izuru. For Designer Genes: Kaname Tousen and Shuuhei Hisagi. And for Shooting for the Stars(1): Kuchiki Rukia and Yasutora Sado." he finished.

"That's all? There are three more categories."

"I know. Unfortunately we couldn't bribe enough people to join." Ichigo tugged on the man's sleeve and frowned up at him. Urahara smiled down at him. "Hey, why don't you kids go off and look around campus while the adults go across the street and drink coffee and tea?"

"Whatever." The teen grumbled.

"You're jealous?" Ichigo looked away with pink dusting his cheeks. "Ichigo..." They looked at each other. Urahara started laughing and smiled stupidly. "That's so cute!"

The others watched them from where they were standing by the door.

"Oi, Abarai-kun." Gin walked over by Kira, standing awfully close to him, getting immense joy from the blond boy's nervous squirming.

"What do you want Ichimaru? Is it time for you and your master's daily 'Make fun of Abarai-kun' sessions?"

Gin grinned. "I'm assumin' Sousuke-kun's my master?"

Renji glared. "What do you _want_?"

The fox pouted slightly. "Fine, fine. I jus' wanted ta know what happened 'tween Ichigo-kun an' Kisuke-kun."

"Oh, yeah." Hisagi said. "You were there, right Renji? What _did_ happen exactly?"

Renji grinned. "You mean, you guys don't know?" They all gave a resounding chorus of "No." "Huddle up, _without_ looking suspicious, and don't you _dare_ tell Ichigo I told you all."

They came closer to him as he spoke. Even Aizen and Tousen had piqued interest. Renji looked over to Uryuu and Ichigo and turned back to them. He scratched his chin in thought. "Well..." He grinned. "What had happened was-"

Shuuhei rolled his eyes. "Renji..."

"Okay, okay. Well, last year Ichigo had a _HUGE_ crush on Urahara. I mean, to the point where he was convinced he was in love with him."

"_No way_!"

"_Yes_ way." Renji nodded. "Yes, in a _BIG_ way. Like for _months_ he bought him things he liked, stayed after school because he 'Didn't understand things in class,' and went over to talk to him at his house. His dad, Isshin, didn't really see anything wrong with it since Urahara _is_, or maybe I should say, _was_ his best friend. I'm not sure if he still is. You remember all the crap Urahara had in his room on Valentine's Day?"

"_That_ was Kurosaki-san?" Aizen asked in surprise.

Renji nodded. "Yup. Anyway, that night Yoruichi invited Ichigo and his dad, the Ishida's, the Kuchiki siblings, and me, since I was dating Rukia at the time," Hisagi frowned, "and of course, Urahara and Soifon.

"Rukia and Uryuu went in another room to talk. They were talking about me and Ichigo, I found out later on. Isshin dragged Ryuuken and Byakuya out on a beer run, and Yoruichi was in the kitchen with Soifon."

"Where was you?" Gin asked.

Renji coughed. "In the can..."

"So Ichigo and Urahara-sensei were alone?" Kira asked.

"Yeah; on the couch in the living room. Well, I hear Rukia scream and run out holding up my pants to see Ichigo sitting on Urahara's lap with his tongue down his throat, and Urahara didn't seem to mind."

"Ew..." Gin said.

Aizen laughed. "Well, that's a tad bit awkward."

"Well, duh. Yoruichi and Soifon went back in the kitchen and laughed their asses off."

"I always figured Yoruichi and Urahara were more than friends. Weird." Hisagi commented.

"Well, it _is_ Yoruichi-san." Aizen stated. "I take it Ishida-san didn't take it too well?"

"Heck no. He flipped! Uryuu and Ichigo went into another room. I'm not _exactly_ sure what happened, but, remember the 'biking accident' Ichigo had?"

"_That_ was _Ishida_?!"

"Dammit, Hisagi, keep it down!" Renji whispered harshly.

"Sorry. So the scratches on his face and the bruises on his neck?"

"Yup. All Ishida."

Gin frowned. "Wha 'bout Kisuke-kun an' the chunk o' his hair missin'?"

"That was Ichigo's dad actually. I didn't stick around for that fight. That shit was dangerous. Urahara never stood a chance... Anyhow, the point is this: _Never piss off an Ishida. __**EVER**_." Renji said with narrowed eyes and a serious face.

"Right, right." Gin said dismissing it with a yawn.

"No. Promise me!" Renji pleaded. Kira gulped and paled.

"Okay. I promise!" Gin held up his hands in surrender.

"Good."

"What the hell are you guys whispering about over here?" They looked up to see Ichigo standing before the group with an ever present scowl.

Uryuu walked over to stand next to Ichigo, glaring at them all. "I heard my name, Shuuhei-san." Hisagi cringed.

Gin yawned loudly. "So what now?" he said changing the subject. Hisagi looked at him thankfully.

"Urahara, Kuchiki, and Ryuuken are going to Starbucks." Ichigo said.

"Byakuya? Wait. Then where's Rukia?" Renji asked.

"Hey, Chad. Where's Rukia? She's your partner." Ichigo asked.

"She told me she was going over to meet Matsumoto's exchange student with Momo and Pia..."

Gin yawned again. "Wha'ever. Les go 'splorin. Oi, Abarai-kun."

"What_ now_?"

"I'll race ya up the stairs."

Renji grinned. "You're on!"

Renji ran towards the stairs and knocked over a table. A security guard walked over to straighten up the table, shooting Renji a glare.

"Sorry 'bout that." Renji said and continued his trek towards the stairs.

Not being an honor student, the red head didn't notice Gin languidly walking over to the purple elevator and getting in. They reached the top of the stairs to find Gin grinning triumphantly.

Renji balked. "How did you do that?!"

Gin merely shrugged. "I told ya I'm the fastest kid in state- er, this prefecture."

Renji blinked. "Wow. So impressive. So tell me, what kinda training did you-"

Uryuu shook his head and sighed in exasperation. "You idiot..."

"What?"

Ichigo was laughing at him hard. "Renji, you see that big, purple box behind him?"

"Yeah."

"Purple box..." Hisagi said. "That reminds me of that stupid story you told us freshmen year, Ichigo."

"Hey, yeah, I remember that!" Renji said.

"Purple box? Whas that?" Gin asked.

"Oh, yeah. We didn't know you seniors til the end of our freshmen and sophomore years, right?"

"Right. So why dun we all sit down an' let Ichigo-kun tell the story."

Uryuu grimaced slightly. "Stop changing the subject Ichimaru!"

"Subject? What subject?" Gin smiled innocently. Well, as innocently as one can smile when one has the face of a fox.

"The one about _you_ using the elevator to win the race!"

"WHAT?!" Renji yelled. He pointed an accusing finger at Gin. "You CHEATED!"

Gin cackled evilly. "Fair is foul an' foul is fair, I always say."

"That line is perfect for someone like you." Aizen grumbled.

"Love you too, baby." Gin cooed.

Kira cleared his throat. "Uh, guys."

"What?" Renji snapped, still glaring at the fox.

Kira squeaked. "Did you notice there's a security guard following us?"

"Oh, yeah. He's been following us since I knocked over that table." Renji laughed.

Ichigo punched his head. "You idiot, it's not funny! He's following us because of _you_! Can't we go somewhere without you and Gin getting us in trouble?"

"Nope!"

"Whatever..."

"Why don't we go outside?"

Gin grinned. "Good idea, Kaname. We'll sit on those big ol' rocks." He smirked at Renji. "Wanna race?"

Renji growled. "Just shut up! Let's take the damn elevator!"

X

They took the elevator down a floor and went outside. The security guard followed them outside too. Renji situated himself on a rock and looked around. He frowned when he spotted the guard watching them from the shadows in front of the entrance.

"'The hell? Now he's watching us!"

Gin moved his hand towards his bag. "Now Sousuke?"

"No. Let's just _pretend_ we won't get in any more trouble, hm?"

Gin pouted. "Dammit..."

They sat on rocks for about five minutes under the eyes of the watchful security guard, making small talk as to not seem suspicious. Any talk was interrupted when they noticed the guard walking away. Gin got up and walked in the direction of the man.

"Where ya goin', fox face?" Ichigo asked.

"'m followin' _him_." The fox said matter-of-factly and continued walking.

Renji grinned wide. "Hey, that's a good idea, fox boy. Let's go!"

Gin led them after the bald security guard.

"Hey, he's running now!"

They stopped and watched the man run towards the parking lot. He took off his bright orange '**SECURITY**' smock, tossed it in the trunk of his car, and ran inside a building. They stood there and blinked in unison.

Aizen smirked slightly. "Well, if that's not the most suspicious thing you've ever seen...

Kira took a peek inside the building. "Why'd he run in here? There are no lights on. It seems empty."

Renji nodded. "Let's wait for him!"

They waited in front of the building for around ten minutes playing a card game. The distrustful man didn't come back out...

XXX

They went back to the lobby after giving up on the security guard.

"Hey, boys!" Urahara called to them. He started walking towards them when he bumped into a security guard riding a segway (2). "Sorry!" their teacher said and bowed apologetically. The man glared at him, adjusted his helmet and sunglasses, and _slowly_ drove off. The group walked up to Urahara.

"Asshole..." Ichigo grumbled.

Renji scratched his temple. "Geez. What is _with_ these damn security guards?"

"They don't seem to be in a particularly good mood today." Urahara agreed. "Did you have a problem with one?"

"Yeah. One guy followed us everywhere just because I knocked over a table."

Hisagi shook his head. "That guy was NOT a security guard. He was _way_ too suspicious!"

Urahara blinked. "Suspicious? How so?"

Ichigo walked over to stand next to the blond man with Uryuu following closely behind. "Well, for starters he followed us outside then ran away and took off his orange thingy."

"He ran into an empty building." Renji added. "We waited. He never came back out."

Urahara started laughing. "How cute! You boys had a little spy adventure, ne?"

Renji glared. "Whatever. That shit could be serious."

Urahara laughed loudly and held his sides. "Riiiight. Anyway, Ichimaru-kun, Izuru-kun, it's about time to start your event. Knock 'em dead, ne?"

* * *

**(1)** Life's A Zoo is zoology. Bugs, Bugs Everywhere! is entomology (study of bugs). Designer Genes is... I'm not quite sure. It's the actual name for one of the categories though. Shooting for the Stars is astronomy.

**(2)** No idea what they're called. They're like grey with huge black wheels on the side and you like stand on a platform that's over the wheels. They're really effing slow and stupid looking. I want one... LOL. **I found out later they're called segways.**

So it's too long and I'm too tired to type it all so you'll have to wait for pt.2. This time, I'll actually do it tomorrow. -sigh- So sleepy. 3am. Past my bed time. Anyhoo, the next chapter's hilarious. Well, it's all hilarious since most of it actually happened, besides obvious things like the "couch incident" and Urahara hitting a car. Seriously, the security guards were bastards though and my friend Stephanie was attracting them like flies. Please feel free to alert me to any mistakes and/or give criticism and/or praise. Sayonara! Keep it real. Yeah.


	3. The Science Olympiad pt2

**Author's Notes:** Sorry for the unintentional delay. Last night while I was right in the middle of typing this out the computer gods decided to be prats and I couldn't save or paste and copy or go to file or anything. It was weird. So naturally I got frustrated and watched Bleach instead. I'm up to episode 68!

Anyhoo, the fingers on my left hand hurt 'cause I've been practicing bass guitar. Its harder than it looks. Now I know why bassists are usually tall, muscley armed, with long fingers... and sexy. Like, Toshiya. I tried playing Totchi's solo in Dir en grey's, Cage. Holy hazelnut, that sonofabatch-of-cookies is talented! -sigh- Without further delay, on with the story!

Warning-AU, shounen ai/yaoi, silliness, HUMOR, some OOCness, a black haired Gin for the sake of the first chapter, mix up of Japanese and English/American things sort of

**Pairings-** AizenxGin, GinxRangiku, IchigoxIshida, Gin+Kira (Kira likes Gin, Gin toys with him), UraharaxIchigo?

Summary- A soon to be multiple chapter fic of the Bleach people and their highschool adventures. Cliche, but yet so original! First chapter is the adventures of Karakura High's Science club!

**Disclaimer- **Don't own. Don't sue. Don't ask. Don't tell. If I owned Bleach, Gin and Ukitake would probably be in every episode and there would be a lot of "Let's treat Hitsugaya like a kid" shenanigans. SHENANIGANS!

**'blah'-** thoughts

* * *

**A Series of Tales Full of Hilariousness**

**Chapter 1- The Science Olympiad pt.2**

Urahara, the Ishidas, Aizen, Renji, Ichigo, and Chad sat waiting outside of the room hosting the entomology A.K.A. "Bugs, Bugs EVERYWHERE!" event.

Ichigo was currently showing Urahara all the pictures he had taken at the Renaissance Faire they went to in November.

"Honestly, some of those people shouldn't have been wearing any of that crap." Ichigo said.

Renji nodded in agreement with disgust crossing his features. "Namely the fat women dressed as gypsies."

"Or the fat _guys_ dressed as fairies and walking around topless. Disgusting."

Urahara giggled. "Still, there are _some_ good looking women at least."

"_Some_." Ichigo said.

Renji smirked and turned to Ichigo. He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it immediately, only to reopen it saying, "Nah"

"What? What were you gonna say?"

"No, its too easy..." The red head waved his hand, dismissing the idea.

"Spit it out, Fire Crotch!"

"Fine! I wasn't _gonna_ say it, but, _now_, since you gave me a reason to!" Renji grinned. "I was gonna say; luckily, chicks ain't yer cup a tea, anyway."

"You dumb piece o' shit! I'm gonna fuck you up!"

"Ichigo-kun."

He turned to see a warning glint in Urahara's eyes. "What?" he spat.

Urahara's face broke out into a sweet smile. "Could you check and see how Ichimaru-kun and Izuru-kun are doing?"

Ichigo growled angrily. "Whatever..." He peered through the window on the door. "Well, as usual, Fox Face is just sitting there while Kira does everything."

"Is that so?"

"Yeah. You know Ichimaru didn't even study, right?"

"I'm sure he didn't. He doesn't seem the type."

Renji frowned. "Izuru studied fer a _month_!" He continued ignoring the glare from Ichigo and dropped his head in thought. "I really don't see why he likes that guy..."

Aizen smiled; cold, brown eyes hidden behind his glasses. "Admiration is the furthest thing from comprehension."

Ryuuken nodded and glared at Ichigo. "I concur." The orange haired teen glared right back.

Renji blinked. "'the hell does 'comprehension' mean?" he whispered.

Ichigo's phone rang, breaking the glaring battle he was currently winning (in his opinion) against the older Ishida. He flipped it open. "Hello?"

Urahara gave him a cheeky grin. "Was that the _Zelda_ theme?"

"Shut up. Not you, Yuzu! ...Hold on. I can barely hear you. I have to go outside." Ichigo walked outside, talking to his sister in a kind, soft voice.

Renji looked at the blond man in the bucket hat for a few moments before addressing him. "Hey, Urahara-san."

Urahara giggled evilly from behind his fan. "Fire Crotch?"

"_Shut up_." he hissed. "Anyway, you know Ichigo still likes you, right?" The red head didn't miss the younger Ishida's nose wrinkling slightly.

Urahara just smiled and pulled his green and white stripped hat over his eyes. He opened his mouth, but any reply he was going to give was cut off.

"Hey, guys! Where's my brother?" Rukia walked up to them grinning with her German exchange student behind her.

"He's upstairs waiting for Tousen and Hisagi. 'the hell took _you_ so long?" Renji asked.

"I was meeting Matsumoto's exchange student! He's Mexican American! WHOO! Sado's got a play mate! He stayed home, though."

"Insensitive bitch..." Renji grumbled and was immediately hit with her purse.

"Speaking of which. Hey, Sado! You ready to win?"

The tall teen shrugged. "Hm..."

"Good! I'm so excited. WHOO!"

"Well, aren't _you_ hyper..."

She turned to her orange haired friend as he walked up to her. "Hey, Ichigo!" she screamed.

Ichigo raised an eyebrow at her. "Hi?" He gave a small smile to the blonde German girl behind her. "Oh, hey Pia."

The German girl smiled and waved.

Rukia began bouncing up and down on the back of her heels with a bright smile on her face.

Ichigo frowned (more than usual). "What the hell is wrong with her?"

"I dunno." Renji grumbled. "Rukia, could ya do us all a favor and curb your enthusiasm?"

"Rukia!" A tiny voice called.

Renji sighed. "Please tell me you _didn't_ bring Hinamori."

"I _did_. And Rangiku! I'M OVER HERE GUYS!"

Hinamori and Rangiku approached the group, smiling.

"Hey, Renji!"

"Momo..."

"Um. Hi, Aizen-sama. Can I... sit next to you?" The girl asked while adjusting her bun.

"Hello, Hinamori-chan. Of course you can." Aizen gave her a sweet playboy smile and the small girl's face and neck turned bright red.

Renji rolled his eyes.

"Where's Gin?"

"Nice to see you too, Matsumoto. He's in there with Kira." Renji indicated, jabbing a thumb in the direction of the door.

Rangiku walked up to the window hoping to catch Gin's attention, but stopped and blinked. "...he's sleeping."

"Doyee." Renji said, like it was obvious.

Ichigo looked over at Rukia to see her loudly and _shamelessly_ crunching on something. Something _orange_. "What're you crunching on over there?" he asked intrigued.

"Carrots." She held up a big zip lock bag full of small carrots. "Want one?"

"Sure." He took the four carrots she offered him and began munching on them. "...Rukia."

"Hm?" Crunch.

"...what's with the other bag full of ice?"

"...to keep the carrots cool." She popped another carrot in her mouth.

"...why don't you put the carrots in the bag _with_ the ice?"

She crunched and looked at Ichigo like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Cuz wet carrots are gross. Dumb ass..."

Ichigo gave her a blank look then sighed and leaned back, slightly brushing against Urahara's shoulder. "Riiight."

They sat around and munched on carrots. Except for Rukia. She was busy running down the hall and in the elevator going up three floors and back down again.

"WHOO HOO! I'M FREE! I'M FREE!"

Renji turned to Pia. "What the _hell_ is _her_ problem? What'd you give her?"

Pia smiled and said in a thick German accent, "I gave her gummy bears yesterday, but she's only had carrots today."

"Its obviously screwing up her system."

Matsumoto grinned. "Either that are she's having the painters in."

Aizen slightly tipped his head in inquisition and looked down at Hinamori. "Painters?"

The small girl once again blushed from having the man's chocolate brown eyes on her and from the subject matter. "Well..." she said.

Matsumoto sighed. "The _painters_. Complete with buckets of _red_ paint. Enough for _seven_ days."

All the guys twisted their faces in disgust and a chorus of "Disgusting. Sick. Distasteful." rang out.

Matsumoto sniggered. "You wanted to know."

Rukia came back looking slightly pale and panting. She laid herself down on the ground, groaning. "Ugh."

Renji laughed. "I knew your hyper cheerleader crap wouldn't last long."

"Shut up." She groaned. "I don't feel good."

"Now that you mention it" Ichigo said, "I don't feel so hot either."

"You either?" Renji asked. "I thought it was just me."

Aizen smiled slightly. "No, I don't feel well either. I think the carrots are to blame."

Renji scoffed. "Thanks for the poison, Rukia."

"Shut up!" She spat. "Oh! Rangiku, you got the sign?"

"Yeah, here it is." Rangiku held up a white sign that had '**GO KARAKURA!**' written on it in big, red letters.

Just then Kira and Gin came out of the room. Kira sighed tiredly and Gin yawned, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"Hey, Izuru."

The blond smiled happily. "Oh. Momo! And Rangiku. What are you two doing here?"

"Rukia dragged us here." Rangiku replied. "Get off. You're not drooling on me!" The strawberry blonde was trying to push Gin's head off her lap.

"Aw, fine." The smiling teen begrudgingly sat up and threw an arm over the girl's shoulder.

"So how did you do?" Aizen asked with a knowing smirk.

"Excellent! Those other guys didn't know what they was doin'."

Rangiku laughed. "Really? Cuz when I look in, you had your head down, sleeping and I could've sworn you were drooling. You let poor Kira do all the work. _Again_!"

Gin pouted. "Oh, please, babe. I was just tired, is all. He understands. Righ', Izuru?"

Kira smiled brightly and nodded.

"See?" Gin smiled an actual smile and kissed Rangiku on her cheek.

"Whatever." she said.

x

The other events went off without a hitch. Well, without giant cluster-fucks, at least.

Ichigo was pissed off because Renji kept making him change his answers on their test. He wasn't sure, but his gut kept telling him all the answers he put down were right. Since they were the last ones in the room, the teacher even helped them out a little so they at least got two problems right. When they got out they looked at their notes and confirmed that every answer Ichigo wrote before were, indeed, right. The last words the orange haired teen said to the red head was, "I'm never working with yer dumb, monkey ass again!"

Gin and Rukia annoyed the participants from one of their rival schools. They were all sitting on a bench on the third floor waiting for Aizen and Uryuu. Every time one of the students from the other school walked by them they'd start coughing while saying "Karakura rocks!" or "You suck!" While others laughed it off, one was particularly really angry.

Gin smiled at the boy as he exited a room. "Karakura rocks. Sorry."

The boy scoffed and shot him a glare. "Karakura sucks. Dumb, freaky ass."

Gin grinned and followed the boy outside. A scream was heard and then Gin calmly walked back in. Everyone stared at him.

Rukia gaped. "W-What did you _do_?"

"Opened my eyes all the way." he laughed when they gasped.

Rukia gulped and laughed nervously as Gin danced around, holding up the sign to the window of the room Aizen was in.

x

After going out for lunch instead of eating more of the noxious carrots or eating the disgusting globs of lunch room food, they came back to wait for awards. They sat at a table located near the lobby.

As they were talking Uryuu noticed his phone was missing and began to frantically search for it. "Dammit. Sado-kun, come with me. I'm going to look upstairs."

Renji noticed as Uryuu went upstairs Ichigo slunk off towards one of the exits and decided to follow him. The red head grinned to himself as he tailed the orange haired boy. He felt really sneaky, like a ninja, or like... Chad. Yeah, like Chad when you forget he's there and then he talks and it scares the shit out of you... or something.

They went through three doors then finally made it outside. The ramps leading to the other parking lot on campus were like a maze. Every time Ichigo turned a corner Renji still remained unseen to him. When they were out in the open, Renji ran to catch up with him. Lo and behold- the carrot top was talking on Uryuu's phone.

"What're you up to, Strawberry?"

"Whoa!" Ichigo covered the phone with his hand. "Shit. You snuck up on me, Fire Crotch."

"Stop calling me that! What're you doing?"

"Playing a joke on Uryuu." Ichigo answered nonchalantly.

Renji blinked. "...you took his phone. He's gonna kill you."

Ichigo shrugged. "Probably."

"Who are you talking to?"

"I'm not sure. There's too much noise in the background to tell. It _is_ an Asian though." he laughed. "You can tag along. Just keep quiet, will ya?"

"Right."

"Good." Ichigo returned to the phone as they started walking down a hill on the other side of the building. "Huh? Where am I? Well." He looked around. "Its really green right now." He said, referring to the large span of grass to their left.

They slunk around to the front of the building, ducking behind pillars and trees. Ichigo instructed Renji to go see if Uryuu and Chad were there. He walked inside and up to the table.

"Oi, Abarai-kun!" Gin greeted, with a phone up to his ear.

"Oh, so you're the 'Asian.'"

"What?"

"Nothing. Where's Sado and Uryuu?"

"They're looking for Ichigo-kun. Where _is_ Kurosaki-kun?"

"I dunno. I lost him." Renji lied. "I'm gonna go find him."

Renji went outside to find Ichigo perched on top of a rock with a grin on his face.

He looked around then ran up to him. "One: Yer "Asian" is Gin. Two: Sado and Uryuu are looking fer you."

"Do they know where I am?"

"No."

"Good." Ichigo smirked, obviously in a good mood. "Continue to remain sneaky and non-obvious, especially since you're helping me. This is a co-op mission."

Renji grinned. "Co-op mission?"

Ichigo nodded, knowingly. "Aa. Help me dig up some more info-"

Ichigo stopped mid-sentence and Renji's ears practically perked up. They heard the sound of heavy and raging footsteps. They looked over to see Chad and Uryuu running out of the shadows, down a ramp to the left of the main entrance.

"ICHIGO KUROSAKI!" Ishida roared. "GIVE IT BACK NOW OR I'M NEVER _GIVING_ _YOU_ ANYTHING AGAIN!" he implied.

"Shit! Run, Renji!"

They dashed inside, running as fast as they could, dodging tables and chairs. They tore past the table their friends were at.

Gin smiled and shouted, "Oi, I found him!"

Urahara waved and smiled sweetly at Ichigo causing him to blush and almost run into a wall. They got outside, ran around the corner and tried to round another corner leading back to the quad with the giant rocks, when Chad jumped out.

"OOF!"

They crashed into his chest and tumbled to the ground. Ichigo recovered fast enough to run off. Chad had Renji caught in a bear hug. Ichigo ran towards the stairs where Uryuu ran out and blocked him. Ichigo dropped to the ground on his knees, in defeat, panting heavily in front of Uryuu.

The raven haired teen smiled evilly and adjusted his glasses in a way that a white glint shone off of the lenses. "Its all over now. Hehe..."

Ichigo continued to pant and hold his sides. He looked up at Uryuu and grinned. "Are you gonna punish me? Fine. I _willingly_ accept." He winked.

Uryuu blushed at the situation. Ichigo was on his knees at his feet, looking up at him, panting with flushed cheeks and tan, sweat dampened skin. 'Damn, he's hot.' He shook his head as if to shake away the thoughts. Clearing his throat, he turned around and stammered, "Itshotlet'sgobackinside." and walked away.

Renji chortled. "Ishida seemed to be in a rather _hard_ situation there."

Chad laughed quietly.

Ichigo grinned, getting up and dusting his knees off. "Yeah, well, what can I say? I guess I have that effect on people."

* * *

And we've come to the end of part 2! Next chapter contains a description of the awards and the infamous (or what will become infamous) "Silver egging incident" all of which all happened 'cept it was purple not silver. You'll understand in time. The thing with the Renaissance Faire was true. -shudder- The carrot thing happened. Our band friend, Amanda, brought them and we all felt sick after eating them. I think they had an odd affect on her, what with the running and all. Also the phone incident happened too, it was just Stephanie who stole Amanda's phone and I followed her around. Eventually Amanda and her henchman, Saul, caught us. Oh, BTW, Saul's the Mexican American exchange student.

All will be made clear next chapter! I have to write it out so I dunno how long it will take, but I hope to have it up by tomorrow. HOPEFULLY it'll actually be tomorrow. Maybe even later on today? I dunno. Anyhoo, praise, criticism, and alerts of any mistakes, please. Mucho appreciato (cannot speak Spanish).


	4. Go, Gin, Go! Wrath of the Fox

**Author's Notes:** Konbanwa, minna-san! I'm back again! I didn't get a chance to finish this chapter. Sorry 'bout that. Please forgive me. -bows- I've been so busy lately so I hadn't had the chance to do anything. The other morning I managed to write this out, so yeah, I hope you're pleased with it for now. Enjoy! -bows-

Warning-AU, shounen ai/yaoi, silliness, HUMOR, some OOCness, a black haired Gin for the sake of the first chapter, mix up of Japanese and English/American things sort of

**Pairings- **AizenxGin, GinxRangiku, RenjixHisagi, Gin+Kira (Kira likes Gin, Gin toys with him), UraharaxYoruichi?, UraharaxIchigo?

Summary-A soon to be multiple chapter fic of the Bleach people and their highschool adventures. Cliche, but yet so original! First chapter is the adventures of Karakura High's Science club!

**Disclaimer- **Don't own. Don't sue. Don't ask. Don't tell. If I owned Bleach the fight with Byakuya and Ichigo would've ended with... well, you know.

**'blah'**- thoughts

**x-** change of scene

* * *

**A Series of Tales Full of Hilariousness**

**Chapter 1: Go, Gin, Go!: Wrath of the Fox**

Deciding to take a break from running, the group remained inside. They sat at their table making small talk and generally getting along, for once. Suddenly the conversation turned to spiders.

"I'm terrified of spiders!" Hinamori cringed.

"Oh," Renji started, "my friend, Jose, from the Philippines; Hisagi, Izuru, Ichigo, you guys remember him, right?" The boys in turn nodded. "Anyways, he was telling me about how they have these huge ass tropical spiders that would spank tarantulas!"

Byakuya, who was seated to the right of Renji, raised an eyebrow. "Spank?"

"Yeah. Like, tarantulas are common house spiders compared to these guys. Anyway, Jose was sweeping his porch with a big broom then he looks up and sees a spider web going from tree to tree. He wanted to knock it down so he throws the broom and it gets stuck in the web!"

"Holy crap!" Ichigo exclaimed.

"Right?"

"I dun like spiders. They creepy." Gin said with a shudder.

"YOU think they're creepy?" Renji gaped.

"'course. They're like little monsters. Really, I dun like anythin' with eight legs."

Aizen smiled. "That includes: octopus, crabs, and lobsters." he listed off.

Gin shivered. "If I wasn't so scared o' the little bastard spiders I'd get one."

"Why?" Hinamori asked, face twisted in disgust.

"Ta scare people with 'em." He then acted like he had one in his hand and 'threw' it at her saying, "Catch!" Hinamori jumped slightly and blushed. Gin grinned and did it to Renji who acted like it was stuck on his face. He squealed and flailed wildly and 'threw' it at Ichigo who scratched furiously at his face. Laughter rang around the table.

"Wha' if..." Gin continued, "Ya threw 'nother broom up there ta get the one ya lost?"

Ichigo laughed. "That'd get outta hand. Basket balls and shit are stuck up there and the spider's just sittin' there playing game boy."

As soon as Ichigo said this, the whole table broke out into uncontrollable laughter. They calmed down a bit until Renji choked on his soda with laughter and stirred it up again. They laughed for a minute more or less and grew silent after calming down.

"Hey, guys!"

They turned to see Yoruichi and Soifon walking towards them.

"YORUICHI!" Urahara jumped and hugged the dark skinned woman, picking her up and swinging her around. "So cute, so cute! Who's my cream puff, hm? Yes! You are!"

Ichigo frowned slightly and slumped in his chair. He heard Renji snigger and snapped, "SHUT UP!"

Yoruichi and Soifon sat on the table behind Urahara's chair. "So what are you guys still doing here?" Yoruichi asked.

"Waiting for the goddamn awards to start." Ichigo grumbled bitterly.

"Oh... You look bored. I know!" She snapped her fingers. "We'll play charades. Or, rather, _you kids_ will play for the _adult's_ amusement." Tousen bristled slightly when the golden eyed woman snatched his notebook and tore out a piece of paper. She ripped the paper into pieces and passed them around. "Write something. If you know that who ever's acting it out is doing your suggestion don't say anything. Got it?" She held out an empty paper cup for them to put the suggestions in. She felt around in the cup, stirring the pieces around a bit before pulling one out. "Alright, let's see.." She read the slip and laughed. "This is a good one. Who wants to do it?" Not wanting to be entertainment for the adults, no one answered. "_Fine_. Soifon will pick."

She showed Soifon the paper, who immediately grinned. "Byakuya you wrote this, didn't you? I recognize the handwriting." Byakuya smirked slightly. "Who'd look the most hilarious? Um, Matsumoto and... Kira!"

The two got up with a sigh. "Good luck." Yoruichi said, grinning.

Soifon slipped them the paper and grinned expectantly. Rangiku looked uneasily at the small woman's expression. Her fears were confirmed when they looked at the paper. "What the hell? How are we supposed to do this shit, Kuchiki?"

Byakuya smiled smugly. "Figure it out." he replied simply.

"No. I'll look stupid."

"That's the point!" Yoruichi and Soifon said in unison.

"Saa, ya hafta do it, Ran-chan. Please? For me?" Gin asked, smiling prettily.

"Fine!" the strawberry blonde grumbled.

Kira held up a pointer finger.

"One word." Renji said.

The blond nodded and indicated it was a noun.

"Noun? Okay."

The blonds looked at each other in confusion before deciding on what to do. They put their arms up in the air and did a wiggling motion with their arms and bodies.

"Eel?" Renji asked.

Kira shook his head 'no.'

"A squiggly line?" Pia asked.

The pair shook their heads and continued wiggling.

"A brain wave?" Ryuuken suggested, ignoring the strange look everyone gave him.

"A loose thread." Uryuu said, ignoring the strange look his father had received that were now aimed at him.

"An octopus tentacle?" Aizen suggested smirking as he watched Gin shiver.

The pair indicated 'no' to all of them and continued to wiggle and do waves with their arms.

After a few minutes of frustrated wiggles Gin frowned and groaned in frustration. "Maa, what izit? Ramen?!"

The blonds stopped and looked at Yoruichi, now seated on Urahara's lap. She looked up in thought and turned to Byakuya who nodded. The woman shrugged giving them a cat-like grin. "We'll take it." she said.

Rangiku and Izuru sighed in relief and took their seats next to Gin and Hisagi.

"Wait. What was it exactly?" Renji asked Byakuya.

Byakuya smiled at Renji in slight amusement. "A noodle."

"A _noodle_?!" Renji sputtered.

Yoruichi laughed loudly, throwing her head in the air. "Funny, right? Anyway, Gin since you got it, its your turn to do one. This one's a movie."

"Alrighty then." Gin said getting up to stand in front of the table. He read the paper and stood frowning with his head lowered in thought. He clapped once as an idea hit him. "Okay." he grinned. He dropped to the ground on his hands and knees and began crawling shakily while making what could best be described as a "zombie face."

"Dawn of the Dead?" Renji asked.

"_Shaun_ of the Dead?" Ichigo guessed.

"Renji when he's deprived of sex?" Hisagi said, earning a sharp kick from the tattooed man.

Gin shook his head and continued to slink around on all fours, groaning softly.

"Ju-On.(1)" Kira said suddenly.

Gin jumped up and down, clapping his hands. "Good job, Izuru! Here's a prize!" he ran up to the blond, pulled the flop of hair out of Kira's face, and kissed him on the forehead.

The blond turned a deep shade of scarlet. 'Don'tgetanosebleed. Don'tgetanosebleed.' he thought furiously.

"There ya go. A kiss on yer cute, lil fo'head!" Gin proclaimed proudly and took his seat next to Aizen.

Renji and Hisagi ducked their heads under the table, snickering loudly. Kira held his nose and excused himself to the bathroom.

--

After a few more charades- Steve Irwin (to which Gin whined, "Nooooo! Its too soon! The world's not finished mournin'."), s'mores (which was interesting, to say the least), Final Fantasy 7, open heart surgery, Martha Stewart, and the death of Charles Marlow (2), to name a few- the "children", as Byakuya now referred to them, got restless and wandered off to the building to watch the events that were late being finished. A bunch of students had made cars designed to keep eggs from breaking and were also racing them into a wall to test their speed and protection ability. The Big Three watched for a few minutes with mild interest until Aizen became bored saying, "Let's go outside." to his companions. They walked down the hallway towards the door.

Gin grinned cheekily at yet another grumpy security guard seated on a bench. "Howzit, bra(3)?" The man narrowed his eyes and watched them intently.

Aizen and Tousen went out the left door and Gin went out the right. They stood against the wall opposite the stair well and elevator, situated across from the doors. They noticed the right door hadn't closed and so did the security guard. He got up and messed with the door, jiggling what was keeping it open at the top of it. He glared at Gin and turned around to go back in, muttering, "Close the fucking door..."

Gin's smile instantly dropped into a frown. "Fuckin' asshole..."

Izuru, Hisagi, and Hinamori walked out of the left door noticing the murderous look on Gin's face.

"What's up with you?" Hisagi asked. Tousen simply pointed to the fat, balding man on the bench. "What about him?"

"He's an _asshole._" Gin growled. He took his cell out of his pocket, eyes locked (well, sort of) with the man who glowered at them...

-

Ichigo and Renji cheered for the wooden car that beat the car made out of blue and red rubber blocks. The rubber-block car's egg splattered against the wall as its wheels fell off.

Ichigo looked around. "Hey, where's The Big Three and their minions?"

Renji shrugged. "Oi, Rangiku, where's yer weird ass boy toy?"

"Shuddup!" Her phone rang (the ringtone being No Doubt's "I'm Just A Girl" to which Renji mumbled, "No, you ain't..."). She took it out, flipped it open, and answered it, all the while glaring daggers at Renji. "Moshi-moshi. ... Get on with it! ...Whatever." She handed the phone to the red head. "For you." she said.

Renji frowned in confusion and took the phone. "Whaddya want?"

-

"Oi, Abarai-kun." Gin drawled casually. "Do me a favor, ne? ... Jus' do it." he said with an edge to his voice. "...Good. When ya come out, you and Berry-chan go through the right door. ...cuz the guard's an asshole an' he dun like it. ...Thanks."

"Ichimaru-san!" Gin frowned at Izuru and refused to answer him. "Er, Gin?"

The fox smiled in approval and purred, "Yes?"

"I don't think that's a good idea. He's staring right at us."

"So?"

"You might get not only yourself, but the rest of us into trouble." Hisagi said.

"_So_?"

"The door's open. He probably heard everything you said. Not to mention you were talking to Renji and he probably repeated everything you said out loud." Hinamori suggested.

"SO?"

"But-"

"Give it up." Tousen interjected. "Once he's made up his mind there's no changing it."

"He's right. I'm so hurt, Izuru. 'thought you, of all people, understood me, too." he sniffled and pretended to sob. Kira blushed slightly causing Gin to grin. "Aw, yer such a cute, lil blond, Izuru-chan!"

"Here they come." Aizen said.

The remainder of the group walked down the hallway going through the left door while Renji and Ichigo went out the right, grinning. The guard immediately jumped up to fix the door when the group turned to walk off. Gin looked at the man, grinning with triumphant smugness. "I wouldnt've had ta do that if ya wasn't an asshole to me."

The man glared and reached for his walkie-talkie. "I'm calling security."

The Big Three laughed. Gin smirked and turned to Aizen. "Now, Sousuke?"

Aizen grinned slightly with cold eyes. "Now, Ginyanote."

Gin opened his eyes and grinned maliciously, reaching for his bag to pull out his weapon. The man stilled and gasped, mesmerized by the red irises.

"Its time. Now, Shinsou! Ikorose, shoot to kill!" he aimed and fired.

The man fell to his knees, clutching his left eye, screaming in utter agony.

"Run!" Hisagi shouted and they all took off.

Ichimaru took one last look at the man and laughed maniacally, skipping after the group. They ran to the front of the main building and collapsed on the rocks, panting heavily.

"What... what did you do?" Pia asked through deep breaths.

Gin took out his weapon and flashed it in front of their faces.

"Ain't that the rubber band shooter that you got at the Renaissance Faire?" Renji asked looking at the fox in disbelief.

"Yup. I call 'im Shinsou. 'certainly comes in handy in situations like these." The rubber band shooter was shaped like a gun. It was made out of a shiny, wood-looking material, painted silver with a red 'S' on the side, and was complete with a trigger. He "reloaded" it with a black rubber band ("So they won't know wha' hit 'em." he claimed) and put it back in his bag, patting it affectionately. "Yeah, I figur'd it'd be best ta bring 'im instead o' Shinsou Deux."

"What's Shinsou Deux?" Uryuu asked with an upraised eyebrow.

Aizen and Tousen smiled and said in unison. "A marshmallow shooter."

* * *

(1) Ju-On is a Japanese horror movie. Some of you know it as The Grudge, which is the English version of it. Ju-On is WAY better than The Grudge and you should see it. Its in English subtitles so don't worry about not understanding it.

(2) Charles (or Charlie) Marlow was a friend of sorts to Shakespeare. In fact, it was said he was going to be the _next_ Shakespeare. He died in a bar fight when he got stabbed in the eye by two thugs. It also could've been murder since Marlow was supposedly a spy and the two thugs were supposedly spies. Marlow wrote famous plays such as, Dr. Faustus; which was boring!

(3) If you've ever seen the Dog the Bounty Hunter show or the episode of Southpark with Cartman as a hall monitor then you should recognize the "bra" thing. Its like, "brotha" or "brudda."

Maa, I know this whole Science thing was supposed to be over. Consider this as a Gin filled, well... filler. XD Sorry. Oh, and I'm up to episode 87 of Bleach. I HATE the Bounto-ness of the Bounto arc. I skip past all the Bounto parts unless I see something funny with the main chars. Bount r stoopid. ANYWAY. I will start on the next part with gusto, ending teh science once and for all. -stands on rock with fist raised in the air and crashing waves in the background- **Hear me, Science! I swear, by my pretty floral bonnet, **_**I will **__**END**__** you! **_-ahem- Anyhoo, yeah. I am away laughing on a fast camel!


	5. Silver Egging Incident pt1  Weird

**Author's Notes: **Ohayo, minna-san! Back to the main story! Oh mai. It took soooooooo long to get this done. I had been working for a straight week whenever I had time. I really don't have much to say except: This took a long fucking time and its gonna be a long fucking chapter. -nod nod- Please forgive me if it seems to drag on. I'll have to cut it into two parts. Thanks for sticking with me. Please enjoy! -bows-

Warning- AU, shounen ai/yaoi, silliness, HUMOR, some OOCness, a black haired Gin for the sake of the first chapter, mix up of Japanese and English things sort of

More pairings! YOSH! XD

**Pairings- **AizenxGin, IchigoxIshida, Renji+Rukia, RenjixHisagi, Gin+Kira (slightly onesided), UraharaxYoruichi?, ByakuyaxRenji?, GrimmjowxIchigo, GrimmjowxUlquiorra (of sorts), AizenxUlquiorra?

**Summary-** A soon to be multiple chapter fic of the Bleach people and their highschool adventures. Cliche, but yet so original! The Silver-Egging incident is under way!

**Disclaimer- **Don't own. Don't sue. Don't ask. Don't tell. If I owned Bleach, after each of their fights Grimmjow would pour honey on Ichigo and lick it off. Gin would record them, sell the tapes, and make a lot of money.

**'blah' **thoughts

**x-** change of scene

_**blah**_ song lyrics

* * *

**A Series of Tales Full of Hilariousness**

**Chapter 1: The Silver Egging Incident pt. 1: We're All a Little Weird... Especially the Foreigners**

They walked to Byakuya's sakura blossom colored car so Rukia could get clothes to change into. She was tired of wearing her sweaty soccer jersey, tiny spandex shorts with grass stuck to them, and black shoes and socks covered in red dirt. The group was also tired of seeing her pick her wedge. She changed into a light blue sun dress covered in white rabbits ("Chappy the rabbit!" she squealed, hugging the dress to her).

After she changed, shamelessly right in front of them, they walked back to the lobby. On the way there, they saw the same fat, balding security guard Gin had "shot" coming in their direction. He was straightening up the white patch that now covered his left eye. They looked at Gin, grinning, as he took shelter behind Chad and pulled him off to the side. The man stared at the group, scanning through them, looking for the black haired, squinting boy that nearly cost him an eye. Not finding him, the man cast them one last warning glare and began striding back to the building with the broken door.

The group stopped in their tracks, doubled over with laughter. Gin merely grinned sheepishly stating he'd "rather spend the night with Kurotsuchi then face the guard."

x

The awards ceremony was pretty exciting.

Gin and Izuru got first place for 'Bugs.' Gin grabbed the blond, shouting "We did it!" and dragged him up to the front to get their medals. Urahara laughed. "Funny. I could've sworn that Ichimaru-kun didn't do a thing." After the medals were placed around the couple's necks, they bowed and Gin carried Kira away bridal style.

Renji and Ichigo got third in zoology. They went up to the front to receive their bronze metals, Ichigo scowling and Renji cowering under his glare. "We could've gotten first if _some one_ would've just shut up." Ichigo mumbled. Matters were made worse when their rival school got the gold. Renji placed as much distance as he could between himself and Ichigo, trying to seem like he wasn't scared.

Aizen and Uryuu got first place in physics. No surprise there. What was a surprise, however, was when Tousen and Hisagi got first place in Designer Genes. Neither boy had studied and really only picked the category because... Well, they didn't really have a reason. "What did you do?" Kira asked. "Fill in random answers?" to which both boys replied, "Yes." The group promptly sweat dropped.

Rukia and Chad got second place in astronomy. Rukia jumped on Chad's back, forcing him to give her a piggy back ride. She pumped her fists into the air screaming "YEAH!" and stuck her tongue out at their rivals.

Hinamori and Aizen had decided to be nice and talk to the 'German' (as Renji referred to her) since Rukia and Rangiku moved away from her. They barely understood what she said, but smiled and agreed with her anyway. They felt their patience start to slip when the girl kept talking about how small breasted Japanese women are and how narrow their eyes are. "What's it like to see in wide screen?" the girl asked innocently through her accent. Aizen and Momo merely laughed nervously and gave each other a 'there's-too-many-witnesses-around-to-kill-her' look.

Since they weren't in anymore categories they cheered for whatever school got first, that wasn't their rival school, of course. At the end they stood up, clapped, and hooted when they found out their rivals didn't when overall. They made even more noise for the out of town school that did win overall. They really did hate their rivals. Especially Rukia. "Bastards, trying to out cheer me! Bastards..." Gin pulled out a pocket knife and grinned slyly. "I say we slash their tires." Rukia slowly backed away from Gin. "Uh, how 'bout you put away that knife."

When the awards ended and everyone started walking out, the Karakura science club took a few pictures for the yearbook. All the while Hinamori and Rangiku were stuck with Pia and were forced to listen to her babble. She went on and on about how feminine Japanese men look and how the Japanese seemed completely devoid of body hair.

When they walked out and towards the parking lot they confronted Rukia about the German girl. "She's like this strange German... duck or something." Momo had said. Rukia grunted. "Why do you think I'm avoiding her? She's a freakin' Nazi. All she talks about is how small my tits are and how my brother's prettier than most women in Europe. I hate her."

x

The Kuchiki's took off, with 'German' in tow. Urahara drove his shitty van to Gin's house so the squinting boy could get _his_ parent's shitty van. Apparently the Science club still had some business to take care of. Little did they know how eventful that night would be for each of them... -insert dramatic music-

Urahara, Yoruichi, Soifon, and Ryuuken bid them a farewell, telling them to stay out of trouble and told Ichigo to say 'hi' to his dad for them.

Ryuuken promised Ichigo that, "I'll kill you if anything happens to my son." giving him a glare and nodding a goodbye to Uryuu. Urahara sped off as soon as the door slid shut.

Ichigo glared at the spot the man was in for awhile and turned to Uryuu. "If I killed your dad would you still love me?" Uryuu rolled his eyes and followed after the group gathered in Gin's driveway.

"Here it is. Y'all should fit in it." Gin said getting behind the wheel. "So where we goin'?"

"My house." Rangiku said. "Laus wants to go to some party his foreign friends are going to."

"Okey dokey then." Gin said grinning. He threw the van in reverse and backed up (with out looking, Aizen had noticed). They traveled down three streets and pulled up to a house on the corner. "Here we go."

"I didn't know you guys lived so close to each other." Kira said.

"Yup. We played all the time when we was kids." Gin said fondly.

The group congregated on the front lawn until the door was opened. Rangiku stopped at the bottom of the stairs to call Laus down. They sat in the living room and watched TV while he got ready.

Renji sighed in irritation, flipping through channels. "You've got a big ass plasma screen and like, a thousand channels and _still_ nothing to watch."

"Shut up!" Rangiku smacked him on the head and snatched the remote.

They watched some Monty Python, Sarah Silverman doing impressions of a vagina (which Gin copied and mastered with perfection), and something on dolphins being evil and attacking people. They'd had just about enough when Laus came skipping gaily (literally) down the stairs announcing, "I'm ready!"

They filed outside and back into the bucket on wheels, speeding down the road, swerving violently.

"Gin, how on _earth_ did you get your license?" Aizen asked.

Gin tilted his head to the side. "_License?_"

Aizen stared at him blankly and turned back to the others. They nodded and he promptly made the fox pull over. He got behind the wheel himself.

"Aw, Sousuke, how unfair..." Gin pouted in the passenger seat, arms crossed.

Aizen rolled his eyes and ignored him. "Where to?"

"To Jim's house and then to Christina Eric's." Laus replied.

"Is that where the party's at? Christina's?" Ichigo asked.

"Yup. You guys should go! We're gonna eat pork chops and steak!"

"I dunno. We don't like her and she doesn't like us. She especially hates Renji."

"Well, she's a bitch! So I said she ate like a pig and she whines a lot. Big deal. It was like, a year ago!" Renji protested.

"'much as I'd love to crash the party, I dun think its a good idea." They all gasped and stared at Gin in shock. "What?" he asked, confused.

Coming out of the shock, Laus put his hands together to beg. "Please? Oh, come on." Laus pleaded.

Ichigo sighed. "I'll go in with you to see what she says. Who else?" Renji, Gin, Hisagi, and Izuru (volunteered by Gin) agreed to go in with him.

"Who else is gonna be there?" Rangiku asked.

"Uh, Chustin and William."

"That's it? That's not too bad." Renji said scratching his chin.

"See? Oh, here's Jim's house!"

Aizen blew the horn and a few seconds later, out came Jim. He was dressed in camouflage pants, a tight green shirt that said 'A boring night beats an awkward morning,' and brown leather converse. He sat next to Laus saying, "Hola, guys." A chorus of "Hey, Jimbo!" and "Hey, Jimmy!" sounded. "Hey, Ichimaru. Put this in will ya?" Jim handed Gin a CD to put in.

"The Offspring?"

"Yeah, go to song 6. Its called Bad Habit." It played a little awhile and Jim said, "Here comes the best part."

_Drivers are rude_

_Such attitudes_

_But when I show my piece_

_Complaints cease_

_Something's odd_

_I feel like I'm God_

"Here it is!" Laus shouted.

_You stupid, dumbshit, goddamn, MOTHER FUCKER!_

"Americans..." Uryuu muttered to Chad as he watched Laus and Jim guffaw loudly.

"Go to song 7." The song that would eventually and ultimately set the tone for the evening began. "Its called Come Out and Play."

Laus and Jim hummed the guitar riffs, and sang the song's main part out loud.

_HEY! Man, you talkin' back to me?_

_Take him out!_

_You gotta keep 'em separated!_

_HEY! Man, you disrespectin' me?_

_Take him out!_

_You gotta keep 'em separated!_

_Hey, they don't pay no mind_

_If you're under 18 you won't be doin' any time_

_Hey! Come on out and play!_

The song played for a total of 7 times. They sat there and watched the exchange students who seemed to be in a world of their own.

"Uh, didn't we already hear this song?" Renji asked.

"Uh, yeah! Its been on repeat." Ichigo muttered.

"Sorry." Laus said. "We used to play this song in band back in our hometown."

"Oh, yeah. You're both from the same school and city, right?"

"Yuppers. Oh! There's her house!" Laus pointed.

"Its fucking huge!" Renji gaped. "How the hell does a foreigner who just moved here have a bigger house than most people in Japan?"

"Right? Her dad worked for the English and American governments and now _your_ government. They've been everywhere. Turkey, France, Germany, Spain, Russia, India, the middle east. _Everywhere_." Laus explained.

"That's fucking cool."

"Yeah. Anyway, are you sure we shouldn't call and ask first?" Ichigo asked.

"It'll be fine. I promise." Laus assured them.

Laus, Jim, Ichigo, Gin, Hisagi, and Renji (dragging Izuru) got out of the van. They walked up to the large double doors and rang the door bell. The Filipino student, William, answered the door. He smiled at Laus and Jim, but his eyes widened when he saw the others. He hesitantly let them in, looking a bit scared. Jim sat at the bottom of the stairs. Chustin, also known as 'the Big Black guy' was upstairs on the phone. He was about to come down until he saw them. His mouth dropped and he disappeared into a room upstairs. Laus, after saying 'hi', wandered off to find Christina while William stood near Jim looking glum.

Renji and Ichigo gave each other looks, Hisagi and Kira raised an eyebrow at the foreigners strange reactions, and Gin just stood there with his usual smile, hands behind his head, and looked around.

In one corner was a suit of armor exactly like the kind worn by knights in movies. To their right was a bright red, old school, English telephone booth and to their left was an office filled with things from Italy, as was evident with the Italian flags on all the items. The rest of the living room was decorated with Indian rugs on the floor and tapestries on the walls. Small statues of camels and elephants were displayed around the fire place.

Laus soon came in followed by a pissed off Christina who tried to look and sound sorry. She looked at them, eyes narrowing slightly when she saw Renji, but talked to Laus as she spoke. "Laus, I told my mom that only exchange students were coming over. She's gonna be home in an hour... Maybe some other time. I'm really sorry..." she said in her whiney voice.

They smiled in strained politeness, slightly blushing as they turned to go out the door and leave. Or _tried_ to leave. When they turned the door handle it wouldn't open!

"Goddamn, Western-style houses...!" Renji grumbled as he tugged at the handle.

They laughed nervously as they twisted and turned the lock and handle to the large, white double doors for what seemed like an eternity. They finally pulled hard enough and the door opened. No one said anything as they walked out. Laus didn't even say goodbye. They stumbled to the van in embarrassment and dashed inside telling Aizen to drive.

"What happened?" Uryuu asked, sewing blue crosses onto his handkerchief.

Ichigo groaned. "Only the single most _embarrassing_ thing of our lives!" he yelled and avidly explained what happened.

"What?!" Rangiku yelled. "That little bastard! He lives in _my_ house, eats _my_ food, and has the nerve to pull that crap? Oh, it is _so on_!" She pulled out her phone.

"Naa, whatcha up to, Ran-chan?" Gin asked turning to look at her, curious.

"Calling Rukia. That bitch and her friends are gonna pay... Hey. Where are you? ...Okay. Don't leave, we'll meet you there. ...I'll tell you when we get there. ...Yeah. See ya." She closed the light pink phone and shoved it in her purse. "Aizen, go to the little store near Rukia's house. The one next to the McDonald's."

x

They pulled up into a parking space outside of the small grocery store, instantly recognizing the pink car. They went inside and spotted Rukia hovering between the hair products aisle. She looked up and immediately ran up to Rangiku. "Hey! So what happened? You sounded pissed!"

"I _am_ pissed!" Rangiku announced and explained what happened.

x

Chad was watching Rangiku's ranting until Pia came up to him.

The German girl smiled sweetly at him. "Have you seen any Kermit the Frog toothbrushes?"

"Uh, no."

"Oh. Anything green?"

Chad shook his head 'no,' his shaggy brown hair thankfully covering the confusion in his eyes.

"What are you looking for?" Hinamori asked, trying to be civil towards her.

"Kermit the Frog."

"I don't think you're gonna find anything like that."

"We ain't got Kermit. We gots Keroppi in Japan." Gin said shoving a Keroppi toothbrush at her.

"No, thank you. I'd rather have Kermit." she said uninterested. She perked up suddenly. "Ooo, easter eggs! ...but they're probably made of tofu and rice." She laughed, looking at the eggs with unblinking eyes. She suddenly turned to Hinamori, scaring the small girl. "Do you know where the chap stick is?"

Hinamori nodded and smiled nervously, escorting her to the aisle.

When the girl was out of earshot Gin turned to Aizen. "Sousuke, I dun like Germans. They're weird."

Aizen smiled and stroked Gin's hair. "Eveyone's a little weird, though, Ginyanote."

"Nah, they're weirder."

The brunette chuckled and kissed Gin's lips lightly. "Just a little, hm?"

x

"That's ridiculous. Japan should've stayed isolated! These goddamn foreigners are ruining my life!" Rukia grumbled and took out her phone.

"Who're you calling?" Rangiku asked.

"My brother. ...Nii-sama? Can I use the black car? ...Cuz. ...Just _cuz_! ..._Please_? ...thanks." She pressed 'END' and started dialing another number.

"Who're you calling _now_?"

"If we're gonna get back at them we need someone who specializes in this sort of thing..."

XXX

The two cursed as the phone rang, interrupting their activities.

"Darn! Could you get that, please? My hand's covered with this stuff."

"Okay-"

"Wait! Clean your face off before you pick up the phone. Its all over your cheek and in your hair."

The woman picked up a towel and wiped at her cheek. "Did I get it?"

"No. Maa, never mind. I'll answer it."

"Don't act all snappy with me. You should warn me before you decide to do that!"

The man laughed with glee. "I thought you were prepared for it. You looked so cute. Your face was just asking for it."

"Maybe, but my hair wasn't. You know that shit's tough to get out when it dries! It gets all caked on."

"Sorry. My aim must have been off." he said picking up the phone. "Moshi-moshi?"

X

"Hey, Urahara? Its Rukia. Is Yoruichi there? ...Well, let me talk to her. Idiot... ...I don't _have_ to be nice to you. ...I could give a rat's ass if you tell my brother. ...Just give her the phone! I swear to Buddha... Yoruichi, hey. Its Rukia. We need your help. ...We need to get back at someone. ...Yeah. Bring your car, not Urahara's van, and come to my house. ...Thanks. See ya." She closed her phone. "Alright, step one of the plan is in motion."

"Plan? What plan?" Rangiku raised an eyebrow.

"The plan to get back at them, of course." She turned to the group. "Alright you guys, let's go to my house."

x

The group sat in the Kuchiki's green room and played BS. It was now down to Renji and Gin. It was pretty obvious who was going to win considering Renji had just about every card.

Gin put down two cards. "Two sevens."

Renji stared at his face, taking in every detail. After several moments of studying the squinting teen's expression he made a determined face. He pointed at Gin and said, "**BULLSHIT**!"

Gin grinned and turned over his cards. There was, indeed, two sevens. "You lose, Abarai-kun."

"Aw, dammit!" Renji groaned.

Gin stretched with a triumphant grin plastered on his face. As he stretched out his arms and back, Renji noticed a card fall out of his T-shirt.

The doorbell rang and Rukia went to answer it. After a few seconds she stuck her head in the room and announced Yoruichi was there. The group got up and started heading into the entry way.

Renji picked up the card. 'A 2?' He scowled. "Hey, wait a minute, fox face!"

"Wha?"

He shoved the card in Gn's face. "You CHEATED! _AGAIN_!"

Uryuu scoffed. "We all knew he was cheating, but you. Dumb ass..."

"I-Uh-But..." Renji continued opening and closing his mouth, resembling a fish. He tried his hardest to come up with a retort. Uryuu only raised a single, thin eyebrow as he watched the redhead expectantly. He smirked when a reply didn't come and turned to go in the entry way. Renji sighed in defeat and followed, head hung low.

x

"Hey, its Fire Crotch and my lovely Strawberry."

"GRIMMJOW!" Both boys yelled and pointed in unison.

"Loud. As usual..." Ulquiorra stated in monotone, brushing past them to stand by Aizen. "Good evening, Aizen-sama."

"Good evening, Ulquiorra." Aizen smiled at the smaller boy.

Gin glared at Ulquiorra. "What're you an' Grimmy doin' here?" he asked, voice full of malice.

Renji grunted as Grimmjow put him in a head lock. "What _are_ you doin' here, Jaquey?"

Grimmjow released Renji and smirked. "That's Jaegerjaques, Fire Crotch." He walked over to Ichigo and whispered harshly in the boy's ear. "How's my sweet little berry, hmm? Did ya miss me?"

The orange haired teen blushed as a shiver ran through him.

Ishida adjusted his glasses and stood between his boyfriend and the blue haired teen. "Back off. And just who invited you?" he spat.

"I did." Yoruichi said matter-of-factly. "We're gonna need their cars. Plus they wanted to come."

"Its been awhile since I egged a house."

"Is that what we're- OW!" Grimmjow grunted as he wrestled Renji to the ground. "Let me up, asshole!"

Grimmjow had Renji face down on the floor with his arm behind his back. He sat on him and grabbed the bright, red hair of his pony tail, pulling his head up. "Say 'Jaegerjaques' and I'll let you go."

"Fuck you!"

"I don't think your boyfriend would enjoy watching that as much as you would enjoy doing it, monkey. Now _say_ it."

Renji looked over to Hisagi and saw that he was, indeed, upset and decided it'd be best to get it over with it. He heaved a huge sigh. "...Jaegerjaques..."

"Thank you." The sapphire eyed rebel smiled smugly and let him go. He went to the side of Ichigo that wasn't blocked by Ishida and put an arm around his waist, pulling him close.

Uryuu adjusted his glasses causing an evil looking, white sheen to shine off his glasses as they caught the light. He was throwing an obvious glare at Grimmjow. "I said '_Back. Off._'"

Grimmjow sneered. "Keep glarin' four eyes."

"_Anyway_," Hisagi said, also glaring at Grimmjow, "so we're going to egg her house?"

"Yup." Yoruichi confirmed. "Rukia, you got the eggs?"

"Yep." She held up a brown paper bag full to the brim with eggs. "We're lucky my brother's allergic to them."

Renji smiled fondly. "Oh, yeah. Remember a few weeks ago when I gave him a bite of my egg sandwich-"

"And he broke out in hives that lasted for a whole week?" Rukia and Renji laughed loudly. They calmed down after noticing the strange looks directed at them.

"...What were you doing here a few weeks ago?" Hisagi asked Renji.

Rukia blushed and looked away.

Renji coughed and answered quickly, "'sgo!"

"Not so fast." Yoruichi said. "Grimm, get the bag." The boy obediently marched out of the house. "If we're gonna do this we have to be sneaky."

"Here ya go." Grimmjow set the black trash bag down with a grunt.

"What is it?" Kira asked.

"Why don't ya see for yerself, Blondie?" Grimmjow threw a black hoodie and black sweat pants at him. "Everyone grab a set a put 'em on! Here's yours Sado. You better appreciate it. We busted our asses trying to find one in your size."

Ichigo gabbed a pair for himself and Uryuu. He turned to walk away when an arm slipped around his waist, stopping him. The orange haired boy flushed as he felt warm breath and slightly chapped lips on his ear and neck.

"If ya want, Red, I could help ya with those clothes..."

Ichigo could hear the smirk in his voice. "I-"

"Allow me, Kurosaki-san." Ulquiorra punched Grimmjow's head. "Stop your idiotic games."

"Aw, babe, come on. I was just playin' around."

The emerald eyed teen stared at him emotionlessly. "Don't play with trash. You're not a dog, albeit you act like one."

Ichigo glared at the boy. "I'm not trash, pretty boy. Why do you treat everyone like they're beneath you?" Ulquiorra walked past him without so much as a glance. "Hey!"

The raven haired boy stopped without turning around, stating, "I don't bother explaining myself to worthless trash. I refuse to dignify myself with a response to your feebleminded questions. Come, Grimmjow." He continued walking.

"Right." he winked. "See ya soon, Red."

Ichigo's face burned. "I hate Ulquiorra."

"So do I."

"You too, Ichimaru?"

"Yeah. He's always ignorin' me an' callin' me trash. And..." Gin paused glowering.

"And?"

"He's always tryin' to get in b'tween me an' Sousuke. Always tellin' 'im how I'm not good enough for 'im.

"He's kind of a kiss ass, right?"

"Exactly."

Ichigo, never hearing so much bitter hatred in the voice of the joker, looked up at him. There stood Ichimaru Gin, the lovable, goof ball fox of The Big Three, blood red piercing eyes open, narrowed and seemingly _boiling_. The teen glared in rage at the back of Ulquiorra Schiffer.

x

They took a few minutes to change into their "ninja gear" (as Gin called it) and went outside. Yoruichi took another minute to talk to them.

"Alright. We'll park about 2 streets down from the house. Pull your hoods up when we get there. If you're not gonna participate stay in the car and be a look out. Who's not gonna do it?" Uryuu, Chad, Tousen, Pia, Aizen, Ulquiorra, Hinamori, and Izuru raised their hands. "Who still wants to watch?" Aizen and Ulquiorra raised their hands. "Alright. Momo you're doing it because I want you to. Chad you're doing it because we need that right arm."

Hinamori was about to protest, but shrugged in defeat.

Chad's shoulders slumped slightly.

Grimmjow smirked and pat his back. "Loosen up there, Chado!"

"..."

Yoruichi looked around the group. "11 boys, 6 girls. 6 of you aren't gonna participate, but 2 of you want to watch for amusement..." Aizen and Ulquiorra nodded respectively. "Okay. Pia, Momo, and Matsumoto; go with Rukia. Pia, you're the look out. Um-"

"I'll take Shoe, Blondie, Fire Crotch, and..." Grimmjow paused to give Ichigo a _look_, "Berry'll be in the front with me." Wink.

Uryuu bristled at that and turned to Grimmjow. "Like hell he will." he spat.

Grimmjow glared darkly at the bespectacled teen. Some could even swear they saw fire blazing behind him, although it could've been their imagination. Either way, an utter sense of doom was thick and palpable in the nighttime air as the electric blue haired teen glared down Ishida. The raven haired boy, in turn, backed away. Everyone squirmed (except Ulquiorra, Aizen, and Tousen who were unmoved by such moments and Gin who just grinned at the scene) in strained silence, looking back and forth between the two. Grimmjow took a single step forward causing every to gasp and Uryuu whimpered softly.

Ichigo grabbed Grimmjow's hand before he could take another step towards Ishida. "Uh, relax, Grimm. I-I'd be happy, urm, _more_ than happy to ride with you. Just don't kill my boyfriend..."

They collectively released a breath of relief and also stared in confusion as Grimmjow immediately broke out into a grin. He threw a sinewy arm over Ichigo's shoulder. "Good! Now, that, that's settled. Where're the rest of ya gonna go?"

Aizen cleared his throat. "Ulquiorra, if you don't mind, the three of us will ride with you."

The boy nodded. "Yes, Aizen-sama."

"Kiss ass... Grimmjow grumbled to which Ichigo nodded.

Gin frowned. "But Sousuke!" He received a stern look from Aizen that demanded no questions and a small smirk from Ulquiorra. Gin sighed in defeat. 'Fucker...'

Yoruichi cleared her throat. "Right, so Ishida, Sado, you're with me and Soifon. Once again, Ishida, Pia, Kaname, and Kira; you guys keep watch in the cars, be sure to keep low. If something goes wrong, honk the horn. Girls, we'll sneak around the house, crack the eggs open, and rub the junk in."

"Wait. You're gonna rub it in? That's cruel."

"I agree with Renji. It seems meaner." Hinamori peeped.

"Well, duh!" Yoruichi rolled her eyes. "That's the point. When someone straight up kicks you out of their house you don't just roll over-"

"You take charge and kick their ass!" Rukia screamed, pumping her fists in the air.

"Exactly! Anyway, after we pull back, you boys line up and throw your eggs at the house on my count. Don't aim for the windows! As soon as the eggs hit, run back to the cars as fast as you can. Try to stay in the shadows. Drive off as soon as you shut the doors. Got it?" They nodded. " Now let's go."

"_YEAH!_" Rukia screamed, striking a super hero pose.

"Rukia."

They looked to the house to see Byakuya standing in the open door way.

"Y-yes, Nii-sama?"

"What are you people up to? Why are you all out there?"

"W-well, you see, we, uh... What I mean to say is..."

Byakuya rolled his onyx colored eyes. "I don't care what you do. Just shut up." He gave them a cursory glare and was about to close the door when, "Renji."

"Y-yes, Kuchiki, uh, sir."

"I heard you laughing about my allergic reaction. The one _you_ caused."

Renji paled, his form visibly shaking. "I-"

"You'll pay for it later."

"Y-yes, sir." Renji bowed.

Byakuya gave a final glare to the bunch and slammed the door shut.

Renji and Rukia let out a huge sigh of relief still flushing nervously.

Hisagi addressed Renji. "'You'll pay for it later?' What does he mean by that?"

Renji looked away. "'sgo!" he stammered and walked to the car.

Rukia slowly put her fist in the air and whispered, "Yeah...!"

* * *

Oh mai goodness. I'm so tired. I started typing this at around 4 am and it is now 9 am. Of course I took a few breaks, but it still took a long ass time to type out. And that's only HALF of it. Anyhoo, I got up to episode 130 of Bleach and was inspired to add in Grimmjow and Ulquiorra. Oh, and be warned: The next part has angst and couple drama. -cackles evilly- But it'll still be funny I promise! It also has more German weirdness. Yes, the actual Pia was like this. Germans are weird... If you're German, I do apologize.

Anyway, the rest should be in by (if not before) the end of the day. Please alert me to any mistakes, for I typed this out with the caffeine that remained in my body after drinking a couple of Sunkists and the carbs from chocolate chip cookies. Now, I'm off to enjoy a toaster strudel and then promptly pass out on the couch. Sayonara kiddies!


	6. Silver Egging Incident pt2 Wait, What?

**Author's Notes:** Oyasumi nasai, minna-san. I dun like this one that much. I really don't. Then again, I'm in a bad mood right now and I currently hate everything. My computer, like, crashed and we had it fixed by someone my mom knew, BUT it erased EVERYTHING we had saved on it so I had to start this part over. I had written down most of it, but when I typed it out I had added like, a WHOLE chunk. Being since my short term memory SUCKS I couldn't remember it so this is all I have. Not only that, but my friends moved to California for college and they love it there and they've made it clear they don't wanna come back to Vegas, so I'm doomed to live the rest of my life friendless 'cause I really can't replace them. I'm so upset. -SIGH- ANYWAY. Yeah. This will be it for awhile until I figure out where I'm going with the rest of it. I'm sorry. Enjoy this mediocre Part 2. -bows-

Warning- AU, shounen ai/yaoi, silliness, HUMOR, some OOCness, a black haired Gin for the sake of the first chapter, mix up of Japanese and English things sort of

**Pairings- **AizenxGin, IchigoxUryuu, Renji+Rukia, RenjixHisagi, ByakuyaxRenji, GrimmjowxIchigo, GrimmjowxUlquiorra (of sorts), AizenxUlquiorra?

Summary- A soon to be multiple chapter fic of the Bleach people and their highschool adventures. Cliche, but yet so original! The Silver Egging Incident is under way!

**Disclaimer- **Don't own. Don't sue. Don't ask. Don't tell. If I owned Bleach, Tousen wouldn't have been created. What? I hate Tousen...

**'blah'- **thoughts

**x-** change of scene

_**blah-**_ song lyrics

* * *

**A Series of Tales Full of Hilariousness**

**Chapter 1: The Silver Egging Incident pt. 2: The Sublime Philosophy and Doubt of the Punk Queen... Wait. What?**

Yoruichi, Grimmjow, and Ulquiorra had driven off, leaving the four girls behind. The 'German' had to use the bathroom and since Rukia was entitled to give her a fun experience whilst in Japan (and Byakuya refused to entertain her), she had to wait for her. Rangiku and Momo were assigned to Rukia's car and had no other way to get to the house, so they were, in turn, stuck 'waiting on the Nazi.' How unfortunate.

They whispered a harsh '_Finally_' to each other as the blonde, German girl came strolling out, complete with her allergy medicine. "Don't take any of her medicine." Rukia had warned. "Its some Dutch, organic... poison! I took that shit and I was out for a whole day."

Rangiku sat the eggs in the back seat with Hinamori. "Hey, Rukia can I drive this beauty?" She asked patting the top of the shiny, black car.

"Sure. Just don't let Nii-sama find out." Rukia replied and got settled in the passenger seat.

"Right, right." Rangiku got behind the wheel.

Pia opened the left back door and sat down- right on the bag of eggs.

"Shit!" Rukia screamed and cursed. "Do NOT get eggs on the seat! My brother will effing KILL me."

Hinamori looked through the bag and inspected the seats. "Its okay. Nothing got out. A few eggs are cracked, but that's all."

Rukia released the breath she didn't know she was holding. "Thank Buddha..." She gave Rangiku a 'I-want-to-kill-the-German' look which the strawberry blonde returned whole heartedly and started the car.

Hinamori looked in awe at the beauty of the interior of the car. She was about to fiddle with a button until she noticed Pia moving out of her peripheral. She looked at the girl who was... waving?

Pia waved excitedly at Hinamori. "Wave!"

Momo raised an eyebrow and looked around. She couldn't have been talking to her, but Rangiku was driving and Rukia was looking for a CD to put in. "Me?" she asked, pointing a finger to her face.

Pia nodded, continuing to wave enthusiastically. "Wave!"

Hinamori slowly raised her hand and waved.

The blonde giggled. "Yay!" She said, clapping her hands.

"Yeah." Momo giggled nervously and stretched out her legs. Her feet collided with a box of tissue under the seat. She picked the box up and dropped it on the middle of the seat by the eggs.

"Don't hurt the tissue!" Pia said. She picked up the box and began to pet it and hug it to her chest. Was she... _nuzzling_ it, too?

Hinamori looked at the German girl warily before turning in her seat. She sighed as she looked out the window. 'She was tolerable until she started petting the tissue...'

"Alright!" Rukia shouted, interrupting Hinamori's thoughts. "We're gonna listen to Queen!" She said and inserted a mix CD that had 'QUEEN/80s' written on it.

"Do you have Don't Stop Me Now on there?" Mastumoto asked.

"Hell, yeah. Sing it with me Rangiku!"

"Alright, alright." The big breasted female laughed.

"_Tonight I'm gonna have myself a real good time_

_I feel alive... and the world... its turning inside out, yeah_

_I'm floating around in ecstasy_

_So don't stop me now, don't stop me_

_'Cause I'm havin' a good time, havin' a good time!_

_I'm a shooting star leaping through the skies_

_Like a tiger defying the laws of gravity_

_I'm a racing car passing by like Lady Godiva_

_I'm gonna go go go_

_There's no stopping me_

_I'm burning through the skies, yeah_

_Two hundred degrees_

_That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit_

_I'm traveling at the speed of light_

_I wanna make a supersonic man of you_" They pointed at each other and guffawed.

Pia turned to Hinamori. "The Japanese are as weird as the Americans."

"You think so?" the girl asked fiddling with her bun.

"Yes. Its because you want to be like them, right?" Pia giggled.

Hinamori let out a strained giggle. 'I will not kill this girl. I will not kill this girl. I'm too nice! What would Aizen-sama think?' An image of Aizen giving her the cold shoulder while walking off with the German and leaving her to be tortured by Ichimaru flitted through her mind. 'NOOOOOOOOOO!' she thought and the music paused. Apparently she had screamed that out loud.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Rukia asked in concern.

"N-nothing!"

x

Grimmjow's car was mostly silent in terms of dialogue. They probably wouldn't have been able to hear each other anyway being since The Ramones' Blitzkrieg Bop was blaring out of the speakers. Renji decided to sing a long with it.

"_Hey ho, let's go!_

_Hey ho, let's go!_

_They're piling in the back seat_

_They're generating steam heat_

_Pulsating to the back beat_

_The Blitzkrieg Bop_

_Hey ho, let's go_

_Shoot 'em in the back now_

_What they want, I don't know_

_They're all reved up and ready go_"

Grimmjow paused the song. "Absolutely no singing. _Ever_."

"Sorry." Renji mumbled.

"Not as sorry as you're gonna be if you piss me off again." Grimmjow said and unpaused the song.

"Right..." Renji said sarcastically, but it went unheard.

Grimmjow's attention seemed to be fixated on Ichigo more so than the road. He kept one hand on the steering wheel while the other rubbed up and down the boy's thigh. Ichigo didn't seem to mind and unconsciously opened his legs wider. He moaned softly when Grimmjow's hand ghosted over his crotch. The aqua haired teen grinned and boldly hooked his finger in the waist band of his sweat pants.

They stopped at a red light and Grimmjow winked at him suggestively. He put his free hand under Ichigo's chin and brought their lips together, softly, running his tongue over his lips.

"Uh, Grimmjow-san-"

"_What?_" He bit.

"Th-the light's green..." Kira squeaked.

"Relax, there's no one else on the road." Grimmjow replied, but started driving anyway.

Hisagi decided to be brave and try small talk. "So, Grimm-"

"What?"

"You like punk ro-"

"Yeah."

"What band is-"

"Ramones."

"What song is-"

"Sedated."

He opened his mouth to speak again when, "Shut up."

"O-okay..." Hisagi said quietly, sinking into his seat. He and Izuru looked down at their feet, trembling in apparent fear.

Renji looked between the two, shaking his head in pity. 'Grimmjow ain't _that_ scary.' He looked at the profile of their blue haired, rebel 'friend.' His spine went rigid when Grimmjow glanced at him over his shoulder. Renji relaxed again when Grimmjow smirked smugly and went back to groping Ichigo. The redhead noticed Grimmjow's hand about to make its descent into the carrot top's pants.

He cleared his throat saying, "Could you hold off on giving him a hand job 'til we're all out of the car?"

The car screeched as Grimmjow slammed his black, combat booted foot on the breaks. The car stopped right in the middle of an empty intersection at a four-way stop.

He undid his seat belt, turned around in his seat, and reached forward to grab Renji's shirt. With wild eyes he snarled in the redhead's face. "Look, you dumb, shit-for-brains, monkey! What I do in MY car is MY business whether someone else is there to watch or not! Let me make this clear: I hate you. I hate all of you!" He turned to Ichigo and winked, "Except you, Berry."

Ichigo in turn smiled skittishly, replying with a shaky, "Thanks."

Grimmjow turned back to Renji, continuing to fist his shirt. "The only reason I'm here's cuz me and Ulquiorra were bored and I wanted to see my Strawberry. I'm not your friend, buddy, _or_ pal and the next time you talk to me like I am I'll punch your tattooed forehead _in_! GOT THAT?" Renji eeped a 'yes', too scared to move. "Good. Now if you'll excuse me I got a car to drive and a Berry to feel up. Maybe I'll get to taste you later, huh, Red?" Grimmjow roared with laughter.

Ichigo laughed uncomfortably, rubbing the back of his neck.

Izuru, Hisagi, and Renji sat with their heads down, sighing collectively in utter despair.

x

In Ulquiorra's car there was absolute silence. Everyone was content with it except for Gin, of course.

He fidgeted, squirmed, wiggled, and sighed loudly, hoping someone would just go ahead and _talk_. It didn't help that he was sitting in the back with Tousen. The dark skinned man had absolutely no tolerance for Gin's attention seeking antics or his random questions. He begrudgingly gave in to the one thing he hated most- talking to Ulquiorra. He didn't want to, but something had to be done about... _the silence_.

"Ulquiorra."

"Yes, Ichimaru-san?" came the monotonous reply.

"Could ya play some music or somethin'?"

"Of course."

"Thanks."

Ulquiorra pressed the CD button on the panel and classical music filled the car.

"Ah, The Overture of Candide." Aizen said fondly. "Do you think you'd be able to send it to my computer?"

"Of course, Aizen-sama."

"Thank you. It's a beautiful song."

"It is..."

Gin frowned. It wasn't exactly what he meant by music. "Is there _another _song you could play?"

"Yes. What else do you have?" Aizen asked.

"On this disc, I believe, there is also Percy Grainger's Shepard's Hey, Molly on the Shore, and Country Gardens."

"Exquisite." Aizen commented softly.

Gin rolled his eyes... probably. "Ya only listen ta classical music?"

"No, I do have other things." Ulquiorra said.

"Why don'cha play _that_ instead?" the fox asked, hoping for the best.

"Yes, Ichimaru-san." The raven haired boy replied flatly and inserted another CD.

"_Hello,_" the narrator of the disc stated, "_and thank you for purchasing the complete dialogues of Plato_..."

"Ulquiorra, you have the whole set?" Tousen asked, the first words he'd spoken since... for awhile.

"Yes, Kaname-san. They were a birthday gift. I could burn them for each of you if you would like."

"Thank you."

"Simply wonderful! Greek Philosophy truly was wonderful, hmm?" Aizen stated more than asked.

"Of course, Aizen-sama."

Gin groaned, mumbling something akin to 'Kill me now.'

The narrator continued. "..._Disc one contains The Republic which includes the Allegory of the Cave. Euthyphro, in which Socrates gives the definition of piety. The Apology, in which Socrates defends himself in trial._"

Gin swore he would kill _himself._

"_Crito, in which Socrates finds out he will be executed, and finally Phaedo, which contains the final days of Socrates and the death scene_..."

"Sousuke-kun." Gin whined.

"Quiet, Ginyanote." Aizen said sternly.

Gin moaned in frustration, but it went unheard. 'No wonder Ulquiorra an' Grimmy have separate cars...'

x

Yoruichi's car was quite noisy for Uryuu's tastes. Maybe Sublime wasn't his taste. Maybe _reggae_ in general wasn't his taste. He probably would have a better time with Aizen and Ulquiorra. Date Rape blasted out of the speakers. He scowled at the '_He was butt-raped by a large inmate and he screamed_' part.

He cleared his throat. "Yoruichi-san, everything about this song offends me. Who wants to hear a song about something as serious as date rape?"

Yoruichi looked at him innocently. "It's a good song though."

Uryuu pushed his glasses up his nose. "Hardly."

"Fine. I swear, you're just like Ryuuken..." she grumbled.

The young Ishida stiffened. "I am _nothing_ like him."

Soifon snorted. "Whatever you say."

Yoruichi skipped past the song and New Song began to play.

_I. Heard. That... payback's a mother fuckin' bitch_

_But I won't stress and I won't switch_

_And I would not take my life_...

His eye twitched. "Change it." he ordered.

"Ugh..." Yoruichi groaned. "Fine."

When Santeria started Uryuu sighed with relief. 'Finally, a normal song. Yoruichi didn't strike me as a the type to listen to reggae; Tousen did. But I suppose I only figured that because of his hair.'

_I don't practice santeria_

_I ain't got no crystal ball._

_I had a million dollars, but I'd,_

_I'd spend it all._

'So far so good.'

_If I could find that heina and that sancho that she's found,_

_Well, I'd pop a cap in sancho and I'd slap her down._

'Okay, you lost me.' He looked to Chad and found him mouthing the words along with the song. 'What?! How could he enjoy this... devil music?' "Yoruichi-san, is there any music you enjoy that doesn't involve women being abused?"

Stopped at a red light, The cat eyed women turned the music down a bit, looking at Ishida through the rear view mirror. "Are you worried about Ichigo?"

"No. Why should I be? I trust him."

"I dunno." Soifon said in mock doubt. "Grimm can be quite the charmer. I mean, he's a rebel, really cute, and he seems to be quite possessive of Ichigo; and you... sew."

Uryuu bristled. "I hardly see what that has to do with anything."

"Well, not only do you seem completely unmanly (assuming that's not what Ichigo wants in a boyfriend), but you're kind of a..." She trailed off.

"A dork." Yoruichi finished.

"Are you two implying that Ichigo might be more interested in that wild... _beast_ than me?"

"I'm just saying Gimmjow's got more... spice." Soifon nodded.

"_Anyway_," Yoruichi said smiling, unaware of the doubt Soifon just placed in the boy's mind, "I doubt Ichigo would ever leave you; not even if you wanted him to. He really loves you a lot. _I_," she said glaring at Soifon, "don't think you have anything to worry about."

"Me neither..." Uryuu replied looking out the window. 'I don't need to worry... right? He always _says_ he loves me, but am I really good enough for Ichigo...?'

He sat in silence the rest of the way. Images of the boy with strong brown eyes, wild orange hair, and a face flushed with pleasure crossed his mind; images of the boy he love so much. His eyes widened suddenly as a thought hit him; a thought all too true. 'If Ichigo leaves me... I'll break.'

XXX

They all parked about two streets down from the victim's- erm, target's- erm, _girl's_ house.

"Which one is it?" Yoruichi whispered to the group.

"Right down there." Ichigo pointed at the house. "See it? The big white one with the wooden _thing_ in front of it."

"Oh... What the fuck is that?"

"I do believe its an old man of some sort." Aizen said.

Gin squinted at it, apparently. "Its stupid." he pulled out a lighter. "Imma burn it."

"No, Gin."

"But, Sousuke-"

"No. I swear, you're such a child."

Gin pouted and glared at Ulquiorra as he smirked at him.

Yoruichi rolled her eyes. "Whatever. You look out people stay down. Come on."

The group marched towards the house, slinking around in the shadows. The girls went to the right side of the house, Yoruichi holding the bag, while the boys waited on the curb. The house sat on a slight hill made of rocks. They struggled to walk up the hill with out making noise, but trying to move fast.

"Shit!" Rukia said harshly as she slipped down the hill. The rocks shifted under her noisily.

"Quiet!" Yoruichi ordered softly. "We're gonna have to crawl."

x

The boys sniggered as they watched the girls crawl through the rocks, slowly crack open their eggs, and rub the yoke on the house.

"Did you see Rukia?" Ichigo asked Renji, laughing.

"Hehe. Yeah. Hi-larious."

"Yup. ...Do you guys still like each other?" Ichigo noticed Hisagi's interest perk up a bit.

"Hell no!" Renji said immediately.

"Right..." Ichigo rolled his eyes and smirked.

"We don't. Well, _I'm_ not into _her_ anymore."

Grimmjow grinned at Gin. "That's cuz he's more into her bro." They snickered loudly.

"Shut up! That's not true."

"Pfft. Whatever. Then why are you always talking about him?"

"And lookin' at him?" Gin added.

"Because I hate him."

"Why?"

"He's the reason me and Rukia broke up. Idiots..."

"Really, now? What happened, Monkey?"

Renji turned as red as his hair and looked down. "Nothing... well, nothing... important."

"Renji..." Hisagi said sternly, "What happened?"

The redhead continued to blush. "I-er..."

* * *

Sorry to stop it there, but I have yet to figure out what I'm gonna do next. And I was gonna stop it at the thing with Uryuu initially, but I decided that would be mean. Anyway, I can assure you the thing with Renji and Rukia has something to do with Byakuya, as it stated in the first chapter... Erm, the intro, I mean. Yeah. I was gonna have couple drama between Hisagi and Renji, but I think I'll hold off on that. I dunno. -sigh- Anyhoo, I'm working on it. I even know what I'm gonna do after this whole Egging thing is over, but I won't tell you! You'll just have to keep reading. -nod nod- Wells, I'm off to watch Monthy Python. Sayonara kiddies! Don't be mad at me!

Oh, about the title. I know its weird, but I like long wacky titles. If you dun get it: Yoruichi's listening to Sublime, Ulquiorra's listening to Greek philosophy, Uryuu's doubting his and Ichigo's relationship, Rukia's listening to Queen, and Grimmjow's listening to punk.


	7. Silver Egging Incident pt3 SHENANIGANS!

**Author's Notes:** Konbanwa, minna-san! Wow, even _I_ was getting sick of this not being updated. If you've been avidly waiting to read this and are still with me, thank you SO much for being patient. You guys really are the best. Even if you're just reading 'cause you're bored, thanks to you all! –grateful bow-

Warning- AU, shounen ai/yaoi, silliness, HUMOR, some OOCness, a black haired Gin for the sake of the first chapter, mix up of Japanese and English things sort of

**Pairings- **AizenxGin, IchigoxUryuu, RenjixHisagi, UraharaxYoruichi?, ByakuyaxRenji, GrimmjowxIchigo, AizenxUlquiorra?, KyourakuxUkitake

Summary- A soon to be multiple chapter fic of the Bleach people and their highschool adventures. Cliche, but yet so original! The Silver Egging Incident is under way!

**Disclaimer-** Don't own. Don't sue. Don't ask. Don't tell. If I owned Bleach, there'd be a side series just for AizenxGin, UraharaxIchigo, IchigoxUryuu, and IsshinxRyuuken. And there'd be plenty of hot, steamy smexiness. –nod nod-

**'blah'-** thoughts

**x-** change of scene

_**blah**_ song lyrics

**/blah/** text message or notes

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**A Series of Tales Full of Hilariousness**

**Chapter 1: The Silver Egging Incident pt. 3: "Renjiiii! You Got Some 'splanin To Dooooo!" -cough- or Shenanigans**

"Renji..." Hisagi said sternly, "What happened?"

The redhead continued to blush. "I-er..." He looked to the ground and sighed heavily in defeat. "We… We were sitting in his living room waiting for Rukia. She was out buying something to bring to Yoruichi's. She didn't bring me cuz I always ask for candy." His eyes narrowed in annoyance when Ichigo laughed.

"Ah," Aizen said in realization, "Did this take place before the 'couch incident'?"

Ichigo grabbed Renji's collar and brought his face down to his. "You _told them_?! I told you not to tell _anyone_!"

"B-but, they wanted to know so-"

Ichigo growled and let go, rubbing angrily at his wild hair. "Whatever. I'm _so_ gonna get you back for this. Asshole…"

"R-right…" Renji cleared his throat. "Anyway, we were watching something on the TV and Byakuya leaned over and…"

"_And_?"

"He, uh…"

Hisagi raised his eyebrow expectantly. "He _what_?"

Renji blushed hard and looked around for help- _anything _to get him out of it. Hisagi stood with his hands on his hips, Grimmjow was lighting a cigarette, Aizen and Ulquiorra looked on in mild interest, Gin smiled in unbridled mirth, Chad… well, it was hard to tell if he was even awake with all that hair in his eyes, and Ichigo only flipped him off.

Just then, Yoruichi walked over, hands dripping with yoke. "What the hell are you guys standing around for? We gotta do this fast. Now go grab an egg!"

Renji heaved a huge sigh of relief.

Hisagi frowned. "Renji-"

"Hisagi," Renji interrupted him, "Its bad to keep Yoruichi waiting, ya know." He grinned skittishly and walked off to get an egg leaving a scowling Shuuhei.

Ichigo fell in beside Renji. "You know you're not gonna be able to hide it from him for too much longer."

Renji sighed and scratched his neck. "I know. Hisagi's not dumb. But, I'm surprised he hasn't figured it out by now. Its kinda… well, obvious. He _is_ suspicious though. I know that much."

"You should tell him. Maybe he'll take it better than you think."

"I dunno. This whole thing's… tricky. I mean, its not like I'm _trying_ to hide it." Ichigo rubbed Renji's back as he heaved another depressed sigh.

Grimmjow ran over and threw an arm around Ichigo's waist. "I gotta say, Red, you look hot in black."

Ichigo blushed. "Uh, thanks. I… like your boots."

Grimmjow grinned. "Thanks. Oi, Monkey."

Renji rolled his eyes. "What, Jaquey?"

Grimmjow ignored the nickname. "Smooth moves back there. I'm sure Shoe doesn't suspect a thing!" He guffawed.

Renji groaned. "Shut up…"

Taking a drag off of his cancer stick, Grimmjow looked back to see Hisagi walking with Chad, Aizen, and Gin (who was desperately trying to trip Ulquiorra). He looked at Renji blankly. "How does he _not_ know? Its so _obvious_. And you're a crap liar."

"I know, that's exactly what I said. …I am _not_ a crappy liar." He stated with a sniff.

The blue haired rebel nodded with a smirk. "Right."

Chad, Ichigo, Gin, Grimmjow, Hisagi (whilst sending _looks_ at Renji), and Renji (whilst avoiding Hisagi's said _looks_) each grabbed the last eggs.

Gin grabbed his egg too hard and it broke in his hand. He then promptly ran over to Ulquiorra and wiped it in his hair.

The cyan eyed boy glared at the fox; the first sign of emotion from him all night. "You worthless, piece of brain dead trash-"

Gin mock yawned and walked away. "Wha'ever. Yer borin'." Yoruichi (having predicted something would happen) handed him the last egg.

They stood a few meters below the drive way of the house, ready to throw the eggs.

"Ready?" Yoruichi asked to which they nodded. "One. Two. Three!"

The six boys cocked back their arms and-

Ichigo threw his egg at Renji who dropped his own egg in surprise.

"Asshole!" Renji wiped the splattered egg off of his face and onto his pants. He spit violently at the ground thinking, 'Nooooooo! I dun want salmonella! I dun wanna shit blood!'

Ichigo only smirked. "I told ya I'd get you back."

Hisagi's landed on the wooden miner. He only shrugged and murmured something about "bad depth perception."

Gin liked Ichigo's idea and instead threw his second egg at Ulquiorra. Aizen effortlessly caught the egg and tossed it back, sending Gin a warning glare.

Gin pouted and half-heartedly threw the egg at the driveway, muttering, "Aw, Sousuke, so unfair…"

Yoruichi rolled her eyes and pleaded with the last two guys to "hit the fucking house!"

Chad's egg landed against the door with a loud crack while Grimmjow's went sailing threw an upstairs window with a crash. They all immediately broke into a sprint.

"Shit!" He cursed and picked up Ichigo, throwing him over his shoulder.

"G-Grimmjow!" Ichigo sputtered.

Grimmjow ran towards Rukia. "Hey, Kuchiki! What's the deal putting _hard boiled_ eggs in the bag?"

"How was _I _supposed to know?!" Rukia said through her panting. "Besides, if you knew it was hard boiled why the_ hell_ would you throw it anyway?!"

Grimmjow's only response was to snigger.

Gin tried to trip Ulquiorra while running, but ended up tripping Aizen instead. He immediately stopped to help the brunette up. "Shit. Sorry, Sousuke."

Aizen glared at him dangerously, but said nothing and straightened up his glasses. Gin put a lot of space between them as they began running again.

They all continued to run like hell towards the cars and found Yoruichi and Soifon already in their car, starting it up, waiting for Chad to jump in, and driving away.

x

"Damn, they're fast!" Grimmjow mumbled getting in the driver's seat.

"Grimmjow." Ichigo said while getting in the passenger seat.

"Yeah?"

"Why'd you carry me?"

"…Cuz."

"Cuz, why?"

"…I dunno, but your ass felt great in my hands though." He flashed a grin and started the car. "Hey, call Yoruichi. Ask her where we're goin'."

"Right." Ichigo pulled out his phone and began to dial Yoruichi's phone number. He turned the music down when it started to ring. "Yoruichi? …Oh, Soifon. Where are we going? …Okay. Bye."

Renji sniffed at his egg stained sweat shirt and scrunched his face in disgust. "Gross. Where're we goin'?"

"Ru- Grimmjow..." Ichigo took the time to pull Grimmjow's hand out of his pants. "Rukia's to change. They dunno what we're gonna do after that."

"Good. This shit smells. Oh, by the way. Thanks for throwin' that egg at me."

"You're welcome. The yellow goop and broken white shells really compliment your look."

"That was _sarcasm._" Renji grumbled.

"I know. But it was still awesome, right?"

"Yeah. What _fun_..." Hisagi grumbled sarcastically.

Renji looked at Hisagi with a confused look and received a slight glare before his spikey haired boyfriend looked away.

Izuru gave Renji a questioning look before pulling out his cell phone. He pressed a few keys rapidly and shoved the screen under Renji's nose. /What did you do?/

Renji shrugged.

Izuru rolled his eyes and typed out another message. /He told me he thinks you're cheating on him with Byakuya./

Renji paled.

/Is that true?/

Renji only stared at him until he was saved by the car jerking to a stop suddenly.

Grimmjow snarled, rolling down his window. "Ya fuckin' asshole! Watch where yer goin'!"

The other car's window rolled down. "Fuck you!" the girl yelled back. Her eyes widened. "Grimmjow?"

"Kuchiki?" Grimmjow stared blankly for a few moments then growled. "You scrawny, little bitch. You cut me off!"

"Sorry. Geez, you're such a drama queen."

"Watch who you're callin' a queen. Bitch..." He flicked his cigarette towards the ground, rolled up his window, and sped off from the deserted intersection.

x

"Buddha, what an asshole." Rukia murmured.

"He may be an asshole, but that doesn't make him any less of a hottie." Rangiku said while studying her manicured nails. "Ew, gross. My hands are yellow and sticky. Its all underneath my nails. I _just_ had them done a few days ago."

Rukia sighed in irritation. "My brother's not gonna be too happy about the _egg_ smell, either." The car swerved as the wheel slipped through her yoke covered hands. "Shit... Hey, Momo, don't you touch anything back there!"

"O-okay!" Momo peeped.

Pia sniffed. "You guys smell horrible. Although, I must admit you didn't smell all too well before."

Rangiku turned around to give the German girl a dark glare. "You. Bitch." She unbuckled her seat belt and dove for Pia. "You Nazi bitch! I use the most expensive perfume in Japan! How _dare_ you! Come here! I'll kill you! I'll fucking KILL you!"

Pia eeked and tried to move as far from Matsumoto's hands. As Rangiku's hands continued to try and wring her neck, she tried to shield herself behind poor Hinamori. "Help me! Oh, mein Gott in Himmel (1), _help me_!" she screamed.

Hinamori squeaked when the girl started pulling at her bun. "A-ano, Rangiku-san! She was just joking! Please! S-stop!"

"_NEVER!_" The strawberry blonde growled and continued to grab for the German.

Rukia sighed. "Maa, if you're gonna kill her you could at least do it more quietly." She turned the CD player on and turned up the volume to drown out the German's screams. "Ooo, Numa Numa!" (2)

x

Ulquiorra's car was filled with uncomfortable (a la Gin), seething (a la Aizen) silence.

Gin fidgeted and glanced nervously at the scrape on his boyfriend's, once flawless, firm set jaw. "Sousuke-"

"Quiet." Aizen snapped.

Gin frowned. "But, Sousuke, 'm sorry. I wasn't tryin' ta trip ya. I-"

"Enough, Ginyanote! You're trying my patience! Both the lenses on my glasses are scratched (although, luckily, I keep an extra pair on my person), I have a pounding headache, and my face..." 'My beautiful face...' he thought. He sighed and shook his head. "Just be quiet... Ulquiorra would you mind if I picked something to play?"

"Of course not, Aizen-sama. Choose whatever you'd like." came the emotionless yet polite reply.

"Thank you." Aizen rooted through Ulquiorra's carefully organized CDs. "Ah, here we go..." he trailed off and inserted the disc.

"_Hello and thank you for buying the Commedia; the epic poem by Dante Alighieri. Disc one contains the first, and most famous, cantica; the Inferno. In the Inferno, the poet Virgil (Human Reasoning) guides Dante through his descent into Hell. ... Nel mezzo del cammin di nostra vita; In the middle of our life's journey..." (3)_

Gin soon fell asleep after they entered the gate of Hell vaguely listening to what was inscribed on them- _"Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate; Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here."_ (4)

-

"Yoruichi-san, where are we going? You told Ichigo we were going to Rukia's."

"We are- after we go to Kisuke's."

Uryuu paused to look up from his cross stitching. "Urahara-san's? Why?"

"To get the cookies."

"Cookies?"

"Yeah. Before Rukia called me, we were making cookies for you Science club people. Most of the dough ended up on my face when he decided to start a "dough fight" though."

"You were... making cookies."

"Yup. Sugar cookies. You _do_ eat cookies, right, Sado-kun?"

"Yeah... So you were making cookies?"

"That's right."

"Oh. Rukia said that you two were..." He blushed, thankful no one could tell.

"That we were what?" Yoruichi asked confused.

"...nothing." Chad said.

"...You two are weird kids." Yoruichi stated and parked in front of Urahara Shouten. (5)

-

Urahara laughed. "So what _do_ you guys do to spice up the relationship?"

Kyouraku grinned, face flushed from the alcohol he'd been guzzling down. "Well, just the other day in the kitchen, we-"

He was cut off by a pale, slender hand slapping his broad chest. "Stop it."

"Aw, but Jyuu-chan, what's wrong with telling him about our escapades?"

"One, you've been drinking. You more so than him. Two, its hardly any of _his_ business."

"What's so wrong with sharing a story with a fellow pervert?"

"That's _exactly_ why you shouldn't tell him anything."

Urahara giggled. "Naa, you're such a stiff Ukitake-san."

"Isn't he?" Kyouraku agreed. "I swear, he's just like Nanao-chan. Always killing my buzz. _Literally._" He laughed.

"I'll be sure to tell Nanao what you said on Monday." Ukitake sniffed before taking a sip of his tea.

"Maa, maa, Jyuu-chan. No need to get carried away." He waved his hands in surrender.

"What the hell are _you_ guys doing?"

"Hah? Yoruichi-chan! Soifon-chan! You both look so lovely!" Shunsui greeted. "And you brought two little ones with you. Ah! If it isn't my two favorite students!"

Ukitake beamed. "Good evening!" He walked over to Uryuu and Chad and forced a few pieces of candy in their hands. "I just bought this from Urahara. They're really meant for my mini-me, but I'm willing to spare a few pieces. They're delicious, I assure you!"

Chad nodded.

Uryuu gave him a small smile as he sweat dropped. "Your 'mini-me?'"

"Hitsugaya Toushiro. Didn't you know? We're _both_ Shiro-chan!" Ukitake chirped.

"Right. Uh, thanks."

"Of course. Say hello to your father for me Ishida-kun, hmm?" He walked back to his seat and sat down. His smile disappeared. "Shun, you do realize you've never had them in your classes before, right?"

Ukitake's question went unheard as Kyouraku cheerily stumbled his way over to Chad.

"Ne, Sado-kun!" He slurred. "Would you like a drink?"

Chad sweat dropped. "Uh, I can't..."

Shunsui stared at him like he had two heads and asked in all seriousness, "Why not?"

"...because minors aren't allowed to drink. Its against the law."

"Minor?"

The tall teen looked down at Shunsui. "I'm only 15."

"15? Oh, I forgot... Wait, that's a _law_?"

Chad nodded slowly.

"_Really_? What a stupid law." Kyouraku grumbled and flopped back down in his seat.

Yoruichi came out of the kitchen with a large, covered plastic bowl filled with cookies. "Alright, let's go. Let's leave the drunks (and Ukitake) to themselves."

"Sayonara!" Shunsui cooed.

Yoruichi rolled her eyes at Shunsui and Urahara and smiled in pity at Ukitake.

Shunsui waved until Yoruichi shut the door. "Ah, what a cutie."

"Yoruichi is cute, isn't she?" Urahara nodded.

"Hm? No, no, no! She's cute, but not as cute as my Nanao-chan!"

"Your 16 year-old Nanao-chan." Ukitake corrected.

"Maa, what's with all this 'age' stuff? Anyhoo, I was talking about Sado-kun."

"S-Sado-kun?!" Urahara and Ukitake sputtered.

"Saa! Of course! When he's older we should invite him to play in our reindeer games, ne, Jyuu-chan?" Kyrouraku and Urahara chortled.

Ukitake rubbed the bridge of his nose and released a frustrated sigh. 'I love him; I really do, but really...'

"Naa, Jyuu-chan, let me lick some sake off your tummy."

"Ugh..."

* * *

(1) German for "my, God in Heaven." I say it quite often.

(2) I love this song. Its makes me dance!

(3) The Commedia (The Divine Comedy) is, as it states, an epic pome by Dante. The first part is The Inferno (more famously referred to as "Dante's Inferno") (Hell), the second is Purgatorio (Purgatory), and the third is, of course, Paradiso (Paradise or Heaven). I had to read Inferno in my English Lit. AP class my senior year and enjoyed it! I recommend it!

(4) Its also known as "Relinquish all hope, ye who enter here." Depends on what translation you read. Funny story! My English teacher had this written on a sign and taped on his door. He was forced to take it off though since it was scaring the freshmen. XD

(5) The Urahara Shouten, Urahara Shop is a candy shop if you didn't know. Well, that's like his cover I guess. Its true! Google/Wiki it!

Aw, poor Ukitake. He's got it so hard, yes? Anyway, I've already written out the rest and have also started on the next chapter (Yes, chapter **2**). My head and eyes hurt and I need a nap though so I'm gonna finish it off later. After this 'science' thingy is finished its gonna jump right into Chapter 2. I've got a lot of new ideas and I personally excited. Oh yeah, for you people that thought Urahara and Yoruichi were doing something naughty: you're hentais! XD

Oh, and you anonymous reviewers can now review. Sorry about that! Please feel free to praise and/or rip me a new one. Be warned: I'll be _slightly_ more biased towards reviewers with accounts, especially if they've written more than 5 stories.


	8. Silver Egging pt4 Afghanistanimation

**Author's Notes:** Konbanwa, minna-san! Well, we're here! The last part of the Science Olympiad/Silver Egging Incident and no time sooner too. –nod nod- This part isn't as funny as the last ones basically because I was too busy thinking of the next chapter. I'm sorry if it's a bit… lack luster. I hope you semi-enjoy it. –bows-

Warning- AU, shounen ai/yaoi, silliness, HUMOR, some OOCness, a black haired Gin for the sake of the first chapter, mix up of Japanese and English things sort of

**Pairings-** AizenxGin, GinxRangiku, IchigoxUryuu, Renji+Rukia, RenjixHisagi, Gin+Kira (slightly one-sided), UraharaxIchigo?, ByakuyaxRenji, GrimmjowxIchigo, GrimmjowxUlquiorra (of sorts), Ikkaku+Yumichika, IsshinxRyuuken

**Summary-** A soon to be multiple chapter fic of the Bleach people and their highschool adventures. Cliche, but yet so original! The Silver Egging Incident is over!

**Disclaimer-** Don't own. Don't sue. Don't ask. Don't tell. If I owned Bleach, I'd be rich. …damn, can't come up with anything else.

**'blah'-** thoughts

**x-** change of scene

_**lyrics**_

**_

* * *

_**

**A Series of Tales Full of Hilariousness**

**Chapter 1: The Silver Egging Incident- Final part: Afghanistanimation, Meow!**

The group sat changed and egg free in the Kuchiki green room. Aizen sat smiling, but it didn't reach his cold eyes. Every once in awhile he would glance to his left at Gin sending him a look that read, 'You WILL be punished.' Gin sat (with a few spaces between Aizen and himself) grinning, as usual, but there was a slight tremble to his frame.

Rukia got up as the doorbell ran. She ran back into the room with a bowl full of cookies. "Yoruichi's here!" She sat the cookies in the middle of the circle they were sitting in.

Gin and Renji immediately attacked the bowl, grabbing two handfuls They munched on the cookies, muttering "Theesh're gewd!" between mouthfuls.

Yoruichi grinned. "Thanks. Me and Kisuke made them earlier."

Renji put down the cookie he was about to shove in his mouth. "Cookies? You? Urahara? Earlier?"

"Yeah. We made 'em for you guys before Rukia called."

"…Is that what you guys were doing?" Rukia asked.

"Yes! What the hell did you guys think we were doing? Chad wouldn't tell me."

"…! Ya wanna go see my brother?"

"Ooh, yeah. Is he in his room?"

"Yeah. Go pay him a visit! He got new pjs. Make sure you compliment them."

Yoruichi bounded up the spiral staircase leaving the group in silence.

After a few moments of crunching, Gin turned, facing Aizen, and leaned back onto Matsumoto. "Aah…" he sighed fondly.

"Gin…"

"'sup Matsy?"

"You're leaning on my basoomas."

"Yer wha?"

"My _boobs_!"

"Oh!" Gin sat up, scratched at his neck, shrugged, and laid back onto Rangiku's oversized breasts. "They're soft…" He commented and plopped another cookie in his mouth.

The group was startled as they heard a bang upstairs followed by "BYAKUYA-BO!" and "What in Buddha's name were you in my bed for?!" A few more bangs sounded as Byakuya, wearing white silk pajamas covered in sakura came down the stairs. Yoruichi's arms were latched around his neck. She used him to guide them downstairs being since she couldn't see because she was laughing too hard.

Byakuya unceremoniously dumped her on the floor and came right up to Renji. "We need to talk." He stated and turned to walk in the kitchen, not waiting to see if Renji followed.

"O-okay." Renji shot onto his feet and stumbled after Byakuya's pajama clad back.

Grimmjow began to chortle. "Byakuya-hime goes to bed in style, ne?"

Uryuu glared at Grimmjow as he put Ichigo on his lap. The orange haired boy caught the look and smiled apologetically. Uryuu shook his head, dropped his cross stitching, and walked through the nearest door.

Ichigo jumped up and chased after him. "Uryuu! Wait!"

Grimmjow shrugged and took out a fag, lighting it.

"No smoking!" Rukia scolded.

The blue haired teen only stared at her as he took a drag and blew a perfect smoke ring.

Rukia's eyes widened and then broke into a determined look. "Teach me how to do that!"

x

Uryuu, in a rush of emotions, hadn't noticed that he had walked into the same room Byakuya and Renji had went into. He stood frozen and flushed within the doorway as he witnessed the two men making out.

Byakuya was seated on the counter top with Renji in between his legs. One of Renji's hands was rubbing Byakuya's lower back as the other hand was clearly _moving_ inside of the black haired man's sakura covered pants. Byakuya let loose a guttural moan as Renji sucked on his tongue. He pulled out Renji's hair tie and fisted his hands in the crimson tresses.

Ichigo wrapped his arm around Uryuu's waist and pulled him out of the kitchen just as Byakuya began frantically unbuttoning Renji's pants.

They went into the entry way and outside onto the porch. Uryuu's face remained red as he and Ichigo stood against the wooden railing.

The cobalt eyed teen cleared his throat. "SO… You don't seem as surprised by that as I am."

"Huh? Oh, yeah. They've had something going on since the, uh, 'couch incident.'"

Uryuu raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really?"

"Yeah. That's why he and Rukia broke up. Its also why Rukia wasn't really upset afterwards. She was happy Kuchiki wouldn't be lonely anymore. It was for her sake, his sake, and also for 'his blue balls.'"

"Does Shuuhei-san know?"

"He might."

"Who else knows?"

"Gin and Grimmjow… Kisuke, your dad, my dad, Yoruichi, Soifon… Ikkaku, Yumi, Chad, Matsumoto-"

"Alright! I get it."

"Sorry. …Soooo, what's wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with me?" Uryuu raised an eyebrow.

"Well, yeah. I mean, if it's Grimmjow I'll tell him to back off. I know you don't like him."

"No, its not him. Well, not entirely."

"Well? What is it? Did I do something wrong?"

"As cliché as it sounds; its not you, it's me."

Ichigo frowned. "You're breaking up with me?"

"No! No, no, of course not. I mean, unless you…"

"No! Hell no!" They both released a breath of relief. "Do you like someone else or something? Cuz its okay with me. I mean, you put up with my thing for Kisuke and Grimmjow bein' all over me."

Uryuu wore a small smile. "No, I don't like someone else. Although Szayel's kind of cute."

Ichigo pouted. "That's not funny."

Uryuu laughed quietly then looked down. "No, Ichigo. It's not you or anyone else; its all me." He took a deep breath. "Ever since we got together I've always asked myself why you'd want to be with me. I mean, I'm a dork. A _gay,_ _loner_ dork. And-"

"But you're _my_ gay, loner dork." He argued.

Uryuu chuckled. "Yes, but it still confused me. The day you asked me to be with you was by far the happiest day of my life, but afterwards I couldn't exactly say I was happy."

"Why?" Ichigo asked in growing concern.

"Because I constantly questioned whether you really loved me or not."

"I _do_ love you!"

"I know, but for a long time I thought you didn't. I really did think it was a dare that Keigo had put you up to." He raised a hand as Ichigo opened his mouth to argue causing the orange haired teen to sigh in annoyance. "_But_… I know now. The main thing I have doubts about is if I'm good enough for you." He turned away from Ichigo and wrapped his arms around himself.

"Uryuu… Why would you think you're not good enough for me?"

"Well, a lot of reasons. I mean, there's the whole dork thing. Most of your friends don't seem to like me, especially Keigo."

"Yeah, but he's an idiot."

"Well, yes. But, hell, I didn't even think _you_ liked me."

Ichigo laughed and rubbed his neck in embarrassment. "I _hated_ you."

Ishida smirked. "I hated you too." He sighed. "What I guess I'm trying to say is; I'm not as funny as Urahara. I'm not as rebellious, manly, or… 'spicy' as Grimmjow. I'm… boring compared to them. I-"

"Uryuu stop." Ichigo turned Uryuu around to take him in his arms. "You're plenty good enough for me. You're smart, funny in a sophisticated and sarcastic kinda way; not at all goofy like Kisuke. You're sexy as all _fucking_ hell and you're definitely _spicy_. That's why I couldn't stand you when I first met you. Look at me."

Uryuu meekly met Ichigo's chocolate brown eyes. When he looked up he found Ichigo's face lit up with a grin.

"You're perfect for me. I mean, I only want the best, ya know?" He kissed Uryuu's forehead earning a laugh. "No more doubting, okay?" Uryuu nodded and let his boyfriend hug him.(1) Ichigo's body shook with laughter. "Spicy?"

"Shut up. That's what Soifon said about Grimmjow."

"Oh."

They stood in silence just hugging each other when- "Since we're out here…"

"Quickie in the guest house?"

"Now."

XXX

After 15 minutes or so they rejoined the group in the living room along with Byakuya and Renji. They found the group finishing up a card game.

"Dammit! Yoruichi won again!" Soifon screamed and pulled her hair. "I'll never beat you at anything."

The cat eyed woman guffawed. "It's okay. Kisuke, Isshin, Shunsui, and even Byakuya-bo never beat me at anything either."

Ichigo sat in between Grimmjow and Renji with Uryuu seated on his lap. "What were you guys playing?"

"Egyptian War and Crazy 8s. I won all 4 games!"

They looked up as Byakuya came in from the kitchen, seated himself in a chair, and calmly sipped at his tea. "…what? It's my house."

"Right…" Soifon grumbled.

"Quite right. Anyway, Renji told me what you all did. I always knew Yoruichi and Urahara were like children, but honestly, I didn't expect this from you Soifon. Although, I must admit I am glad the eggs are gone."

Soifon grinned. "See we did ya a favor! Now you won't kick us out, right?"

Byakuya momentarily looked up from his tea. "I suppose I will not."

"And you won't get mad at me if your car smells like eggs?" Rukia asked in hope.

Byakuya glared. "_What_?"

Renji grinned at Byakuya. "It's no big deal, _right_?"

Byakuya closed his eyes as his eyebrow twitched in annoyance. "…we'll just have to air it out, won't we?"

Rukia grinned sheepishly.

"Speaking of eggs," Yoruichi started, "when the foreigners call what are we going to tell them?"

"We could say we were watchin' a movie." Gin suggested.

"What movie?"

Matsumoto snapped her fingers. "Super Troopers! Me and Gin watched it a few days ago." Aizen frowned.

Gin grinned. "Afghanistanimation, meow!"

"Okay, but we gotta have something that we can show as proof we didn't do it."

"Oh! Hey, Gin. This is the perfect time to dye your hair!"

"Dye Ichimaru's hair?"

"Yeah. We've been talking about it for weeks."

Aizen raised an eyebrow as he looked at Gin. "Have you, now?"

Gin nodded. "Yup."

Matsumoto rolled her eyes at the scowl Aizen was giving her. "Wanna do it, Gin?"

The fox looked up from polishing Shinsou and grinned. "Fa sho."

XXX

Rukia answered the door after the bell rang. "They're here!" She called out.

She opened the door to a teen with a smug smile on his face along with shiny black hair cut into a bob. Pink and yellow feathers decorated his right eyelashes and eyebrows. Behind him stood a scowling boy with a skin head.

"Yumi-chan, Baldy-kun! Glad you could make it!" Rukia grinned at Ikkaku's darkened scowl.

"I'm not bald..." Ikkaku mumbled pushing past Rukia.

"Nice to see you, Rukia-chan! Thanks for inviting us into your humble home." Yumichika walked through the door with a brown, Prada luggage bag trailing behind him. "I've brought everything I needed."

"What took you guys so long?"

"Oh, Ikkaku was doing donuts in the parking lot outside of Zaraki-taichou's house."

"Oh. ...you're still calling Zaraki-sensei 'taichou'?"

"Yes, of course."

"Why?" Rukia asked dumbfounded.

"...Because it fits."

"...okay."

He and Rukia walked into the green room to find Renji in one of Ikkaku's strangle holds.

"Take it back!"

"Fine!" Renji rasped. "You don't have a pachinko ball for a head!"

"Ikkaku, darling, get off of Renji-kun"

Ikkaku sniggered. "Saved by Yumi _again_, ya big, stinky ape."

"_Whatever_. Hey, Yumichika."

"Hello, Renji-kun!" He surveyed the room. "Ah, Momo-chan, Rangiku-chan, Hisagi-kun, and my darling Izuru-kun. Hellooooo!" He cooed.

Yumi began digging through his bag and lined up some colored bottles on a nearby buffet. He clasped his hands together. "Alright, Ichimaru-san. I've got every color of the visible spectrum. That's right! ROY G BIV and then some, just for you! Of course, we'll have to bleach your hair first."

"No biggie. So, uh, wha' color do ya think I'd look good wit'?" Gin asked.

"Hmmm..." Yumi began to circle Gin, thumb and forefinger placed on his chin in thought.

He stopped in front of the fox's face and leaned up towards him. Gin only grinned wider, not at all phased by the scrutiny.

"Open your eyes." Yumichika ordered. Gin obeyed and Yumi shuddered. "Ugh, close them. Creepy..." Gin closed them with a slight laugh. "Well, I've narrowed it down to white, purple, red, brown, blue, and salmon pink."

Gin held up Shinsou. "How 'bout this color?"

"Silver? With red streaks?"

"Nah, jus' silver."

Yumichika scoffed. "What, is that supposed to be some play on your given name? How uncreative." He began rooting through his bag. "Crap. I can't find the other bottle. You won't mind if I mix in a pinch of lilac, would you?"

Gin shrugged. "Nah."

"Good, good. To the bathroom!" He grabbed Gin's arm and dragged him to the nearby bathroom.

Yumichika called out from the bathroom, "Oh, Byakuchi, I'm going to use all of your pretty, pink towels okay?", and shut the door.

X

After grappling with Grimmjow a bit, Ikkaku sat between Pia and Hisagi.

"Hallo!" the German girl cooed.

"Uh, bonjour." Ikkaku grumbled.

Pia giggled and said, "Wave!" and, once again, began to wave frantically.

Ikkaku's eyes bugged out and went to protest until he noticed Momo. Hinamori was seated behind the girl mouthing 'She'll keep waving til you do it!' Ikkaku nodded and waved once to appease the German. "What's with the waving thing?"

"Because I like to wave!" Pia stated, like it explained everything.

"Right." he said.

"Must be a German thing." Hisagi grumbled to his left.

"Oh, crap!" Rukia said. "I used a bag from that store to carry the eggs. Whatever you do, do not tell them we went to that store cuz I left it on her driveway."

Ikkaku grinned. "So, you guys really did it, huh?"

"Yup." Renji nodded.

"What an ugly thing to do!" Yumichika called out.

Renji rolled his eyes. "The girls decided to be _cruel_ and _rub_ the shit in."

"Well, that shit ain't comin' out anytime soon."

"Right. The rest of us threw ours. Well... Chad's was the only one who actually _hit_ the house."

Grimmjow snorted. "Whatever. Mine went through the window!" He guffawed loudly along with Ikkaku and Renji.

"Crap! Izuru come here! I need your nimble fingers!"

Izuru entered the bathroom and cried out in shock. The rest of the group immediately ran to the bathroom and stood in awe. They stared at Gin who now sat, grinning, with half bleached and half silver hair with a slight purple hue to it. He had a giant purple splotch on his temple (from where Yumi slipped apparently).

Yumichika's own un-gloved right hand was completely silver and purple. He smiled sheepishly. "I couldn't find my other glove." He scoffed. "I said 'Izuru.' Now the rest of you get out. Izuru, could you keep putting this in his hair while I clean out the sink? Thank you." He winked at the blond evilly.

Kira blushed as he began massaging the silver dye into Ichimaru's hair.

The rest of the group immigrated back to the green room and situated themselves in their crooked circle.

Renji noticed Uryuu getting comfortable on Ichigo's lap. He squinted at the bespectacled teen, rubbed at his eyes, and squinted again. "Oi, Ishida."

Uryuu turned from staring into Ichigo's eyes and smiled pleasantly at Renji. "Hmm?"

"You..." Renji rubbed at his eyes again, earning a raised eyebrow from the black haired teen. "You look... brighter or something. Or maybe its just my eyes..."

The group also began inspecting Uryuu with squinted eyes mumbling here and there.

Yumichika heard this, and stuck his head out the bathroom door to have a look. He gasped. "Ishida, you're_ glowing_!"

"_G-glowing_?"

Renji grinned. "Ya sure are! There's a fuckin' _aura_ around ya!" the redhead pointed.

"An _orange_ aura." Grimmjow added. "Just what did you and Berry do for half an hour?"

Ishida blushed even more as the blood rushed to his face and adjusted his glasses nervously. He was saved from having to explain himself by a ringing cellphone. They all grabbed for their cellphones saying, "Who's is that?", "Not mine.", "What song is that?", "Its No Doubt.", "Its Matsumoto's phone!"

Hinamori dove for Matsumoto's phone and answered it, breathless. "Moshi-moshi! ...Oh, hold on." She took the phone from her ear and covered it with her hand. "Its Laus." she whispered and handed the phone over.

Rangiku grabbed the phone. "Hey, Laus. You ready for me to pick you up?" She winked at the group. "...What?!" She exclaimed in horror with a grin on her face. "...Laus... We didn't egg her house... I swear! We're at Rukia's house watchin' Super Troopers, eatin' cookies, and dyin' Gin's hair!" She rolled her eyes in amusement as they all tried not to laugh. "Whatever. A) Byakuya's allergic to eggs. B) We're not going out to fucking hunt down and buy a bunch of eggs just to do that shit. I'd rather make an omelette.

"...Look. What you did was fucked up, okay? You embarrassed my friends and you pissed me off; that doesn't mean we egged her house or broke or stole shit or, whatever! ...I didn't know a window was broken, I was listing off shit. ...So you're gonna defend her after what she did? Why don't you just stay at that whiney ass bitch's house? Don't bother comin' back to mine! I'll leave your shit on the lawn!" She hung up and they all started howling with laughter. "Maybe I shouldn't have said 'broke'?"

"Who cares?" Renji said between laughs. "That was hilarious!"

I'm Just A Girl rang through once more. "Its him! Oi, Renji wanna help me out?"

"Sure thing!" Renji caught the phone after Rangiku tossed it to him. He cleared his throat and answered. "Whaddya want? ...Ya really think we did that shit dont'cha?" Rangiku grinned and started "grabbing" for the phone. "Matsumoto, stop."

"No! I'm tired of them fucking calling us for this shit! We didn't egg her house you foreign pricks!" she kicked a table, making a vase clang loudly, for emphasis.

"She just threw a chair, dude. ...Yeah, really. Look, we'll call you back when she clams down, ok? ...Ja ne." He hung up the phone and high fived Rangiku. "Damn, yer a good actor."

"You're a good liar. "Threw a chair." Genius!" She threw her head back and laughed.

"Ain't it?" Gin said emerging from the bathroom, towel drying his hair. He plopped down next to Aizen as everyone stared at him. "...wha?"

"Let's see it." they said.

Gin removed the towel and grinned at their shocked faces (for he is a whore for attention) and looked up cheekily at Aizen. "Ya like it, Sousuke?"

Aizen stared for a moment and smiled softly, eyes reading, 'You are forgiven.' He caressed the wet, newly silver hair. "Yes, I do, actually. I think it suits you very well. He even did your eyebrows, hmm? Wonderful job, Ayasegawa-san."

"Thank you, Aizen-san." Yumichika beamed. "Other than my own hair, its my best work." he nodded in approval. "Now if I could just get Zaraki-taichou to let me do his..." he ducked his head and smirked.

Byakuya cleared his throat. "Well, the clock reads 23:07. I need to _continue_ my sleep," he looked at Yoruichi who grinned in turn, "and you all need to start yours." He got up and straightened his silky jim-jams. "Now, if you would all kindly _get out_ and never come _here_ again."

They cleaned up, returning everything to its proper place, gathered their belongings, and began to shuffle out the door.

"Don't forget your cookies." Byakuya said gruffly.

Gin snatched the bowl saying, "I'll take 'em!" and shot out the door before anyone could object.

Renji was the last to head out of the door with Hisagi just ahead of him. Byakuya grabbed Renji's hand before he could go any further and squeezed it slightly, his charcoal colored eyes pleading with him not to go. Rukia noticed this and decided to help out.

"Oi, Renji, Ichigo, Ishida, Sado, stay for a bit longer."

"Why?" Ichigo asked.

"We have to work on that project that's due Tuesday. _Remember_?" she narrowed her eyes.

Ichigo blinked and then suddenly the words dawned on him. "O-oh!" he looked at Chad who nodded in understanding. "Oh yeah, I forgot."

"Project? What on earth are you talking about?" Uryuu voiced, adjusting his glasses.

"The one assigned to us yesterday in History." he nudged Uryuu.

"But, Ukitake-san didn't say anything about a-"

"You found out about it _eariler_, Uryuu." Ichigo's eyes flashed briefly between Renji and Byakuya. "_**Remember**_?"

"OH! Yes, I... almost forgot... again. We have to, uh, pick a topic! I've already thought of a few."

"You have a project to do, Renji?" Hisagi asked.

"Apparently." He grunted softly when Byakuya gave his hand a bone crushing squeeze. "Yeah, we haven't started it yet." he said softly.

"Oh. Well, I have to be somewhere tomorrow so I can't wait with you. How will you get home?"

"Don't worry, I'll take them home." Rukia said. "I'm always up til 2 on Saturdays."

"Oh. Okay. I'll see you soon?" He asked Renji.

"Yeah. I'll call you." the redhead replied and kissed Hisagi's lips quickly.

Grimmjow and Ichigo snickered when they saw Byakuya scowl darkly. His face clearly read 'My Renji. Back off.'

"Hey, Hisagi, Kira, come on!" Ikkaku called from his car.

They said their goodbyes and walked over to Ikkaku's small, white truck. Yumichika and Kira waved cheerily while Hisagi gave Renji a slight wave before Ikkaku peeled out.

Renji heaved a sigh and wrapped his arm around Byakuya's waist. "I _cannot_ keep doing this."

Byakuya sniffed. "Then break it off with him like I keep telling you to."

Aizen bid them an adieu and Gin stuck his torso out of the window of his van, waving and telling them "Drive home safely, meow!" (2) Aizen drove off as soon as Hinamori, Tousen, and Rangiku were strapped in.

"Well, I'll see ya later then, Red and the rest of ya. If you do anything tomorrow or if you just wanna see me real bad, just give me a call my sweet, little Strawberry." Grimmjow lifted Ichigo's chin to give him a peck on the lips. He was about to deepen the kiss, but Ulquiorra pulled him away.

"What did I tell you about consorting with trash?"

"Aw, goddammit, Ulquiorra! You always interrupt whatever I'm doing!"

"Be quiet. Yoruichi-san, Soifon-san, Byakuya-san." He bowed at them and then turned to Grimmjow. "I'll see you at home." Ulquiorra muttered blankly before getting in his car and driving off.

"Stiff bastard... See ya, Yoruichi!"

"See ya, thanks for your help."

"Right." he said getting in his car and starting it up. He did a crude gesture with his tongue at Ichigo before throwing his head back to laugh and peeled out.

Yoruichi and Soifon then walked to their car. "See ya soon Byakuya-bo!" Yoruichi cooed.

"Leave. Leave, don't look back, and never _come_ back." Byakuya deadpanned.

"I love you too!" She screamed. They jumped in the car, started it, and drove off.

Rukia sighed. "Come on, guys, I'll drive ya home. Oh," she turned to Renji and her elder brother, "this is the last time I save your asses. Savor it!"

Renji snorted. "Whatever. Ichigo, Ishida, Sado. I'll see you guys."

"Bye." Chad and Uryuu nodded.

Ichigo grinned. "See ya, Fire Crotch."

"Fuck you!" Renji grinned and slammed the doors.

The rest of the group got into the pink, non-egg-smelling car and buckled up. "Sado, since you're closest, I'll drop you off first, okay?" Chad nodded.

x

After dropping off Chad they pulled in front of the Kurosaki clinic.

Ichigo sighed. "Hope my dad's not mad. Its friggin' midnight. Hey, wait. Uryuu, isn't that your _dad's_ car?"

"Yes. And that's Kyouraku-sensei's car." he indicated, recognizing the pink coating and flowers covering it. "What an _eye sore_."

"Oh, great. Who _knows_ what's going on in there..." He sighed. "See ya, Rukia."

"See you on Monday, guys." Ichigo and Uryuu walked inside of the house, hand-in-hand, as Rukia left.

Ichigo put the key into the lock, praying to whatever deity that whatever was going on inside wouldn't mentally scar him for life. He opened the door, and they walked in through the hallway and into the living room, nearly falling over in shock at what they saw.

Isshin and Ryuuken were flushed and had their shirts open, looking as if they were trying to swallow each other's faces. Ukitake was curled up in a fetal position on the floor below the other couch surrounded by candy wrappers, snoring loudly. Shunsui and Urahara sat in only their boxers cheering their fathers on.

"_WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE_?!" Ichigo screamed shielding his eyes from his father's antics and instead drinking in the sight of a very hot, hat-less, and, more importantly, _shirtless_ Urahara.

Uryuu tried to keep down the bile rising in his throat at their father's display. He then noticed Kyouraku and openly gawked at just how hairy their flamboyant art teacher was. He looked to Ichigo and followed his eyes to see what he was staring at. He nudged Ichigo sharply and adjusted his glasses.

Isshin eventually came up for air, giving Ryuuken's lips one last lick. He looked up and slurred, "ICHIGO! Son of my loin's seed! Daddy missed you and your sisters were being so mean. Daddy invited over his boyfriend to protect him and then these two showed up with some sake!"

Urahara stumbled his way over to Ichigo and wrapped his arms around him. Ichigo blushed as the big, warm, semi-naked body pressed up against his.

"Saa, Ichigo-chaaaaaan! I took some pictures of myself for you!" He released the red faced boy and put the digital camera in his hands. He then ran over to the couch and tackled Shunsui on the couch and began to wrestle him, giggling madly.

Ichigo looked through the digital camera. Each picture made him turn a deeper shade of red. The camera shook as his hands began to tremble and his nose bled slightly.

Uryuu rolled his eyes. "Ichigo." The orange haired teen continued to stare at the images with wide eyes. "Ichigo!" He sighed. "ICHIGO!"

"W-what! I, uh, the camera, c-couch, m-my... dad, uh..." Ichigo stammered and wiped at his nose.

They looked over to their fathers to see Isshin settled in between Ryuuken's legs, tongues dueling, and promptly began to gag.

Ichigo turned to Uryuu. "I'm gonna go check on my sisters! Run up stairs to my room and don't look back!"

END

XXX

**Prologue to the next chapter:**

"Its been a long day... Yeah, I know. I felt so gross when I got home. I can't get the silver and purple spots off of my hands though. I scrubbed and scrubbed, but no luck. ...Who's that in the background? ..._Byakuya_?! You really are cheating on Hisagi, aren't you? ...What do you mean 'I wouldn't call it cheating'?!"

Kira was at home in his room (after taking an hour long shower) talking to Renji on the phone. He was looking at the days featured article on Wikipedia which happened to be on the snow fox. He noticed the mail box on the toolbar flashing and clicked on it.

He gasped. "I just got an e-mail from Aizen-san." He opened it. "Oh, wait. Its Ichimaru-san using his computer. ...Shut up, I'm sure its nothing like that. ...Why would he suddenly decide to initiate cyber sex with me? ...Shouldn't you be taking pictures of Byakuya sleeping or something?" He held the phone away as a string of curses flew from it. "O-okay! Calm down. Virgin ears!"

The e-mail read:

'To the cutest blonde besides Rangiku,

Oi, Izuru-chan, I got ya some songs by Psychostick! Just click the links to download them. If ya ever need help with music just ask me, ne?

Cya! Gin the Silver Fox

P.S. You're so cute! XD'

"...huh? He keeps telling me I'm cute. ...I seriously doubt cyber sex or any sex _at all_ is in the future. ...I would never let anyone do that to my face. ...Why would he send me a picture of that? ...Shut up! Its just some songs. Hold on." He clicked the song that Gin first suggested. "Here's that Two Ton Paper Weight one."

_My. _

_Car. _

_Is a PIECEOFSHIT!!_

Kira jumped out of his chair and banged his knee on the desk in the process. He fell to the ground, rubbing at his knee. "Ow..." His face twisted at the screeching of the guitars and the pounding drums filling his room. He picked up the phone that had flown from his hand and landed near the door.

"G-gomen. I was... surprised. ...Yeah, its Psychostick or... whatever. Its horrible. I can't even understand what they're saying. ...Something about having a crappy car. There's even one about beer and the alphabet. ...Play the BEER! one? Fine, but then I have to go. Ichimaru and I have to get up early tomorrow and work on our journalism paper. ...Yes, I know I'll be doing all the work. It doesn't bother me. ...No, it _doesn't_. ..._Shut up_." He put the phone on speaker, sat it down, clicked on the song, and covered his ears.

_I like beer cuz it is good_

_I drink beer because I should_

_If there is a song to sing_

_I sing it and beer you bring_

_I drink beer when I am sad_

_Cuz the beer it makes me glad_

_Now there's nothing left to say_

_So let's go drink beer_

_BEER IS GOOD!_

_BEER IS GOOD!_

_BEER IS GOOD!_

_...and stuff!_

_BEER IS GOOD!_

_BEER IS GOOD!_

_BEER IS GOOD!_

_Let's go drink some BEEEEEEEEER!_

"Okay, I can't take anymore. ...Renji, no. ...fine..."

_When its warm it taste's real crappy_

_But cold beer will make me happy_

_When I throw up on the floor_

_I can go and drink some more_

_They say beer will make me dumb_

_It are go good with pizza_

_Now that we have drank some beer_

_Let's go drive a car_

_BEER IS GOOD!_

_BEER IS GOOD!_

_BEER IS GOOD!_

_...And Stuff!_

Kira sighed wearily and rubbed at his eyes. "Whatever. It is _not_ a good song."

_Uh, dude, I think you've had enough_

_...NOOOOOOOOOO!_

"Alright, that is definitely enough." He said and clicked the song off. "My head's killing me. Huh? ...Yeah, I'll send them to you. ...Oyasumi-nasai."

Kira hung up the phone and shutdown his computer. He stood up and padded over to his bed and put on the cotton pajamas laid over them. Said jim-jams were covered with smiling foxes, a present from Uryuu apparently. He lifted up his covers, put one of his pillows on the floor, and got into bed.

He yawned loud and wide, sighing in content. "Today was fun..." he mumbled and drifted off to sleep.

* * *

(1) Omg, I think I just died a little on the inside. -slits wrists from the sappiness-

(2) If you've seen Super Troopers you'd understand what Afghanistanimation and the meow thing's about.

WHEE! THE SCIENCE OLYMPIAD/SILVER EGGING INCIDENT IS OVER! Anyhoo, the next chapter, as in, chapter deux (that's 2) will start right off from this one. It's a dream chapter and it begins with Kira and goes on from there. I won't have everyone dreaming, but everyone will show up in a dream at one point or another. You WILL enjoy it immensely 'cause they're based off of actual dreams so they're hella wacky. Anyhoo, I can say in all honesty that it'll be posted SOON. Well, goodnight or morning, being since its nearly 4 am. Until next time. Sayonara kiddies!


	9. Ch 2 Kira, Byakuya, and Uryuu's dreams

**Author's Notes: **Konnichiwa, minna-san. Here's the first of many of my cracktastic dream chapters! Enjoy. -bows-

**Warning- **AU, shounen ai/yaoi, silliness, HUMOR, some OOCness, mix up of Japanese and English things sort of

**Pairings-** IchigoxUryuu, Gin+Kira, ByakuyaxRenji, Byakuya+Hisana (past), GrimmjowxIchigo, IsshinxRyuuken

**Summary-** A soon to be multiple chapter fic of the Bleach people and their highschool adventures. Cliche, but yet so original! Dream chapter #1 is up!

**Disclaimer-** Don't own. Don't sue. Don't ask. Don't tell. If I owned Bleach, this wouldn't just be a story on ff. net.

**This chapter's a bit... M rated, maybe...**

**'blah'-** thoughts

**x-** change of scene

_**blah**_**-** dream

* * *

**A Series of Tales Full of Hilariousness**

**Chapter 2: O, the Beauty That Finds Those Who Dream By Night**

Kira hung up the phone and shutdown his computer. He stood up and padded over to his bed and put on the cotton pajamas laid over them. Said jim-jams were covered with smiling foxes, a present from Uryuu apparently. He lifted up his covers, put one of his pillows on the floor, and got into bed.

He yawned loud and wide, sighing in content. "Today was fun..." he mumbled and drifted off to sleep.

x

Izuru: Dream a Lil Dream of Me

_Lips sprinkled kisses over his cheeks, forehead, neck, nose, and even his eyelids._

_He sighed softly. "Please..." he begged, laid naked and wanton before the man._

_A teasing voice laughed at him. "Naa, yer so impatient, ne?" He was also naked and his thin hips grinded slowly against the blond._

_Those lips- those, Oh, so soft lips- pressed against his. A tongue slipped out between those lips to tease his own, beckoning to let him enter. He obliged and opened his mouth, letting that _devilishly_, sweet tongue explore his mouth. It felt weird, sure, but it was a delightful strangeness that left him begging for more. He moaned lowly and sucked on the invading tongue, feeling a shiver run through his partner. They broke for air._

_"Naa, Izuru-chan. Ya sure ya never done this before?" A lazy grin ran across that face. Eyes opened briefly, lust shining in the blood red irises, as he nibbled on a pallid neck and ran long, supple fingers through silky blond hair. He licked his earlobe. "Yer so beautiful, Izuru-chan..."_

_The blond exhaled a shaky breath as lithe hands ran over his body, caressing his nipples into hard peaks. The hands pinched, pulled, and rubbed at the hardened nubs earning continual gasps of pleasure. One hand continued to tease his nipple as the other ghosted over the flat plain of his pale stomach. A finger circled his belly button and slid all the way down to the tip of his aching member, gliding across his shaft._

_He sucked in air, the black- No, _silver_ haired man slid down the length of his body to come face to face with his erect organ, causing it to twitch. A serpentine tongue darted out to taste the white substance leaking out of the slit of his engorged manhood. "Ugn..." he moaned, mouth open and wide eyes watching every move of his soon-to-be lover._

_"Izuru, ya taste good, ya know?" the man teased as he opened the blond's legs wider. His pointer finger circled around the tight ring of muscle surrounding his virginal entrance. "I want ya ta take a deep breath an' relax yer body."_

_The small boy took a deep breath and let his body go lax. He hissed as a finger entered him, squirmed uncomfortably as another joined the first, and moaned softly as a third slid in. The fingers slid in and out slowly brushing against that spot inside of him that made his mind go completely blank._

_"I think yer ready now..." the man said and slid out his fingers. The silver haired man settled his weight in between the pale legs, scarlet eyes taking in every inch of the boy's body. "Ya sure ya want this, Izuru?"_

_"Yes..." the blond breathed._

_He kissed the blue eyed boy in reassurance. "If I hurt ya tell me ta stop."_

_"Ichimaru, please-"_

_"Gin." he corrected._

_He smiled sweetly. "Gin..."_

_The fox grinned. "There's jus' one thin' I gots ta tell ya."_

_"Yes?"_

_Gin smiled softly. "Wake up."_

_Kira's eyes widened in confusion. "W-what?"_

_"WAKE UP, IZURU!" Ichimaru began to shake him. "TIME TO GET UP!"_

x

Kira shot up out of bed as the covers were pulled off of him.

"Izuru, get up! Ichimaru-san is downstairs waiting for you."

He sat dumbfounded and slightly angry at being woken up from the best dream he'd ever had. He looked up to find his mother staring at him expectantly. "H-hai, okaa-san." he mumbled.

"Oh, and you might want to take a cold shower. You're all sweaty and flushed. It really was hot last night, but your father wouldn't let me touch the thermostat..." the woman exited the room.

"Naa, Izuru!"

Kira looked to the doorway to find the grinning man who was at the center of his dreams. He could've sworn there were red hearts with wings flying around his head. He blinked hard, just in case there happened to be hearts swimming _in his_ eyes. "Y-yes, Gin?"

"Saa! Ya finally get it! Anyhoo, hurry up 'n get dressed. Its jus' you an' me today so I figured we'd go get somethin' ta eat and see a movie. Sound good?"

"Yes!" he coughed. "I mean, uh, sure." he blushed.

"Good! I'll see ya downstairs." Gin winked and closed the door.

Kira got out of his bed and fell to his knees. He bowed once and looked upward. "I knew you were up there and I knew you didn't hate people like me." He bowed again, forehead touching the floor. "Thank you..."

X

"Renji, come to bed."

"Huh? Oh, okay. Kira, could ya send me those songs? Thanks. ...Ja ne." he hung up the phone and went to sit on the bed, pulling out his hair tie and beginning to braid his hair. He moved to settle in the bed when he heard, "Pajamas."

"Huh?"

"Put on the pajamas." Byakuya's baritone voice ordered.

"B-but, they're silk and... pink."

A single, onyx colored eye emerged from under the comforter. "I _bought_ them for _you_."

Renji's eyes went back and forth between Byakuya and the nightwear folded over the chair by the table. He eventually sighed in defeat and stood to pull the pants over his boxers and the shirt over his head, leaving it open slightly. "How do I look?" he asked.

"Good, as I knew you would." came the monotonous reply.

Renji slipped under the covers and wrapped his left arm protectively around Byakuya's waist. He kissed the man's temple and drifted off to sleep.

Byakuya sighed in content and smiled when he heard the soft snores coming from his redheaded lover. He snuggled against the broad, warm chest behind him.

x

Byakuya awoke early the next morning and sat on the window sill in front of the large window. He looked out and saw the rays of the rising sun, contemplating the dream he had about _her_.

"Hisana..." he breathed.

x

Byakuya: Fabulous

_I didn't know when I fell for her. It just happened so fast. I would see her and she would see me and thus began my inner struggle._

_'Say hi to her. Its just two letters!' _

_I'd open my mouth, but no words came. The words I longed to say (other than 'hi') stuck in my throat, my tongue like lead in my mouth. I was sure my brain was slowly turning to mush and would soon start dripping out of my ears._

_'Okay. _Fine!_ Don't talk. Wave, at least.'_

_She smiled and waved and all I could do was give a curt nod before shakily walking away._

_I would berate myself for acting like a love struck school boy, although it was exactly how I was. I couldn't even look at her without my body going all... 'spazzoid,' as Rukia said once. _

_She came to me out of the blue one day and asked me to walk with her through the park for lunch. _

_It was spring and cherry blossoms had just bloomed. The petals fell from the trees, fluttering to the ground making it a sea of soft pink. It really was beautiful. _Sickeningly_ so._

_She ran through the sea and below the biggest tree and stared in awe at the sakura floating from it. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, inhaling the refreshing scent of the sweetness._

_I stood back and watched. How beautiful she looked standing there, eyes closed, hands clasped, and mouth parted, whispering a silent prayer._

_You see, I haven't always had an affinity for pink. Standing there watching my love seemingly floating on a sea of pillow-like, pink as the wind swirled the petals around as if worshiping her... That was when my love for pink and, more specifically, for sakura, really began. It was then that I knew that I would love this woman for the rest of my days._

_She looked at me..._

_I looked at her..._

_She waved..._

_I waved..._

_I smiled..._

_She smiled..._

_I nearly threw up._

_Isn't life just fabulous?_

XXX

Uryuu tossed and turned (well, as much as one could in Ichigo's tiny, twin sized bed that he was sharing with the orange haired teen). His brow was furrowed and he moaned softly in his sleep.

x

Uryuu: Little Red and Grimmy

_He was lost in a forest and becoming hopelessly more lost. It was dark except for the sun that would flit through the open branches occasionally. He walked along a grassy path becoming increasingly frustrated._

_He groaned. "Just where the _hell_ am I, how the _hell_ did I get here, and how the _hell_ do I get out?" He stopped abruptly as he heard voices; one rough and low, the other slightly higher and unhappy, but both were distinctly male._

_Ishida continued forward until he happened upon a clearing. In the clearing there was a boy, an orange haired boy, in a red yukata. A blue haired man stood naked and proud above him with a predatory grin on his face._

_Uryuu hid behind a tree before the two noticed him. He stared at the carrot top in curiosity. 'Who is this guy? And why's the blue haired one naked? They both look familiar...'_

_"So..."_

_Uryuu jumped, but relaxed when he realized it wasn't him being talked to._

_"Ya look a little lost." The blue haired man cooed looking down at his 'prey.'_

_"That's cuz I am." the carrot top said._

_"Aa. What's yer name?"_

_"Little Red."_

_"Little? But you seem to be well above the average male Japanese height to me."_

_"That's what _I_ said, but my old man says I'm still shorter than he is therefore I'm little."_

_"Aa." The man nodded._

_"...So, what's _your_ name?"_

_"Grimmy-jow Jaggerjaquey."_

_Little Red blinked and stared at him for what seemed like an eternity. He began howling with laughter. "What kind of a name is _that_?!"_

_Even Ishida couldn't hold back the silent giggles, doubled over in his efforts not to be heard._

_"__**Shut up!!**__ Just call me Grimm."_

_"Nah. I like Grimmy better."_

_"Whatever!" He growled. Anger suddenly gone, he began to scrutinize the carrot top who blushed at the look. "Ya know what, Red?" He said as he began stalking towards the carrot top with a manic glee in his eyes._

_The boy backed up slightly as the man kneeled and stopped inches away from his face. "W-what?"_

_"Yer kinda cute." he grinned as the boy blushed. He brought their lips together and invaded the boy's mouth with his tongue. Pulling back, he nipped at the bruised lower lip, hands pushing their way up the ruby-red clothing._

_"Grimmy..." the boy moaned as he was pushed back._

_From behind his tree Uryuu blushed and tried to ignore the hot, stirring at the bottom of his belly. He watched as the blue haired man untied the black obi and opened the boy's yukata, revealing the tanned, nearly hairless, naked body beneath it. His own hand ran down his body to rub at his own crotch as Grimm began running his hand up and down Little Red's swollen length._

_Grimm parted the boy's legs and smirked as the boy began to whimper. He bent over him and whispered huskily in his ear, "Just lay back and enjoy the ride, Red."_

_Uryuu looked on as the familiar boy moaned as Grimm circled the head of his erection around the boys entrance. He bit his lip as the boy was about to be penetrated before a hand came crashing down on his left shoulder and hot breath flowed over his ear._

_The voice whispered harshly, "Want a bite?"_

x

"BLUGHAHH!" Uryuu shrieked and shot up straight (well, as straight as one can be when one is... you know) and came face-to-face with Isshin. "W-WHAT?"

Isshin rolled his eyes and sighed, alcohol rolling off his breath. "I _said_, 'Want. A. Bite.?'"

Uryuu raised an eyebrow, breathing and heart rate gradually returning to normal. "A 'bite' of _what_?"

"Mochi!" Isshin grinned. "Shun-kun brought some earlier."

"You mean, Kyouraku-sensei?"

"That's right."

His stomach growled. "I guess I'll have some." He got up and followed Isshin out the door. "Is my fath- urm, Ryuuken still here?"

"Of course! He was sleeping with me in my room." Uryuu grimaced. "He really doesn't hold his liquor very well." Isshin commented and nodded in thought.

"So... You're Ryuuken's...?"

"Boyfriend." Isshin supplied.

"How long?"

"Well, your father and I dated before we got married, but we didn't start dating again until recently. You don't mind, right?"

"No, not really."

Isshin patted Uryuu's back nearly knocking his glasses off. "Great! Wait'll I tell Ichigo he's got a new mommy!" Isshin smiled genuinely and went to the kitchen.

"M-mommy?"

* * *

Well, that was my first attempt at any kind of smut at all. Usually I'm too embarrassed to do such a thing (my face was burning the whole time), but I figured maybe, just MAYBE it'll actually inspire some of you to review (plus it made me laugh). Favorites, alerts, and hits are great, but they don't give me criticism or tell me if I'm doing something right. For all I know, you could just be reading 'cause you're bored and are waiting for something else to be updated. All I ask is for a simple review. It doesn't have to be long. It could just be 'nice', 'good', 'that sucked', _whatever_. I'll except it whole heartedly.


	10. Ch 3 Happy Belated Bday, Uryuu!

**Author's Notes:** Konbanwa, minna-san! Since I got a review from someone other than Zeldagamefan I can go back to being nice. Don't let me have to throw myself on the mercy of my readers ever again, ok? Anyhoo, this chapter is for Uryuu's birthday that I missed; November 6th. I know there seems to be some kind of confusion as tp whether its November 6th or November 11 or something, but I just go with 6th 'cause I saw it on Wikipedia once. LOL. I suffered from a case of writer's block so yeah, this is hecka late. Sorry. Enjoy! -bows-

Warning- AU, shounen ai/yaoi, silliness, HUMOR, some OOCness, mix up of Japanese and English things sort of

**Pairings-** AizenxGin, IchigoxUryuu, Renji+Rukia, RenjixHisagi, UraharaxIchigo?, ByakuyaxRenji, KyourakuxUkitake, Ikkaku+Yumichika, IsshinxRyuuken, KenpachixUnohana

**Summary-** A soon to be multiple chapter fic of the Bleach people and their highschool adventures. Cliche, but yet so original! Ishida's birthday!

**Disclaimer-** Don't own. Don't sue. Don't ask. Don't tell. If I owned Bleach... -sigh- Its getting harder and harder to come up with these things.

**'blah'-** thoughts

**x** change of scene

* * *

**A Series of Tales Full of Hilariousness**

**Chapter 3: Happy Be****late****d B-day!**

"I'm not mad. I'm not mad. I mean, I'm sure they just forgot or they had an emergency..."

Ishida Uryuu was currently in the kitchen of his house washing dishes. He scrubbed angrily at the plate in his hand.

"Goddamn spot won't go away..." he grumbled and continued to rub viciously at the spot. He stopped abruptly. "Fuck it."

He went to put the plate in the dishwasher to his left without looking. The plate slipped from his soapy fingers and went crashing to the floor. "Fuckin' A..." he mumbled and bent down to pick the pieces. He picked up the tiny pieces first, a few shards sticking into his hands and fingers, and placed them inside the wet paper towel he swept across floor and put it in the garbage can. He began picking up the bigger pieces and cursed when another cut was added to his stinging hand. He sighed and went back to finish stocking the dishwasher.

He moved to place a spoon in the silverware holder and he hissed as his arm came into contact with the sharp edge of a small cleaver. "God..._dammit_! Why the hell is there a freakin' butcher knife in here? ...Oh, yeah. Isshin..." he said in reference to a few days go when Isshin had insisted he cook them a duck dinner. It was slightly frightening watching him put on a puppet show with the duck's head.

Uryuu shuddered at the thought and looked down to assess the damage of his wrist. He looked at the cut, staring mesmerized as a trail of crimson ran down his arm. He rubbed his thumb across the cut, pressed against it slightly, and watched the blood pool with unblinking eyes. Finally after a few moments he sighed, mumbling "Stupid..." and got up to trudge over to the bathroom for the first aid kit.

After his hands and arm were carefully cleaned and bandaged he went up the stairs and into his room. He pulled a chair in front of the open window, watching the baby blue curtains billow in the slight breeze, and sat with his chin in his hands.

"...maybe they all had something better to do..."

XXX

Ichigo sat at the table eating breakfast with his sisters. Yesterday had been busy, but he had managed to deal with it all and even had time to work on a school project before he had gone to bed that night. Still, it seemed like he had forgotten _something_. Something _important_; like, nearing life or death important. He had thought about it and thought about it, but couldn't for the life of him figure out what it was. 'Oh well.' he sighed mentally. 'If I stop thinking about it then eventually it'll come to me. Besides, it couldn't have been _that_ important if I forgot about it.' He rationalized, and ignored the nervous stirring in his stomach.

He was just about to put the last bit of his sister, Yuzu's, special breakfast omelette in his waiting mouth when suddenly a thought hit him. His fork clattered onto his plate and his back went as straight as it physically could. 'I forgot! _I FORGOT!_'

"HOLY CRAP! I forgot Uryuu's birthday!" he then released a cry of woe and proceeded to bang his head against the table.

His other sister, Karin, scoffed. "You are the worst boyfriend in the _history_ of boyfriends." She nodded. "The Ishidas really are too good for you and dad."

XXX

Renji groaned and got up as a knock came to the door. "Comin'!"

The knocks became more insistent and soon turned into bangs.

"I'm comin' already! For Buddha's sake..." He angrily swung open the door and got an arm full of Strawberry. "Ichigo?"

"Renji!" Ichigo screamed. "You've gotta help me! You have to! I dunno what to do!"

"W-what happened?"

"I fucked up!"

"W-what?!"

"I. _Fucked_. **UP!**" he slid down to Renji's feet and clung to his legs sobbing loudly.

Renji stood there, mouth agape. "...Well, this is outta character."

The Kuchiki siblings poked their heads around Renji's side and looked down at the sniveling form.

"What's his problem?" Rukia asked.

Byakuya sniffed. "Whatever the problem is, tell him to come inside so he can stop creating a scene on my door step. And stop crying. You're ruining the 'Go away' mat."

x

"Oh shit. We forgot too." Renji rubbed his neck. "Damn. He probably feels like shit. Did you call him or anything?"

"No. I'm too scared..." He looked up and finally got a good look at Renji. He blinked and wiped at the tear tracks on his cheeks. "What's with the pink glasses?" he pointed.

The redhead sputtered and took them off. "They're, uh, my reading glasses."

"_Reading_ glasses?"

"Yeah, Bya got them for me."

"_Bya_? ...Wait! You _read_?!"

"Of course, you idiot! How else am I supposed to do my damn homework?"

"_Ahem._" Byakuya looked at them blankly. "You're going off on a tangent."

Renji tilted his head to the side in question. "Tangent? What does geometry have to do with anything?"

The elder Kuchiki rolled his eyes. "It _also_ means to divert from the original subject, which you have both managed to do."

"Oh, r-right. We gotta do somethin' about Ishida."

Ichigo rubbed worriedly at his forehead, a headache beginning to come. "I know, but what?"

Rukia walked into the room, cell phone and purse in hand. "I called everyone and told 'em to come over so we can set up a party or something. They all were busy and forgot too."

Renji shook his head sadly. "Geez, we're the worst friends ever."

Ichigo scoffed. "At least you're not the worst _boyfriend_ ever." he groaned. "I _knew_ I was forgetting something, but I pushed it aside and kept thinking it must not have been important. Man, I'm an idiot."

Rukia smirked. "A) Renji's not the worst boyfriend? Are you forgetting about his current situation?"

Ichigo smirked. "Oh, yeah." He frowned. "Okay. So I'm the second worst boyfriend ever."

Rukia rolled her eyes. "Whatever. B) Don't worry. Matsumoto and Yoruichi are coming and they're experts at parties. All you've gotta do is go get Uryuu and bring him here when I call you. We'll have everything put together by the time you come back."

Ichigo sniffed and began walking towards the entrance. "Okay." He wiped at his face again and went out the door.

Renji snickered. "Dead man walkin-Oof!"

Rukia punched him in his solar plexus. "Shut up and help my brother. I'm gonna go to the store."

XXX

The doorbell rang and Uryuu begrudgingly put aside his newest sewing project and descended downstairs. The bell rang multiple times followed by loud bangs. It was getting on his last nerve.

He unlocked the door and swung it open violently. "_What?!_" He stopped and stared.

His orange haired boyfriend stood there with a single white rose and wore a guilty expression. "Sorry." Ichigo said sullenly.

Uryuu blinked and then promptly slammed the door in his face.

The door shook as it was once again banged on. "Uryuu! Uryuu, please! I'm sorry!"

Ishida marched back to the door and opened it slowly. He looked at Ichigo calmly and spoke in an even voice. His hands were on his hips and he resembled an angry wife. "Give me one reason why I should forgive you or even _see_ you, Ichigo."

Ichigo opened his mouth to answer, but was cut off.

"-Everyone forgot. _Everyone_. Even my own fath- Er, Ryuuken. Well, to be honest, I'm not all that surprised _he_ forgot." he nodded in thought, but quickly remembered he was supposed to be angry. "I thought my _boyfriend_ of all people would remember. I held onto the hope that you would eventually come over, or call, or send me an e-mail or _something_."

"Uryuu, I'm sorry! Please just-"

"No! I don't want to see you! I don't want to talk to you! That goes for our 'friends' as well. Just... just go away." He moved to once again slam the door, but Ichigo's foot blocked it.

"Uryuu, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to forget! It just happened. Last night there was a bad car wreck near the clinic and it kept us really busy."

Ishida opened the door a smidgen, releasing Ichigo's foot. "...really?"

"Yeah, really. That's why your dad didn't come home til late. His hospital had to take the more serious injuries." He let the information sink in and watched as Uryuu calmed down. "Now let me in, okay?"

Uryuu stepped aside and let the carrot top in and closed the door. Ichigo sat on the couch and pulled Uryuu down onto his lap and kissed his forehead. "I'm sorry. I really am. I'm sure everyone else had a reason too. We didn't mean to hurt you."

"I know, I just... jumped to conclusions, I guess. Sorry I slammed the door in your face."

Ichigo grinned. "Aw, its alright I would've done the same thing too." He looked down at Ishida's hands. "What happened?" His eyes lingered at the bandage on his wrist.

"I was washing the dishes and I dropped a plate and the pieces kept cutting me while I was cleaning them up. Then I went to put a spoon away and the cleaver caught my arm."

Ichigo sighed in relief. "Oh." Uryuu raised his eyebrow. "Nothing..."

He brought the raven haired boy's face down to his and brought their lips together. Uryuu moaned into the kiss and instantly opened his mouth when he felt Ichigo's tongue lick his lips. He sucked on the invading muscle and ran his hands through his boyfriend's orange locks, tugging on them weakly. He drew in a sharp intake of breath when the strawberry's hands went up his shirt and ghosted across his nipples. Both were startled when Ichigo's phone rang.

Uryuu laughed. "Is that Peanut Butter Jelly Time? How stupid."

"Yuzu set it up." He showed him the screen. "Look. A dancing banana shows up every time it rings." He answered. "Hello? ...Already?! That was fast! ...Of course. Leave it to Yoruichi and Soifon to make a competition out of putting up decorations. ...yeah, he's alright. We're coming. ...Ja." He hung up and stood. "Well, ya ready?"

"Ready? For what? Where're we going?"

"To your much deserved birthday party, of course."

They went outside and began walking to the bus stop after Uryuu locked the door.

"Ichigo."

The boy looked at him with soft eyes and a loving smile. "Yeah?"

"Earlier today, when I walking to the sewing store some guy from our school came up to me and asked me how much a 2 liter was. I said, I had no idea. Then he asked about a 3 liter and I told him I had no idea. I went in the store and came back out and the same guy walked up to me with his friend and they asked how much a 3 gallon was. I told them I didn't know what they were talking about. Then they said, "Oh, you must like to take things slow" and that he'd look me up at school."

Ichigo frowned. "What the hell? Well, I have no idea what the liter shit is all about, but I'm 100 percent sure he was hitting on you. Do you remember what he looks like?" Uryuu nodded. "Good. You point him and his friend out to me at school and then I'll beat his ass."

XXX

Back at the Kuchiki household everyone was running around, making sure everything was perfect. Yoruichi, Soifon, Kuukaku, Isshin, Yuzu, Urahara, Ukitake, and Shunsui got things in the back yard ready (while Ryuuken sat and watched). Matsumoto, Gin, Hitsugaya, Karin, Ganju, Chad, Grimmjow (who was not supposed to be invited for fear of 'Berry molesting', but Yoruichi brought him anyway), and Aizen helped carry in food and games.

Renji, Byakuya, Kira, and Momo were in the kitchen getting some snacks ready.

"Is Hisagi here yet?" Renji asked.

"No. Could you call him just in case?" Hinamori asked innocently.

Renji gulped in nervousness as Byakuya's body went rigid. "S-sure." he reached for the cordless phone sitting on the kitchen's island and began dialing the number all the while glancing at Byakuya. "Hisagi? Yeah, its me. I just wanted to know if you were coming. ...Good. ...No, Ishida's not here yet. ...Okay. ...Oh, yeah, I felt awful too. ...yeah. ...Momo, Izuru, and Rangiku are already here. ...Okay. ...Do I what? ...Yes." Renji sighed and said quietly, "I love you..."

Byakuya shot a glare at him and walked out of the kitchen.

"Uh, Hisagi, I gotta go. Seeyabye!" he hung up and ran after the elder Kuchiki. "Byakuya, wait!"

Hinamori turned to Kira. "What was that about?"

Kira sighed and said softly. "He's... sort of cheating on Hisagi with Kuchiki-san."

The small girl's hair seemed to stand on end like a scared cat. "He's WHAT?!"

"He's cheating on Hisagi with Kuchiki-san. ...sort of."

She looked at the blond boy in horror. "How is it _sort of_ cheating, Izuru?!"

"That's exactly what I asked Renji, but he insists that its 'sort of.'"

She huffed at him angrily and spun on her heal and walked out of the kitchen.

"Hinamori-chan!" He called, but went ignored.

Hinamori rushed out into the living room, pushing Hitsugaya out of the way, and stalked over to Renji. She grabbed his shirt and brought him down to her. "What the HELL do you think you're doing cheating on Hisagi?! How dare you, how dare you, how dare you?!" She emphasized each "how dare you" with a weak punch to his chest.

Renji flushed in half-embarrassment and half-amusement. "Momo, I know it seems bad, but-"

"It '_seems_' bad? _Seems_?!"

"Okay. It is bad, but I-"

"As soon as Hisagi gets here you're telling him."

"But-"

"No BUTS! You either tell him or _I_ do. ...I can't believe you Renji. You're a... You're a, a bast-" Tears started pouring out of her eyes and down her cheeks. "_You're a meanie head!_" she screamed and fled upstairs.

Gin and Rangiku stood in the green room entrance with two cakes and soda boxes in their hands. "What the hell was _that_ all about?" she asked.

Renji sighed. "She found out about me and Byakuya."

"Oh."

"'think she's mad." Gin said with a grin.

Renji glowered at him.

The front door then burst open and a beaming Yumichika came in followed by a hyperactive Yachiru.

Byakuya turned to Rukia. "You didn't buy any candy did you?"

"Of course not."

"Byakushi!" Yachiru screamed and grabbed his hand, jumping up and down. "I haven't seen you in _forever_! We're gonna have so much fun tonight! I swear, I won't leave your side for a second!" she giggled.

Byakuya grimaced and looked up to see Unohana smiling at him sweetly. "Unohana-sensei."

"Hello." She continued to smile. "Byakuya we're friends. You don't have to address us so formally. It makes me feel old when you do that."

"My apologies." He looked up and found a scowling Kenpachi. "You're here also, Zaraki."

"Of course. Yachiru needs constant surveillance. Like hell am I gonna have that little demon running around the streets naked on a sugar high."

Yachiru stuck her tongue out at the big man. "Shut up, Ken-chan. You know that only happened once!" She gave a beaming smile again. "Ken-chan, give me more candy."

Byakuya paled.

Kenpachi rolled his visible eye and pulled out a bag of skittles- pure sugar. They all knew it was dangerous to deprive Yachiru of sugar so he had decided to be on the safe side and up the usual dosage of a chocolate bar, pixie sticks, various hard candies, various lollipops, and sometimes (when he wasn't looking), plain sugar.

Yachiru took the candy and dragged her 'boyfriend, Byakushi' off to sit on the couch.

"Hey, Zaraki-taichou. I'm surprised to see you fit through the door"

"Abarai, you son of a bitch! Ikkaku told me about you and Hime. Good job keeping it hidden so long, you dog!" Kenpachi then proceeded to pat Renji on the back nearly sending him sprawled out on the floor.

"R-right. Hi, Unohana-sensei."

"Hello, Abarai-kun." Unohana smiled warmly, but her eyes clearly said, 'I disapprove of what you did.'

Renji laughed nervously at the look and turned to talk to Ikkaku and Yumichika. "So what took you guys so long?"

Yumichika gave a look of indifference. "There wasn't enough room in the car so we had to put Ikkaku in the trunk."

"You rode in the trunk?!" the redhead gaped in shock.

"Yeah." Ikkaku gave him a blank look. "So?" (1)

Renji sweat dropped. "...you guys are weird."

Rukia was going to talk to Rangiku when she noticed Unohana staring intently at something.

"Unohana-sensei, is there something wrong?"

Unohana merely pointed to what she was looking at.

On the floor near the air hockey table sat a cage holding a small white rabbit with red eyes.

"Oh, that's my bunny! Her name's Chappy. Here, let me take her out." She took the bunny out of the cage and turned to let Unohana pet her, but the woman wasn't there. "Where'd she-"

"She don't like 'em."

"Hey, Zaraki-sensei. What did you mean?"

"Rabbits. She don't like 'em. She's scared of 'em."

Rukia stared at the peaceful woman in disbelief as she hurriedly made her way to the backyard. "Oh... That's... weird." 'More like, _impossible_!' She kissed the rabbit's head. "Dun worry, Chappy. I still love you!" She cooed.

"They're here!" Someone called.

In walked Ishida and Ichigo hand-in-hand. Ichigo grinned and Ishida smiled softly as they all crowded around him. He said "Its okay, its okay." to all the apologies and teary eyes.

Ichigo rolled his eyes. "So we know why _our_ families forgot. What about the rest of you?"

Rukia was the first to speak. "My brother ingested some eggs and didn't want to be seen by anyone after we got him from the hospital." She looked at a certain redhead and smirked. "_Renji_ wouldn't leave his side."

Gin raised his hand with a cute pout adorning his face. "Me an' Izuru had ta go on a field trip."

"For our journalism class." Kira added.

Matsumoto sighed. "I had to get my nails done."

They gave her a blank look.

"What? It was an emergency! If it makes you happy, I was stuck with my mom the whole time." She flicked her hair over her shoulder.

"Okaaay..." Ichigo scratched his neck.

"Ganju and I had business. That's all you need to know." Kuukaku said obviously referring to her _technically_ illegal fireworks business.

"I didn't even know when your birthday was. I'm just here for Ichigo." Grimmjow replied, aloof.

"That's exactly why you weren't invited." Rukia dead panned.

Yumichika looked at him apologetically. "Ikkaku and I had to babysit Yachiru while Kenpachi and Unohana went out."

Ukitake sniffed in disdain. "_Shunsui_ thought I was having an attack when really I was coughing from some horrid cologne he had on. He wouldn't let me leave the house."

Uryuu laughed when Shunsui cowered under Ukitake's glare.

"Yoruichi and Soifon accompanied me to pick up a new shipment of candy." Urahara said after flipping out his trademark fan.

"Toushirou and I were helping our neighbor move." Hinamori said softly.

"I had presidential duties." Aizen sighed.

"Where's Tousen?"

"Having his monthly visit to the ophthalmologist."

"Wha?"

"Eye doctor." Ryuuken replied in a 'you're an idiot' tone.

"Aa." Ichigo chose to ignore how he said it.

Hisagi was let in by Rukia. He entered the room slightly out of breath. "Sorry. The bus ran late."

"And yesterday?" Rangiku asked earning a 'You shouldn't be judging anyone' look.

"Hm? Oh. Family issues."

"Aa. Chad?"

"Work." Was all the tall teen said.

Uryuu smiled at them all. "Well, its okay. I'm just glad to know you guys care. I'm... extremely thankful." he bowed.

"Aw, enough of this! Let's get the party started! First event: PING PONG!" Yoruichi announced.

x

The group sat outside in the grass, eyes fixed upon the ping pong table.

Urahara and Yoruichi were going up against Isshin and Soifon.

"The mean Hornet lady and the Kitty lady seem to be more into it!" Yachiru announced with a smile.

"That's cuz they're, like, eternal rivals." Ichigo mumbled.

Yoruichi dove for the tiny plastic ball sending it soaring past Soifon's head, grazing her slightly. It went flying over the wall and to who-knows-where.

The dark skinned woman grinned. "Gotta do better than that if you're gonna beat me."

"Oh, don't worry. I plan on it." Soifon said. "Your serve."

Yoruichi complied and sent the ball hurling at the small woman who in turn hit it back. They went back and forth until Soifon hit the ball over her head.

"Haha! Who's gotta do better now?" she smirked.

Yoruichi smiled haughtily. "I'm only getting started."

Soifon served and she returned it and they went back and fourth. Eventually Isshin and Urahara moved to join the group on the grass.

"Kurosaki-kun, I think its safe to say that we're no longer needed."

Isshin grinned. "Its better this way. My arms were getting tired."

"Aa. And let's not forget them calling us stupid whenever we missed."

For several minutes (20 to be exact) ping pong balls flew everywhere until _finally_ Yoruichi sent the ball in a direction that Soifon couldn't possibly get to in time.

Soifon dove for the ball and missed by a few inches, falling to the ground on her knees. "Dammit!"

Yoruichi threw her head back and laughed. "Ha! I told ya I'd win!" She helped the other woman off of the ground, ignoring the weak glare being sent at her. She turned to the group. "Anyone else?"

They eeped a 'No.' and shook their heads enthusiastically.

"Fine, ya pansies. Next event: DODGE BALL!"

x

"Alright. The captains are me and Soifon. Get over it. Who wants to be on my team?" Kuukaku jumped up. "Cool. Who else?" No one else moved. "I said, who _else_?" she glared.

Yoruichi's team ended up being: Kuukaku, Ganju, Ichigo, Grimmjow, Gin, Ikkaku, Aizen, and Yachiru. Soifon's was: Chad, Renji, Isshin, Hisagi, Rukia, Kenpachi, Karin, and Hitsugaya.

The rest of the group sat several feet away on the patio and watched. Bad idea.

Rukia had two sets of rope set down the middle of the yard with 8 balls evenly spaced between them. She didn't have any actual dodge balls so they made due with soccer balls, beach balls, bouncy balls, various rubber balls, and foam balls. This would also prove to be a bad idea. The soccer balls, that is.

The teams lined up on their respective sides of the rope and got ready to charge.

Yuzu stood on the sidelines holding a flag that had a sakura painted on it. "Ready? Steady... GO!" she cheered as she waved the flag.

Yoruichi and Soifon reached the balls first, both chucking them at each other, and both dodging them. This went on for quite some time.

Kenpachi was killing whoever he threw a ball at. Ganju, Ichigo, and Aizen were taken out by the titan. He roared with laughter as they held their sides and crawled off the lawn. His laughter stopped when Yachiru stopped in front of him, hand raised with a foam ball. Kenpachi couldn't bring himself to throw a ball at her or move out the way for she was giving him her kid-in-a-candy-store eyes; his one weakness besides Unohana when angry. He sighed in defeat as he let the girl toss her ball at him and walked off to the side. He growled in slight annoyance as Unohana laughed at him.

Gin, being the sneaky fox that he is, began to duck and weave as he grabbed a ball and ran to the back. At the same time Ukitake had gotten up to get an ice cream.

Time seemed to slow down as the soccer ball Gin threw went racing towards Ukitake's white haired head.

"Jyuu-chan! DUCK!" Shunsui called.

"Hmm?" Ukitake turned his head and the ball crashed into the left side of his face. "Aah!"

Everything was in slow motion. Shunsui and various women stood with their arms reached out in his direction. Gin stood wide eyed, mouth open in shock. Urahara turned his head to the side so that he couldn't see the impact.

Ukitake landed on the ground in a heap and laid still.

"He ain't movin'." Kenpachi stated after a few seconds.

Kyouraku was on his feet and by his white haired lover's side in seconds. He shook the man's shoulders. "Jyuushirou? _Jyuushirou_!"

The man coughed harshly and rolled from side-to-side, moaning loudly. "Oh, Kami..."

"Jyuushirou, are you okay?" Kyouraku's eyes were filled with concern.

"Shun? What happened?" Ukitake asked with tears pricking at the corner of his eyes.

Gin gingerly walked up to the man's side, ice pack in hand. He genuinely felt sorry for hitting such a nice man. "Sorry, sir. I hit ya with a soccer ball. I wasn't tryin' to. Honest."

Shunsui snatched the ice pack out of Gin's hand, sending the teen a half-glare. He softly placed the pack on the man's face and helped him sit up. "You alright, babe?"

Ukitake laughed and wiped at his eyes. "Yes, yes, I'm fine." He looked up at the silver haired boy. "You got me good. I'm really not as young as I used to be. A few years ago I probably would've been able to dodge that. Then again, I wasn't expecting to be hit." he sighed. He stood up and mumbled a 'Woah...' as his head started spinning and he stumbled.

"I got you." Kyouraku picked him up bridal-style and carried him back to the outdoor couch they were seated on.

"Shun, I can walk for myself." the man protested.

"Maybe, but I like carrying you. Plus, I'm stronger than you, so you don't have a choice." He laughed heartily at the icy glare thrown at him. "Aw, I was just kidding Jyuu-chan." He seated them on the couch and cradled Ukitake's head on his lap, softly petting his hair. "Shh. That's a good boy." Shunsui chuckled.

"Shut up."

Elsewhere from the sidelines, Aizen meekly kicked a rubber ball. It went into the air and hit Renji in the back of his head.

Renji choked on his soda and spit furiously, turning to see who did it.

Aizen gave him a small smirk. "Sorry, Abarai-san. It really was an accident." And it truly was.

"A funny accident, huh, Sousuke?" Gin grinned from the brunette's left.

Renji, tired of being at the brunt of their jokes, kicked the ball as hard as he could in their direction. The brunette and the fox easily sidestepped it with a grin.

Uryuu about-faced just in time to be hit directly on his glasses with the ball which bounced off his face and hit Byakuya right in the jaw.

Ikkaku, Kenpachi, and Grimmjow howled with laughter, slapped their knees and held onto their sides, screaming, "What're the odds!?" "Guess Hime ain't so pretty no more!" "I think Ishida's glasses are embedded in his skull!"

Ichigo rushed over to Uryuu, holding the boy's face in his hands. "You okay?"

"Yeah, it hurts though. It hit my glasses dead on. Is there a mark?"

"...No." Ichigo lied. (2)

Uryuu gave him a blank look. "You're a terrible liar."

"Sorry." The carrot top turned to Renji to yell at him, but saw Rukia was taking care of it instead.

"You idiot!" She screamed and punched his head. "How the hell do you hit the freakin' _birthday boy_?!"

"I'm sorry!" he said and looked up from cowering to find Byakuya glaring down at him.

The man's face was calm, but the look in his eyes was deadly. He spoke evenly. "For your sake a bruise better not form." he turned to go inside of the house.

Renji followed after him. "Shit. Byakuya, wait! I'm sorry!"

Hisagi looked at Yumi who only shrugged.

Kuukaku rolled her eyes. "Well, that sucked. What now?"

"We'll have to do something else." Yoruichi sighed. She turned to Soifon and said, "Draw."

Soifon nodded and turned up her nose. "Sure, but I would've won anyway."

"Whatever." Kuukaku grumbled.

"Right. Anyway. Listen up, guys! This event was a draw. Next event: Air hockey!"

x

Air hockey was also a bad idea.

Yachiru went up against Ikkaku. She was determined to "beat, Baldy." As per usual, she got out of control and ended up breaking something. Namely the expensive crystal on the shelf behind the table. Thankfully it wasn't Ikkaku's head. She burst into tears begging Byakuya not to hate her, who assured her (as he tried to de-tangle her from his foot) that he didn't hate her. The pink haired girl immediately perked up and continually told Byakuya how stupid it was to put glass bottles there in the first place.

"If it were, say, candy, then nothing would've been broken!" she chirped.

Yoruichi and Soifon then played against each other. Several broken bottles, a scared bunny, a possible broken rib (which belonged to Chad), and a single hole in the wall later; Yoruichi won.

The cat-like woman grinned. "I won again!"

"Mean Wasp lady, zero and Pretty Kitty lady, two!" Yachiru cheered.

"Bull..." Soifon grumbled.

Yoruichi smirked slyly. "Now, now. No need for jealousy." she tsked. "Okay. Next event: DDR!"

x

Yoruichi and Soifon decided to go first to get things over with. They played 10 songs, all of which on heavy or challenge mode. Yoruichi got ahead once, then Soifon, and then they remained tied for four. They took a break to stretch and went for it again.

Yoruichi lost _only_ because she had to hold her "boobs."

Soifon scoffed. "Whatever. I kicked your ass."

Urahara and Isshin decided to do a song. Yoruichi and Ichigo threw any shoes they could find at them as they played causing them to trip several times. After they got booed and failed, both men took a flip-flop and turned Yoruichi and Ichigo over and spanked them.

Yoruichi struggled against Isshin. Ichigo did not struggle when Urahara bent him over.

x

"Next event: CAKE AND ICE CREAM!" Yachiru announced.

Unohana and Ukitake lit the candles on one of the cakes and pushed it in front of Uryuu. "Blow out the candles and make a wish." they cooed.

Uryuu beamed and blew out the candles and they clapped and cheered.

At that point, Kuukaku and Urahara stepped out of the shadows with paddles in there hands and devious looks, mentioning something about "birthday pandying." and reminding him that he was 17.

Ichigo stepped between them and held up his arms protectively in front of Uryuu. "No more spanking!"

Gin studied the cakes. "What kind'er these?"

"Oh!" Rukia said. "One's carrot cake and the other's strawberry short cake. That's all they had left."

They all looked at Ichigo.

The orange haired teen raised an eyebrow. "What?"

X

They migrated out to the backyard patio again and sat around eating (a la Yachiru and Ukitake), gossiping (a la Yumichika and Matsumoto) and telling perverted stories (a la Shunsui, Isshin, Urahara, Kenpachi, Ikkaku, _Kuukaku_, Grimmjow, and Renji).

Hisagi's eyes narrowed when he noticed Renji's hand resting on Byakuya's lower back. "Renji."

Renji started and looked at the spiky haired boy. "Yeah?"

"We need to talk."

"Uh oh." Kenpachi laughed earning a slap to the head from Unohana.

Hisagi only raised an eyebrow and dragged Renji off to the side of the house.

"What the hell's going on?"

Renji tilted his head to the side in confusion.

"You _know_ what. What's up with you and Kuchiki?"

Renji looked down and remained quiet.

"I _knew_ it. I _tried_ to give you some credit, but I guess I was wrong. You really are a cheating bastard." the black haired teen sneered.

"Hisagi..."

"Did you love me at all?"

"Of course I did!"

"Give me one reason why I should believe you."

Renji stared then sighed, rubbing tiredly at his neck. "I... can't."

Hisagi scoffed. "It all makes sense now. The way you talked about him, the way you looked at him. I was such a _fool_. How many people knew?"

Renji shrugged. "Well... pretty much everyone." He replied, digging himself into a deeper hole.

Hisagi glared at the dismissing tone he used. "What was I to you?"

"Hisagi, please-"

"You knew how much I loved you. And even though you _hardly _said it back I still believed that you felt the same. I was a fool for believing that too, wasn't I?"

Renji looked him in the eye. "Hisagi, I'm sorry. I really am, but I just never... felt that way about you. Well, I did at first, but..." he trailed off.

Hisagi merely stared. "So that's it? You settled for me because you thought you couldn't get him? I was your plan B?" he stated more than asked.

"Hisagi..."

"Don't bother."

Renji watched as Hisagi threw him once last glare and walked around the corner. After a few minutes he walked around the corner and saw Shuuhei dragging Ikkaku off telling him to take him home.

He sat on a chair with a weary sigh. "What the fuck just happened?"

"I think Shoe just dumped yer ass." Grimmjow muttered around his cigarette.

Izuru sat beside him and gently rubbed his back. "I'm sorry it went like that."

"No. Its my fault. I mean, he's right. That's exactly what our relationship was from the start. I shouldn't have dragged him into my problems." He put his head in his hands. "Now we're probably not even gonna be friends anymore. Fuck... What should I do?"

"You have to talk to him." Izuru frowned slightly when he noticed Byakuya smirking in triumph.

"I don't even think I can face him again."

Grimmjow scoffed, smoke billowing out of his mouth. "Ya know what, Monkey?"

They all looked at Grimmjow expectantly. The smoke floating around him caught the light of the street lamps, creating a hazy halo. His azure eyes glinted in slight sympathy as he looked Renji dead in the eye. He took a final drag on his cancer stick before throwing it to the ground and stomping it out with the heel of his beat up, black boot.

He opened his mouth and said, "...You're fucked up."

It was silent for moment before Gin, Grimmjow, Kuukaku, and Kenpachi started snickering.

Kira rolled his eyes and Renji gave another sigh.

XXX

After the party Ichigo and Isshin stayed at the Ishida house with their boyfriends while Yuzu and Karin spent the night with Yachiru.

Ichigo looked over to Uryuu from his bed. "Alright, alright. You've been sewing for hours. Come to bed already."

"Fine, fine." Uryuu got up from the chair and turned off the machine. "I still can't believe you guys all pitched in to get me a sewing machine."

"Then you like it?" Ichigo grinned.

"Of course."

"Good." Ichigo sighed softly, moving over to make room for Uryuu. "Did you have fun today?"

"Today was the best birthday ever. It really was. Even with the uh..."

"Love triangle? Or the 'triangle of hate' as Kuukaku called it."

"Yes, that." Ishida laughed and snuggled into Ichigo's warm embrace.

"Oh!" Ichigo started. "I asked around about that 2 liter thing you mentioned earlier today."

"And?"

"Apparently that guy thinks you're a whore or somethin'."

"_What_?"

"Yeah. Kuukaku and Grimmjow told me its like code for sex or something. 2 liter's like a blow job and a 3 gallon is like a gang bang!" (3)

Uryuu's eyes widened then narrowed in anger. "We're going to find that guy-"

"-and rip his balls off." Ichigo finished in agreement. "But right now we're going to sleep."

"Right." Uryuu sighed.

"You busy this weekend? I figured we'd go see a movie or something."

"Oh, I can't." Ishida said.

"Why not?"

"The night of my birthday when Ryuuken came home he said something about you being 'a no good boyfriend' and that he'd fix me up with someone himself. I called him fuck face and he grounded me."

Ichigo chuckled. "Fuck face?"

"I was tired and angry and couldn't think of anything else to say."

"Well, I _guess_ that's a good reason." Ichigo laughed earning a weak punch in the stomach. He smiled softly as Ishida laughed. "You're so cute."

"Shut up. _Goodnight_, Ichigo." Uryuu muttered and instantly fell asleep.

"'Night."

The orange haired teen soon drifted off into his own dream world...

* * *

(1) One Halloween our friend Madelyn had to pick everyone up. We went to pick up her baby nephew, but his dad wanted to come too. There was no room with the car seats and all so he rode in the trunk. We had to drive really slowly. It was funny whenever we hit a bump 'cause he'd moan and then she'd say, "You okay?"

(2) That dodge ball thing actually happened. My friend Stephanie kicked the ball and it hit our friend Justin in the head and he tried to get back at her. She kept running in front of me so when he threw the ball Stephanie ducked and I was hit in the face. I was down for like a minute just moaning and rolling around. It really was all in slow motion. Then Saul hit our friend Christine and her glasses left a mark on her face.

(3) Apparently that's what they mean. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Wow. Yeah, I'd been working on this for... since the day of Uryuu's birthday (Nov. 6), but I kept getting writer's block and I procrastinated as per usual. So sorry its so late. It was supposed to be posted LAST night, but I was having such a hard time coming up with anything. So now Ikkaku's birthday is tomorrow (Nov. 9). Its true. Look it up on Wiki. Anyhoo. Sorry if it's a bit lackluster and long. The next chapter will be good though because it'll be another dream chapter! WOOT!

Yeah, I'm in a better mood this week too. Last time it really wasn't even about reviews, I was pissed off at something else and took it out on you guys. Gomen ne. -bows-


	11. Ch 4 The Gay Dream and the Mud Dream

**Author's Notes:** Ohayo, minna-san! This was supposed to be posted a week ago, but the aftermath of Turkey Day and the return of the friends threw me off. Also I've been trying to catch up with the Bleach manga seeing how I'm on, like, chapter 258 or something like that. –sigh- Anyhoo, this one might be a little long. I'm not sure. I haven't really written it out so please bear with me. But then again, I hadn't written out the last chapter and it seemed to be a success! Enjoy! –bows-

Warning- AU, shounen ai/yaoi, silliness, HUMOR, some **OOC**ness (Goddamnit! I keep putting OCC!), mix up of Japanese and English things sort of

**Pairings-** AizenxGin, IchigoxUryuu, ByakuyaxRenji, GrimmjowxIchigo, IkkakuxYumichika, IsshinxRyuuken, KenpachixUnohana, _TousenxYoruichi, UraharaxRyuuken, ZabimaruxByakuya (ONLY for the sake of this chapter!)_

**Summary-** A multiple chapter fic of the Bleach people and their highschool adventures. Cliché, but yet so original! 2nd dream chapter!

**Disclaimer-** Don't own. Don't sue. Don't ask. Don't tell. If I owned Bleach, Aizen and Gin would've surely done it on the bancouch by now. –nod nod-

**x** change of scene

_**Blah**_ – dream

**Blah** – not dream. LOL.

* * *

**A Series of Tales Full of Hilariousness**

**Chapter 4: The Gay Dream and the Mud Dream**

**-based off of my friend Christine's most distrubing dreams-**

"You busy this weekend? I figured we'd go see a movie or something."

"Oh, I can't." Ishida said.

"Why not?"

"The night of my birthday when Ryuuken came home he said something about you being 'a no good boyfriend' and that he'd fix me up with someone himself. I called him fuck face and he grounded me."

Ichigo chuckled. "Fuck face?"

"I was tired and angry and couldn't think of anything else to say."

"Well, I _guess_ that's a good reason." Ichigo laughed earning a weak punch in the stomach. He smiled softly as Ishida laughed. "You're so cute."

"Shut up. _Goodnight_, Ichigo." Uryuu muttered and instantly fell asleep.

"'Night."

The orange haired teen soon drifted off into his own dream world...

x

Ichigo: The Gay Dream

_Ichigo, Uryuu, Chad, Rukia, and Renji were sitting in Karakura High school's lunch room talking about random things that popped into their heads._

"_So," Renji started, "what do coconuts taste like?"_

"_Like coconuts." The rest of the group replied._

"_No, I mean, like not the flavor, but an actual coconut."_

"…_like a coconut." Rukia dead panned._

"_Yeah, but-"_

_Ichigo rolled his eyes. "They taste like freakin' coconuts!"_

"_It still doesn't answer my question." Renji argued. "What do they taste like?"_

"_The Flavor of Good!" A random Yachiru jumped out and screamed only to retreat back into whatever portal she crawled out of._

…

"Anyway. _Like I said, it still doesn't answer my question."_

"_Well, what do you want us to tell you they taste like? Chicken?" Uryuu asked._

"_No, cuz that'd be a nasty ass coconut." Renji scrunched his nose._

"…_What if you cracked open a coconut and it had strawberries growing inside?" Chad muttered quietly._

_Renji shuddered. "I'd be creeped out by that actually. …strawberry coconut sounds like the name of the most non lethal virus ever."_

"_It does." Ichigo nodded._

_Rukia laughed. "What if there was a virus called 'Chicken Tenders'?"_

_Renji laughed. "It'd be all like, 'He's got Chicken Tenders! Run!'" (1)_

_The group's laughter was soon interrupted by Aizen and Ichimaru. The two sat down and began making out, oblivious to their audience._

_Ichigo stared in a bemused fashion then looked away. "Okaaaaaaaaay…"_

_Suddenly the door to the gym burst open and scraps of metal and glass rained down across the tiled floor. Tousen rolled across the floor and jumped up. He was wearing a white and orange spandex suit and visors. He was shooting laser beams out of his eyes at something that was outside of the ex-door._

_Ichigo's face was blank. "Is Tousen wearing the sunglasses that the Cyclops guy from X-men wears?"_

"_Looks like it." Rukia said._

_Another giant whole was yet again blown through the wall as Kenpachi stomped in with 6 extra metal arms. He howled with laughter, arms flying in all directions and dove after Tousen._

"_Come back here, Cyclops! Stop running away! I've fought women stronger than you! HAHAHA!" he roared._

_Ichigo's face remained blank with a single upraised eyebrow. "Is Zaraki supposed to be Dr. Ocotopus from Spiderman?"_

_Kenpachi stopped his chasing and his maniac grin dropped. He looked at Ichigo with a glare. "It's Dr. Otto Octavius-Zaraki to you!" He resumed his grin and went back to chasing Tousen._

"_Oh, sorry." Ichigo mumbled._

_Laser beams and tables flew everywhere, narrowly missing the group seated at the table who watched the battle. Aizen and Gin continued to make out with tongues dueling, and saliva running down their chins._

"_Kaname!" a woman screamed._

_Tousen turned to the giant whole in the wall to see his girlfriend running towards him. "Yoruichi, Stay back!"_

"_No, I want to help you! Let me help you!"_

"_No! Run away!" Tousen yelled._

_Kenpachi laughed loudly and sent one of his metallic arms soaring towards the black haired woman. "First rule of battle: No help from the girlfriend!"_

"_AAAHH!" Yoruichi screamed as she was impaled by the arm. She crumpled to the ground, unmoving._

"_Yoruichi!" Tousen dodged another arm and ran towards his lover. He bent down and picked up the woman, cradling her body to his chest. Hot tears began to stream down his face. "Yoruichi." He kissed her lips softly. "Hold on. I'll be with you soon…" he laid her down gently and turned to face Octavius-Zaraki. "You bastard… YOU BASTARD!"_

"_That's more like it!" Zaraki bellowed as Tousen came rushing towards him._

_Zaraki ducked a laser beam headed straight for his chest and chucked a chunk of concrete in the man's direction. Tousen dodged and Kenpachi took that moment of distraction to send an arm through Tousen's chest._

_The dark skinned man coughed as blood came pouring out of his mouth. With his final breath he whispered, "Yoruichi, I'm… coming…"_

_Kenpachi guffawed. "What a pussy. AAAHH!" The titan crumpled to the ground, dead. A woman stood behind him._

_Rukia gaped. "Dood! That's Hillary freaking Clinton!"_

"_Hey, guys!" The senator said. "You alright?"_

"_Uh, yeah." Ichigo said. "Um, why'd you kill Zaraki?"_

"_Oh, that's simple." The woman smiled. "I'm for gay rights." She turned and walked out the exit._

_Ichigo blinked. "…right. Let's go outside."_

_The group walked outside to see snow falling from the sky and drifting gently to the ground. To their right was a jacuzzi tub filled with a mud-like substance._

"_What the fuck?" Renji cried, and covered his nose. "Aw, that shit smells rank!"_

_They looked further into the tub to see George Bush and Hillary Clinton (now a man) lip locked._

"_Why's Clinton a man all of a sudden?" Uryuu asked._

"…" _said Chad._

"_Whatever." Rukia grumbled. "Let's go to Urahara's shop."_

"_Good idea."_

_The group walked into Urahara Shouten to find the man himself standing behind the counter. _

_He looked up at them and smiled pleasantly. "Saa! Ichigo-kun, Rukia-chan, Sado-kun, Renji-kun, and Ishida-kun, so nice to see you! What can I do for you?"_

"_I'd like some Space Candy." Rukia asked._

"_Ah, of course. Please excuse me while I look in the back." The blond haired man bowed and exited through a doorway covered by a green and white striped cloth._

_Several minutes passed by and still no Urahara._

_Rukia groaned. "Urahara's taking too long!"_

"_Let's go see what he's up to." Uryuu suggested._

_They walked through the entry to find a naked Urahara bent over a naked Ryuuken. The two men moaned and grinded against each other._

_The group stared and turned red in the face and promptly ran outside the shop._

"_Holy crap!" Ichigo exclaimed. He punched Uryuu in the shoulder._

"_Ow! What was that for?"_

"Your_ dad's _cheating_ on _my_ dad!"_

"_Well, where is Isshin?" Rukia asked. "We have to go tell him Ryuuken's cheating on him."_

"…_maybe he's at the Genie Bottle…" Chad suggested._

"_Yeah! Let's go check there."_

_They rounded a few corners and soon approached a giant object that was indeed a genie bottle. They rang the doorbell and a black haired man with an eye patch and what could best be described as a spoon attached to his head opened it._

_The tall, giraffe-like man glared down at them. "'the hell do ya want?"_

"_We're looking for someone." Ichigo said._

"_What's the password?" the man asked, eyes- urm, _eye_ narrowed in suspicion._

_Ichigo looked to his friends, who only shrugged, and he turned back to the man. "Uh-"_

_The man grinned. "Yup. Yer official members, alright. C'mon in." He stepped aside to let them enter and closed the door behind them as they continued on._

_The group went from room to room looking for Ichigo's dad._

_They walked into a room to find Aizen whipping George Bush. _

"_Scream for me!" the brunette yelled to which Bush promptly screamed._

_Rukia sighed in exasperation. "Great! Now we have to tell Gin that Aizen's cheating on him, too."_

_They walked out of the room as soon as Aizen started to make Bush eat cheese off of his thighs._

_Ichigo was pulled into a corner suddenly. He struggled briefly, scared of the blue blur that was trying to get into his pants. He then looked up at the man trying to violate him. "Grimmjow?"_

_The aqua haired man grinned. "Yup. Nnoitra told me you were here."_

"_Nnoitra?" Ichigo questioned._

"_The guy with the spoon on his head."_

"_Oh. What do you want?"_

_Grimmjow slipped a key card into the orange haired boy's hands as he slipped his tongue into his mouth. He pulled away. "Room 6. Be there before nightfall. I'll be waitin' for ya, Red." He winked and disappeared._

_Ichigo blinked and blushed, and then turned to catch up with his friends. He found them gaping at the inside of a room._

"_What're you guys staring at?" He walked up to the room and looked in, soon turning his head to vomit._

_Byakuya lay supine on a bed with a purple baboon with a snake for a tail on top of him. _

"_Oh, Zabimaru," the black haired man gasped, "We can't. Renji's your brother and I love him. I could never betray him"_

_The primate laughed. "Don't worry. He won't have to know." It grinned and bent down to kiss the man._

x

"**NO**!"

"Ichigo! Ichigo wake up!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, STOP!" Ichigo flailed his arms around.

"Ichigo!" Uryuu yelled, but to no avail.

He gave up shaking his screaming boyfriend, picked up a cup, and headed to the bathroom. He filled the plastic, blue cup with freezing cold water and ran back into the room. He found Ichigo on the floor still thrashing around and dumped the contents of the cup over the boy's face.

Ichigo shouted and shot up. "Geez, that's cold!" He shivered and shook his head, sending water droplets everywhere. He opened his eyes and saw Uryuu standing with one hand on his hip, the other hand holding a cup, and an upraised eyebrow. His foot was tapping expectantly. "Why the hell did you throw water on me?"

Uryuu rolled his eyes. "You tell me. All of a sudden, you started kicking and screaming in your sleep. I kept yelling your name and shook you, but it wasn't working so naturally I decided ice cold water would wake you."

Ichigo only blinked, not able to come up with anything to say. "Oh."

"Yes. So, what dream were you having that would make you scream and flail around on the ground?"

Ichigo looked at him in confusion and then grew slightly pale when he remembered the dream he had. He looked to the side. "I'd… I'd rather not talk about it." He said, fingering his tangled blanket, eyes narrowed in disgust.

Uryuu sighed. "Fine. You don't have to tell me now." He placed a towel in the seemingly disturbed boy's hands. "Dry yourself off and let's go back to bed."

"…y-yeah…" Ichigo mumbled numbly.

XXX

Yumichika sighed and snuggled into the warmth that was Ikkaku's sinewy arms. A light smile spread across his face as he slept.

x

Yumichika: The Mud Dream

_Yumichika, Ikkaku, Kenpachi, Unohana, and Yachiru were at a day spa. They had already received their facials, manicures, and pedicures and were currently getting their massages._

_Yumi hummed happily as he fiddled with Kenpachi's hair. His "taichou" had finally relented and let him do his hair. "Don't worry taichou. I'll make you look good."_

"_Of course. I trust you, Yumi-chan. You're the most talented and one of the most beautiful people I know." Kenpachi said earnestly._

_Yumichika blushed. "Oh, captain. You flatter me."_

"_No, it's true!" Kenpachi insisted. "I wouldn't say it if it wasn't. You're the best at what you do."_

_He giggled. "Well, if you say so captain; thank you. You're next Unohana!" he cooed._

_Ikkaku walked in with a head full of hair and Yachiru sitting on his shoulders. Yachiru grinned as she happily chewed on a celery stick. _

"_Yumi-koi."_

"_Yes, Ikkaku?"_

"_I was wondering if you wanted to go to the mud spa with me. Just the two of us, ya know?"_

_Yumichika's face scrunched up. "_Mud?_ But I _hate_ mud."_

"_I know, but they say it's really good and there's a romantic set up and everything. I really want to share an intimate moment with you right now."_

"_Oh, but you're always so intimate with me."_

"_I know, but you deserve even more and I'm willing to give them to you when, where, and however you want, especially in public. Please?" Ikkaku begged._

_Yumichika smiled at him pleasantly. "Oh, alright." _

_He finished with Kenpachi's hair and walked towards his boyfriend. Ikkaku held out his hand for him, he took it and was led outside. They came upon a giant pit surrounded by lit candles sitting in the snow and thick steam._

_Yumi gasped. "Ikkaku, it's beautiful!"_

"_I know." Ikkaku said. "I thought you'd like it. C'mon let's get in."_

_They continued walking towards the pit and the steam around it started to clear the closer they got to it. Finally the steam cleared completely and they could see it._

_Yumichika screamed in horror._

_Inside of the pit were Iba Tetsuzaemon, Matsumoto, Hisagi, Hinamori, Kira, and Renji. The group rubbed the mud over each other's bodies and rolled around in it. Ikkaku grinned and jumped in the pit dragging Yumichika with him._

_Yumichika stood in the middle of the group horrified as they gathered around him and began clawing at him with their muddy hands. Two hands grabbed his legs and dragged him down into the dark pit._

"_NO! NO! LET ME GO!" He screamed as he was dragged down below the muddy surface. He struggled to return to the surface, but the hands wouldn't let him. He opened his mouth instinctively to suck in air only to have it filled with mud. The mud filled his lungs and he felt the corners of his mind began to go black with unconsciousness. The last thing he saw was a grinning Yachiru._

x

Ikkaku sat up in bed watching Yumichika with an uninterested look on his face. The black haired boy was rolling from side to side with his hands in the air clenching and unclenching as if he were reaching for something. He rolled his eyes at the 9th mumbled "Ikkaku… Help… Muuuuuuud..." and decided it was time to wake his feminine boyfriend up.

He shook his pretty companion's shoulders. "Oi, Yumi, wake up. Oi!"

Yumichika shot up and punched Ikkaku in the face. "NO! I HATE MUD!" he blurted out.

He looked around, realizing he was awake and calmed down, but he was still shaking. His eyes locked onto Ikkaku as the man rubbed at his darkened cheek.

"Glad to see yer awake." Ikkaku grumbled sourly.

The corner of Yumi's eyes glistened with tears. "Ikkaku… IKKAKU!" he screamed and he threw himself into the man's arms. "It was everywhere! Everywhere!"

"What was everywhere? Mud?"

"Yes, how'd you know?!" he asked, still screaming.

"Ya only bitched about it in yer sleep about 10,000 times-"

"It was horrible!" he cut him off. "Iba, Rangiku, Momo, Hisagi, Renji, and Izuru were in some pit rubbing mud all over each other. Then you jumped in and brought me with you. You all rubbed mud all over my body and in my hair." He paused to hiccup with another sob. "Then something grabbed me and dragged me down and I couldn't breathe because the mud was clogging my throat. I could _taste_ it! What a nightmare! It was horrible! HORRIBLE!" He violently sobbed some more.

Ikkaku rolled his eyes again, but wrapped his arms around the trembling frame anyway. He petted his back gingerly. "There, there…" he sighed.

* * *

(1) Me and the group I was in, in my Psychology class acutally had this entire conversation. Someone started talking about how they were hungry and then Steven asked about coconuts and it just went down from there. We were very bored.

YES, these were actually based off of two dreams my friend Christine had. We actually call them The Gay Dream and The Mud Dream. She was so freaked out and disturbed by the Mud dream that she only talked about it to me once and whenever anyone asked she wouldn't talk about and would change the subject. Anyhoo, I was going to add in two more dreams, but then it'd be REALLY long so I'll save them for another time. I'm working on the next chapter right now so you shouldn't have to wait for two weeks plus for it to be updated. ...hopefully. So yeah. Sayonara.


	12. Ch 5 Dear Santa

**Author's Notes:** Konbanwa, minna-san! Oh, mai. I've been busy, busy, busy. What with the cleaning, the friend persons, spending time with the family, Christmas shopping, and what have you. I was writing something else and was originally gonna post it, but I'm not quite finished, plus I'm tired and I didn't want it to take forever AND it has nothing to do with Christmas. I was watching the Christmas Story on TBS (yes, from the marathon that they show of it for 24 hours) and was inspired so I whipped this up real quick-like. Enjoy! –bows-

Warning- AU, shounen ai/yaoi, silliness, HUMOR, some OOCness, mix up of Japanese and English things sort of

**Pairings-** ByakuyaxRenji, IkkakuxYumichika, KenpachixUnohana

**Summary-** A multiple chapter fic of the Bleach people and their highschool adventures. Cliché, but yet so original! Yachiru's letter to Santa!

**Disclaimer-** Don't own. Don't sue. Don't ask. Don't tell. If I owned Bleach, there'd be a Christmas episode where Yamamoto would be santa and the Gotei taichous and fukutaichous would be the elves!

**x** change of scene

_**blah**_ - letter

* * *

**A Series of Tales Full of Hilariousness**

**Chapter 5: Dear Santa...**

Yachiru, after requesting and retrieving pink, glitter gel pen and pink parchment from Kenpachi, seated herself at the dinner table. She munched on a few Christmas sugar cookies, took a gulp of milk, and then began to write.

x

_Dear Santa,_

_I'm going to tell you what I want for Christmas, okay? And I BETTER get everything, too. You, see, I get very angry when I don't get what I want, and when I'm angry, Ken-chan's angry and I KNOW you wouldn't want that. Anyhoo, since I consider this to be a business... trans... action? Yeah! A business transaction, I'll try to be as professional as possible._

_What I want for Christmas:_

_-For Uno-chan to give Ken-chan a taste of her pie. He's been asking for one of her pies for a long time now. He asks every night, but she always slaps him and walks away. Her pie must taste really good. So, yeah, I want one of her pies for Ken-chan!_

_-I want "commitment" for Baldy. I'm not sure what it means, but Feather Brow keeps yelling at him about it. Oh, could I also get "PDA" (1) for him? Feathers wants that from him too._

_-A pink DS lite and Cooking Mama._

_-Byakushi to realize that he should be my boyfriend and not that dummy head Zebra! (2)_

_-And last of all I want candy. Lots and lots of candy! And blueberry yogurt pocky. Oh, and mochi ice cream; the strawberry and mango kinds. If you get me green tea I'll hunt you down and kill you!_

_That's all! Please forward all gifts to Zaraki Ken-chan. Money and extra candy is always accepted._

_Kusajishi Yachiru_

_KY_

x

She carefully folded the letter and put it inside a light pink envelope and jumped up. She ran to Kenpachi with the envelope in hand, bouncing up and down on her heels.

"Ken-chan, Ken-chan! I'm done! Let's deliver it to Santa!"

Kenpachi blinked in confusion. "Deliver it?"

XXX

Sitting in his oversized, comfy, brown easy chair sat Shigekunei Yamamoto-Genryuusai, principal of Karakura High, with his feet propped up. He was looking through his mail while he casually puffed on his pipe.

"Let's see... Bills, Christmas cards, junk mail..."

He frowned at the last envelope in his hands. It looked professional aside from the pink envelope and the grinning snowman sticker adorning it. He opened the envelope and unfolded the letter and began to read.

"'Dear Santa...' Who the devil?"

* * *

(1) PDA stands for Public Displays of Affection. Seeing as how I didn't know what it stood for up until a few years ago I decided to put the description just incase there was anyone else like me out there.

(2) Renji cuz o' the tattoos.

(3) I have a pink DS and I got Cooking Mama for Christmas so... yeah.

Sorry it was so short, but yeah. I really had no plans on writing anything for Christmas, but inspirations struck. If you didn't like it I don't blame you, but I felt the need to at least post the damn thing to let you know I hadn't put the story on hiatus or something. I'll be finished with the next chapter shortly and really hope to put it up soon if the friend persons don't interfere. They show up at the worst moments. Anyhoo, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, (Happy Christmachannukwanzaakah), Happy New Year! SAYONARA!


	13. Ch 6 Case Studies pt1 Kira and Grimmjow

**Author's Notes:** Konbanwa, minna-san! This was supposed to be posted earlier today (its 3 am on Friday, right now). Oh, mai. I've been gone for far, FAR too long and I deeply apologize for that. I've noticed I've been getting a lot of hits, no reviews (I've made peace with that!), but a lot of hits and a few favorites so I decided to post a new chapter instead of fall asleep like the last two days. The family and friend persons, capslockbleach, and YouTube have kept me from updating. Now that I've finally got {off my lazy ass} some time to write, expect more frequent updates! Enjoy! –bows-

Warning- AU, shounen ai/yaoi, silliness, HUMOR, some **OOC**ness (why do I keep putting OCC?! Ohmaigod!), mix up of Japanese and English things sort of

**Pairings-** AizenxGin, GinxRangiku, GinxKira (not so one-sided anymore), RenjixHisagi (past), GrimmjowxUlquiorra (of sorts)

**Summary-** A multiple chapter fic of the Bleach people and their highschool adventures. Cliché, but yet so original! Nemu's Case Studies underway!

**Disclaimer-** Don't own. Don't sue. Don't ask. Don't tell. If I owned Bleach, I'd get most of my ideas for every episode from capslockbleach (Live Journal).

**x** next day

_**blah**_ – quote thingies at beginning of journals, song names, movie names, etc.

**blah** – Nemu's explanations and "findings"

* * *

**A Series of Tales Full of Hilariousness**

**Chapter 6: Case Studies- The Fanboy and the Rebel**

**Greetings,**

**If you have received this journal that means you have been chosen to help me with a project. My Psychology class requires that I have a few friends and acquaintances that I would be unbiased towards write in a journal for a few days. I will collect them at the end of the week, study them, and give you the results of my findings on a later date.**

**Please put your name, and also pick a quote, phrase, passage, or poem as a heading to the rest of the journal that describes you or however you feel whether it is about yourself or someone else. Every entry must have the location you are in and your mood. It is optional, but you may also put what music you are listening to, what you were reading, or what you are watching.**

**If you choose to decline taking part in this, then give the journal back when you get the chance. If not, then I thank you for helping with this project.**

**Sincerely,**

**Kurotsuchi Nemu**

XXX

Izuru Kira

_How doth the little crocodile_

_Improve his shining tail,_

_And pour the waters of the Nile_

_On every golden scale!_

_How cheerfully he seems to grin,_

_How neatly spreads his claws,_

_And welcomes little fishes in,_

_With gently smiling jaws!_

-The Caterpillar; Lewis Carroll's _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland_

Mood: Content

Music: _Hide and Seek - Imogen Heap_. Recommended by Ichimaru. I actually like it!

Location: Bedroom

I know the poem is a bit strange, but Ichimaru said the poem reminded him of himself and since I'm _thinking_ about him I just thought I'd put it. So, um, I guess I'll just talk about my day. In Journalism class I was yet again the only one to do work. I know everyone says it's unfair that Ichi- urm, _Gin_, doesn't help, but honestly it doesn't bother me. I enjoy being of help to him, even if it's only for class. And besides, he wrote a rough draft once and… well, let's just say we both agreed that it was best for me to do the project at that time. The only thing is that I just do every project now. It's not like he doesn't help. He actually makes a lot of helpful suggestions and he sits and watches me just in case I need him, so it's not like I'm all alone.

Anyway, I really would do anything for him, I think. I still don't know if he really notices me though. Sometimes I get the feeling he's just toying with me, but then sometimes he'll be so sweet and kind to me. I really can't understand how people think he's "creepy" or "evil." I mean, he might _look_ like that, but he really is a sweet guy. He's brought me Valentine's gifts, Christmas presents, and birthday presents.

He even visited me while I was sick once. Although Renji could be right in saying that he just did it to ditch school, but the whole time he was with me he was really nice. He drove out to get me soup! When he returned he made me a cake with vanilla frosting, M&Ms, sprinkles, candles, and marshmallows. (1) True, the cake made me even sicker and I was out again the next day, but it did taste good, surprisingly. It was just really sweet, in more ways than one. He even fed it to me!

The point is, I love him so much and I want him all to myself. Its not in my nature to be selfish, but maybe just this once...

Sigh. I really do envy Aizen and Rangiku…

x

Mood: Slightly depressed

Music: _Cheer Up- Reel Big Fish_. Another song recommended by Gin. It's not working...

Location: My room

Sometimes I really do feel like I'm alone. I don't know. Really, nowadays the only time I'm happy is around Gin. I really feel out of place in our "group." The group being: Iba, Rangiku, Ikkaku, Yumichika, Renji, Hisagi, Hinamori, and myself. I feel like I don't belong; almost like I don't matter. I mean, I was absent for a week once with the flu (and then a stomach virus courtesy Ichimaru), and Rangiku actually said, "We missed you. Without you, no one was listening; everyone was talking." (1) I don't think she was saying it to make me feel bad, but that's the effect it had. Ever since then I've been questioning my friendship with them.

It's true, I feel left out in everything; conversations and all. There are sometimes they tell these jokes with each other and when I ask they just laugh and say "Inside joke" and keep talking. They've even went places without me. They tell me what happened and when I don't act as enthused as them, Renji will pat me on the back and say, "Guess you had to be there." I know Renji isn't the… brightest, but even _he _should realize how much that hurts me.

I guess my role is to just go along with what they say and listen without voicing my opinion. If I did say something, they'd probably just brush it off anyway, like they do now. I'm basically there to make the group number even. We were watching Dane Cook the other day and he was telling a joke about how there's always a friend in the group that no one likes and I couldn't help but think that I must be it.

I don't know. Maybe I'm just being "emo" again.

I wonder what Gin's doing…

x

Mood: In love

Location: Chemistry.

Video: There's a sub so we're watching a show about some science guy named Bill. (2)

I passed by Ichimaru on the stairs and he gave me the sweetest, most sincere smile I've ever seen on his handsome face. He winked at me and said, "Hey, cutie." I almost fainted! I can't even think about it without blushing. Right now I'm just sitting here with a stupid smile on my face. Szayel was anxious to know what it was that would actually make me smile so much. I told him and he just raised an eyebrow. It's okay. No one'll ever understand how I feel about Gin. I felt like I saw the real Gin today. Not the "Fox," as everyone calls him. He looked so cute and sweet. If I don't stop picturing it, I'll squeal! Renji's right. I'm such a fanboy!

x

Mood: Worried

Location: Gin's house. Taking a break from working on our project.

Movie: _Swingers_. One of Gin's favorite movies. It causes him to say "so money" a lot.

I'm so worried about Renji and Hisagi. They haven't said more than a sentence to each other in _months_. Momo and I have talked to Hisagi. He says he's not mad at Renji anymore, but he can't bring himself to talk to him. Renji's too embarrassed and ashamed to strike up a conversation. I don't know how much longer I can stay wedged in between them at lunch, in classes, or at movies. It's really unbearable and- I'll finish later. Gin wants to talk to me.

x

Mood: In _LOVE_

Location: Living room after school

Music: _Clumsy - Fergie_. Recommended by Rangiku. No comment on why she decided to send it to me...

I just got back from Ichimaru's. Sorry I didn't finish writing yesterday. I guess I should explain what happened. To put it simply, we're sort of together. Yesterday, Gin called me up stairs into his room and told me to sit on his bed. He could tell I was… uneasy and he told me to relax. He held my hands and then he told me that he returns my feelings. I was shocked to say the least. I asked him how we could be together when he's with Aizen _and_ Rangiku. He told me they don't care (and I know Rangiku doesn't) and that we can make it work. I believe him.

I didn't finish the project because we made out the rest of the time. I was so awkward and horrible at it that he had to actually teach me! French kissing is really weird. My feminine side took over and as soon as I got home I called over Renji and Hisagi. They were so happy for me that they actually talked to each other without that awkward tension!

Anyway, Gin made plans for us this weekend. I've never been so excited!

XXX

Grimmjow Jaegerjaques

_"I do a lot of things that are very Rebellious, but at least I'm not sniffing coke." (3)_

Okay, there was that one time at that party, but other than that...

Mood: Pissed

Location: Ulquiorra's room

Listen, you creepy bitch! The only reason I'm doin' this stupid shit is cuz Aizen and Ulquiorra are makin' me. I mean, they literally won't let me leave the fuckin' room. I guess it's okay, cuz that idiot Ichimaru and that lazy ass Stark can't leave either. The pink haired fruit's the only one who actually wants to do this. Him and his big ass words... I'm done. I hate doin' this shit and I hate you. Bye.

P.S. I hate Tousen the most.

P.S.S. (or is it P.P.S? Whatever!) What gave you the idea we were friends _or_ acquaintances?

x

Mood: Laughin' my ass off. That's a mood. Shut up.

Location: 2nd period.(4) Drawing.

Music: _Ruby Soho - Rancid_

First period was funny as hell. We didn't have to do anything in Weight Training so me, Yammi, Ichigo, Chad, Ikkaku, Renji, and Nnoitra just sat in a group and told gay jokes and stuff, as usual. Well, not Chad since, I'm guessin', sometimes he loses the ability to speak and Shoe (Shuuhei) was off avoidin' Monkey (Renji) somewhere. Then we read some stuff on the Monkey's phone. The stuff he talked about with Shoe is really fucking gay. It was like some story they were doin'. The last thing I read was somethin' about Fire Crotch (also Renji) and Shoe's "members" rubbing together and pushing past a "vagina fest" or something. There was also something about Blondie (Kira) masturbating to Ichimaru while cutting himself. The rest of the period was spent throwin' hackey sacks at each other's balls. Fuckin' hilarious!

x

Mood: Upset, honestly. Don't laugh.

Location: The most useless class ever- Maths.

So in drawing I completely fucked up my painting of a turtle and fish by thinkin' it'd be a good idea to paint the blank spots blue for water. I completely butchered it! Watercolor paint sucks! I painted another with a freaky lookin' fish that I made up. Doesn't look too bad. The only thing I'm really good at painting when it comes to the ocean is seaweed.

We had to do a flag a few weeks ago so I painted the Japanese flag, but put sakura petals on it so it wasn't just a big red dot. Kuchiki came in the class just as Kyouraku was taping it to the board. He asked if he could have it and I let him. At the Four-Eyed Sewing Machine's (Ishida's) birthday shindig I saw one o' Berry's (Ichigo's) sisters waving a flag that looked like my painting... Anyway, I did another one at home and put "JAPANDOMONIUM" at the bottom. Ulquiorra told me its spelled "pandemonium." Oh, well. Il Forte was spelling it with an "i." Oh. I know he's my buddy, but he sure ain't as smart as his little brother. Almost every year on the first of March he puts 2/29 on all his papers and it's never a fuckin' leap year! HAHA!

x

Mood: Pissed the fuck off!

Location: Drawing room for Lunch

Music: _Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana_

So Ulquiorra is a bitch (but I'm sure everyone knew that). Every time I show him something I drew or painted he ALWAYS manages to shoot it down. For Greek mythology week I drew a cyclops that looked like Zaraki. He said it wasn't proportioned and crap. I showed him the Freaky Fish painting I made and told him I liked it. He said, "Sure... It's weird looking though. It looks more like a dinosaur or a mutant than a fish." Then I asked him if he thought he could draw better and he said, "Yes." I told him to prove it and he said, "Just bring me the paper." I did and he can draw really good- But that ain't the point!

Mood: Still pissed

Location: School roof after school

Music: _Pieces - Sum 41_

I know Ulquiorra's my boyfriend _thing_, but I swear that one day I'm gonna stab him. God, I really can't stand him sometimes. Him and that stupid little face he makes when he's annoyed even though he's a bitch, but too proud of himself to admit it. I know what you're thinkin'; "He's always got the same expression on his face." Well, if you've known him long enough and you watch closely you can tell how he's feeling. There's always a slight difference in his facial expression.

ANYWAY. He really does get off on making someone feel less than him. It's always directed at me, most of the time. _Always_ me. He thinks I'm stupid. It comes out in how he talks to me, how he treats me, how he looks at me. Why doesn't he just come out and say it, ya know? I'm not good enough for him. Well, whatever. I don't need to fuckin' impress him! I don't have to impress anybody!

Just you watch. I'm gonna knock his ass right off of his goddamn pedestal he puts himself on.

FUCK. YOU.

x

Mood: _**PISSED**_

Location: The fucking _hospital_.

Movie: Some crap movie called _Little Miss Sunshine_.

That piece of shit Tousen broke my left fucking arm! He invited us over to his house for tea (don't ask). I go to walk in and he moves to slam the door in my face and says, "You're not invited." My hand's wedged in between the door and I push it open. He opens it all the way and the second I get my arm in he slams the door as hard as he can right on my fucking_ arm_! Gin, Nnoitra, and Yammi laugh their fuckin' asses off. Ulquiorra rolls his eyes and stares at me like I'm an idiot, along with Halibel. Stark just yawned.

I mean, really. What the fuck was I supposed to do? Stay outside in the fuckin' cold for hours on end? Cuz that's how long Aizen's meetings last. For _HOURS_. We drove there in Gin's shitty van so he had the keys; not that I would've sat in it anyway. That thing isn't safe. It rattles too much. ANYWAY.

The only people who moved to help me were Il Forte and Aizen. That bastard _AIZEN_ moved to help me before my own fucking _BOYFRIEND_. What the _FUCK?_

* * *

(1) The thing with Izuru being sick and the cake thing actually happened to me. And my friend actually said that 'We missed you 'cause no one was listening' line to me my freshman year. Yeah. It sucked.

(2) If you get who it is I'll send you a link to one of my floaty blob comics!

(3) A quote from Avril Lavigne, I think. I dun like her, but the quote made me laugh.

(4) Please bear with me considering I'm not _exactly_ sure how the Japanese school system works.

Okay. I actually did all the drawing stuff and we were allowed to listen to music in class. Anyway, I'm not quite sure how to feel about this just yet. As of now its kind of... unimpressive to me. So far, I've got these two, Chad, Ichigo, and Stark. I'll probably add one more to make it even. So tell me how you feel. I don't feel like its up to par with my past stuff, but I'll tell ya it was hard to fucking come up with some parts of this. I'll probably update sometime soon since I've already got Chad and Ichigo's done. So, uh, yeah. Review please! Ja ne!

P.S. The gay jokes, the phone stories, and the hackey sacks to the balls- that's pretty much how all the guys in band acted. In fact, me and my circle of friends told gay and racist jokes; mainly against me and Christine (I'm black, she's Filipino), it was my friends Jose and Chris who did the phone story, and there were quite a few times where all the boys would just sit in a huge circle in the band room and aim for each other's junk with hackey sacks.


	14. Ch 6 Case Studies pt2 Chad and Ichigo

**Author's Notes:** Konbanwa, minna-san! This was supposed to be posted WAY earlier, but I caught what appears to be the flu last week. I just NOW started feeling better. The most I have now is a sore/scratchy throat, coughing fits, and random bouts of nausea. So yeah, sorry if this is even worse. I'm REALLY trying to make it funny and I'm also trying to make it fast. Enjoy! -bows-

Oh, for those of you who are caught up with the Bleach manga: Was anyone else surprised by what's actually behind Nnoitra's eye patch like I was? Seriously, I didn't even think, "Maybe his hollow hole's behind it." I felt so stupid. capslockbleach had a lot of good ideas. Check it out!

Warning- AU, shounen ai/yaoi, silliness, HUMOR, some OOCness, mix up of Japanese and English things sort of

**Pairings-** AizenxGin, IchigoxIshida, GinxKira, UraharaxIchigo, GrimmjowxIchigo, GrimmjowxUlquiorra (of sorts), IkkakuxYumichika

Summary- A multiple chapter fic of the Bleach people and their high school adventures. Cliché, but yet so original! Nemu's Case Studies under way!

**Disclaimer-** Don't own. Don't sue. Don't ask. Don't tell. If I owned Bleach, Szayel's name would definitely be changed to 'Szayel Christ.'

**x** next day

_**blah**_ – quote thingies at beginning of journals, song names, movie names, etc.

**blah** – Nemu's explanations and "findings"

* * *

**A Series of Tales Full of Hilariousness**

**Chapter 6: Case Studies pt.2- The Boy of Few Words and the Harlot**

Yasutora Sado. Well, you probably know me as Chad…

"_We're only gonna die for our own arrogance, _

_That's why we might as well take our time" –We're Only Gonna Die for Our Arrrogance; _Sublime

...I couldn't think of anything else to put.

Mood: …fine, I guess

Location: Break room at work

Book I'm reading: The Picture of Dorian Gray

I'm on break at work right now so I thought I'd get started.

Nothing much happened today. During lunch Grimmjow was stomping around angrily on the roof. Even Ichigo couldn't cheer him up. We know it had something to do with Ulquiorra.

Ichigo told us about a dream he had that was… interesting. He said something about mud and Ayasegawa turned pale and ran away.

…I have to get back to work.

Mood: Tired

Location: Bedroom

I'm tired. I'm going to bed.

x

Mood: Ok

Location: School

I had a strange dream last night. Something about Ichigo being molested by carebears…(1)

x

Mood: Amused

Location: School

At the end of last period I was walking with Grimmjow, Il Forte, and Renji to our lockers. Luppi's locker is right next to Grimmjow's so they decided to play a prank on him. Grimmjow had Ichimaru give him the combination to Luppi's locker earlier and Il Forte had also stolen a dead scorpion from his brother's bug collection. They put it in his locker and we watched around the corner while Grimmjow stayed at his locker. Luppi stood there shaking and pointing at his locker saying, "What is that?" Grimmjow glanced at it and said, "Looks like a scorpion." Luppi ran off screaming while Grimmjow put it back in its case. They were all laughing so hard they were rolling on the ground.(2)

I'd feel bad for Luppi, but… he's kind of annoying.

…time for the next class.

x

Mood: Slightly amused

Location: School

A- …sorry. I just broke another pencil. I don't try to. It just… happens.

Anyway, the Weight Training coach just told Yammi that Thomas Jefferson was the one that invented the light bulb. Well… he _is_ a coach so maybe he didn't really bother with history? I didn't have it in my heart to tell them they were wrong.(3)

XXX

Kurosaki Ichigo

"_Caveat lector"_

It's Latin for "Let the reader beware."

Mood: Confused/Disturbed

Location: History. Ukitake's boring today

I had a weird dream a few days ago. Of course it doesn't top the Gay Dream. I finally told that one to everyone awhile ago. Even Yachiru was there (it was Take Your Kid to Work Day). I told them _everything_. Gladly they found it just as disturbing. When I said "mud," though, Yumichika started shaking and walked away. Ikkaku told us about Yumichika's dream after I was finished. It was pretty funny, but I could understand how _he_ could freak out.

I asked if anyone else had dreams to talk about. Uryuu said he had one about me and Grimmjow, but he was blushing so hard I thought his head would explode. Kira said he had one and he was equally as red so we all know who and what _that_ dream was about. It just made Fox Face tease him more.

x

Mood: Fine, I guess

Location: My room

Current sounds: Grimmjow snoring. I can explain…

Uh, today's Friday and I'd be with Uryuu right now if he wasn't grounded for calling Ryuuken 'fuck face' again …and if Grimmjow wasn't practically asleep on me.

He wasn't at school for two days and whenever we asked his fellow "Espada" (basically Aizen's group of lackeys who help Gin and Tousen enforce his "laws." They also help put up decorations for events and stuff) if they'd seen him they'd either: laugh, shrug, and/or roll their eyes. So we asked the Big Three. Ichimaru fell over laughing, Tousen smiled (SMILED!). We finally went to Aizen and he told us Grimmjow's arm had been broken through a "mishap." We really didn't want to know, so we left it at that.

Anyway, Grimmjow called earlier today and asked if he could come over. I couldn't say 'no' when he said, "Please, Ichi?" Not that I was gonna say no anyway. He sounded sad._ Anyway_, he came over and I'm glad my sisters were out cuz I'm pretty sure they're not at the right age to hear the amount of expletives Grimmy can spew. …he let's me call him Grimmy when no one else is around, okay? ANYWAY, he told me about all the problems he's been having with Ulquiorra lately. I wasn't surprised by most of it, but I still can't believe that he didn't help Grimm when his arm was practically broken in HALF (he showed me the x-rays). I seriously think he has no heart.

I feel bad for Grimmjow. He's really considering breaking up with Schiffer. I don't blame him. Grimmjow, no matter how much of an ass he is (Well, to everyone else; not to me) deserves better. I guess I could be slightly biased since I'm close to Grimmy and I hate Ulquiorra's guts.

After he showed me his x-rays and his drawings (which _I_ like) and talked himself tired, he laid on my bed with me. He looked really upset and I didn't know what to do so I pulled him close and started rubbing the back of his neck and behind his ears. He started nuzzling me and purring! Grimmjow Jaegerjaques was NUZZLING me and PURRING! I guess Halibel was right in saying Grimmy's just a big cat. I laughed and said, "Kinda cute." And he said, "Not as cute as you." We started making out and he got on top of me and… as stupid and utterly cliché as it sounds; one thing led to another and… well, he practically fucked me into the sheets.

Wait. Am I allowed to talk about this stuff in here? Well, whatever. It was the best sex I've ever had; even better than that time with Kisuke. …don't tell anyone about that, okay? My dad _just_ started talking to Kisuke again and I get enough crap about the 'Couch Incident' as it is.

Anyway, I'm pretty much just… cuddling Grimmjow now. I'm tired. I'll talk later.

x

Mood: Bored

Location: Maths

We went to the Dracula play on Saturday. It was short and it kinda sucked and I was sitting in between Grimmjow and Uryuu (who's really pissed because of me and Grimmjow doing it). The guy who plays Dracula (who's in me, Chad, and Keigo's English class) hardly had any lines so I don't know what he was so excited about. At least he won't be wearing those stupid fangs anymore. He actually wore them for a MONTH up until the play and you couldn't even see the stupid things from where we were seated (in the front effing row). Friggin' idiot. (4)

Our English teacher told us that originally vampires didn't suck blood, they actually sucked out your souls and left your body to die.

…Vampires suck.

No pun intended.(5)

x

Mood: Disgusted

Location: Maths

So yesterday after school after The Big Three and their Espada left, Yumichika told us about Luppi's "Hit List" ("hit" as in: bang, grope, fondle. Ya get the idea). Well, apparently ALL of us are on it; like even Nnoitra and Mayuri (no offense). There's a list for guys and chicks. Matsumoto's #1 on the chicks and Grimmjow's #1 on the guys. Heh. Good luck with Grimm.

Oh, and I guess he knows where we all live since he has "ways" or something. I'm staying away from him even more now. Freak…

x

Mood: Uh, I dunno. Bored I guess

Location: Library

Uryuu and Szayel are working on some science thing thus I'm bored as hell. I'll just talk about whatever.

Earlier today I kicked the shit out of the "1 liter/3 gallon" guy after Uryuu pointed him out. Grimmjow helped and Stark just watched and wrote in his journal. It was weird.

In Weight Training class Renji put his cell phone in his pants so we wouldn't get to it cuz we were trying to read his and Hisagi's "story." Rukia text messaged him and it vibrated so he went "Oooh" and almost fell off his chair. Then during lunch he took it out to show Rukia it wouldn't work after he dropped it and it wouldn't turn on. Me and Rukia tried to turn it on then Matsumoto took it and tried to take out the battery and SIM card, but Renji wanted it back so she threw it to him and he didn't catch it. When he picked the phone up it was just the screen and the part with the buttons was by his feet! Even now I can't stop laughing about it!

In English today the Daily Question was to put what we can live without and I put cell phone and I started cracking up. Then I looked up and Renji was standing at the front reading the board. I almost died!

Oh, I really need to get Grimmjow to stop smoking. He's been coughing lately and it sounds really nasty. You can hear all the fluids and shit. He keeps spitting too and it's always this nasty slime-like, yellow goop. It's really gross.(6)

* * *

(1) I had this dream. 'cept it was members of Dir en grey being molested and I was trying to fight them off. It was awhile before I got to see them live and I was excited.

(2) These two bandie kids Max and Jimmy (Jim from Chatper 1) did this to our friend Will (William from Chapter 1). They put it in his band locker and when he saw it (him being gay) pretty much did what Luppi did. He was to the other side of the band room in seconds!

(3) My math teacher (who was also a volley ball coach) did this. I really couldn't say anything to correct him.

(4) The guy who played Dracula for our school play actually wore these stupid fangs for, like, a MONTH and he BARELY had any lines. Plus, you couldn't even see the stupid things in the theatre.

(5) Obvious Bount reference.

(6) My friend had this problem while she was smoking. It was SO GROSS!

Yeah, so hopefully this one was better or as good as the last one since you guys seemed some what satisfied with the last one. Ichigo's took forever! I still have Stark's to finish and I'm not sure who I'm going to do next. It's a toss up between Rukia and Momo (who'd talk about Aizen the whole time), then put Nemu's "findings," then move on to the next chapter. Please let me know of any mistakes seeing as how I feel horrible right now and probably missed something. Ja ne!


	15. Ch 6 Case Studies pt3 Stark and Renji

**Author's Notes:** Konbanwa, minna-san! I've been inspired so I can't wait until I'm finished with this chapter! I don't really have anything else to say. So… yeah. Enjoy! -bows-

Oh, does anyone else think Nnoitra's kinda good looking sometimes? Like in a hot way? He _is_ kinda cool, ya know?

Warning- AU, shounen ai/yaoi, silliness, HUMOR, some OOCness, mix up of Japanese and English things sort of

**Pairings-** GinxRangiku, IchigoxIshida, GinxKira, ByakuyaxRenji, GrimmjowxIchigo

Summary- A multiple chapter fic of the Bleach people and their high school adventures. Cliché, but yet so original! Nemu's Case Studies under way!

**Disclaimer-** Don't own. Don't sue. Don't ask. Don't tell. If I owned Bleach, Hueco Mundo Cup episodes would be the omake.

**x **-next day

_**blah**_ – quote thingies at beginning of journals, song names, movie names, etc.

**blah** – Nemu's explanations and "findings"

* * *

**A Series of Tales Full of Hilariousness**

**Chapter 6: Case Studies pt.3- The Slackerz**

Stark

_Absolute power corrupts, absolutely._

I'm not sure what that has to do with anything though…

Mood: Sleepy

Location: Ulquiorra's room

I'm currently barricaded in #4's room being forced to write a journal entry so you don't fail your class or some nonsense to that effect. Also Aizen-sama thinks it'll be good for us. I'm not particularly happy about being awoken from my nap to do this so forgive me if I sound… unenthused.

Grimmjow isn't exactly happy about it either, seeing as how he's scratching at the door and growling to be let out. It's actually quite amusing to watch.

Ichimaru-san is sprawled on Ulquiorra's bed pretending to write, but really he's just drawing suggestive pictures of himself and that sad looking blond he calls his "lil 'Zuru." I don't know if I prefer to see this or the "art" he painted on my room wall of himself and that well-endowed woman he calls "Matsy" the one time they stumbled into our house after a bout of illegal drinking. …they _literally_ stumbled into our house. Yammy was forced to make a door out of several sheets of ply wood to temporarily replace the back glass door. Interesting the things you can learn in a simple, high school wood shop class. The locking mechanism was surprisingly flawless.

Well, Grimmjow and Ichimaru-san have just started to raid through Ulquiorra's closet and drawers. I'll watch because I'm sure the end results will be amusing.

Oh, don't expect me to write too much. I haven't the motivation or the drive.

x

Mood: Amused

Location: Empty hallway next to the cafeteria

Well, I entered the hallway to do my daily patrol (as Aizen-sama requires all Espada to do for the "safety of our fellow students") and happened upon a fight.

Kurosaki Ichigo had just come out of his cooking class, Ishida Uryuu his fashion design and apparel class, and #6 his drawing class. Apparently Ishida had spotted someone who had tried to solicit him for sex at an earlier date and alerted Kurosaki. Kurosaki then took it upon himself to start pummeling the boy into the floor.

Grimmjow then came out of his drawing class and asked Ishida why "his Berry was wailing on some senior." Ishida explained and Grimmjow then preceded to beat the "sorry piece o' shit" into the ground along with Kurosaki.

I know as an Espada I should be stopping them, especially since I'm Espada #- Sorry. The bell has just rung. I'll write later. Maybe…

Mood: Sleepy

Location: Maths

Sleepy… Sleeeepy… Have to use the bathroom… So sleepy... Bored… Bored and sleepy... Nodding off… About to go to sleep…

…the teacher just said we're going to review XYZ's later. Then he told us not to check our fly's. …I don't get it.

Sleepy…

x

Mood: Bored

Location: Government

This boy named Tetsuya (who actually pays attention in this dreadful class) is selling candy for car insurance money. I thought he was carrying his shoes around because the candy is in a shoe box.

He really should decorate the box a bit or put "NOT SHOES" on it or _something_. (1)

x

Mood: Bored

Location: Chemistry

Note to self: Never fall asleep in class two days in a row. I'm currently sitting here doing nothing again because I don't know what to do. I missed the notes during my altered state of consciousness.

I asked that blond boy Ichimaru-san's currently obsessed with if I could copy his notes, but his loud mouth, red-head friend has them. I asked Aporro, but he played dumb. I could've just forced him to give them to me since I'm of higher rank, but I'm not that motivated and I don't care that much.

Anyway, now I have to come in after school and copy the teacher's. I'm not looking forward to it. Urahara-sensei is nice, but Kurotsuchi-sensei is always in there with him after school and… Well, forgive me, but your father unnerves me.

…How very troublesome. I'm having a very hard time concentrating today…

x

Mood: Slightly worried

Location: Computers (the class in which I'll sleep from now on)

I couldn't do a whole page (front and back) of the open journal chemistry test because I didn't have the notes. I will probably fail this semester. (2) Aizen-sama will not be pleased. Hopefully I won't be demoted. There are a lot of advantages to being Espada number- Principal Yamamoto just walked in so I have to do actual computer work now.

Good bye.

XXX

Abarai Renji

_If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?_

No, seriously. What color? Purple?

Mood: Confused

Location: English

"Those who dream by day are aware of many things which escape those who dream only by night." –Edgar Allan Poe.

What the hell does that mean?

Mood: Happy

Location: History

Byakuya found me during lunch so we went to his room to eat. It was fun. He hugged me and kissed me and that made me happy, but now I feel like I'm going to throw up. I always get sick after he kisses me after lunch. I get a scratchy throat and keep coughing or my stomach hurts. I wonder if it's possible to be allergic to some one. Maybe it's all in my head. Or it could be his chap stick. I always have its taste in my mouth after we kiss. That has to be it! (3)

x

Mood: I dunno

Location: History

We found out what it is that makes me feel weird after Bya kisses me… I'm allergic to bananas. (4)

We noticed the only time I'd feel sick was after he ate a banana. To test it, I took a bite of one and they had to immediately drive me to the hospital cuz my throat closed up so much I could barely breathe. Oh well. I never cared too much for 'em anyway.

Since Bya can't eat bananas anymore, for my sake, he's switched to mangos. He tastes way sweeter.

Mood: Bad

Location: Maths

I saw Byakuya while I was walking to class earlier. He saw me, but I didn't go to talk to him cuz I didn't want to bother him. I saw him again before this class and he looked really sad. Well, he didn't _look_ sad (he'd never show his emotions like that), but _I_ could tell.

I still get so nervous and I get that queasy feeling in my stomach when I see him.

I feel really bad now…

x

Mood: I feel stupid

Location: Chemistry

I don't get scientific notation and there's no way in hell I'm talking to Kurotsuchi about it. Creepy bastard… Oh! No offense, Nemu. Anyway, whenever someone asks for help, he just yells at them to read the definition in the notes and it's not friggin' helping.

Apparently it's easy to do. Really, the only thing I'm good at is fightin' and video games. Well, at least I got street smarts.

…Mayuri keeps complaining about how the "dull-witted Americans" haven't switched to the metric system like the rest of the world. I swear, he complains about it everyday. (5)

…it smells like piss and formaldehyde in here.

x

Mood: Annoyed

Location: On school roof for lunch

Byakuya and Urahara were laughing at me.

I was reading the "dumbed-down" version of _A Tale of Two Cities_ for English and Urahara came over and said, "Does that book have _pictures_ in it, Abarai-kun?"

Yeah, it DOES have pictures, but that doesn't mean a damn thing. It has big words in it and stuff and some in French too! It's a big kid book, dammit! (6)

x

Mood: Blah

Location: Maths

I have to pee… and I'm going to fail this test.

…Damn, if I didn't fail that test it'll be a miracle.

Mood: Bored

Location: Chemistry

I REALLY need to start doing my homework in here. Izuru won't let me and Ikkaku copy forever…

Mood: Stoopid

Location: French

So I bought a pack of Skittles from this Tetsuya kid who sells candy in a shoe box. I look on back of the pack and it says 'banana berry.' That's probably why it tastes so funny. The problem is I've already eaten half the bag. I feel okay though. My throat feels a little funny. EVIL bananas.

I'll just give the banana ones to Halibel as a peace offering for staring at her boobs. Haha!

* * *

(1) This kid in my Algebra class did this. One day I asked why his was carrying it around and he smiled and opened it. It was full of candy! _I_ was his first costumer! After that everyone in class started buying candy from him for the rest of the year, all thanks to me!

(2) Yup, that's me. Luckily I didn't fail Chemistry. I actually failed Algebra, but that's 'cause my glasses broke and I couldn't see so I had my friend Jose (the Filipino from chapter 1 who told the broom-stuck-in-web story) copy notes for me. He drew penises on the paper instead.

(3) I had this problem with my girlfriend. I never found out what the cause was…

(4) I'm allergic to bananas, but I always thought they were nasty, so yeah.

(5) My Chemistry teacher, Mrs. Reed, ALWAYS bitched about this. I dun care 'cause I dun try to understand any kind of measurements, so yeah.

(6) Me again! My band teachers laughed at me about this. _A Tale of Two Cities_ is the most useless book EVER! Even with the dumbed down version it was still stoopid. Don't read it!

Yeah, I know I snuck Renji in there, but I was inspired! I started writing Matsumoto's. Nemu's "findings" will be attached to the bottom of her's. I'm trying to finish so that if I DO decide to do something for Valentine's Day I won't feel rushed. I was thinking of doing something special for Kenpachi and Unohana. I've got so many new, hilarious ideas for after this Case Study thingy. –nod nod- Sayonara!


	16. Ch 6 Case Studies Matsumoto and Findings

**Author's Notes:** Konnichiwa, minna-san! Uh, I'm trying to get this out the way so I can do a Valentine's Day chapter. If the V-Day chapter isn't posted by midnight (I live in Las Vegas, NV, k?) then look for something else later on next week, okay? Enjoy! -bows-

Warning- AU, shounen ai/yaoi, silliness, HUMOR, some OOCness, mix up of Japanese and English things sort of

**Pairings-** AizenxGin, GinxRangiku, GinxKira, IchigoxIshida, ByakuyaxRenji, GrimmjowxIchigo, ShunsuixUkitake, SzayelxIshida?

**Summary-** A multiple chapter fic of the Bleach people and their high school adventures. Cliché, but yet so original! Nemu's Case Studies is over! Here are _The Findings_!

**Disclaimer-** Don't own. Don't sue. Don't ask. Don't tell. If I owned Bleach, Isshin would make Ryuuken his wife and then hilariousosity would ensue. -nod nod-

**x** -next day

_**blah**_ – quote thingies at beginning of journals, song names, movie names, etc.

**blah** – Nemu's explanations and "findings"

* * *

**A Series of Tales Full of Hilariousness**

**Chapter 6: Case Studies pt.4- Who's The Real Bitch?/The "Findings"**

Matsumoto Rangiku

_La Belle Dame Sans Merci (1)_

It's Italian for "The Beautiful Woman Without Pity." It's the name of a poem or something.

Mood: Laughing ...is that a mood?

Location: History

I love how Grimmjow curses like a sailor, talks on his cell phone, plays his PSP, and listens to his iPod _right_ in the middle of class. He's such a rebel! ...A hot rebel. ...A _really_ hot rebel.

...Yumichika's got a yen taped to his butt to hide a chocolate stain. (2) Haha!

Mood: Annoyed

Location: French

Mayuri had me so pissed in Biology that I couldn't even think straight. Him and his... jackassednom. I will now draw a badly drawn stick figure of Mayuri and his jackassedness.

HA! Take _that_ Kurotsuchi! Ssss... Ooo, sick burn!

Anyhoo, English is stupid too. I mean, why do we have to read the book when we've already watched the movie and know how it's going to end?

x

Mood: Laughing. I've come to the conclusion that it _is_ a mood.

Location: Chemistry

Urahara was explaining bonds to us and it took like two minutes for him to explain it to Renji separately. Then he asked him what type of carbon a bond was and Renji said, "Regular." HAHAHAHA!

I passed by my Gin in the hallway and he made a face and I laughed. He makes the funniest faces.

Oh, as you probably know, Gin and Izuru are somewhat of an item now. I know this means Gin's, like, with three people, but I don't really care. I mean, there's so many people in the world who _could_ be perfect for you, right? Why not, I dunno, try them all out and see what works best? ...does that sound slutty? (3)

Mood: Bored

Location: History

Ukitake-sensei's under house arrest because he coughed and Kyouraku freaked so Unohana-sensei's subbing since she can legally teach History.

She's kinda weird. Like, she's nice, but kinda in a creepy way. I wonder if she has cats. She _seems_ like the type.

...I _bet_ she has cats.

x

Mood: **BORED**

Location: History. Surprise, surprise

Music: Kekkon Shiki no Uta - Miyavi

We're watching a movie on Indians, I mean, Native Americans, or something. History is by far the most BORING class I've ever had! I've never wanted to sleep so much. I'm like Stark now! And I can't talk to anyone because Grimmjow's...well, he's Grimmjow, Yumi would just want to talk about himself (and I'd rather talk about me), and Halibel's a bitch. I wouldn't want to talk to her anyway after the "Table incident" (yeah, I know, everything's an "incident" with us). You always eat lunch with your dad and we swore to never talk about it again so I'll explain.

Earlier in the year we sort of became friends (me, Nanao, Rukia, and Kiyone) with Halibel, Luppi, the piggy girl (Julianne), and the rest of her bitchy friends, right? Things were fine for a couple of days until me and Rukia said 'hell' or 'fuck' a few times. _Apparently_ Halibel and her friends don't like cursing, so you know what they did? They gave us a 'warning.' _A WARNING!_ So the next day Rukia skins her finger and it starts bleeding so she says 'dammit' and sucks the blood off. No big deal, right? _Not._ The day after, we sit down at the table, Hali looks at her friends, they nod, and all of a sudden they grab their stuff, get up, and move across the cafeteria. (4)

What a bitch, right? We haven't talked to her since.

...all the "Indians" in this movie look like Chad.

x

Mood: Meh

Location: Japanese

So yesterday me, Rukia, Renji, and Gin joined the Literary club. Aizen, Ichigo, Izuru, Uryuu, and Nanao convinced us to at least go to the meeting. _They_ actually want to join. The dorks... Anyway, we were just going to join and not come back, but they made us write our names and student numbers down because they were tired of people coming and then quitting, so we're stuck. Next we'll join Key club, Anime club, and Archery club (Uryuu's the new president and Ryuuken's in charge. Surprise, surprise.) We refuse to join the Go/Shoji club though cuz that's just lame.

Mood: Blah

Location: History

Halibel's hair looks like a rat's nest. It's like she didn't even bother to brush it or whatever Hispanic orientated people do. ...wait. Is she Hispanic? I mean, all the "Espada" were originally foreigners and they speak Spanish. ...well, whatever.

There's a Literary club meeting after school. We're supposed to talk about the historic fiction book we were _supposed_ to read. Guess, I won't be going to that. Haha!

Damn, progress reports come out today. Let's see how many classes I failed...

x

Mood: Pissed

Location: My room

Music: Amazing Kiss - BoA

I'm so sick of Halibel acting like she's surrounded by a bunch of dumb asses. I mean, really, Hali, you're smart, but you're not that fucking smart. Get the fuck over yourself. Fat bitch...

I mean, seriously. How the hell do people like her? I think her boobs have hypnotizing powers or something. Maybe that's why they're always hanging out! (5)

XXX

**Nemu's "Findings"**

Some of the members of the group who received journals from Nemu gathered around her after school to get their results. Nemu smiled at them, bowing slightly, and thanked them for helping her. She bowed once more and followed her father as he walked downstairs.

The group immediately looked over their results, some of them with a look of complete and utter shock.

Uryuu gauged his boyfriends's reaction then asked, "What did she say?"

Ichigo grinded his teeth together in anger before he read. "'Has obvious guilt issues, promiscuous tendencies (also obvious), hides sensitivity, feminine side, and the fact that he hasn't come to terms with being homosexual behind gruff exterior.' I can see promiscuous, but why the hell does she think I'm gay?!"

The group broke out into sarcastic sniggers.

"Well, let's see..." Renji said and began counting off on his fingers. "You have a boyfriend who you've fucked, you fucked Grimmjow, you more than likely fucked Urahara, you once ignored a naked, wet, totally hot Yoruichi, you turned down the offer of having Matsumoto flash you that one time her house was under construction and she needed a place to stay, you're in a cooking class..."

Ichigo rolled his eyes as Renji paused to gather his thoughts.

"Uh... there was that one summer where you practiced kissing with me, Hisagi, and Yumichika before you asked out Ishida; even though Rukia, Yoruichi, and Matsumoto offered to help you NUMEROUS times."

Rukia guffawed, further adding to his suffering. "Let's not forget the gay porno mags under your bed."

Ichigo blushed. "My dad bought me those! He put them there! Every time I tried to throw them away he'd stop me so I gave up."

"Burn them." Rukia stated bluntly.

Ichigo sputtered. "Wh-what the hell are _you_ doing here anyway?!"

"Waiting for Renji- Anyway, don't change the subject! Just burn them while he's out!"

Grimmjow wrapped his arms around Ichigo and grinned. "You might as well burn them cuz now that you got me you don't need 'em." He grinned even more at the sour look Ishida threw him.

Ichigo huffed. "So what's yours say Grimm?"

Grimmjow frowned and handed him the paper.

"'Seeks approval from others although he has anarchist tendencies. Dislikes authority, authority figures, and following rules, but hides sensitivity with viciousness. Even with all this he still manages to somehow be charming and likeable.' Wow. That's not bad Grimmjow." Ichigo said in awe.

Grimmjow scoffed. "Not bad? _Charming? Likeable?_ That ain't me at all. I sure as hell ain't sensitive!"

Rukia laughed. "Whatever you say."

Grimmjow looked off to the side and grumbled, "Ridículo..." (6)

Ichigo chuckled. "So what'd you get Renji?"

Renji scowled deeply and looked at his paper. "'Has a fiery personality. Loving, likeable, sensitive, somewhat depressing at times. Has tendency to be extremely dense. Sometimes picks fights he can't win. Needs to try thinking more deeply before taking action.'"

Everyone broke out into laughter.

"So basically you're a pussy and you're stupid!"

"Shut up!" Renji roared. He tore the paper into pieces and threw them in the air.

Matusmoto sniffed. "You know what _mine_ says? 'Self-centered and relies on looks (especially her most noticeable... assets) to get her through life. Sees nothing wrong with having multiple partners and changing them often. Is projecting with another female.' What does _that_ mean, 'projecting?'"

"It means that you keep thinking Halibel's a bitch when it's really _you_ who's the bitch." Ichigo explained.

Matsumoto frowned and turned away. "...I'm going to hunt down Nemu and choke her."

The group rolled their eyes.

"Ano..." Izuru started.

Gin smiled sweetly. "What'd ya get 'Zuru-chan?"

"Well, her _father_ gave me results for some reason. He says I'm a 'love sick duck who follows Ichimaru around blindly.' Also I'm a 'boring, pathetic, push-over', who only focuses on the negatives to give myself a reason to feel sorry for myself."

The group looked at Izuru in pity, but also in concealed agreement with the comment.

Renji, after thinking for a moment, looked up. "So... you're emo?"

"I... guess."

"Wow... Mayuri-kun said all tha'?"

Izuru nodded and sighed in despair.

Gin put an arm around his waist and hugged him. "Aw, s'okay, Izuru. I dun think that 'bout ya at all."

Kira sniffed and hugged the silver haired boy back. "Thanks."

"So, what does yours say Ichimaru-san?"

"Ah, hey Stark! Um, mine says 'insufficient data.'"

"As I thought."

"Why would it say _that_?" Renji asked confused.

Gin smiled and flipped through his journal. He held it up and showed them one of the many drawings of him and Kira in an... _interesting _position.

Uryuu openly gaped. "Is that even humanly _possible_?" (7)

Grimmjow sniggered. "If you're flexible enough."

Uryuu blushed and coughed. "Yes, well..."

Gin turned to Stark and poked his ribs. "Soooo, what'd _you_ get number-"

"Ichimaru-san, Stark-san. Aizen-sama sent me to tell you that there's a meeting for the Espada and Fracción in 10 minutes."

"Oh, thanks, Tesla. We'll be there shortly." Gin waved in good-nature at the boy as he walked away. "He's a cutie, ne, Kurosaki-kun?" Gin grinned slyly.

"Sh-shut up." Ichigo stammered.

"Anyway, what'd ya get, Stark?"

Stark cleared his throat and read from his paper. "'As stated by himself, doesn't seem to have any particular motivation or drive and is slothful in general, unless needed. None of this seems to make him unlikeable or effect him negatively. Although the amount of time he spends sleeping leads me to believe he either has low blood pressure, an insufficient amount of sugar in his everyday diet, or he sleeps to get away from his problems in life.'"

They all stared in silence before Rukia broke it.

"So... how do you feel about it?"

"I don't dislike it nor do I disagree." he replied as he folded the paper up and slipped it into his journal. "Although, I really do like sleeping."

"So, what did Chad get then? I didn't get to ask him before he left for work."

"Oh, I believe Sado-san got something along the lines of 'Loyal, reliable, kind, understanding. Speaks more with actions than words (obviously). Is comfortable with himself.'" Szayel replied as he came around the corner to stand next to Ishida. He looked down at the boy and gave him a 'bishounen smile.'

Ichigo raised an eyebrow as Uryuu flushed under the pink haired boy's stare. He looked at Szayel who only closed his eyes and shrugged, continuing to smirk.

Ichigo frowned. "How do you know?"

"Oh, I was with Nemu-san when she wrote it."

"So what did yours say, _pink_?"

Szayel smirked at his tone. "I'm extremely intelligent which causes me to be arrogant, snooty, and sometimes callous. I act polite, but put down others while putting myself up on a high pedestal. I also have misogynist tendencies that only serve to lean towards unconscious homosexual desires." He shrugged. "Well, something like that."

The group was silent and wide-eyed and let the description sink in for a moment. Well, except for Gin and the two Espada who looked on in boredom because they already knew that much.

Szayel continued to smirk and turned to Uryuu, sending him another 'bishounen smile.' "Could I talk to you for a few minutes, Ishida-kun? I have to be somewhere after the meeting and in all honesty it's best to tell you this now."

Blushing, Uryuu dumbly nodded and speechlessly followed Szayel around the corner.

"What the _fuck_ was _that_ all about?" Renji grumbled.

"I dunno." Ichigo sighed. "Szayel's such a freak. ...I'm goin' home."

"Alright. You sure you don't need a ride, Ichi?"

"My brother could give you a ride, Ichigo. We're already taking Renji and Izuru home with us. You could hang out with us for awhile."

Ichigo nodded. "Okay. Can Grimm swing by later?"

"Sure. No smoking though!"

Grimmjow sighed. "Really? Cuz I was gonna teach you how to blow smoke into bubbles..."

Rukia thought about it for a second and nodded. "I'll get the bubbles."

"Alright then."

Grimmjow snaked his arms around Ichigo's thin waist. Ichigo in turn put his arms around the older boy's shoulders, as he brought their lips together for a deep kiss.

"See ya later, Ichi." he whispered gruffly in his ear as they broke apart. He smirked in satisfaction when he felt the orange-haired boy shiver and walked off.

Stark yawned and said, "Adiós," following after Grimmjow.

Ichigo brought a hand up to his lips, touching them lightly with his fingers.

Gin wore a toothy grin. "Wow, Ichi-chan. You really _are_ a whore."

* * *

(1) It's the name of an actual poem. If I knew who it was by (or had the drive to look it up) I'd tell you. -smile-

(2) Qu, one of the bandies, did this with a nickle. It was pretty... weird. Lol.

(3) Yes. Yes, it does.

(4) The Mormons did this to us. My friend Christine had us sit at the table with them. We kept cursing, they warned us, my girlfriend (not really at the time and definitely not now) Jesseca skinned her finger and all that, the next day they got up and moved the second we sat down. Christine went over to talk to her Mormon friends while me and Jesseca sat there alone going, 'Wtf?'

(5) I believe this to be true. -nod nod-

(6) It's 'ridiculous' in Spanish, I think. The thought of Grimmjow and Stark speaking Spanish makes me happy in pants. -smile-

(7) One of my favorite lines to say next to "Pray to Buddha!"

Oh, mai. So yeah. I was gonna do Momo, but I didn't feel like talking about Aizen non-stop and putting in the occasional Hitsugaya (for I dislike him). Oh, yeah. There's been some questions as to where Orihime is. I don't like her. I used to, but then she became a whiney, 'Woe is me', love sick bitch and I got over her fast. I pray everyday that Kubo will kill her off. -nod nod-


	17. Warning for Ch 7

So, yeah. My 'filler' chapter is SO bad that I'm afraid to put it on here. If you want to read it then go to my Live Journal page. Just go to my profile on here and it'll have the link. K?

This is a warning. It's REALLY, _REALLY_ gross.

NO FLAMES! THERE ARE MULTIPLE WARNINGS.

I'll come out with a actual chapter later this week.

Oh, and P.S. **YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO GET THE JOKES.** It's about the "journey" to the punch line. The only point is to say the worst crap you can possibly think of. That's it.


	18. Ch 8 Ichigo and the Espada

**Author's Notes:** Konnichiwa, minna-san! I got bored again and I'm tired of making you guys wait around and stuff. This isn't exactly part of the story. In fact, it could possibly even be a stand-alone story (which I actually considered making it), so yeah (once again), this is like filler. I'm still having trouble with my SzayelxIshida date/introducing Kaien chapter, but I'm working on it. Ideas are welcome. Anyhoo, enjoy! -bows-

Warning- AU, shounen ai/yaoi, SOME het, silliness, HUMOR, some OOCness, mix up of Japanese and English things sort of

**Pairings-** AizenxGin, IchigoxUryuu, GrimmjowxIchigo, GrimmjowxUlquiorra (of sorts), IsshinxRyuuken, SzayelxIshida?, NnoitraxNel

**Summary-** A multiple chapter fic of the Bleach people and their high school adventures. Cliché, but yet so original! A day in the mind-ish of Ichigo!

**Disclaimer-** Don't own. Don't sue. Don't ask. Don't tell. If I owned Bleach, Aizen would've opened a taco shack in Hueco Mundo.

**'blah' **-thoughts

**X** -change of scene

* * *

**A Series of Tales Full of Hilariousness**

**Chapter 8: Ichigo and His Not-So-Life Changing Experience with the Espada (Obviously In His POVish)**

**Credit to JeanThine for her goldfish idea. You'll see!**

Today started off normal enough. I woke up to a kick in the face from my dad (which were getting less frequent these days thanks to Ryuuken). I helped Yuzu cook breakfast again and it was actually pretty good. I walked to school with Keigo and Mizuiro. Just, normal stuff.

While we were walking, though, we saw Uryuu walking with Szayel and their arms were, like, intertwined. Keigo said maybe it was a "gay thing." I punched him and asked what he meant by that. He said, "Well, you know. And besides it's not like you can say I'm wrong. You're the manliest gay I've ever seen."

I couldn't exactly disagree with him there, but it still bugged me. I asked Tatsuki and Rukia about it. They both replied with, "You're the most oblivious person ever." And "You're not very observant are you?" I didn't understand what the hell they meant by that so I just dropped it.

I met Uryuu by his locker and there was that pink haired freak again. He was just standing there next to _my_ boyfriend like it was the most natural thing in the world; flipping his hair, giving that "bishounen smile" (as Matsumoto called it), and whispering crap in his ear. I don't know what they were talking about. All I heard was, "physics" and I decided that I'd probably be bored to tears and tuned out for the rest of their conversation.

Even after that stuff, everything was still relatively normal. Everything went a little weird around last period.

The last few minutes of cooking class were interrupted by a fire drill. Me, Uryuu, and Grimmjow (since our classes are right next to each other) met up in the hallway, as usual, and walked out into the parking lot. Grimmjow decided to take us to the new spot where The Big Three, the Espada and the Fracción (or "Lil' Buddies" as Ichimaru calls them) have their meetings. It all started with a fish…

XXX

We walked into the special, well-hidden room reserved for the person that was ruling the student body and whoever was helping him (cough Aizen and his lackeys cough). It had obviously just been made because the room still smelled like paint and Grimmjow said he hadn't broken anything yet.

There was a long, rectangular table with 11 of the most uncomfortable chairs I'd ever seen. I mean, really, no wonder Grimmjow slouches. His back's probably always hurting from sitting up so straight. …or, no, wait. No wonder most of the Espada and Fracción sit as straight as boards. Does that make more sense? Anyway, yeah, so then Aizen walked in.

"I'd like to call this meeting to order." Aizen said as he sat at the head of the table (of course) with his ever-present, creepy-as-hell, pedo smile. "Ah, I see we have some visitors. Guests of yours Grimmjow?" Aizen asked.

"Hmph…" Grimmjow grunted and sat to Aizen's right and across from Ulquiorra.

'Okay.' I thought, 'He hates Aizen. I'm currently helping him come up with a way to break up with Ulquiorra. Why the hell would he pick that seat?' Seriously, though. Worst seat ever. I'd sit as far _away_ from Aizen as I could.

"What did you say, Grimmjow?"

Grimmjow rolled his sexy, bold, blue eyes. "Nothing, Aizen_-sama_." Grimmjow grumbled.

"Alright, then." Aizen resumed.

Aizen turned to me and Uryuu. We were sitting behind him at another table next to Gin and Tousen, unfortunately.

"Kurosaki-kun, Ishida-kun, since I feel I can trust you two, you're both more than welcome here. I trust you won't leak any important information from our meetings out to our fellow students?" Aizen flashed another 'WARNING: CHILD MOLESTER' smile.

We both said yes, but of course I was going to go blab to Renji and Rukia as soon as I was sure Aizen and his team weren't watching.

He turned his attention back to his Espada, _still_ smiling. "As you know, I call you my Espada. That's because I planned on having ten of you, but as you can see we need three more qualified members to fill the empty seats. If any of you have any ideas or suggestions as to who can fill these spots, please tell me." He finished.

"I know who can fill a spot." Yammy said, raising his hand.

"Yes, Yammy?" Aizen signaled him to continue.

I noticed Nnoitra and Grimmjow rolling their eyes.

"Hold on." The big guy lumbered over to a cardboard box sitting on the floor and pulled out another rectangular looking thingy. He pulled off the black sheet covering it to reveal... a tank.

"A tank?" Ichimaru tilted his head to the side, resembling a retarded, but cute, puppy and went up to the table to tap the glass with one of his boney fingers. Two fish swam out of an algae covered jar and stared at us. …at least I thought they were fish.

"What the _fuck_ are _those_?" Grimmjow glare-squinted at the ugly, white round fish. Fuck, he looks hot when he makes those angry, glaring, scowling severe looks.

'Must pay attention to conversation and ugly fish.' I thought. I was trying really hard to pay attention, but Grimmjow was just so hot and thoughts of his naked, ripped body dripping wet after a long, hot shower kept getting in the way.

I snapped out of my fantasy when I realized I was staring at Grimm and he was, like, licking his lips and grinning at me. Everyone just sat there and watched. I could feel myself blushing, so I tried my best to cover it up with a glare or scowl.

"What?" I yelled.

Szayel simply raised his pretty, obviously tweezed and waxed, pink eyebrow. "Ahem. As I was saying, they're albino hama nishiki goldfish that have been "accidentally-"

'God, who does the whole "finger quotations" thing anymore?' I thought.

"-exposed to some radioactivity." He finished.

"Is that why they're so goddamn hideous?" Giraffe boy, erm, Nnoitra grumbled. Heh, like _he_ has a right to call something hideous.

"Well, yes." Szayel said in agreement.

Ichimaru continued to poke the glass. "'s that why they're so… round?" He tapped the glass again.

"Do I need to explain 'radioactivity?' They're basically mutant fish." Szayel said in exasperation.

Grimmjow sniffed. "I don't like 'em. They're fuckin' creepy." He scowled.

"He ain't creepy!" Yammy argued. "I think he's cool." He hugged the tank.

'_He?_' I think I was the only one who noticed that at the time.

"Where did you get them?" Halibel asked. I think that was the second time I'd ever heard her speak.

"All I can say is, Mayuri-sensei pointed out where to get them and I took care of the rest." Szayel stated.

I already thought Szayel was a freak, but after I found out that he calls Kurotsuchi by his given name, I was even more weirded of him.

"Yammy. Why on earth would you suggest these fish as possible members?" Aizen asked.

"It's smart." He said simply.

'It' as in 'it' singular? He had done it again.

"How so?" Stark asked through a yawn while rubbing his soul patch.

"Well, I already asked him and he wants to be number nine." He said in all seriousness.

Complete silence. No one really knew what to say so we just stared at him. I mean, no _one_ being could be that _stupid_, right? Renji comes close sometimes, but not even he would say something like that.

"You _asked him_?" Even Ukelala, shit, I mean, Ulquiorra was stunned. (His stupid fan club calls him Ukelala. It's kinda… catching.)

"Yeah, he likes the number 9. Szayel held up papers that had different numbers and stuff on them to his tank to test his brain or something. He swam up to 9 the most. I asked him if he liked that number and he swam around all excited-like." He grinned wide.

"…_him_?" Ulquiorra asked again.

"Let me elaborate." Szayel passed his manicured fingers through his hair. "You see the fish used to be attached to each other by the fins on their sides. That's why one fin is smaller than the other on both of them. I requested to have them separated before they were sent to me. Essentially, they used to be one fish. Yammy has taken it upon himself to refer to them-"

"Him." The big oaf 'corrected,' getting annoyed at the use of plurals.

"-_him_ as one being." Szayel finished with a roll of his amber eyes.

"Aw, once ya get used to him, it's kinda cute." Gin sprinkled fish food over the water's surface. The ugly little things rose up to gobble up the food. One of them even stuck it's mutant head out of the water and let Gin pet it with his finger.

"_Him_? There's fucking two of 'em!" Grimmjow argued.

"Ya heard Aporro. It used to be stuck together." Nnoitra sighed and waved his hand in dismissal.

"So what do ya call the lil' fella, Yammy?" Gin asked.

"Well, I wanted to call him Rex or Butch, but Szayel came up with another name." Yammy said in a somewhat sad tone.

"Wha' is it?" Gin asked curiously.

"Aaroniero Arruruerie." Szayel said in a dramatic voice.

"Tch. Well, that's a mouthful." Nnoitra snorted.

"I think it's a lovely name." Aporro smiled.

"You would, ya pink freak." Nnoitra sneered.

"_Real_ men like pink." Szayel defended.

Grimmjow grunted. "Yeah, so do fags!" He and Nnoitra shared a laugh.

"Ugh. Crude, as per usual, Mr. 6." Stark commented with a smirk.

"I can't help it, pink. You're gayer than a circle jerk and a rainbow!" Grimmjow grinned.

Even I couldn't help but laugh at that one. I saw Ulquiorra, Halibel, and Tousen smile.

Aizen coughed into his hand to suppress his laughter. "Well, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to have _him_ be number 9, for now. So until we find a more… _human_ member Aaroniero can be Espada number 9." Aizen smiled in amusement.

"Aizen-sama, you're serious?" Tousen asked.

"Yes. Why not? What harm could it possibly do? We really wouldn't be worse or better off if you think about it." He got up and straightened his clothes. "Well, that's all I wanted to talk about. You're all free to go." Aizen moved to leave the room with Gin, who he had an arm wrapped around, and Tousen without another word.

They all stood up and grumbled "Yes, Aizen-sama" before we gathered our things and stalked out of the room.

"Excuse me, Ishida-kun?" Szayel asked a bit too familiarly for my tastes.

"Yes?" Uryuu smiled. SMILED! I could _barely_ get him to smile at me sometimes.

"Would you like to come over to my house today? We could talk more and go out for dinner later." He suggested.

"Are you asking my _boyfriend_ out on a date right in _front_ of me?" I asked pissed off.

"No, not a date. Just a friendly get together. There's nothing romantic about it, I assure you.' He smiled again.

Something in my head was screaming, "LIAR, LIAR, LIAR! He's a liar! He's lying. It's a lie! He's ly_ing._" but I also trusted Uryuu.

"Fine. I'll see you later Uryuu. Call me or come over if you get the chance, ok? Your dad's been at our house a lot more than usual anyway." I said.

"That's because the hospital hasn't been sued for malpractice in awhile and he hasn't had to worry about budgets." He answered.

I was surprised. "That's a shock. The hospital's always getting sued. Well, I'll see you later, 'k?"

"Okay." He kissed my cheek and linked arms with Szayel again as they walked off in another direction.

"I can't believe you're lettin' him go off with that pink fruit." Nnoitra said.

"Shut up. It's not about Aporro. I trust Uryuu, ok?" I glared.

Nnoitra sneered at me. "Tch. You obviously don't know Szayel very well, do you?"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I asked. Who the hell did he think he was?!

Nnoitra rolled his visible eye. "I've known him for a long time so I know when he's interested in someone and, trust me, he's interested in your little fruity boyfriend. How can you not see that? It's so fuckin' obvious that even a retard like Yammy and Fire Crotch would notice." He looked bored.

I glared at him again. "Whatever. Give me one good reason why I should believe you." As if I could trust him or any of his friends for that matter.

He sighed. "I already told ya, moron. I _know_ him. It's not gonna take long until he has the kid swooning at every look he sends his way and worshipping the ground he walks on. And judging by how slow he's taking it, he's not just gonna fuck him and leave him like he usually does." He nodded.

"A) I'll take what you've said into consideration, but I _still_ don't trust you." I don't even _now_, looking back over everything.

"Of course!" He said sarcastically.

"B) I'm not a moron, asshole." I finished.

"Uh, yeah you are, ya dumb fuck." He countered.

"No, I'm not, dick head." I argued.

"Yes, you are, ya fuckin' cum bucket!" He said, getting in my face.

"Fuck you, dip shit!" I nearly spat in his face.

"Tch. Whatever." He snorted and pulled away from my face.

"Nnoitra." A soft, familiar voice called.

Nel Tu (short for Neliel Tu Oderschvank. Yeah, that's her _real _name.) former Espada number 3, came around the corner. She's really nice to everyone, unlike most of the Espada and she likes to baby me for some reason. She's tall, beautiful, and _everyone_ likes her. I don't know _why_ she's going out with a guy like Nnoitra.

"Hey, Nel."

"Are you going to take me home?" She asked with a big smile on her face.

"Yeah, of course. I just finished dealin' with this oblivious fucktard of a friend you have over here." He said while jabbing a thumb in my direction.

"_Nnoitra._" She frowned.

"_What_? Here I am trying to be 'nice' and warn him about Szayel hangin' around his fairy of a boyfriend and he's being a pussy whipped, little d-bag, bitch about it. I'm over this shit. I'll wait for you in the car, babe." He frowned.

He kissed Nel on the cheek and, I swear, I threw up in my mouth a little. He threw one last look at me. "Good luck with pink, ya fatty wiener asshat." He flipped me off as he turned the corner.

"…fatty wiener asshat?"

I'd never heard an insult as random as that. All the anger I had regarding him calling me a 'cum bucket' was gone.

Grimmjow chuckled and I threw a weak glare at him. "What? It was pretty funny." He smiled.

"Yeah…" I grumbled.

"Sorry, about Noi-kun, Ichigo, but he's right. You should watch out for Szayel, he's really good at charming people." She nodded.

"Oh, well if it's coming from you, I guess I have no choice, but to believe it Nel." I relented.

"Sorry." She smiled sweetly and gave me a bone crushing hug. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" She smiled wide.

"Yeah." I gasped for air.

We waved goodbye to her until she turned the corner and I sighed.

Grimmjow wrapped his strong arm around my waist. "Aw, cheer up, Red. If pink tries anything funny, you just say the word and I'll beat the shit outta him." He grinned and deep down I knew he was telling the truth.

"I know, I know. So... you wanna come over? My sisters, my dad, and Ryuuken shouldn't be home for a few hours." I asked, knowing the answer already.

He growled in my ear and I nearly fainted. "Sure thing. There's something I wanted to try with you." He said with a wink.

"As long as you don't bite me like last time and have me using that stupid 'I scared a cat' excuse." The stupidest excuse ever made, in my opinion.

"No promises!" He grinned.

I sighed after recalling it all. Today really had been a weird day.

* * *

**(1)** The goldfish is REALLY ugly. Just go to Wikipedia and type in goldfish and it's the first picture.

**(2)** I got the whole pink arguement with Szayel and Grimmjow from a band experience of course. My friend Steven used the "gayer than a circle jerk and a rainbow" thing once and it's been my favorite thing to say ever since.

**(3)** I got 'd-bag' (douche bag) and 'fatty wiener asshat' from Attack of the Show on G4.

I quite like this chapter actually. –nod nod- What did you all think? Sorry. I still need to work on first person. I'm not very good at the whole POV thing thus its a POV-ish. I'll practice, I promise! Review if you can, please!

Oh, and I'll be going over and correcting ALL mistakes in the WHOLE story.


	19. Ch 9 April Fools pt 1

Author's Notes: Konnichiwa, minna-san! I got bored again and I've been inspired so I whipped this up real quick-like. It will introduce some minor characters and/or allow characters who haven't shown up in a while or at all a chance to show up. The only reason some of them haven't shown up at all before (and probably won't as much or at all after this) is because I don't know how to write them as well as others, so I ask that you guys take that into account when you send suggestions and requests, ok? If they aren't in the story there's probably a reason for that. Anyhoo, enjoy! -bows-

Warning-AU, shounen ai/yaoi, SOME het, silliness, HUMOR, some OOCness, mix up of Japanese and English things sort of

Pairings-AizenxGin, GrimmjowxIchigo, UraharaxAizen?

Summary-A multiple chapter fic of the Bleach people and their high school adventures. Cliché, but yet so original!

Disclaimer-Don't own. Don't sue. Don't ask. Don't tell. If I owned Bleach, Ulquiorra's name would indeed be changed to Ulquiorra "Ukelala" Schiffer.

'blah' -thoughts

X -change of scene

* * *

**A Series of Tales Full of Hilariousness**

**Chapter 9: Gin and Hana-chan's April Fools Adventure**

Yamada Hanatarou woke up with a stretch to his alarm clock sounding and got ready for school. He had to be at school at 7 a.m., but woke up 3 hours earlier on this particular day.

Yes, today was a special day, it was his birthday. Unfortunately, it just happened to fall on April Fool's Day. If his mother had waited but a mere minute and a half to give birth to him he would've already celebrated his 16th birthday the day before. It wouldn't have helped too much he supposed, since he gets picked on every other day of the year as well, but, still, it was nice to dream.

'I wonder what everyone has planned for me today.' He thought as he ate his self-cooked breakfast of toast and scrambled eggs.

Suddenly the door bell rang. He froze with his fork a few centimeters from his lips and his mouth wide open to receive the eggs. No one EVER came over besides his best friend Rikichi and, occasionally, Isane, but since they lived so far away from him it was usually on weekends.

The doorbell rang again, shaking him out of his shock and he rose to answer the door. "Coming!" He slowly opened the door to reveal the ever-smiling Ichimaru Gin.

The silver haired boy wore a toothy grin. "Hey, Hana-chan! Howzit goin'?" He said as he pushed past Hanatarou and into the boy's house. "Parents still asleep?"

"Uh, yes. Um, what're you doing here?"

"Oh, yeah." He straightened up and turned around to face the small boy. "Hana-chan, we're friends, right?"

Hanatarou tilted his head up in thought. "Um…"

Gin waited patiently with a bright smile plastered on his face.

"No."

"Ah, that's what I thought you'd say. Well, Hana-chan I want us ta be friends from this point on. We've lived next door to each other for five years an' went to th' same school for three an' never talked."

"You mean, unless you were pulling a prank on me or copying my homework." Hanatarou corrected.

"Exactly! I wanna make it up to ya, but at th' sam time get back at some o' the people who pulled th' worst pranks on ya. I also just wanna prank people. How 'bout it? Wanna help? I mean, they'll never know _you_ helped. It's perfect!"

Needless to say, Hanatarou was hesitant and wisely so. "I… I don't know. Why should I trust you?"

"'cause we're friends. Doyee!"

"I'm sorry, but…that's kinda not enough of a reason to-"

Gin sniffed and buried his face in his hands, feigning sobbing. "Ya wound me, Hana-chan, right ta my very soul. All my life I've had ta work so hard ta gain th' trust o' everyone. They think since 'm always smilin' that 'm plannin' somethin' bad." He sobbed loudly. "Jus' once I'd like ta be trusted! I want someone to see who I am on th' inside an' not just' my outward appearance!" He sank to the floor and continued to sob, his shoulders shaking violently.

Hanatarou sniffled in sympathy. "Okay, I trust you Ichimaru and- and I'm happy to be your friend."

"Great!" Gin said and jumped to his feet. "Call me Gin, 'k? And get your stuff an' let's go."

"Where are we going? School?"

"Nope, not yet. We gotta go to the store."

"The store? What for?"

"We need peanut butter, paint, shaving cream, onions, garlic, hair dye, honey, and candy. We also need to swing by the bakery, McDonald's, and Taco Bell."

"…why do we need all those things?"

"For the pranks! I've had this all planned for months! I've got the rest of the things we need in my car. I'll tell ya about everythin' on the way. Ya ready to go?"

"Um…" He looked through his backpack and checked. "Yeah."

"You can jus' leave that in the car. Ya won't be needin' it."

"I won't?"

"Ya see, Hana-chan, there's certain privileges ta bein' Vice President. I can pretty much have any student excused from all their classes if I can prove they're helpin' me, Sousuke, or Tousen in some way and you're gonna be helpin' me so that's good enough."

"Oh, if you say so."

"Good. We're off!"

XXX

After getting everything they needed from the store, making sure they had everything, and discussing plans, they pulled up in front of the first "victim's" house.

"Who's house is this?"

"Victim number one: Teacher, Urahara Kisuke. His candy store's in front an' his house is in back. He teaches during the day an' runs the candy shop when he comes back. He has some big guy who looks like The Rock and Mr. T's bastard child run the shop durin' the day." Gin laughed at his joke.

Hanatarou laughed hesitantly. "So what are we going to do to him?"

"Well, it's not that bad in retrospect, but who knows how he'll react." He got out of the car and pulled out a bag of clothes from the back seat. "Shall we?"

"Shall we what?"

"Go in the house o' course. He never locks his lil' shack, ya know." As Gin said this he shoved the bag into Hanatarou's arms and pushed the boy towards the house.

"Um, isn't breaking and entering a crime?"

"Yup, but we're under 18 so we're good." Gin stopped in front of the doors and gently slid one open and peered inside. He turned to Hanatarou and 'shushed' him before stepping inside.

They made their way through the store and into the hallway that led to the rooms. They passed the tea room, the rooms that belonged to the grumpy little boy with red hair who seemed like he could be Renji's son, the timid girl with pigtails, and the big guy.

They came to the end of the hallway and Gin slid open the shoji screen of the last door and peered inside. He grinned when he saw the blond, hat hair sticking out from under the green comforter. He signaled to Hanatarou to hand him the bag and he rooted through it to pull out several articles of clothing and accessories: a watch, sunglasses, blue jeans, a dark green t-shirt, white socks, and green Converse.

Hanatarou's eyes widened in confusion and he raised an eyebrow at Gin who only grinned and stepped into the room. Hanatarou grabbed his arm, shaking his head violently. Gin slapped the boy's hand away with a chuckle. Hanatarou watched as Gin took Urahara's carefully laid out green jacket, shirt, pants, geta and hat, shoved them in a bag and replaced them with the items he brought.

He froze with his eyes wide open as Urahara moaned a name.

'Did he just say Sousuke?' Gin kneeled in front of the man's head and placed an ear near the man's mouth. 'It sounded like Sousuke, but I can't be too sure.' Thinking it over in his head he then took a slight breath and whispered, "What about Sousuke?"

Hanatarou threw his hands over his mouth to hold in a squeal. 'What is he doing?! We're going to get caught and the big guy he was talking about is going to kill us! I don't want to die!!'

"Gin!" he whispered harshly. "What are you doing? Let's get out of here before they wake up."

The fox frowned at Hanatarou. "Ssh!" He leaned back down towards the man's ear. "What about Sousuke?" he whispered again.

Urahara shifted slightly. "I like it when you do that…"

"You like what?"

"God, Sousuke that feels great…" he then snored loudly and turned onto his back.

'Dammit.' Gin sighed and stood up. He and Hanatarou carefully slid the door shut and made their way out of the house.

"What were you doing back there?" Hanatarou asked.

"He said 'Sousuke' in his sleep. I wanted to know why." Gin answered as he shoved the bag into his back seat. "Never mind, on to our next destination!"

XXX

"Alright, Hana-chan, here we are." Gin announced as they pulled into a drive way.

"Woah, who's house is this?"

"This house belongs to the Espada an' their Fracción. Victims number 2 an' 3. Well, for now anyway."

"It's huge!"

"Yeah, there's kinda a lot of them. Let's go inside shall we?"

"How?"

"Easily. Ya see awhile back me an' Matsy kinda broke their back door. They replaced it an' all, but if you jiggle the handle right you can open it. I didn't tell them that o' course." Gin grinned and pulled a bottle and an energy drink out one of the many plastic bags on the floor of his back seat. "Eureaka! Let's go."

They walked around the three story house through a gate located on the side.

"Luckily, they always forget to lock this gate. Hehe…"

They approached the back porch and went up to a paper thin door made of different colored sheets of plywood. Gin jiggled the door knob and the door popped open like he said it would. He grinned at the small boy and stepped inside.

"There's no lights on." Hanatarou whispered.

"No problem." Gin said and whipped a flashlight out of his pocket.

'I think he does this a lot.' Hanatarou thought and followed the path that Gin's flashlight pointed to.

They quickly but silently went up a flight of stairs and into a room immediately on the left of the stairs with a 'GO THE FUCK AWAY' sign on the door. Gin pulled out a bobby pin, stuck it in the keyhole and jiggled it around until he heard a soft 'click,' turned the knob, and slipped inside. He pointed the flash light onto the bed where a shock of blue and orange hair stuck out from underneath the covers.

'What the orange? _Ichigo_? Nah, can't be. Grimmjow doesn't let anyone in here.'

"Hana-chan, stay out here a sec." He whispered into the boy's ear. "I'm goin' into his bathroom."

"But-"

"Ssh! It'll only take a second." Gin said and disappeared into the darkness of the room.

Hanatarou pressed himself up against the wall and stood as still as he could, wishing he could just melt into it.

"What are you doing here?"

"AH-"he quickly covered his mouth and turned to his right to see a blond haired boy with an eye patch standing there. "Oh, Tesla. I-"

"Well?" he asked impatiently.

He pointed to Grimmjow's open door with a shaky hand.

"Oh, I understand. Well, I'll see at school then." He bowed and walked away. "Grimmjow-san's tastes are getting stranger and stranger…" he murmured.

Hanatarou released all the air from his lungs and slid down the side of the wall. "Oh, God. I could've died right there! Maybe this was a bad idea…"

x

Gin snickered as he finished up what he was doing in the bathroom. He put the bottle he was fiddling around with back in its place in the shower and closed the curtain. He went through the bathroom door, looked at the bed to make sure Grimmjow and his companion were still asleep and was met with a pair of glowing, blue eyes.

"What the fuck?!" He jumped and shined the flashlight on the eyes.

The blue eyes blinked and a hand moved to shield them while another moved to flip the light switch. "Ichimaru? What the hell are you doin' in my room?"

"Oh, uh. Sousuke-kun wanted me to check an' make sure you guys were gettin' a good sleep an' all. Hehehe…" he laughed nervously.

Grimmjow only raised an eyebrow. "Don't take this the wrong way, but your boyfriend's a sick fuck."

"Yeah, I hear that a lot." Gin grinned.

"What were you doin' in my bathroom?"

"Uh, usin' it o' course." He smiled.

Grimmjow stared at him suspiciously before sighing. "Whatever. Get the hell out."

"Sure thin'. Tell Ichi-chan good mornin' for me."

"Tell anyone and I'll kill you."

Gin sniggered. "Sure." He slowly made his way out of the room and gently closed the door. He sighed and leaned against the door. 'That was a close one.'

"Um, Ichimaru-san?"

"Oh, there ya are Hana-chan! Onto the next room!"

"Who's room are we going to next?"

"Stark."

"The sleepy guy?"

"Yeah, that's the one." He replied as they climbed another set of stairs and walked to the end of its hallway. "Here it is. You can come in if ya want, Stark's a heavy sleeper."

"O-okay."

Gin opened the door quietly. "Good ol' Stark. Always forgettin' ta lock his door."

He went inside of the room and flipped on the light. Sure enough Stark lay supine on his bed, legs hanging out from underneath his covers and mouth wide open with spittle sliding down his chin.

"Ya see, Hana-chan." He pointed to a water bottle sitting next to a lamp on the bed side table. "Stark always keeps a bottle o' water sittin' right here for him ta drink in the mornin'."

"Why?"

"Well, jus' look at him. His mouth's hangin' wide open, that's why he always has a sore throat when he wakes up in the mornin'."

He picked up the bottle and took it into the bathroom and later remerged with it empty. He opened the energy drink and poured its contents into the bottle until it was full. He twisted the cap back on as tightly as he could to make it seem like it hadn't been opened and sat it back down.

"Looks like Stark'll be able to pay attention a lil' better today, ne?" He snickered. "Alright, let's get out of here! It's actually a good thing Ichi-chan was there. I was able to pull his prank early too. Hehehe."

They quietly slipped down the stairs, out of the back door, strode up to the car and got in.

"Where are we going now?"

"To the school, my dear boy!"

"How will we get in?"

Gin simply held up a key ring full of various keys. "Another one o' the benefits: Principle Yama-ji trusts us. Hahaha!" He laughed and started the car.

* * *

Damnit, unfortunately, I didn't get to finish. I wanted to get through this in one shot, but since I so suddenly got inspired AND on top of that my mom kept interrupting me, so this'll have to be in parts. I haven't even gotten to the best parts yet. Well, the hopefully soon-to-be best parts. I haven't exactly written the rest of it out, but I have made notes and I know what I'm going to do. Please be patient. I'll correct any mistakes later, but I can't do it right now because I don't have time. Oh, I'd rather you not suggest any pranks since I already have everything planned out, but if you do it better be a really good one (and I mean, REALLY good). Sayonara, kiddies!


	20. Ch 9 April Fools pt 2

Author's Notes: Konbanwa, minna-san! I'm glad to see I got some nice reviews. It's not that I was or wasn't expecting good reviews, but I was just worried that it could go either way, ja? Anyhoo, I'm gonna try to have this done in no more than three parts. I really don't want to go back through the whole 'quadrillion parts like the Science Olympiad' fiasco. Anyhoo, enjoy! -bows-

Warning-AU, shounen ai/yaoi, SOME het, silliness, HUMOR, some OOCness, mix up of Japanese and English things sort of

Pairings-GinxRangiku, YoruichixSoifon?

Summary-A multiple chapter fic of the Bleach people and their high school adventures. Cliché, but yet so original!

Disclaimer-Don't own. Don't sue. Don't ask. Don't tell. If I owned Bleach, there'd be a lot more surprise buttsmex.

'blah' -thoughts

X -change of scene

* * *

**A Series of Tales Full of Hilariousness**

**Chapter 9: Gin and Hana-chan's April Fools Adventure pt.2**

With the sun slowly starting to rise and brighten the sky, Gin and Hanatarou drove up to the parking lot of Karakura High School. There were no cars around because it was still a good hour and a half before anyone had to be there, which was more than enough time to finish everything they needed to.

"Alrighty, Hana-chan, just follow my lead, k? Ya still with me?"

Hanatarou nodded vigorously. "Yes."

Gin smiled and pet his head. "Good boy. Let's see…" He pulled out a paper from his pocket and unfolded it. "Ah, Victim number 5, I do believe: Kendo an' weight training teacher, Zaraki Kenpachi. He's picked on ya a lot, yeah?"

Hanatarou nodded. "But he does that to everyone though."

"Yeah, but he knows ya get picked on a lot, but he decides ta be a d-bag an' add even more on your plate, yeah?"

Hanatarou thought about it and realized he couldn't really argue with that logic. "I guess that makes sense…"

"Yuppers. So he's as guilty as everyone else." Gin stated as he got out of the car. "Help me with these bags, will ya?"

He gave two garbage bags to Hanatarou and took two for himself. They began walking across the parking lot and through the gate that led into the quad.

"Um, Gin?"

"Yeah?"

"What about the cameras?"

Gin laughed. "Those are just for show. Only two of 'em work an' we're goin' nowhere near 'em today. Don't tell anyone, 'k?"

Hanatarou didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing, but he decided not to think of it too much, lest he freak out, so he continued to follow Gin to the gym.

Gin unlocked one of the gym doors and held it open for Hanatarou, slipped in, and locked it back. "Just in case." he said at Hanatarou's panicked look. "Geez, calm down. No surprise butt sex here."

"Surprise butt-?"

"Yeah, ya know. Butt sex." He said as he unlocked the doors to Kenpachi's office. "Come on, I need your help with this one."

"Right."

Gin pointed to a wall above a desk scattered with papers and candy wrappers, probably from Yachiru. "See that?"

"A pirate flag?"

"Yup. It's an _actual_ pirate flag. Zaraki-kun likes pirates. Ya now how long he had to search to find an authentic flag from an _actual_ pirate ship?" He paused. "A decade."

"Woah…" the small boy said and stared at the flag in awe. It was a simple black flag with a white jolly roger on it and it lay behind a protective case. It was slightly dirty and tattered, but still, who wouldn't want an actual pirate flag (besides a ninja)?

"Yup, it cost quite a pretty penny. Kenpachi loves that thing more than… Well, a lot o' things that's for sure." He nodded in thought then shrugged. "He's gonna be pissed when he finds it missin'." He said matter-of-factly as he began to take the case down.

"What?! We're taking it? We can't do that!"

"An' why not?"

"Because Zaraki-sensei will kill _us_ or someone else or a lot of other people. He's _insane_!" Hanatarou finished with a flail of his arms.

"Yeah, an' I'm just as insane for devisin' this plan! Dun worry, I know how we can make it seem like we didn't do a thing. Just trust me."

"But-"

"Will ya just help me, please? I ain't no idiot. We're not gonna trash the flag. We're just gonna take the case down an' hide it in the utility closet. No one ever goes in there. Sheesh!"

Hanatarou closed his eyes and released a breath through quivering lips. 'I can do this. I'm a man, for goodness sakes!' He nodded to himself and moved to help Gin take the case down. It was incredibly heavy, but Gin was handling most of the weight.

"Alright, just move back slowly an' out of the room. The closet's to the left."

They slowly backed out of the room and Hanatarou helped Gin gently prop the case up against the wall. He held onto it, just in case, while Gin unlocked the closet door. Gin wasn't lying when he said it wasn't used. The closet was dusty and full of cobwebs and in all honesty he didn't want to go in for fear of spiders, but he didn't want to back out now.

Gin closed the closet door and locked it back. He stretched his back out and wiped sweat off his brow. "Phew! That thing was pretty heavy. Good thing I had ya here, lil' buddy."

"Uh, thanks." Hanatarou smiled brightly.

Gin grinned back and moved back into the office. He rooted through one of the bags and pulled out a bright rainbow flag and tacks.

Hanatarou stared at the flag quizzically. "Uh…"

"Help me put this up, yeah?"

"Okay."

They tacked the flag onto the wall in the exact place where the case holding the pirate flag had been and moved back to admire it. (1)

"'For Byakuya?' Why did you paint that on there?"

Gin only grinned and didn't answer. "Let's move on to the next victim, shall we?"

XXX

After ascending a flight of stairs and moving past the library a bit, they came to the offices of the Principal and Vice Principal. Gin unlocked the door and they both went inside.

"Gin, please tell me we're _not_ going to prank Principal Yamamoto."

"We ain't. I thought about it, but decided against it. He probably booby trapped his office or somethin' anyway."

Hanatarou sighed in relief.

"We're prankin' Vice Principal Sasakibe instead; Victim number 6."

"_What?!_"

"_What?_" Gin asked and tilted his head in mock confusion.

"You _know_ what! We can't do that! Besides he's never done anything to me."

"He's never done anything to nobody. In fact, I didn't even know his name 'til my senior year. Hell, Yama-ji forgets his name, ya know? That's why this is a perfect opportunity, no one'll expect it. 'Sides we can't just prank people we know and hang out with. Everyone'll get suspicious. 'Tis better this way." He shrugged.

Hanatarou supposed he couldn't argue with that either. That fox really did have a way with words. He sighed, shoulders slumped in defeat. "Fine. What are we going to do to him?"

Gin grinned. "Don't ya think he looks French?"

"Yes, I heard he has a French grandfather on his father's side."

Gin nodded and pulled out multiple bags of food and baskets. "That's why he deserves a prank that involves his ancestry. What say you?"

Hanatarou shrugged. "I guess that makes sense."

"Indeed. Well," he tossed a bag to Hanatarou, "set these up in random spots 'round the room. I'll take care o' the wine."

"Wine? How did you get wine?"

"I picked the lock on my parent's cabinet."

"Oh. Why wine though?"

"'Cause ze French love their wine, no?" The fox grinned.

XXX

After placing around baskets and various glasses of wine all over the office, the two stood in the doorway to admire their work.

"I think this is the best idea I've ever had." He turned to the small boy. "Ya can't say you ain't havin' fun."

Hanatarou flushed. "It is pretty fun actually."

"Glad yer havin' a good time. Okay! Onto the next class!"

They moved out of the office and after locking the door, rounded a corner and walked to the end of the hallway. While passing rows of lockers, Gin suddenly stopped causing Hanatarou to run into his back.

"Uh, Ichimaru?"

"That's Matsy's locker."

"You mean Matsumoto Rangiku?"

"Yeah. I wasn't really plannin' on doin' anything to her, but…" He went over to her locker and unlocked it with yet another master key and peered inside. "Ah, there's that perfume she's always goin' on about. I tell her all the time how awful it smells, but she never listens. Maybe she will now, yeah?" He opened the bottle of perfume and dumped out its contents. He began searching through one of their many bags until he found what he was looking for.

"Milk?"

"Not just any kinda milk. It's spoiled. I brought it in case. Like I said, I wasn't plannin' on doin' anything to Ran-chan, but I jus' so happen to have this milk an' her perfume bottle jus' so happens to be dark enough so she wouldn't be able to tell what was in it. Ya catch my drift?"

"But she's your girlfriend!"

"Yeah, so she shoulda been the first person I pranked. It's only what any considerate boyfriend would do. Good thing it's not too chunky."

"Ew…" Hanatarou gagged at the stench.

"Whew, that's pretty foul!" He put the top back on the bottle and threw the milk away. He turned to Hanatarou. "You wouldn't happen to know where Rukia's locker is, would ya?"

Hanatarou pointed to a locker across from them near the second door of the library. "It's the one with the bunny sticker. Mine is right next to it."

Gin rolled his eyes. "O' course. She's so predictable, that girl."

"You're not going to prank Rukia are you? She's so nice to me! She's never done anything wrong to me."

"Yeah? Well, she's slighted me a few times."

Hanatarou frowned. "I seriously doubt that.'

"She did! Whenever we're at her house she never lets me hold her bunny. It's so cute too." Gin pouted and broke out into a grin. "Come on, we're going to the science hallway."

"Why?"

"Well, Mayuri-kun has somethin' I need and we need to pay a visit to Soifon's class room too."

Gin closed and locked Matsumoto's locker and picked up his bags. The two walked into the hallway that held most of the science rooms and stopped three doors down from the exit. Gin pulled out the keys and began unlocking the door. They stepped inside and he flipped the light switch.

"What would we need in Kurotsuchi-sensei's room?" Hanatarou began to shudder just thinking of the creepy man.

"A bunny."

"A bunny?"

Gin opened a freezer located against a wall next to one of the sinks. He reached in and pulled out a freeze dried rabbit.

"Ah!" Hanatarou shrieked and jumped back.

Gin rolled his eyes. "Calm down, the thing's dead. He uses bunnies an' cats for dissectin' in anatomy class."

"That's so sad." Hanatarou looked at the creature in sympathy.

"Oh, please, I'm sure it was from natural causes."

"Really?"

Gin thought about it. "Yeah, that or it was hit by a car." He laughed at Hanatarou's shocked stare and shoved the bunny into one of his bags. "If you think that's shocking, you should be around for when they peel the skin off 'em!"

Hanatarou paled and began to gag.

"Haha! Now, where's Soifon-chan (A.K.A. Victim number 7's) room?"

"Right next door actually."

"Good, good."

They left the room and unlocked the one next door.

Gin tilted his head in confusion. "What's with all the bee stuff?"

"Oh, they're all presents from Yoruichi-sensei."

"Oh. When Yoruichi an' Soifon are alone… ya think? Ya know, ya think?" He said with a sly smile.

"Do I think what?"

"Do ya think when no one's lookin' they're all over each other or somethin'?"

"I don't really _want_ to think of something like that…"

Gin laughed and walked over to Soifon's desk. "What're you gay?" He reached into his bag and pulled out two huge jars of honey.

Choosing to ignore that question, Hanatarou focused on the honey jars. "Um, what's the honey for?"

"Bees like honey, don't they?" Gin chuckled.

XXX

"Ugh, I got some of the honey on my pants."

"That's why I made ya bring extra clothes. We'll clean up later though. Right now we hafta go to Ukitake-kun's room."

"Wait a minute. You're not seriously thinking of pranking Ukitake-sensei, right?"

Gin stopped walking. "Yeah."

"Seriously?" Hanatarou asked.

Gin turned to him and frowned. "What's wrong with that?"

"Well, I heard about what you did to him at Ishida's party."

"The party?"

"Yeah, you threw a volley ball at his face."

Gin pouted. "Oh, yeah! Guess it wouldn't be fair to prank the poor ol' guy, huh?" He took out his paper and crossed Ukitake's name off. "Let's see who's next...? Ukelala!"

"Ukelala? Who's that?"

"Victim number 8: Ulquiorra Schiffer; 4th Espada in Aizen's army- erm, team. Follow me!"

Gin led them towards the girl's bathroom and unlocked the door.

"Uh, Gin. This is the _girl's_ bathroom."

"Yuppers. Let's go in."

"Why?" he asked, but followed Gin in anyway. He watched as Gin pulled out a bucket of paint and a paint brush.

"Alright, I'm gonna let ya sit on my shoulders while you paint what I tell ya, okay?"

"Um… Okay."

Hanatarou dipped the paint brush in the green paint and climbed onto Gin's shoulders. The silver haired boy slowly stood up from his kneeling position and stood close to the tiled wall.

"Alright, I want you to put: 'Girlfriend desperately needed. Call Ulquiorra "Ukelala" Schiffer at 555-5555 (2) to set up a date.'"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, now hurry up before I drop ya." He waited patiently for the boy to finish and knelt back down to let him hop off when he was done. He stared at the message. "Perfect! It's a good thing you're so small, ne?" He pulled out his paper and stared at his list. "We need to go to Shunsui-kun's class."

"We're going to prank _him_? But he's really nice."

"He is, but his assistant ain't so nice. That's why we're pranking her."

XXX

They entered the hallway next to the lunch room that had the art, cooking, and fashion apparel hallway.

"Once, I was walking through this hallway and I saw Kurosaki-kun and Grimmjow beating up a senior. He was covered in cuts and bruises and blood was streaming from his nose. The weird thing was Stark was just standing there writing while they did it."

"Was he now?" Gin laughed knowingly. He turned the door knob to the art room. "Just as I thought. He doesn't lock it. Keep a look out, yeah? People'll start showin' up in about half an hour."

"You've been planning this for a _really_ long time, haven't you?"

"Pretty much." Gin answered and pulled out pictures from a folder in a bag. He took a large book out from one of the desk drawers and began taping the pictures to the pages one by one. He grinned after he finished, flipping through the pages to admire his handiwork. "Victim numbers 9 and 10, Kyouraku Shunsui, art teacher, and his assistant, Ise Nanao. Hehe…" He whispered while putting the book back where he found it. He joined Hanatarou by the door and they exited.

"Are we done yet?"

"For now."

They paused to watch as students and teachers began to stream into the quad.

Gin snickered. "This is gonna be great! And we're not even done with all the pranks yet!" The fox dramatically threw his hands into the air and began to laugh maniacally. "Bwhahahahaha!"

Hanatarou sweat dropped and backed a few paces away from Gin. "Uh, yeah. Hahaha…"

* * *

(1) Some of my friends and I actually wanted to do this to our band teachers. Never got a chance to…

(2) Well, I can't use a real effing number 'cause some moron out there (not you my lovely readers and reviewers. You're cool) will try to call it if I put a bunch of random numbers.

Whew! That took awhile. I've never really used so much detail before. I know that was probably a little dry, but it had to be done! It'll only make the next part (and last part, I hereby decree) that much more hilarious (hopefully). Until (probably) tomorrow kiddies! C-ya!


	21. Ch 9 April Fools pt 3 A HAHAHA!

Author's Notes: Konnichiwa, minna-san! I was supposed to update this last week but I decided to sleep and do manga macros for capslockbleach instead. So sorry. Anyhoo, this should be the last part, so yeah. Enjoy! -bows-

Warning-AU, shounen ai/yaoi, SOME het, silliness, HUMOR, some OOCness, mix up of Japanese and English things sort of

Pairings-AizenxGin, IchigoxIshida, IchigoxGrimmjow, TeslaxShuuhei if you squint, GinxRangiku, GinxKira, SzayelxIshida hints

Summary-A multiple chapter fic of the Bleach people and their high school adventures. Cliché, but yet so original!

Disclaimer-Don't own. Don't sue. Don't ask. Don't tell. If I owned Bleach, it would stop ruining people's fan fiction, but keep the plot going at the same time!

'blah' -thoughts

X -change of scene

* * *

**A Series of Tales Full of Hilariousness**

**Chapter 9: Gin and Hana-chan's April Fools Adventure pt.3 A (hehehe)**

Rukia, Renji, Matsumoto, Hinamori, Hisagi, and Izuru stood near the entrance of the school by the performing arts hallway; their usual meeting place.

"So, Renji," Rukia started, "What are you, Ikkaku, Nnoitra, Il Forte, and Grimmjow gonna do to poor Hanatarou today?"

Renji grinned. "I can't tell you that. It's classified info, there."

Rukia rolled her eyes. "Couldn't you guys give him a break for just _one_ day? He's such a sweet kid. He doesn't deserve you guys picking on him."

Renji scoffed. "We know he's a nice kid and that he doesn't deserve it, but…" he paused to gather his thoughts. "There's just something in the code of a man that says, 'Pick on those that are weaker than you' or somethin' to that effect. You wouldn't understand since you're a girl and all you fight about is make-up and hot guys and shit."

Matsumoto glared and threw her half-eaten doughnut at him. "What the hell is that supposed to mean, asshole?!"

"It means exactly what I said. It's not exactly true, but I'm just provin' a point. You girls pick on each other for different reasons than guys. Besides, if you think about it, we're doin' him a favor."

Hinamori sighed. "Renji, how is picking on someone as nice as Hanatarou doing him a favor?"

"Seriously." Hisagi said in agreement. "The kid's already scared of his own shadow. Remember the first day we met him? Izuru and Momo said 'hi' to him and he nearly pissed his pants."

"Because." Renji started, fully prepared to defend his argument, "It'll help him get used to the real world. Eventually he'll get sick of us picking on him and he'll develop a back bone and stand up for himself. It might not be today, hell, it might not be this year, but it'll happen eventually." Renji nodded in emphasis.

Rukia sighed in exasperation. "Renji, you're a complete and total retard."

Renji folded his arms over his chest and pouted. "I am not…"

"Yes you are." said a gruff voice.

They looked up to see who the voice belonged to and gasped in shock.

There stood Grimmjow and Ichigo standing side-by-side with matching black hair and scowls, and fading black splotches on their temples. Their hands also had somewhat grey splotches on them.

It was silent until they all started laughing. Renji and Rukia were practically rolling on the ground while Hinamori and Izuru decided to be more polite and covered their mouths to hide their huge grins.

Uryuu and Szayel walked over to the group to see what the noise was all about. They looked at the two boys and couldn't hide their smirks and giggles very well.

Renji got off the ground and dusted himself off. "What the hell happened to you two?"

Ichigo shoved Renji away when he tried to touch his hair. "Cut it out."

Grimmjow found himself pushing away Szayel, although with little to no force for fear of what Aizen would do if he severely hurt his number one researcher. "Don't touch it, it's not dry yet-", he was cut off when Matsumoto ran up to him and started running her fingers through his hair.

"Ooo, Grimmjow." Matsumoto cooed. "You look even hotter than before!"

Ichigo scowled deeply. "What the hell are you talking about? He looked just as hot before!"

The group just stared at him with wide eyes.

Ichigo frowned with flushed cheeks. "I like his blue hair better…" he mumbled.

Matsumoto sighed. "It is a little sad not seeing him with blue hair."

Ishida walked over to Ichigo and gently caressed his hair. "It does look rather nice on you, but I do miss your signature orange hair." He kissed Ichigo softly on slightly parted lips and smiled at his blush.

Ichigo smiled and realized just how much he missed Uryuu. He smiled even wider when he noticed Szayel rolling his eyes with a frown. "Thanks."

"So, why'd you dye it?"

Grimmjow growled. "That's just it! We didn't do it! That idiot Ichimaru did it!"

"Gin did this?" Izuru asked. "How?"

"That asshole snuck into our house this morning. I caught him coming out of my bathroom and he said some crap about Aizen telling him to make sure we were getting a good sleep and that he was just using my bathroom. I didn't think anything of it cuz Aizen's done some sick shit like that before. He put something in my shampoo. I didn't notice until I was finished."

"How could you not notice?" Szayel asked.

Grimmjow looked off to the side. "I was… busy."

"How is Ichigo's hair black too?" Hinamori asked.

Grimmjow stopped and sent a questioning look to Ichigo who was blushing furiously.

"I was… spending the night over at his house."

Ishida gave him a blank stare. "Why?"

"I was helping with something…" he muttered.

Szayel smirked. "I'm sure you were." Renji and Rukia snickered.

"Your sarcasm does not become you, butt hole." Ichigo said through gritted teeth.

"He _was_ helping me though!" Grimmjow said in the formerly orange haired boy's defense.

"Yeah." Renji scoffed. "With your cock."

Izuru nudged the red head in his side. "Renji!"

"What? Ichigo's a promiscuous whore, remember? Nemu said it herself."

"That's hot! I'd love to see that!" Matsumoto cooed.

"Rangiku!"

Grimmjow rolled his eyes. "If you don't believe us, then that's your problem. I don't have to explain shit to you people. And you." He looked to Matsumoto. "Don't involve me in your sick yaoi fantasies."

Ichigo nodded in agreement. "Yeah. Anyway, that wasn't all he did. He put _peanut butter _in my fucking underwear!"

Renji guffawed. "Peanut butter? Where the hell did he get that?(1) So, what, are you going commando, right now?"

"Yeah! I'm gonna punch his grinning face in when I see him!" He looked at Kira. "Where is that fox faced bastard?"

"I don't know. I don't really see him in the mornings all that much..."

"I know where he probably is." Grimmjow grumbled and stalked off.

"Wait up. We wanna see this too!" Renji said and followed after Grimmjow along with most of the group.

Ichigo and Shuuhei stopped and turned back to see Szayel and Ishida talking in hushed tones.

"What's going on between them, Ichigo?" Hisagi asked.

"I dunno."

"Are you guys having problems or something?"

"Well…" Ichigo paused not exactly knowing how to phrase it. "Sometimes I'd find myself getting kinda… bored. I still love him, but I dunno…"

"Instead of going off with other people, you could both try talking to each other. Trust me, I know. Messing with more than one person is a fast way to destroy a relationship."

Ichigo stared at Hisagi with wide-eyes. "Shit. I'm sorry Shuuhei."

Hisagi raised his hand in dismissal. "It's okay. I'm over it. I realized that while me and Renji loved each other our relationship was almost purely physical. We've both made peace with it and moved on, but you and Ishida are more than that. I can tell. Just promise me you'll talk to him before its too late, okay?"

Ichigo nodded. "I promise." He looked back at the two. "Uh, Uryuu you coming?"

Ishida whipped around and smiled. "Yeah, I'm coming." He ran up to Ichigo and laced their fingers together, ignoring the frowning Szayel.

XXX

Somewhere off in the library, Gin and Hanatarou walked to the section near the back where the computers were located.

"So… what are we doing, Ichimaru?"

"For the last time, Hana-chan, call me Gin. Geez, you're jus' like my lil' Izuru."

"Oh, uh, Gin. What are we doing?"

Gin walked over to a fax machine, pulled out a few papers, and punched in a few numbers. "Just pullin' a little prank on Yama-ji."

"But Gin-"

"Oh, relax. He won't know it was us."

"How can you be so sure?"

He held up the papers he was faxing. They were all filled with pink flowers and random designs. "Tell me, my dear Hana-chan, who's the teacher that has that god-awful obsession with flowers and funky patterns, hmm?"

"Oh, that would be Kyouraku-sensei, the art teacher."

"Exactly an' he's always doin' stuff to make Yama-ji mad. This way, he'll just think it was him who did it, like always."

"That doesn't seem fair."

He frowned at the small boy. "Wake up, Hana-chan! Life isn't fair. That's why ya gotta get it before it gets you. In your case though, it'd be most o' the people we're prankin' today. You're not gonna stand there and tell me ya don't think Abarai-kun and his friends don't have somethin' planned for ya, are you?" He smiled when the boy said nothing. "Good. Well, we're finished here. We gotta stop some where, 'k?"

"Okay." They started walking. "Um, just one thing Gin, do I really have to walk around with felt flowers all over my pants?"

"Yeah, just like I hafta walk around with a fox tail attached to mine. This way we'll be able to prove we got pranked along with the rest of 'em!"

"Where did you get a fox tail, cat ears, and whiskers anyway?"

"Oh, an anime convention." He grinned.

x

"Alright, here we are." Gin announced.

"The boy's locker room?" Hanatarou asked confused.

"Yeah, we gotta prank Tousen an' Hitsugaya. They have P.E. first period an' they like ta get to their classes super early." He stopped at a specific row of lockers. "Ah, here they are. The one on the bottom is Shirou-chan's." He handed Hanatarou a bag. "Dump out his back pack, turn it inside out, put everythin' in the bag I just handed you in there, and we'll keep all his stuff. It's basically just a switcheroo with a twist, yeah? Tell me when yer done an' I'll zip tie it shut."

"Um, okay." He got to work on his task. "What are you going to do to Tousen?"

"Well, he's always wearin' slacks, button down shirts or sweaters, an' nice shoes. I think he should dress more like the American definition of… urban, ya know?" He finished with a grin.

"Urban?"

"Yeah, ya know. Like all the rappers."

"Oh…" Hanatarou trailed off, not having anything to say. "I'm done."

"Good, good. Alright, let me zip tie it shut, do away with Tousen's old clothes, an' we can get outta here."

x

"Where are we now?" Hanatarou asked.

"This is the room where Aizen's fanclub meets. They're always dyin' ta know stuff about Sousuke. Today we're gonna _help_ 'em out." He picked up a piece of chalk and began to write on the board.

"'This just in: Aizen Sousuke's favorite food is tacos. Let's all buy him some.' Is his favorite food really tacos?"

"Nah, it's lasagna with garlic bread. I dun think I've ever even seen him eat a taco."

"So then why are you-"

"Aw, c'mon. What fun is April Fools without prankin' my boyfriend, eh?"

"I thought Kira Izuru was your boyfriend." Hanatarou said.

"He is."

"…but so is Aizen?"

"Yeah."

"But that's not… normal-"

"What's normal anyway?" Gin sighed. "Let's get outta here. We ain't done yet."

XXX

From inside the Espada's meeting room Grimmjow sat seething as some of the other Espada along with their Fracción and Aizen laughed at him.

"So my kitsune did this, hmm?" Aizen smiled, head propped on his knuckles.

Tesla frowned from where he was standing next to Shuuhei. "I was wondering what he and that boy were doing in the house..."

"You mean you saw that friggin' retard-"

"Now, now Grimmjow-san, I'm afraid I can't tolerate anyone talking badly about my kitsune." Aizen frowned slightly and looked up as the door opened. He smirked. "Ah, speaking of the kitsune…"

Gin waved from his position at the door. "Hey, y'all!"

Grimmjow jumped up from his seat and he and Ichigo rammed Gin into the wall almost knocking over poor Hanatarou.

"You asshole, look what you did to us!"

"You're buying me new underwear!"

"Well, well, ain't this fair? Attackin' a poor boy such as myself when I ain't armed at all."

"Poor boy?" Ichigo said with a blank stare.

"Yeah, ya know, like in Bohemian Rhapsody._ I am just a poor boy and nobody loves me_." He sang.

"_He is just a poor boy from a poor family._" Renji sang.

"_Spare him his life from this monstrosity_." Rukia added.

"SHUT UP!" Grimmjow screamed.

"_Easy come easy go, will you let me go?_" Gin finished.

"That's it! I'm gonna punch your fuckin' head in!" Grimmjow raised his fist, but stopped as Stark ran into the room and hugged all the Espada.

Lilinette slowly followed behind. "He's been like this for awhile now." She said, answering their questioning stares.

Stark suddenly plopped himself in a chair next to Halibel and began talking excitedly. "Hola, Halli Bell! Ya know, one time I had a dream where I got punched in the nose and my nose started bleeding in the dream and I woke up suddenly 'cause I felt something warm on my face and my nose was actually gushing blood! It bled for like 15 mintues, I swear! Once, Lilinette and some of her friends dragged me off to watch that Happy Feet movie with them. It was really stupid. The whole point was to watch penguins dance, but they decided they had to try and add plot to the movie."

Halibel sweat dropped. "O-okaaay…"

Stark suddenly turned to Grimmjow. "Did you know you're number one on Luppi's hit list?"

Grimmjow looked at him incredulously. "Hit list?" He turned to Ichigo when he heard him cough. "What the fuck is that?"

"Uh… Well, it's um…" Ichigo blushed nervously.

"Yes. He's always telling all his friends how he's gonna nail you by the end of the year and you'll both "ride off into the sunset in his cool car and do it all night" or some stupid thing like that. I heard he's even writing some story about the two of you and all you do in it is go on romantic dates and they all end with you screwing on the dining room table or in the kitchen or in a movie theatre or in your car or in some sleazy hotel or something like that. The whole thing is incredibly stoopid. So stoooopid." Stark finished.

The group only stared at him with wide eyes.

Lilinette turned to Gin. "What the hell did you do to him?"

Gin smiled nervously. "All I did was replace his water with an energy drink. Guess I kinda over did it on this one, ne?"

"Quite." Aizen said with laughter. "It is rather funny though."

"Since Sousuke finds it funny the rest o' ya shouldn't have a problem, yeah?"

Grimmjow glowered at the silver haired boy.

"What? The dye'll only last a day. T'aint permanent, I promise." He held out his hand to Grimmjow. "Truce?"

Grimmjow begrudgingly shook it. "Fine…"

"Good. By the way, Gin. Why on earth are you wearing all that?" Aizen asked, curious.

"I found it layin' all out for me ta wear this mornin' Sousuke. The fox tail was sewed on and I didn't have anythin' else to wear. I figured I might as well wear the rest o' it in good spirit. I look good, yeah?"

Nnoitra snorted. "Ya look retarded-

Aizen cut in with glare at Nnoitra who shrank back in fear. "I think you look cute." He gave Gin a handsome smile. "I always call you my kitsune, do I not?"

"Ya do, Sousuke." Gin grinned.

They all looked to the door as Ulquiorra entered with his cell phone up to his ear. "No, no. …listen. I do not know where you received this number from, but I am not looking for a girlfriend nor do I need or want one. Do _not_ call this number again." He flipped his phone shut.

"What was that all about?" Grimmjow asked.

"I have not the faintest clue. All morning I've been receiving phone calls from random girls talking about going on dates and becoming my girlfriend. The only people who should have my phone number at all are all this room."

Ulquiorra's phone rang again and he flipped it open. "I do not know where you received this number from, but-"

"Ulquiorra?" The door opened and there stood Matsumoto with her phone up to her ear. She hung up. "So it really_ is_ your number!"

"Hey, Ran-chan!" Gin waved.

"Gin? What the hell are you wearing? Hanatarou, what are you doing here and what happened to your pants?" The strawberry blonde giggled.

"Enough about, them. How the hell did you get Ulquiorra's number?" Grimmjow asked.

"Oh, you don't know? Some one painted it all over the bathroom wall in the girl's bathroom upstairs by the library. 'Girlfriend desperately needed. Call Ulquiorra "Ukelala" Schiffer at 555-5555 (2) to set up a date.' That's what it said. It was painted in bright green right above the sink and the mirrors." She finished with a smile.

For once Ulquiorra's face registered shock. They all looked at Gin.

Gin shook his head and raised his hands in defeat. "Wrong again, duckies. T'ain't me this time." He lied.

Renji sniggered. "Looks like yer gonna hafta get a new number."

Ulquiorra's face went back to its usual expressionless state. "Quite. Aizen-sama, may I please be excused to handle this?"

"You may."

"Thank you, sir." He bowed once and left the room.

Aizen regarded the group. "Hm. Looks like we're down two Espada today."

"Two, sir?" Szayel asked.

"Stark." Aizen said simply.

They all looked at the dark haired Espada as he rambled on about jelly beans and Kingdom Hearts 2 to Halibel who could only sit there and nod.

"He's obviously in no condition to make any sort of rational decisions today." He sighed and stood up. "I'll be right back. I'm going to my office." The tall brown haired teen stood up and went outside.

"Student body presidents get an office?" Hisagi asked.

"Not originally, but Aizen-sama suggested it'd be a good idea since the job gets stressful." Tesla said.

"Stressful?"

"Do you not think that his job can be stressful?" Tesla asked him.

"Um… I guess it can be…" Shuuhei said, unnerved by the dead-on stare the pretty boy was giving him.

"GINYANOTE!" Bellowed a voice.

They all rushed into the hall way and stood crowded in the door way of Aizen's office. Yammy even held Aaroniero's fish tank up to see.

Renji exploded in laughter along with most of the group. "What the hell?!"

Matsumoto giggled. "What's with all the tacos?"

They all turned to Gin and waited.

Gin grinned. "Okay, I might've 'accidentally' slipped Sousuke's fanclub a note saying he liked tacos and to bring him many."

Aizen rolled his eyes. "Of all the things to suggest Gin, why did it have to be tacos?"

"Aw, c'mon Sousuke, everyone likes tacos!"

Renji, who had been eyeing the tacos from the very start, looked to Aizen. "So since you don't like 'em…"

"Feel free to eat them. In fact, I want all of you to eat as many as you possibly can." Aizen said as he sat in his white, plastic swivel chair.

No sooner did the words leave his mouth, Renji and Rukia began gathering up as many as they could and stuffed them into their backpacks.

"Yes! They're still warm!" Rukia said, practically drooling.

"Ooo, a burrito!" Renji said with glee. "Izuru, start grabbing some. We'll get enough for Ikkaku and the others."

"U-um, alright."

Kira began delicately putting a few tacos into his bag, trying not to crush them whereas Renji and Rukia just shoved them into their bags.

"You're going too slow! Let me help you!" Stark screamed and grabbed an armful of the packs and dumped them into Kira's bag.

"I-I got it thanks-"

"Nonsense! I insist!" Stark shrieked as he continued shoveling tacos into the blond boy's bag.

Grimmjow bit into one of the many tacos. "Wow, you've actually done a good thing here Ichimaru. And you got a bunch of stupid girls to do it all for you without having to pay a single yen!"

Gin smirked victoriously. "Who said all pranks had ta be bad?"

"I hear ya!" Rukia screamed.

Matsumoto giggled and shoved a bag of tacos under Renji's nose. "Look, this batch is from Momo!"

Renji gave a hearty laugh, spraying lettuce and shredded cheese into the air. "So that's where she disappeared to!"

"Well, I'm glad you're all enjoying yourselves."

They turned to the hallway to see Tousen.

"Kaname, is that you?" Aizen asked.

Grimmjow turned to see Tousen standing with a frown on his face. He had on baggy jean pants (which he had to pull up every few seconds), a long white shirt that went past his knees, and white NIKES.

Grimmjow's eye twitched for a second before he began to crack. "Hehe. Hahaha! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" He fell to the ground and pointed at Tousen. "WHAT THE HELL, MAN!" He rolled from side-to-side, tears were streaming down his cheeks.

Tousen frowned. "I'm glad _someone_ finds this funny."

* * *

(1) Apparently, they don't really have peanut butter in Japan or in other countries. A bandie got a Norwegian exchange student once and she told us that she had never had peanut butter and was excited to try it. Weird, yes?

(2) Yeah, the same number deal as last time.

It was getting too long so I had to break it up unfortunately. But to fool myself I'm going to call the next part "pt.3 b" or something. Hehehe! Is it funny. Y/n? Please alert me to any mistakes or anything else that's completely retarded. I've been having problems lately AND the whole time I wrote this part my mom was talking my ear off! Damn, she knows she can nag...


	22. Ch 9 Aprill Fools pt 3 B

Author's Notes: Konnichiwa, minna-san

Author's Notes: Konnichiwa, minna-san! I was supposed to update this WAY earlier in the week, but my mom's been a total B lately and keeps kicking me off AND nagging me to death so as such I hardly want to be around her. –le sigh- Just pretend it's a DBZ episode, where like a day takes up 3 weeks, yeah? Enjoy! -bows-

Warning-AU, shounen ai/yaoi, SOME het, silliness, HUMOR, some OOCness, mix up of Japanese and English things sort of

Pairings-AizenxGin, IchigoxIshida, IchigoxGrimmjow, TeslaxShuuhei if you squint, GinxRangiku, GinxKira, SzayelxIshida hints

Summary-A multiple chapter fic of the Bleach people and their high school adventures. Cliché, but yet so original!

Disclaimer-Don't own. Don't sue. Don't ask. Don't tell. If I owned Bleach, it would stop ruining people's fan fiction, but keep the plot going at the same time!

'blah' -thoughts

X -change of scene

* * *

**A Series of Tales Full of Hilariousness**

**Chapter 9: Gin and Hana-chan's April Fools Adventure pt.3 B (hehehe)**

Several minutes later Grimmjow was still laughing incredibly loud, but he had at least managed to stand up and rest a hand against the wall, albeit he was doubled over gasping for breath.

Tousen grumbled. "Could you please show _some_ form of restraint?"

"F-Fuck you!" Grimmjow hiccupped.

Tousen growled. "Aizen-sama, please!"

Aizen rolled his eyes. "Alright, alright. Grimmjow it is rather funny, but could you please try not to laugh in front of Kaname's face?"

Grimmjow quieted down, but chuckled a few more times. "Fine, have it your way." He cleared his throat and straightened up.

"Thank you. Now, Kaname, what happened?"

"_Some one_…" he threw a quick look at Gin, "stole my clothes and left me with these."

Matsumoto took out her camera and snapped a picture. "You look like one of those gangsta rappers! Gin, don't lie. _You_ did this, didn't you?"

"O' course. Why wouldn't I prank one o' my best friends?"

Tousen scowled. "_Best friend?_"

Gin pouted. "Aw, c'mon, Tousen. We're friends! Yeah?" He stuck out his hand only to have Tousen give him the cold shoulder.

"I'm going home to get some _real_ clothes. Excuse me, Aizen-sama."

Aizen sighed. "Of course."

Gin grinned. "Tousen! We're still friends, right?!"

"No." Tousen answered coldly as he opened the door.

"TOUSEN! YOU'RE A SMOOTH CRIMINAL!" Gin called to Tousen's retreating back.

"Shut up!"

Aizen chuckled. "I think you may have done it this time, Gin. He seems really upset."

"Ya think?" Gin tilted his head to the side.

"Perhaps. No matter. Kaname has always been rather… shall I say, dry?"

"_Dry?_" Grimmjow scoffed. "He's got a cold, metal rod shoved all the way up his-"

Aizen laughed. "Alright, I can't help but to agree with you Grimmjow. No matter how distasteful it sounds."

"Distasteful? I would've thought that if anyone knew anything about shoving things up people's… _behinds_ it'd be you, Sou-chan."

Aizen only raised an eyebrow with a smirk. "Oh? You think so, Urahara-sensei."

They turned around to see Urahara standing there with his trade mark smile and Mayuri frowning at his side.

Urahara gave a wiry smile. "Please, call me Kisuke." He winked.

"Kisuke."

Gin frowned. 'What the hell…'

"Yes." He bowed slightly. "So what are you all doing here?"

"Us? What about you? What the hell are ya wearin'?" Renji bellowed.

The blond man looked down. "Oh, this? Just a little something a certain someone left out for met this morning."

"Gin, please tell me you didn't break into the man's house." Aizen said in amusement.

Gin grinned innocently. "I got no idea what your talkin' about Sousuke."

"I highly doubt that. You're a very good liar Gin; when you want to be, that is."

"Fine, ya got me. I swapped out his clothes. And it wasn't breaking and entering, if I may clarify. Not my fault he don't lock his doors."

Urahara's eyes widened in surprise. "Really? Oh my, that's not good…"

"Not at all." Aizen said. "Tell me, Gin. Where ever did you get a shirt with the periodic table on it?"

"Some random sight."

"Really? It's a very nice shirt." Urahara admonished. "Comfortable too. I think they'd be nice for the Science Club. What do you think Uryuu?"

Ishida nodded. "I think so. We'd just have to get them in the school colors-"

The intercom buzzed to life. _"Excuse me. This is your Vice Principle speaking. This is a message to the person who thought it would be funny to fill my office with wine, cheese, and French bread: I assure you, it is not funny. Poking fun at a person's heritage is not funny at all. We will find and make an example out of whoever did this. That is all."_

Urahara chuckled. "Well-"

The intercom was turned back on. _"Also, to whoever filled Soifon-sensei's desk drawers with honey (which I'm assuming is the same person): That also is not funny. We already have enough of a problem with ants and mice so it is in the best interest of students and teachers alike that no large amounts of food and beverages be strewn around the school. Thank you."_

"Well!" Urahara started again. "If I had it, I'd take my hat off to whoever managed to pull that one off."

They looked at Gin expectantly.

"Goodness, y'all are so quick to judge 'round here. Why would ya think _I_ did it?"

"Well, didn't you?" Izuru asked.

"'Zuru-chan, I'm hurt. I might look it, but I ain't stupid. I didn't do this."

Aizen's eyes twinkled with mirth. "Really?"

"Really, _Sou-chan_." Gin mocked.

"I supposed we'll just have to take your word for it." Urahara said. "Oh, Yuri-chan here wanted to ask you a question."

"That's Kurotsuchi if you'd please, Urahara-sensei. You there, boy." He pointed to Gin.

"Who me?" Gin said in mock surprise.

"Yes. You didn't happen to steal a rabbit out of my freezer, did you? I seem to be missing one all of a sudden."

Hanatarou gulped from Gin's side, but Gin only grinned widely. It was obvious to Hanatarou now that Gin possibly did not fear death.

"A rabbit?"

"Yes, a freeze dried rabbit that I had been saving to be dissected in anatomy class."

Rukia scowled. "You're an evil man!"

Mayuri rolled his amber eyes in exasperation. "We've been over this countless times, you Kuchiki brat. Those rabbits (and the cats) died of natural causes. I played no hand in their deaths." He threw a dark grin at Rukia. "It's not my fault that they were born destined to be delivered to an anatomy class for dissection where their skin will be pealed off in one single piece, their brains cut in half and labeled, their intestines pulled out and studied, their-"

"ALRIGHT! ENOUGH!" Rukia screamed, hands covering her ears.

Aizen chuckled. "You've got quite a dark sense of humor, Kurotsuchi-sensei."

Mayuri smirked. "Quite. So, about the rabbit, Ichimaru…"

"I didn't do it, Mayuri-kun. I'm afraid messin' with dead bunnies is too nasty for my tastes."

"Hmm… I guess someone will have to share… Well, then," he turned away. "Come, Urahara we've wasted too much time here."

"Ooo, some one's gotten a little big for their britches." Urahara teased.

"Just come on." Mayuri said impatiently.

"Alright, alright."

"Uh, Urahara."

The tall man looked to his left to see a flushed Ichigo looking up at him. "Yes, Kurosaki-kun?"

"You look… really good." Ichigo managed in a soft voice.

Urahara smiled brightly. "Why thank you! Although I must admit, it's rather uncomfortable wearing socks and shoes and it's so bright without my hat, but I do look nice, yes?"

"You look younger, Kisuke." Aizen clarified with a simple smile.

Urahara's lips quirked into an amused smirk. "So I've been told. You don't look so bad yourself, Sousuke, but I'm sure you don't need someone to tell you that."

"Oh, Kisuke, you spoil me." Aizen cooed in a mock romantic tone.

"Aa, but you deserve to be spoiled, my dear Sou-chan!" He bowed to them all and thew another wink at Aizen. "Have a nice day."

"What the hell was that about?" Ichigo whispered to Gin.

"I dunno. I didn't even know they talked." Gin whispered back.

"ICHIMARU GIN!" came a familiar sounding shout from the end of the hallway.

"Oh shi- Hide me Sousuke!" Gin cried and stumbled behind Aizen's desk and crouched by his feet.

Aizen smiled as he looked down at the cowering, silver haired teen. "Whatever did you do now, my little kitsune?"

"I dunno, but whoever it is sounds mad as hell." He stuck a hand out from underneath the desk. "Everyone pretend I'm not here or you'll get pranks that are ten times worse!" he threatened.

A red in the face Hitsugaya appeared before the group with a wooden sword in hand. He held onto the sword so tightly that his knuckles white and his hand shook. "Where is he?! I _know_ he's here!"

"Hitsugaya-kun, how nice of you to pay a visit."

"Cut the crap, Aizen! Where is he?"

"Shirou-chan!" Hinamori frowned. "You shouldn't talk to Aizen-sama that way."

Aizen gave Hinamori a cheerful smile. "It's alright, Hinamori-chan. I can handle it." He turned back to Hitsugaya. "Where is _who_, _Shirou-chan_?" Aizen mocked.

Hitsugaya's eyes narrowed in anger. "DON'T FUCK WITH ME! Where's your retarded boy-toy?!"

Aizen smirked playfully. "Now _Shirou-chan_. Firstly, Gin is not my '_boy-toy_.' I'll have you know that I love Gin very much and can't imagine my life without him. Secondly, I can't tolerate someone talking so badly about my kitsune, especially when he's not here to defend himself. Thirdly, what has happened to you that would make you so sure that it was my kitsune that did it?"

Hitsugaya simply held out his hand to Hinamori who gave him his back pack (well, at least it appeared to be his back pack) and dumped it on the president's desk. "This. This is my back pack. After what happened to Tousen I can only assume that no one but Gin would do this." The small boy's eyebrow twitched ever so slightly as the vein on his forehead pulsated.

"Ah, the ol' turning the back pack inside out and zip tyin' it trick. That's not very original." Nnoitra frowned.

Gin nudged Aizen's leg. Aizen looked down briefly to see Gin making a scissoring motion with his hands and mouthing 'Open it.'

Aizen smiled in understanding and pulled out a pair of scissors from his desk. "How would you like me to open it for you, Hitsugaya-kun?"

"Please." The white haired boy said through gritted teeth.

Aizen leaned forward began the arduous task of cutting through the zip ties and unzipped the back pack. He peeked inside and laughed in his deep baritone voice.

"What is it?"

Aizen simply smiled down at the boy and turned the back upside down, emptying its contents.

"What the hell is this?"

Matsumoto stood behind Hitsugaya, her large bosoms resting on the boy's head. "It looks like candy and Happy Meal toys." She giggled.

Hitsugaya shoved her off of him. "I'm going to kill him! Where _is_ he?!"

"Toushirou, Aizen-sama already said he doesn't know." Hinamori rushed to the teen's defense.

Aizen smiled and held up a hand in defense. "Its true-" he sucked in a breath and coughed when he felt Gin start to fiddle with the zipper on his pants.

Hitsugaya's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "What's your problem?"

"What problem?" Aizen said calmly and discreetly removed Gin's hand from the inside of his pants.

Hitsugaya sighed. "Whatever. If you see him you come find me." He grabbed his back pack and turned sharply. "C'mon bed-wetter Momo!"

"Shirou!" Hinamori blushed, and waved bye to everyone before rushing after Hitsugaya.

They group waited a few seconds until they were sure he was gone.

"You can come out now, Gin. It's safe."

Gin slowly rose out from beneath the desk. "Phew. That was close."

"What were you trying to pull there, Ginyanote?" Aizen asked.

"Huh? Oh, I was tryin' to give ya hand job, that's all."

"Fucking disgusting…" Nnoitra grimaced.

Aizen rolled his eyes. "Don't you think you're in enough trouble today?"

"So you really did that?" Matsumoto laughed.

"Yeah. His P.E. locker's right next to Tousen's after all. How could I resist?"

"I can only guess what else you've managed to pull today." Aizen said.

Gin grinned slyly. "I guess you'll just have to wait an' see, Sousuke."

* * *

And I'll have to stop there 'cause, yeah, I'm tryin' to work out an ending. I'll try to have the rest posted Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday, ok? Be patient. I would've gotten through it one shot if certain family members weren't bothering me all the time and if the phone lines weren't off for three days. Anyhoo, sayonara kiddies! Review, yeah?

All mistakes will be corrected later!


	23. Ch 9 April Fools pt 3 C

**Author's Notes**: Konnichiwa, minna-san! I was supposed to update this WAY earlier, but I procrastinated, slept, ate, played Legend of Zelda, and lazed around in every other way possible. Anyhoo, yeah. I don't really have much to say. Sorry for being a lazy mofo! Don't let it stop you from enjoying! -bows-

Warning-AU, shounen ai/yaoi, SOME het, silliness, HUMOR (doyee), some OOCness, mix up of Japanese and English things sort of

**Pairings**-IchigoxIshida, ShuuheixTesla hints, KenpachixUnohana, RenjixByakuya, Rukia+Bunnies, onesided Ichigo+Orihime (BLEH!)

Summary-A multiple chapter fic of the Bleach people and their high school adventures. Cliché, but yet so original!

**Disclaimer**-Don't own. Don't sue. Don't ask. Don't tell. If I owned Bleach, I would eliminate filler even though What's-His-Face-Filler taichou is kinda cute.

'blah' -thoughts

X -change of scene

**o OoO o**- flashback tiem

* * *

**A Series of Tales Full of Hilariousness**

**Chapter 9: Gin and Hana-chan's April Fools Adventure pt.3 C (Screw it! I'll make it as long as I want!)**

It was a few hours after school had officially started. The sun was slowly rising to the middle of the sky and shining its warming rays onto Karakura High School. A cute auburn haired girl strode leisurely up to the school gates.

"Well, nothing looks any different since I've been gone. I wonder how everyone's doing. I wonder if he misses me..." She trailed off with a loving sigh, blushing and giggling as she thought of the special someone she had come to love.

She spent a few moments reminiscing about her not-so-secret crush unknowing of the chaos going on beyond those gates. Unknown, that is, until a blood curdling scream filtered its way to her ears.

"What was that?" She wondered aloud. Hesitantly, she pushed one of the heavy iron doors forward and peered inside. She gasped. "What's going on?"

A large group of students ran screaming out of the gym and past her. She got the attention of one of them.

"Um, excuse me, what are you running from?"

The boy stopped and pointed a shaky finger towards the gym. "Z-Zaraki-sensei! His p-p-pirate flag's m-missing and-"

"COME BACK HERE!" A voice bellowed.

It belonged to none other than Zaraki Kenpachi. The man looked around for his P.E. students, sharp teeth bared with a ragged Japanese sword in hand. The giant man had a wild look to his eye and snarled viciously as he eyed his student.

"You! You know where he is. You know where my flag is. Don't lie!" He accused.

The student 'eeped' and ran away.

"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!!" Kenpachi roared sounding much like a lion chasing after its prey.

"Get him, Ken-chan! Get him!" Yachiru cheered from where she was hanging on his shoulder.

"Yachiru? What are you doing here?" The girl asked only to receive no answer as Kenpachi continued his rampage.

"Go, Ken-chan, go!" The pink haired hyperactive girl sang, pumping her small fist in the air.

"Um… Okay…" She stared in confusion at the trail of dust that was left behind in Kenpachi's exit.

"She begged Zaraki-taichou to go to work with him for today and he let her. That's why she's here." Yumichika answered as he and Ikkaku stopped to take in a few breaths.

"Hey, long time no see." Ikkaku said in between pants. "I thought you were in the exchange student program for a year. What are you doing back so soon?"

"They decided to let me visit everyone for awhile since they had to visit relatives anyway." She answered.

"Oh. Well, you couldn't have picked a worse day to come visit, darling. The school's in complete and total chaos." Yumichika said as he swiped a hand through his hair in exasperation.

A crash and the scream of a student got their attention.

"Yumi!"

"Yes."

"See ya later!" Ikkaku called out as he ran off after his taichou.

Yumichika gave her a tiny wave and a sweet smile before following after Ikkaku. "Have a beautiful day!"

She started walking forward, but stopped when she spotted Nanao repeatedly bashing Shunsui on the head with a thick, heavy book.

"Ise-kun, Kyouraku-sensei?"

Shunsui tried his best to run away, but soon tumbled to the ground. He curled into a ball and shielded his head as Nanao continued to bash away. "Nanao-chan! Sweet, lovely, adorable, Nanao-chan! Please, I beg of you, stop hitting my poor head. As much as I love having your attention on me, it hurts!"

Nanao only glared at the man and sent a kick to his shins. "You deserve this! You're a sick man! What makes you think I want to see pictures of you naked and passed out in various settings, hm? _What?_ Why would you defile my eyes and my beloved book in such a way?"

"I didn't do it, Nanao-chan! I swear!"

"LIAR! Just for that I'm going to beat you all over again!"

"Ah, but you'll have to catch me first, my beautiful Nanao-chan!" He lept up and sped off towards the soccer fields.

"GET BACK HERE!" Nanao screamed, chasing after the art teacher with her book raised in the air.

"Oh my." She mumbled in confusion. "I better find the others."

She walked through the quad (which was strangely quiet considering it was passing period), past the deserted cafeteria, and up the stairs past the empty library. Or seemingly empty library.

She squinted through the giant window as she caught a shock of bright red hair sprouting out the top of a tattooed head like a mutated pineapple. She smiled to herself and went inside of the library.

"Abarai-kun!" She walked over to where she thought she had spotted Renji.

A hand reached out from under the shadows of a back table and waved back and forth.

"Over here!" A voice whispered.

She walked tentatively forward stumbling over a chair here and there. The only source of light was the eerie red glow coming from the exit sign near the emergency exit.

"Abarai-kun?"

Two familiar heads poked out above the table.

"Orihime?" Tatsuki asked in disbelief.

"Hey, Tatsuki! Hey Abarai-kun! What are you-"

"Ssh! Get under here!" Renji hissed.

She ducked under the table and crouched next to them. "What are you two doing here? Why are the lights off? Where is everyone?"

"They're probably hidin' till its safe."

"Hiding? Why?"

"You didn't see?" Renji asked. "It's complete chaos out there!"

"Oh, you mean Zaraki-sensei?"

Renji scoffed. "That's _one_ of the problems."

"Why is Zaraki-sensei chasing everyone around with an actual sword? And why is Yachiru with him?"

"Well, ya see me, Tatsuki, Ichigo, Keigo, Chad, and Mizuiro were in the gym for P.E.…" Renji started.

o O.O o

"_Come on! You really gonna let those girls whip yer asses?"_

"_But, Zaraki-sensei," Mizuiro started, "should the boys really be playing dodge ball against the girls-" the boy was interrupted as a painstakingly aimed dodge ball was smashed into his face._

"_Good throw, Yachiru!" Tatsuki gave the girl thumbs up._

_She giggled. "Thanks! This is gonna be a piece of cake!" She picked up another ball causing several boys on the other side of the rope to step back at the mischievous glint in her eye._

"_Tch! Aw, come on, yer really scared of the pink ball of fluff standin' in front o' ya? Please! Dodgeball is a man's sport!"_

"_It's a sport for masochistic idiots if you ask me…" Ichigo grumbled from where he was leaning against the wall._

_He, Renji, and Chad leaned against one of the cushions on the gym wall. They had been barred from playing dodge ball since the last time they actually sent nearly the whole class to the nurse's office for Unohana and Isane to mend their wounds. Needless to say, their weight training was working a little _too_ well._

"_Speak for yourself. I wanna play!" Renji whined to which Ichigo rolled his eyes._

"_I don't mind either way, but I'd prefer not to hurt people." Chad voiced._

_Renji scoffed. "You _would_ say something like that."_

"_Yachiru," Kenpachi barked, "watch these bastards while I go to my office real quick."_

"_Sure thing, Ken-chan!" Yachiru saluted. "Alright, everyone, new plans! All the boys drop and give me 50! You girls just sit there and think about what you're going to get me for my next birthday!"_

"_What?" "That's not fair!" "You're just a kid, why should we listen to _you?_" a few brave voices said._

"**_JUST DO IT._**_" Yachiru glared._

_The boys immediately dropped to their knees._

_Yachiru gleefully stood on the back of the boy who called her a kid. "Down, up! Down, up! Faster, faster!" She chanted._

_CRASH!_

_They all stopped what they were doing and turned their heads in the direction of the thunderous crash._

_Renji pushed himself off the wall. "'the hell…?"_

_There was the sound of raging steps and then a powerful kick to the double doors of the gym sent one flying off its hinges and falling with an audible slam to glossed gym floor._

_They looked up to see Zaraki Kenpachi, the titan himself, standing in all his angered glory with what seemed like the flames of hell at his back._

"_Abarai." He hissed._

"_Uh, y-yes, Zaraki-sensei?" Renji sputtered._

"_Where is it?"_

"_Where's what, sir?"_

"_My flag, my pirate flag, my treasure; the most important thing on the planet to me (besides Yachiru and Unohana)."_

"_I- I dunno, sir."_

"_You _what?_"_

"_I don't know!"_

"_You lie!" Kenpachi yelled and took a step forward._

"_No, I swear it sir! I didn't do anything to it!" Beads of nervous sweat began to form on Renji's skin as he took a few steps back for every step Kenpachi took forward._

"_After all I've done for you. I helped get you off the streets, taught ya how to fight, got you out of trouble and this-" He paused, "**this** is what you pull? You declare yer so called love for that wealthy, ice-cold, sonuvabitch Kuchiki Byakuya who used to treat you like shit on his shoe by stealing my _manly_ flag and replacing it with the flag for you fags(1)? You got some guts, Abarai-Renji, I'll give you that, but you chose the wrong person to pull this stunt on. Now I'll ask you one more time… Where. Is. It?"_

_He emphasized the last three words by slowly pulling his jagged katana out of its scabbard. The way he held it made the light cast a menacing gleam off the sword's surface and shine into the red head's eyes._

"_I don't know what you're talking about, sir, but whatever it was, I didn't do it!"_

"_That's it. YOU'RE DEAD!" Kenpachi roared and charged after Renji._

_Yumichika and Ikkaku appeared out of nowhere to hold the giant back while Yachiru jumped on the man's shoulders and pulled at his shirt._

"_LET ME GO!" Kenpachi howled and struggled to break free from their grasp without hurting them._

"_Ken-chan, stop it!" Yachiru pleaded. "I won't. Let you. Hurt… Pineapple-chan!" She emphasized every word with a tug to his shirt._

"_Please, sir, you must calm down! This is very ugly behavior you're displaying." Yumichika scolded._

_Ikkaku turned to the students frozen in their spots. "Leave now if you wanna live!"_

"_B-but, Ikkaku-"_

"_We can only hold him back fer so long. All of ya, get goin' now!"_

_The other students didn't have to be told twice. They scattered into random groups and began frantically running away._

_Renji backed away hesitantly. "Don't die, alright?"_

_Ikkaku gave him a wild grin. "O' course not."_

_xxx_

_Running out of the gym the group stopped to make a plan._

"_This is bad." Renji muttered. "Bad, bad, bad. Zaraki-taichou's gonna be like this till he gets that flag back, I can tell ya that much."_

"_What did you do?!" Tatsuki asked._

"_I didn't do a goddamn thing! There's no way in hell I'd pull shit like this! _Anyone_, but Zaraki."_

"_It was probably that idiot, Ichimaru." Ichigo stated. "He's the only one who'd do this."_

"_Seriously. What the hell was he thinkin'?"_

"_So what do we do?" Chad asked._

"_Warn everyone. Warn everyone and find a damn good hiding place." Ichigo suggested._

"_Let's split up." Renji said. "That way we'll cover more ground. We'll warn people faster and try to find Ichimaru so he can fix this thing."_

"_Right." Ichigo nodded._

"_Who's with me?" Renji asked. When no one said anything he scowled. "I said who's with me, goddamnit!"_

_Ichigo, Tatsuki, and Chad stared at each other and nodded._

"_SAISHO WA GU! JAN-KEN-PON!(2)"_

_Renji spluttered. "Damnit, there's no time for this shit!"_

"_SAISHO WA GU! JAN-KEN-PON! SAISHO WA GU! JAN-KEN-PON!"_

"_Aw, damnit!" Tatsuki grumbled, her scissors losing to their rocks._

"_See ya!" Ichigo called out as he and Chad ran off._

"_Effin' A…"_

_Renji glared at the girl as they began sprinting across the quad and up the stairs. "Just what the fuck is so bad about bein' stuck with me, huh?"_

_Tatsuki glared right back. "Because its _your_ blood that Zaraki wants, not _ours_."_

_Renji rolled his eyes, but stopped suddenly as they approached the row of lockers near the entrance of the library. "Rukia?"_

_Rukia was curled into a ball at the foot of the lockers. "It didn't deserve it. It didn't deserve it…" she murmured._

"_Didn't deserve what? What the hell is she talking about?" Tatsuki asked._

_Renji rolled his eyes. "I'll tell ya later."_

_A crash sounded near the bottom of the stairs._

"_Shit!" He grabbed Rukia. "Get in the library!"_

o O.O o

"…From what I heard someone took his pirate flag, the one in the protective case, replaced it with a rainbow flag and put 'For Byakuya' on it, so, needless to say, he thinks it was me."

"It wasn't?"

"No!"

"Then who did it?"

"Weren't you listenin'? It was that fox-faced bastard Ichimaru. He's been pullin' pranks all day."

"Really?"

"Don't you know what day it is? Its _April Fools_!" Tatsuki explained. "There's been some prankster going around pulling the worst pranks on people!"

"_Some_ prankster? Tch! Its all Ichimaru, I'm tellin' ya." Renji nodded.

"It can't be. He'd need help to pull off stuff this big."

They stopped talking when they heard a violent shudder followed by crazed murmuring.

"That poor bunny. It didn't deserve it. Didn't deserve it. Didn't deserve it…" Rukia mumbled. She sat, eyes squeezed shut, in a fetal position gently rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet.

"Um, Rukia?" Orihime poked the girl several times, but received no response. "What's wrong with her?"

Renji rolled his eyes. "Is she still goin' on about how 'the bunny didn't deserve it' and all?" He crawled over to the small girl and shook her by the shoulders. "Hey, Rukia! Get over it! It wasn't _your_ bunny, so what's the big deal? Come on, snap out of it, already!"

Rukia seemingly looked right through him, still murmuring about 'the bunny.'

Renji sighed and released his hold on her. "Hopeless…"

"What happened to her?" Orihime asked.

Renji massaged the back of his neck tiredly. "Well…"

o O.O o

_After getting their fill of tacos, Ichigo, Ishida, Renji, Kira, Szayel, and Grimmjow walked with Rukia to her locker since it was on the way to their first classes. Hisagi and Tesla lingered behind the group, engaged in their own conversation._

_Grimmjow snickered. "Looks like Shoe is interested in Tesla."_

"_He is kinda… well, cute." Ichigo mumbled, ignoring Renji and Rukia's shocked looks._

"_Didn't he used to date your bro, Szayel?" Renji asked._

_Szayel shrugged. "Sure."_

_Grimmjow rolled his eyes. "They didn't officially date…"_

"_Tesla seems like the indifferent type." Izuru stated._

"_Maybe. Still it would be good for Hisagi to find someone." Renji nodded._

_Rukia snorted as she began the combination to her locker. "Why? So you can stop feeling guilty?"_

"_No! Because he's one of my best friends and I want him to be happy!"_

"_Right…"_

_Renji's scowl turned into shock as he watched Rukia drop to her knees with tears streaming down her face._

"_Rukia? What's wrong?"_

"_Maybe whatever she's talking about is in her locker." Szayel suggested from behind them._

"_Right." Renji mumbled and opened Rukia's locker. "What the fuck? That's some sick shit."_

_They all looked inside the locker. A dead rabbit was hung on a hook in the back of the locker. Taped to the front of the rabbit was a note that read, 'I got yo bunny bitch. Haha! R.I.P CHAPPY."_

"_Ah!" Szayel reached in and grabbed the rabbit, holding it by its ears. "Mayuri-sensei was looking for this."_

o O.O o

"…she's been like this ever since. I didn't know she'd been sitting there for an entire class period though. He shook his head sadly.

Orihime looked at her friend in pity. "Oh, poor, Kuchiki-san. So… um, where's Kurosaki-kun?" She blushed.

Tatsuki frowned. 'Oh, shit. She still doesn't know Ichigo's gay. Even though its pretty obvious…'

Renji sighed. "Ichigo's probably somewhere hiding with Chad or trying to find Ishida, most likely." He crawled from underneath the table. "Come on. We should go find them."

The two girls nodded and slid from underneath the table and walked over to the exit.

Renji threw Rukia over his shoulder. "Come on, you rabbit crazy bitch…"

* * *

(1) Being bi, having a ton of gay friends, and an obvious advocate of 'guy love,' I do not support the bashing of gays! No gay bashing! Kenpachi does not support gay bashing either, but Kenpachi mad right now so Kenpachi speak out of anger.

(2) Known as 'rock, paper, scissors' to us non-Japanese speakers.

Quite a somewhat action filled chapter, no? What'd you think? Is it made of win? Is it worthy of your lulz? Do I get any internetz at all? Y/N? Review if you please! And thank you for being patient with my random bouts of laziness.


	24. Ch 9 April Fools pt 4

**Author's Notes:** Konnichiwa, minna-san! Sorry this took so long. I couldn't come up with an ending, plus I was spending all week eating cookies and working on other projects. I was planning it out, editing past chapters, and planning future chapters and stories. I kinda don't know where I'm going with this, ya know? I dunno... Hopefully it'll all work out, ja? And you guys don't seem to be disappointed by anything ('cept for maybe lack of updates) yet, right? I mean, I know I suck at endings and stuff, but I'm doing a good job, right? **I NEED REASSURANCE HERE! **-SIGH- Anyhoo, enjoy! -bows-

Warning- AU, shounen ai/yaoi, SOME het, silliness, HUMOR (doyee), some OOCness, mix up of Japanese and English things sort of

**Pairings-** AizenxGin, IchigoxIshida, RenjixByakuya, SzayelxIshida hints, UraharaxAizen?

Summary- A multiple chapter fic of the Bleach people and their high school adventures. Cliché, but yet so original!

**Disclaimer-** Don't own. Don't sue. Don't ask. Don't tell. If I owned Bleach, I would... Um... Er... I dunno, be rich? -shrug-

'blah' -thoughts

X -change of scene

* * *

**A Series of Tales Full of Hilariousness**

**Chapter 9: Gin and Hana-chan's April Fools Adventure pt. 4 (one or two parts left!)**

"Ichigo, what's going on?"

"Don't worry about it, right now. I'll tell you later." Ichigo said, slightly out of breath.

"How am I not supposed to worry? No one is where they're supposed to be. Everyone's running around in panic. And you and Sado-kun run in and grab me without telling me what's going on, and you _obviously_ have _something_ to do with it."

"I have nothing to do with it, I swear."

"Then why are you all panicky?"

"I'll explain later! God, would you just shut up, already?"

Ishida suddenly came to a halt and yanked his wrist out of Ichigo's hand. "What did you say?"

Ichigo sighed. "Uryuu, please-"

"No! I'm not moving until I get an apology AND you tell me what the hell's going on."

"Uryuu."

"Kurosaki." Ishida said with an upraised eyebrow, hand on his hip, and footing tapping expectantly.

Ichigo winced at his tone then rolled his eyes. "Don't do that. You look like an angry house wife."

Ishida's eyes narrowed dangerously. "At least I don't look like a fucking asshole." He turned around and began walking off.

Ichigo ran up and grabbed his arm. "Where are you going?"

"To find Szayel and get out of here. It's obviously a waste of time to be at school _and_ to deal with you." He tugged at his trapped wrist. "Let go!"

"No! Why the hell would you want to be with him? He's a pompous, egotistical, self-righteous, little asshole." Ichigo finished, amazed that he finally got a chance to use the word 'pompous.'

"That may be true, but he's funnier than you, cuter than you, smarter than you, and more importantly, he's not a complete and total asshole like you!"

Ichigo grabbed Ishida's other wrist before he could wrestle out of his grasp and run away. "Uryuu, please. I'm sorry."

"Fuck you!" Ishida yelled and weakly punched at Ichigo's chest. "I hate you. I fucking hate you! Let me go!"

"Fine!" Ichigo let his wrists go. "But would please just listen to me?"

Uryuu adjusted his glasses and sent Ichigo a powerful glare. "You've got five fucking seconds to convince me _why_ I should go with you, _why_ you told me to shut up, and _why_ I _shouldn't_ just break up with you now,and take Szayel up on his offer."

Ichigo blinked a few times then took a deep breath. "You should go with me because it's for you own safety-"

"Oh, and _you_ care about my safety?"

"_Yes_, because I care about _you_."

Uryuu clicked his teeth.

"Look, Kenpachi's on a rampage right now because of some stupid prank Ichimaru probably pulled and we _really_ need to meet up with everyone and come up with a plan of escape or just hide out until he gets his pirate flag back."

Uryuu paused his foot in mid-tap. "Wait, someone _stole_ Zaraki-sensei's flag?"

"Yes, and he thinks Renji did it, so now he's looking for Renji or anyone who might know where he went. If he gets a hold of us he will _kill_ us."

"Okay. Why didn't you say that before? Why did you instead tell me to shut up?"

"I didn't think-"

"Obviously. I don't know why I'm surprised by that. You _never_ think before you do anything."

Ichigo sighed. "I deserved that. Anyway, you shouldn't break up with me because I love you and I really was just looking out for your safety and also, Szayel's a prick and probably just wants to use your incredibly hot body for sex."

Ishida laughed and rolled his eyes. "Flattery will get you nowhere, Ichigo."

"Well, I thought I'd at least get brownie points." Ichigo grinned.

Uryuu smiled softly and wrapped his arms around Ichigo's neck. "Fine, you've convinced me. I'll go with you."

"Good, good." Ichigo gave him a peck on his forehead.

"So... you're going to carry me, right?"

"Carry you? I dunno about that-"

Chad ran up to them after looking around for Kenpachi, softly huffing and puffing and bent over to catch his breath before saying, "Zaraki-sensei's coming. He saw me-"

"GET BACK HERE!" a voice roared.

"Okay, I'll carry you!" Ichigo said and he slung Ishida over his shoulder and took off along with Chad.

"Where are we going, Ichigo?" Uryuu yelled.

"I dunno!"

_Now how come every time you come around my __London__, __London__Bridge__ wanna go down-_

"What's that?" Chad asked.

"Uh, my phone." Uryuu said and took it out. "It's a text from Renji. ...it just says 'meet us in the band room.'"

"Well, I guess that's where we're goin'!"

x

After sprinting across the quad and to the front of the school they ducked inside of the performing arts hallway.

Ichigo crouched down and carefully peeked out the small window on the door. "Well, it looks like- Oh, shit! Duck!"

They ducked down as Kenpachi came and peeked into the darkness of the hallway only to grumble 'stupid kids' when he saw nothing and walked away.

Ichigo sighed in relief. "Oh, geez. That was close! Well, we've lost him for now, guys. Now all we have to do is wait for Renji and Tatsuki to show up."

"Shh...Ichigo," Uryuu whispered, "I hear voices."

"Voices?"

They all held their breath and listened closely.

"I hear it too. Come on, let's follow the voices. Who knows? Maybe Renji and Tatsuki are already here."

XXX

Aizen walked into principle Yamamoto's office after being summoned to get there immediately. He walked in knowing that the old man would undoubtedly talk about the after effects of the prankster, AKA, his boyfriend, Ichimaru Gin. He steeled himself for a probable, and unavoidable, lengthy talk.

The old man sat with the long, wrinkled fingers of one of his hands resting on the top of his strange looking cane and the other hand running through his lengthy white beard. His barely memorable vice-principle stood behind and to the left of him, brows furrowed in agitation, hands crossed behind his back.

To the sides of the room stood Ukitake helping a seemingly battered Kyouraku put band aids over cuts on his face while sternly scolding him, Byakuya, wearing his usual expressionless mask, stood rigidly near Ukitake, Mayuri looking bored to death, Unohana who softly smiled, trying to hold in her laughter, as she and Yoruichi tried to help pry Soifon's honey covered hands open, and Urahara smiled and winked at him from Yoruichi's side.

He smiled and nodded his head at the blond haired man in understanding.

'Zaraki is missing.' He noticed.

The old man opened one droopy eye to give him a hard stare.

"I assume you know why I called you here."

"The prankster." He simply replied. 'Gin.' He simply thought.

"Yes. As you also probably know, much like most of us in this room, these pranks have thrown the school into complete chaos."

"No one is where they're supposed to be." Sasakibe cut in. "Students aren't in their classes, but instead are running around and hiding from Zaraki."

'Now that's a surprise. How did Gin manage to get _him_ angry?'

"Zaraki-sensei, sir?" Aizen asked, slightly shocked.

"Yes." Yoruichi said while helping Soifon clean off the sticky yellow goop on her hands. "Apparently someone took his pirate flag and replaced it with a rainbow flag with 'For Byakuya' on it."

They all looked at the head of the Kuchiki household. The man cast his gaze to the side and refused to meet their stares. "Renji would not dare do such a thing." He admonished with pink-tinged cheeks, but an otherwise impassive expression. "...if that is what you are thinking."

Urahara chuckled. "No one was inferring that Abarai did it."

This only made Byakuya's cheeks (the ones on his face) redden.

Aizen suppressed a groan. 'Of ALL the things to do Gin. WHY Zaraki's flag? The country's flag would've been safer to steal.'

He cleared his throat. "What do you want me to do, Yamamoto-sensei?"

The old man continued to stroke his thick beard, leaning back in his leather chair. "I want you and your Espada to-"

_Bitches love me cuz they know that I can ROCK_

_Bitches love me cuz they know that I can RHYME_

The teachers gathered on the side of the room broke into a series of smirks and chuckles.

_Bitches love me cuz they know that I can FU-_

"What is that?"

'Damnit, Ginyanote.' Aizen sighed. "That appears to be my phone, sir. May I answer it?"

Yamamoto waved his hand in dismissal. "_Please_."

_Bitches love me! Bitches love me! Bitches love me, love me, love me-_

"Moshi-moshi..." He turned his back to the rest of the room. "Gin! What the hell do you think you're doing?!"

X

"Geez, Sousuke. No 'hi' or 'I love you, kitsune. How are ya?' or nothin'? It really hurts my feelin's."

X

"Don't give me that!" He hissed. "Just what the hell are you doing and who else is involved?"

X

"I'm just havin' fun, Sousuke. Thas all."

X

"Who's helping you?" Aizen inquired.

X

"Helpin'? I got no idea what yer talkin' 'bout, Sousuke. It's just lil' ol' me here by my lonesome, missin' ya." He ginned at Hanatarou who waved nervously in turn.

X

Aizen took a deep breath to calm his nerves. "And where are you exactly?"

X

"Huh? Oh, just the school's roof. ...with water balloons filled with paint."

X

"What?! What are you planning on doing?"

X

"Sorry, Sousuke, gotta go. My target's here."

X

"Gin wait-"

X

"Sorry, Sousuke. Yer breakin' up. See ya!" A click sounded.

X

"Wait! Gin? Gin?!" He sighed. "Damnit..."

"Is there a problem?" Mayuri asked in an uncaring tone.

Aizen turned around and put on a calm smile. "No, just a... misunderstanding. Uh, where were we?"

"Yes, right." Yamamoto paused before continuing. "I want you and your Espada to find and stop this prankster. Can you do that?"

"Yes. Yes, of course. It shouldn't be hard." He bowed slightly. "Excuse me."

"If you need help," Urahara started, "feel free to ask."

They shared a smile before Aizen exited the room.

He sighed again. 'Great. I have to find and capture my own boyfriend. You _will_ receive punishment for this one Gin...'

X

Chad, Ichigo, and Ishida slowly made their way down the pitch black hallway, feeling around the walls.

"Ichigo, we just passed the choir room. I know because I just ran head first into the damn cabinet where they keep the show choir costumes." Ishida grumbled.

"We have a show choir?"

"Yes! You really didn't know that? Goodness. They perform at the pep assemblies all the time."

"Well, forgive me for not being as school spirited as you. I mean, I just started doing the dress up days. Isn't that enough?"

Ishida huffed.

"Anyway, are we close?"

"Yeah."

"Good."

"You guys, I found a light switch."

"Wait, Chad, no-"

The tall boy flipped the switch and fluorescent light instantly flooded through the hallway.

"Damnit, Chad! What'd you do that for?"

"What the hell are _you_ upset about?" Ishida asked.

"I was... I was kinda pretending we were on, I dunno, like a mission. Ya know, like Halo or somethin'." Ichigo admitted in a low mumble.

Ishida's jaw dropped in disbelief. He stared at him for a few moments before pushing his glasses back up the bridge of his straight nose before continuing down the hallway. "Ichigo... don't be ridiculous." He scolded.

Ichigo sighed woefully, pouting as they continued down the hallway into the theatre.

They stopped as Ishida opened the door to the empty pitch black theatre. The only thing visible was the dull green light of the exit sign on the other side of the stage.

"So... We have to cross the stage, then?" Ichigo asked tentatively.

"Yeah... Then there's the orchestra room, the dance room (Yoruichi might be in there), and then the band room." Ishida said shakily.

"I-I heard the theatre was haunted."

"So did I, but you don't really believe in those types of things... do you?"

"I dunno. I used to think I saw ghosts all the time when I was a kid, but... I'm not like you guys."

"What do you mean by that?" Ishida bristled.

"Ya know, how you guys are all into that "smells like bad spirit" Don Kanonji guy."

"It's a good show." Chad defended.

"I agree."

Ichigo snorted. "Well, whatever. I just hate ghost and spirit tracker/hunter shows or whatever they're supposed to be. They're fucking stupid." He finished.

"Instead of standing here arguing about some 'stupid' show we probably could've been to the band room by now." Ishida spat.

Ichigo looked off to the side and grumbled, "You started it..." only to receive a smack to the head from Ishida.

"Can we please drop it?"

"Fine, but you didn't have to smack me!" He gingerly rubbed at his orange-haired head.

Ishida rolled his eyes. "Anyway, all we have to do is walk straight across the stage to the exit, go through the hall way, up the stairs, pass by the dance and orchestra rooms, and the band room will be right there."

"...why didn't you just tell me where the hallway to the band room was while we were running? That way we wouldn't have to go through all this." Ichigo said with an eyebrow twitching in annoyance.

Ishida sniffed haughtily. "_Because_ I didn't think of it. Besides: 1. the door to that particular hallway is usually chained up. You have to go through the theatre, band or dance rooms to get out. And 2. At least now we know we've got Zaraki off our tails now."

"Nice cover up- ow!"

Ishida elbowed his side viciously. "Shut up! Let's go. Go straight or else you'll fall down some stairs. You guys should really come to this side of the school more often"

They all took a step forward and the only real source of light disappeared as the door closed loudly behind them, covering them in darkness. Ishida led the way onto what was presumably the sage. It felt as if they were wading through a black pool as they slowly made their way across the stage. The air was hot and thick (since the A/C was off) and their skin became sticky with sweat. All was silent except for their breathing and the slight creaks of the wooden stage.

"AAH!" Ishida scream and grabbed Ichigo's arm.

"Something's grabbing me and trying to drag me away!" Ichigo screamed and tried to get the being grabbing him to relinquish its vice-like grip.

"Wait, wait!" Ishida said. "It's me."

"Oh. You scared me!" Ichigo laughed as he helped pull the teen up.

"What happened?" Chad asked causing the two of them to jump.

"O-oh, um, I almost fell off the stage. I think we're moving off to the side. Move to the left."

They moved to the left until Ichigo collided with something hard and shrieked.

"What is it?"

Ichigo released a breath of relief and replied, "It's just the wall."

"Geez. I know its dark, but there's really no reason for us to be this paranoid." Ishida said.

"Yeah. What's a little darkness?" Ichigo laughed.

His nervous laughter was soon cut off when two arms wrapped themselves around his waist and a disembodied voice whispered, "Boo."

"AHHH!"

"What, what! What is it?"

Ichigo growled. "That wasn't funny, Uryuu! I nearly shit my pants."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb. You grabbed me and went "boo" in my ear then ran back to your spot."

Ishida blinked in the darkness. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Ichigo. I'm serious."

"Well, then who was it? Chad?"

Chad was about to reply when a hand wrapped itself over his mouth and pulled him down. "Ssh, come with me." The wraithlike person whispered.

"Chad?" Ichigo asked again.

There was no response.

"Dammit, Ishida, where are the lights?"

"Behind the curtain, but only people in theatre really know how to work them. To everyone else it's just a bunch of switches."

"Fuckin' A..." Ichigo grumbled.

Suddenly they heard a door slam. Ichigo jumped and Ishida fell on his bum at the end of the stage.

"What the fuck was that?"

"It sounded like a door, but it came from behind the-" Ishida was cut off as a hand covered his mouth and pulled him over the side of the stage.

"Uryuu? ...Uryuu!"

"You afraid of the dark?" An eerie voice asked in thick Kansai-ben (1).

Ichigo turned to where he thought the voice came from. "N-no."

"Well, thas good ta hear. So... how 'bout we play a lil' game called 'tag?' You can be it."

The seemingly spectral-like man then grabbed Ichigo by the wrist and pulled him against his chest. He reeled back and went crashing to the ground when Ichigo's fist slammed into his face.

"Fuckin' hell!" the man groaned. "Whad ya do tha' for?"

"Why do you think? Don't ever fuckin' touch me like that again, asshole!" Ichigo growled.

"Alright, Hirako, game over." A male voice boomed as lights were switched on and lit up the theatre.

Ichigo stared at the silver haired man as he let down Ishida from off his shoulder where he was thrown over like a bag.

"Uryuu! Are you okay? Who is this?"

"I'm fine. It's okay, he's cool, Ichigo."

The well-built man stuck out his hand which Ichigo hesitantly accepted. "Muguruma Kensei; wrestling coach."

"Nice to meet you?" Ichigo said/asked. "What the hell were you guys doing?"

"We were jus playin' with ya. But you decided ya had to go an' hit me fer no reason at all."

A blonde girl with pigtails came up behind the blond man sprawled on the ground and slapped him on the head with her flip flop. "You deserved it! No body told ya to go touchin' anyone!"

"I was jus jokin'! Geez!" the man whined and received a series of slaps from the girl.

"Who are _you_?" Ichigo asked with narrowed eyes.

"You dun hafta look at me like that." The man grumbled. "'Who are you.' Ya sound like that damn caterpillar from that damn book; whatzitz name?"

"You're referring to _The Adventures of Alice in Wonderland_." A young woman with dark hair and glasses said.

Ichigo's eyes widened. "Nanao?"

The girl laughed. "No, but I am aware we look much a like. In fact, I was also Kyouraku's aid when I attended this school. I am Yadomaru Lisa. You're Kurosaki Ichigo, yes?"

"Uh, yeah. How'd ya know?"

"She's my Literature and Composition teacher, Ichigo. I told her about you." Ishida explained.

"Oh. Well, who's this asshole?"

The blond haired man stood up, brushing off his clothes and readjusting his hat. "I am Hirako Shinji!" He said dramatically. "The concert, jazz, and pep band teacher. Pleased to meetcha." He bowed.

Ichigo glared and grumbled something that sounded like, "overbite."

Hirako frowned. "We'll hafta do somethin' 'bout that mouth. It's not nice ta talk to yer elders that way, ya know?"

The pigtailed girl snorted. "And you certainly are old."

"Hey, you're that chick on the soccer and softball team Rukia's always hanging around." Ichigo pointed. He yelped in pain as the girl sent a kick to his shins. "Geez..."

"It ain't polite to point, 'specially at no lady." Hirako opened his mouth to comment, but the girl beat him to it by jumping in the air like a wild spider monkey and round house kicking him in the face. "Shut yer yap!"

Lisa sighed in exasperation as she took a first-aid kit out of nowhere. She knelt beside Hirako and began taking out bandages and tubes of ointment.

The girl ignored the man's painful predicament entirely. "My name's Sarugaki Hiyori. That's all ya need to know."

"_Alright_, sheesh..." Ichigo frowned, but didn't dare say another word.

After having the shoe print-shaped wound on the side of his face tended to, Hirako gingerly got up and straightened himself out. "Anyway, yer friends are waitin' for ya in the band room. That's what we was supposed to tell ya if we found ya."

"Oh, Renji and Tatsuki made it after all."

"Yeah, along with some chick who keeps ramblin' on about bunnies-"

"Her name's Rukia, dumb ass."

"Why thank ya fer correctin' me, Hiyori." Hirako dead panned. "Anyhoo, _Rukia_ and another chick with huge ti-"

He received a kick to the shins from Hiyori before he even got a chance to finish.

Ichigo sweat dropped. "Uh, who?"

Kensei looked up in thought. "Uh, she had long reddish, brownish hair-"

"The correct term is 'auburn.'" Lisa said from his side.

"..._whatever_. She had long hair with these two star-like clips in her hair. She was tellin' us what she had for lunch. Man, I would never let her cook for me if I were you. Eggs, honey, ketchup, and wasabi just _don't_ go together."

"Wait. That sounds exactly like Orihime."

"Yeah! That's what her name is. Inoue Orihime!"

"When did Orihime get back? She didn't call or anything." Ishida said confused.

"If ya wanna know, you can ask her that yerself." Hirako said. He did a 180 and pointed forward. "To the band room!"

They all started to leisurely walk in the direction he had pointed in.

"Hey, uh, Hirako." Ichigo started.

"Yeah?" The man answered without looking at him.

"What were you all doing in here anyway?"

"Oh, we were just playin'."

"Playing _what_?"

Hirako looked at him over his shoulder and grinned. "Hide 'n seek!" He began laughing.

Ichigo gave the man a blank look and frowned. "_Man_, what a _spazz_."

* * *

**(1)** Kansai-ben is a dialect spoken in Kyoto and Osaka. Basically Hirako and Hiyori talk pretty much exactly like Gin.

So, there's one or two more parts. I haven't decided yet. As you've probably guessed, when I start writing something, unless it's short, I don't have an idea for an ending. Endings are _always_ my downfall. -nod nod- Anyway, fail? Y/n? Tell me in a review. Sayonara, kiddies!


	25. The Dreaded H Word: Hiatus

Konnichiwa, minna-san! Now, I know you lot were expecting an update or maybe you were actually expecting one o' these. Anyhoo, I told you that to tell you this: There will be a bit of a… _hiatus_. I'm out of ideas for the current chapter at the moment, but that's not really why there's a… _hiatus_.

You see, I don't really have a computer at home so I've always just come to the school my mom works at and used the computer in her classroom. Apparently today (Monday; June 09) the school-persons are gonna remove all the computers and completely wipe them. That means all my chapters, pictures, and songs will be gone. Permanently.

What this means for you is: no updates for awhile. It might be a long while, it might be a short while, I might update every few weeks or every month, I might not update for the whole summer. I do plan on buying a laptop within a month or two, but things don't always go as planned because God hates me when it comes to computers, you see.

For what its worth; I'm sorry. I really didn't want to leave you guys hanging. I never wanted to take a… _hiatus_. So, yeah, I'm sorry. Please bear with me. I know I suck at this whole author thing, but you guys have never complained. You're all cool as hell, ya know that?

Have a good summer, ja? Feel free to message me, even though it might be awhile until I can respond. I'll try to make sure this semi-… _hiatus_ ends quickly. SAYONARA!


	26. I'M BACKISH!

HAI GAIS! I'm back-ish! Ya see, me mom's computer's up and running now so I'm gonna try and upload some new chappies ASAP. I've only written half of one chapter the whole summer. LOL. Yeah, I know, but I was busy working, okay. YOU try working customer service for a school uniform company for a month and a half from 10 to 6pm everyday and see if you go home and feel like being creative. …EXACTLY.

ANYHOO, so I'll try and update soon. No promises as to how soon. It could be this week, it could be next week. Who knows? I mean, cuz the anime convention is this weekend. LOL.

So yeah, BAI BAI!


	27. Ch 9 April Fools pt I dunno

**Author's notes:** Konnichiwa, minna-san! Hola coma es ta?(look that up!) Have you ever been to Spain? ...Me neither. Why am I speaking Spanish? ANYHOO! I'm back, as you can see. Again. I must apologize to you all. I know you've all been waiting for **MORE THAN HALF** a year. I was thinking the other day, 'Damn, its April Fools AGAIN and I haven't updated. WTF?!' But its not my fault that mama-san won't pay the damn phone bill. -_-; Yeah, so the chapter after this is definitely the last part of this April Fools thingy. To be honest I almost feel like I shouldn't have started this in the first place and should've just deleted everything, but I'm in too deep. So it might seem long 'cause if I have to do more than two chapters again I will kill... something small, though, like a... stuffed hamster. Anyway, yeah. I only wrote like half of this chapter out and my muse is not back from break so if its all crappy, I'm sorry. I know you guys deserve something spectacular, but in my cock blocked, er, writer's blocked state I dunno how this is gonna be. Anyhoo, I hope you all enjoy this. -bows-

Warning- AU, shounen ai/yaoi, SOME het, silliness, HUMOR (doyee), some OOCness, mix up of Japanese and English things sort of

**Pairings- AizenxGin, GinxIzuru, GrimmjowxUkelala (that's Ulquiorra for you non-CAPSLOCKY people), IchigoxIshida, UraharaxAizen?**

**Summary- **A multiple chapter fic of the Bleach people and their high school adventures. _Incredibly_ cliché, but yet so original! April Fools!

**Disclaimer-** Don't own. Don't sue. Don't ask. Don't tell. If I owned Bleach, I would have brought Grimmjow back by now and killed off Orihime for getting my cute little Quincy-puff's sewing hand chopped off!

'blah' -thoughts

X -change of scene

* * *

**A Series of Tales Full of Hilariousness **(and Hilariosity)

**Chapter 9: Gin and Hana-chan's April Fools Adventure pt... I dunno.**

Gin and Hanatarou stood on the roof of the school building waiting to throw their neon colored paint filled balloons.

"Ah, there they are. Ya ready Hana?" Gin asks, while looking below.

"Um, yeah, I guess." Hanatarou says while warily eyeing the group below them.

Kenpachi was still on a rampage looking for Renji or anyone who knew or might know him. Yumichika and Ikkaku were still chasing after him trying to steer him away from any innocent victims, although, at this point everyone had the good sense to stay inside and not come out.

"Alright," Gin said while dangling a pink water balloon over the incoming group, "let 'r rip-"

"I don't think so." said a deep, silky, smooth voice.

They turned around to see Aizen standing there in all of his presidential glory.

Aizen couldn't hide the surprise from reaching his eyes at the sight of Hanatarou standing next to his prankster boyfriend.

"Yamada Hanatarou."

Hanatarou started, eyes going wide. "Y-yes?" He squeaked.

"What are you doing here with this..." he trailed off and looked at Gin who only blew him a kiss. "...criminal?" He finished with a chuckle.

Hanatarou began to tremble slightly. "Uh, I-"

"-I forced him to help." Gin stated with a grin.

Hanatarou looked at him with huge watery eyes. "Ichimaru! Why..."

Aizen closed his eyes, shaking his head with a smile. "Tsk tsk. Involving an innocent, Gin? How very like you."

Gin's grin widened.

"This pairing is humorous if not a little... _strange _(1), however... I'm putting a stop to the chaos."

As Aizen said this, Grimmjow, Yammi (holding Aaroniero), and Nnoitra come out from the sides of the building and stood behind Aizen.

Aizen smiled coldly. "I love you kitsune, but I hereby place you under arrest by the orders of Principle Yamamoto Shigekune-Genryuusai. Capture him. And the boy."

Hanatarou began to shake uncontrollably as the Espada started inching their way towards them, dramatically (and conveniently) taking their time. "Oh, n-n-no! G-G-Gin what're we g-g-gonna d-d-do n-n-now?"

Gin only giggled. "This is the very example of 'between a rock an' a hard place,' ne?"

"Gin!" The boy shrieked.

"Oh, calm down, Hana. They ain't gonna hurt us." Gin began picking the dirt from his nails.

Hanatarou frowned and shook a finger at him. "YOU were the one who said you weren't going to go down without a fight!"

Gin smiled slowly. "I did say that, didn't I? Alrighty, Hana-chan. Since yer so determined ta keep fightin'-"

"-I didn't say that!"

"Now, now, don't be so modest."

They began backing up as the Espada (with huge grins on their faces) came closer, with Aizen standing with a smirk on his face behind them. As their backs hit the railing that ran along the roof Gin turned around to look out into the court yard.

"Hana... do ya trust me?"

Hanatarou nodded slowly. "Yes?"

"We're friends, yeah?"

"Yes. I mean, I've stuck with you this far, I won't back out now."

Gin smiled. "Tha's good ta know. Alright, turn around an' look down."

Hanatarou did as he was told. "Um, Gin, we're not going to-"

"Sssh. Jus' make sure you can get to the balloons real easy."

"Okay."

The three Espada noticed the two looking down and began to snort.

"You guys ain't seriously thinkin' of jumpin', are ya?" Nnoitra asked.

Gin grinned and said over his shoulder, "Maybe." He whispered to Hanatarou, "We're gonna throw the balloons an' make a get-away, 'kay?"

The boy nodded.

"Alright, on my count."

"Oi! No whispering!" Grimmjow snarled as they approached them.

"One..."

They reached into their bags.

"Two..."

They wrapped a hand around a water balloon (Gin two) as the Espada reached out to grab them.

"Three!"

They did a 180 and whipped their paint filled balloons into the faces of the three Espada. The Espada stumbled back, spluttering, attempting to wipe the neon pink, orange, and green paint from their eyes and hair.

"Run for it, Hana!"

Hanatarou ran away as fast as he could, dropping his bag near Aizen's feet as he ran past him.

Aizen eyed the bag, picked it up, and looked at Gin.

"And just what were you really planning on using these for?" The brunette smiled coldly as he squeezed a balloon and tossed it up and down in one hand.

Gin also pulled out a balloon and smiled sweetly, saying nothing.

A slow grin spread across the president's face.

They stood there a moment staring each other down, the only noise being the muttered curses of Grimmjow and Nnoitra about how their hair and clothes were ruined, and Yammi about how a bit of paint made its way into Aaroniero's tank.

Gin grinned widely and launched the balloon toward his lover. Aizen, expecting it, stared at the red (his favorite color) bulbous balloon as it hurled toward his face. He smugly grabbed the balloon out of mid-air and threw it back at Gin who had already ducked behind one of the giant generators. Aizen leisurely walked toward the generator, not even sparing a glance at his fallen, paint-splattered soldiers.

He jumped to the left when a purple balloon was sent flying towards his leg. It instead landed a few inches opposite his right foot, a ghastly shade of pink splashed on the ground. He quickly inspected his shoe as Gin's voice floated across the roof top.

"Baby," he cooed, "ya alright? Ya still dry?"

Aizen grinned. 'So he wants to play, does he?' "Yes, _darling_. I'm fine."

"Really? No paint on yer nice clean clothes, _honey lamb?_"

"None that I can see, _sweetheart..._" Aizen said as he went behind the generator Gin had previously hid behind only to find a little fox plushie lying _innocently_ on the ground. "What in the..."

A water balloon suddenly crashed near his feet, a single small glob of orange marring his khaki slacks. He frowned.

"Ooooopppssssssss..." a voice sing-songed. "I'll be sure ta pick up the dry-cleanin'."

"You had better." Aizen grumbled. He grabbed a balloon out of the bag he had, closing his eyes to try and get a better grasp as to where his silver-haired lover was located.

"Looooooove yoooouuuuu!" Gin sang.

"There!" Aizen ran to the side of the generator to his left and launched a balloon at his right-hand man.

"Shit!" Gin, taken by surprise, tried to dodge backwards, but the balloon ended up splattering green paint on his leg anyway. Gin laughed softly and held his hands up in defeat. "Ya got me! Fine, you win!"

Aizen smiled somewhat evilly, but in a soft way.(2) He grabbed one of Gin's wrists and pinned him against the generator. His lips grazed the fox's lips as he spoke. "Will you ever learn, love? I always win."

He then pressed his lips against his silver haired lover's, slipping his tongue inside his mouth. He groaned as Gin began to gently suck on his tongue, drawing it further into the moist cavern of his mouth.

"Taco flavored kisses for Aizen-sama..." Gin cooed in his ear.

Aizen chuckled warmly. "Mmm..."

Gin's thigh began to slowly rub up and down the noticeable bulge in Aizen's pants. He broke the kiss and smiled softly, eyes cracking open a bit to let slivers of crimson shine through. "Sousuke..."

"Yes, love?"

"I want ya to tell me somethin'..."

"Hm? What is it?"

Gin leaned in close and nipped gently at Aizen's ear lobe. "Who's yer daddy?"

"Wha- UFF!" Aizen sank to the floor with a groan as Gin removed his knee from his crotch.

The fox snickered. "C'mon, tell me Sousuke. Who's yer daddy?"

Aizen weakly looked up at Gin, sending him a glare that promised ultimate punishment. The glare turned into surprise which slowly turned into a wide grin. Gin only had time to raise an eyebrow before his legs were kicked out from under him and he went crashing to the ground. He looked up to find Urahara standing over him.

The blond man grinned triumphantly. "Who's your daddy, now? AAH!" The man gripped his head with a grimace and he began to sway dangerously.

Gin looked up at him with his eyes wide open. "'the hell is yer problem?"

Urahara's eyes rolled into his head as he went crashing towards the ground and landed hard.

Gin grinned with pleasant surprise at his savior. "Izuru! Ya saved me!" Gin jumped up and kissed the little blond on the lips.

Izuru immediately turned red and looked down. "Well, I was looking for you and ran into Yamada-kun. He told me what happened so I decided to help you. He's waiting for us downstairs."

Gin smiled softly. "Aw, you're so sweet and adorable, Izu-chan! Two questions though. 1. What'd ya hit him with?"

Izuru bent down to pick up a washing pan lying on the ground.

Gin nodded in amusement."I'm impressed! Didn't think ya had it in ya."

Izuru blushed and grinned at the praise. "Thanks."

"2. Why didn't ya say anything bad ass after ya hit him?"

Kira looked at him puzzled, tilting his head to the side like a puppy. "Bad ass?"

"Yeah, like in the action movies!" Aizen groaned at their side. Gin glanced at him. "Shush!"

Kira blinked. "Um, I don't know. What should I have said?"

"Uh, somethin' like... Oh! 'Its just been revoked.' Like that."

The blond boy frowned, tossing his fringe out of his eye, only to have it flop back in place. "In all fairness, he didn't really set me up for something like that."

"Yeah... Oh! Ya could've said a scripture er somethin' like Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction."

Izuru sighed, but smiled. "Why don't we go check on Yamada-kun before Aizen and his Espada get us?"

Gin nodded. "Good idea. I'll think o' more stuff ya coulda said."

"Feel free." Izuru chuckled in amusement as his lover continued mumbling 'bad ass' movie quotes.

"Oh! How 'bout this un': 'Yippie kay ay, mother fucker.'"

XXX

"Aizen-sama! Aizen-sama!" Yammi chanted.

Aizen grunted and rolled over to slowly sit up. He glanced at his now brightly colored Espada as they looked at him, waiting for his next orders. He didn't say anything as his crotch continued to throb and it took all of his will power not to rub at it gingerly. It hurt like hell, but as student body president, and hopeful future leader of the free world, he couldn't let his minions see him _rubbing_ himself, so he sat there until the throbbing pain became a dull ache.

He sighed and slowly stood up. "I'm going to _kill_ Gin." He mumbled to himself.

"Aizen-sama."

"Yes, Nnoitra?"

The tall teen jabbed a thumb in the direction of a heap of green and blue jeans with blond hair on the ground. "What's he doin' here and why ain't he movin'?"

Aizen looked over and sighed. "Oh, Kisuke..." He walked over to where Grimmjow was bent over him, viciously jabbing him in the side relentlessly. "Grimmjow, stop poking him, please."

Grimmjow's head whipped up and he looked at him for a moment before getting up and moving away. "Whatever... Is this paint flammable or somethin' cuz I need a cigarette like crazy."

Aizen inwardly sighed. "I'm sure its fine. Do what you have to."

"Thanks." He grumbled, already having pulled out his pack and lit up. He watched as Aizen studied the fallen teacher's head to see if there was any bleeding or other damage.

Aizen rolled the teacher over and gently cradled the man's head in his lap. He lightly tapped his face and frowned when there was no response.

Nnoitra peaked over Aizen's shoulder and looked down at the teacher. "He dead?"

Aizen actually considered it a moment for bending down to put a ear next to the usually hatted man's mouth. "He's breathing so I suppose not. I think he's just knocked out." He sighed yet again. He knew the day would be prank filled, but this was getting ridiculous. Still, he couldn't help but be amused by the image of Gin's adorable, little blond actually assaulting someone to save him. 'Anyway, I need to get Kisuke to Unohana-sensei and Isane, but there's no way I can trust _these_ three to do it without hurting him further.' "Grimmjow."

"Yeah?" A plume of smoke leaked out of the blue haired teen's mouth.

"Call, Ulquiorra please."

"Yessir." The teen grumbled and pulled out his phone, tapping the touch screen of his shiny, new iPhone with a pink stained finger. "Yo. ...I ain't callin' to be your girlfriend dumb ass. We're already together." He turned around and glared out the court yard. "...I don't spend _that_ much time with Ichigo. ...I do not. ...Well, maybe if ya put out more and didn't act like such a prissy_ bitch_ I wouldn't _have_ to bring him home all the time. ...Don't gimme that shit. At least he _acts_ like he loves me. You've acted like a fuckin' robot ever since I asked you out. ...'the hell do ya mean by _that!?! _You agreed to it, dumb ass! I didn't force you into jack shit. If I would've known you were gonna be like this I never would've asked you out! ...You little _bitch!_"

Aizen and Nnoitra shared a long look as they stood there and listened to one side of a conversation they shouldn't have been hearing. Yammi, after successfully getting the paint out of his tank, felt this an appropriate time to feed Aaroniero and sat down to begin doing so.

"Hey, buddy, ya hungry?" He sprinkled some fish food on the surface of the water and watched their little ugly heads pop out. He stuck a finger in the water to pet their slimy backs. "Good boy." He cooed unconcerned with Grimmjow's rising voice.

"I'm fuckin' sick of you! I'm sick of trying to impress you, trying to make you happy! Its never good enough. Nothing ever is. _I'm_ not good enough." He said quietly. "That's it. I'm done with your little, scrawny, bitch ass! We're over. _FUCK YOU!_" He growled and went to hang up, before Aizen cleared his throat. "O-oh, Aizen wants you here or some shit. We're on the roof, 'k bye." He hung up and let loose a long frustrated sigh. "Fuckin' hell..."

"Wow." Nnoitra started. "I feel... funny. Like... not sad or anything, but, I dunno; like, I feel bad for you or somethin'. What's that called again?"

"What you're feeling is sympathy." Aizen answered.

Nnoitra appeared shocked and said in all seriousness, "No way! _Really_?"

XXX

"Here we are!" Hirako announced and pushed open the doors to the band room. "Yo!"

"Welcome back!" A tall man with long, blond hair and a black suit with a ruffled, white dress shirt greeted.

"How was the game?" Another man with a spiked afro, sunglasses, and a teal track suit asked.

"It was alright." Kensei grumbled.

"KENSEI-CHAN!" A green haired girl with goggles, an orange scarf, and an orange and white spandex body suit jumped up from the floor. She screamed and tried to glomp the sliver haired man who deftly stepped out of the way causing the girl to crash to the floor.

"Hey." He grunted and went to sit down in a chair.

"Who is _that_? _What_ is that?" Ichigo asked, staring at the girl who looked like something out of Pokemon.

The bubbly girl stopped her futile attempts at trying to lure Kensei into conversation and ran over to the orange haired boy. "I'm Kuna Mashiro, Kensei-chan's student aide! I'm a sophomore and I just became a cheerleader!"

"Wow. You're a cheerleader." Ichigo deadpanned.

Kensei snorted. "Surprising, ain't it?"

"Make sure you watch out for me at the next pep assembly! Wanna hear a cheer I just made up for the freshmen?" The girl began dancing, clapping, and chanting. "Fresh meat! Fresh meat! Raw! Raw! Raw! Uh... I have mayo in my bra!" She giggled. "Sorry. I still haven't worked out an ending." (3)

"Don't bother..." Kensei grumbled and began polishing his huge, combat knife.

Ishida yelped. "Should you even have that in school?!"

The man rolled his eyes. "Oh, chill out. Its not like I've used it on anyone."

Uryuu frowned. "That's not the point!"

Ichigo tapped Hirako on the shoulder. "Yo, whale teeth."

Hirako turned around with a sneer. "What the hell did ya jus' call me?"

"HAHA!" Hiyori laughed and rolled around on the floor.

Mashiro giggled. "Ooh, I wanna roll around too! Hey, Kensei-chan, watch me! I used to be on the tumbling team in primary school." She began tumbling around and doing small flips.

Kensei rolled his eyes. "Yay..."

Ichigo gave a thoughtful look and scratched at his head. "Your teeth remind me of baleen whales. That's all." He laughed with a small grin. "Do you ever get anything caught in those things?"

Ishida frowned and smacked Ichigo on his head, appalled by his boyfriend's disrespect for a teacher. "Ichigo!"

Ichigo scoffed and rubbing at the spot on of his head where Ishida had hit him. "_What?_"

Ishida adjusted his glasses in annoyance, mumbling something about Ichigo hanging out with Grimmjow too much.

Hirako narrowed his brown eyes into a dangerous glare. "Whaddya _want_?" He almost hissed.

Ichigo blinked at Hirako's tone, surprised he had actually made the man angry and also because he was sure he saw some sort of piercing on the man's tongue. 'Wow. First I punched him in the face and now I've insulted him. So much for first impressions.' He thought. "Uh, I just wanted to know who those two guys are." He smiled sweetly, although it looked strained.

The band teacher snapped out of whatever angry mood he was in and grinned. "Yo Love, Rosie-locks introduce yerselves!"

"Rosie-locks?"

The tall blond man smiled. "My name is Otoribashi RÇjãrÇ?, but I go by Rose. I'm the orchestra teacher. I'm also in charge of the guitar class and wind symphony."

"_Rosie-locks?_" Ichigo frowned.

Hirako chuckled. "He's got golden locks like Goldilocks. The rest should be obvious." He laughed some more.

Ichigo rolled his eyes.

The other man stood up and shook hands with Ichigo. "My name is Aikawa Love. I'm the assistant orchestra teacher."

'_Love? Really?_'

Hirako smirked, seemingly reading Ichigo's mind. "Weird name, ne?"

Ichigo blushed and looked off to the side. "I guess..."

Love let out a hearty laugh. "Its okay. Everyone has to get used to it at first." He shrugged and sat back down.

Ichigo grinned sheepishly, embarrassed at being so easily read. "Yeah."

Just then, a rather large man with pink hair with a black skull design in it (complete with a pink moustache) wearing a green suit came out. He was talking to a tall man with braided hair, sunglasses, and a green apron; Ichigo recognized him as Tessai, the man who worked at Urahara Shouten.

Ichigo and Ishida both gave each other a look and turned around to hide their smiles.

The orange haired teen nudged his boyfriend in the side. "Oi, he looks like he has frosting for hair."

Ishida hid his grin behind a hand. "Kurosaki, that's-" He broke off as a string of muffled giggles erupted from him.

Ichigo grinned, always feeling triumphant when succeeding in making his boyfriend laugh. The laughter ended however as two arms wrapped around their shoulders and they turned to see Hirako grinning at them.

"Saa, what's so funny?" He asked with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

Ishida coughed and adjusted his glasses. "N-nothing."

The man removed his arms and jabbed a thumb in the direction of a small office. "Aa. Well, yer friends are in Hachi's office; the pink haired guy talkin' to Tessai over there. You should probably go see 'em. The lil' one with the thing fer bunnies doesn't seem to be doin' so well..." He trailed off and wandered over to Kensei.

"Let's get going. We probably have a lot of explaining to do to Orihime."

Ichigo's shoulders slumped and he sighed. "I'd rather not. She's gonna be really..."

"Heartbroken?" Ishida finished, eyes softening as he watched his boyfriend become steadily depressed. He was aware of how guilty Ichigo felt, not about their relationship, but about how Orihime would take it. He knew Orihime liked him, a lot and for a long time, but he never felt the same way about her. Because of him constantly feeling like he should protect his friends and shoulder all of their problems he could never bring himself to tell her that he was gay or in love with one of their friends.

Ichigo's voice dropped to a whisper. "Yeah." He scrubbed viciously at his hair, a habitual sign of his nervousness. "You know, I've been dreading this for the past year."

"It has to be done, Ichigo." Ishida stated with finality. He knew Ichigo didn't want to do this for fear of hurting their friend's feelings and he wasn't excited to do it either, but they had held it off for far too long. It was better Orihime heard it from them rather than through a bunch of gossip or a slip-up from their friends.

Ichigo let loose a long suffering sigh, his chestnut brown eyes taking on a dull weariness. "Alright. Let's go."

He took Ishida's hand and looked into dark blue eyes and saw sympathy and encouragement in them. Uryuu gave him a soft, tiny smile and he couldn't help but smile back.

* * *

**(1)** LOL. Duh, Aizen-sama.

**(2)** I'm not sure if this is possible for normal human beings, but if anyone can do it, Aizen-sama can.

**(3)** Its okay, Mashiro. I haven't either! :D

Alrighty. There's my triumphant return. The next part should _hopefully_ end this whole thing so I can move on. I've got TONS of ideas for other chapters, some of which I've already gotten written out, but I just couldn't figure out an ending to this April Fools crap. Oh, and its completely coincidental that I updated on April first, yo. Anyhoo, I'll try to get the next part out ASAP. I've got an outline set up. I just need to get all the in between stuff written. Now that I've got some inspiration back, expect some goddamn updates! Send me a review telling me how evil, lazy, and neglectful I am. :D

And always alert me to any mistakes!


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